"HELP ME"

What do you do when a stranger approaches you and says these two words?

Do you automatically jump into helper mode and do whatever is asked of you?

Do you try your best to remove yourself from the situation because, hey, some stranger's emergency is not YOUR problem?

Do you engage with the person needing help and try to make sense of the situation, then decide if you will help them or not?

Do you do something completely different?

AND

How often have you found yourself in a position where you have to ask random strangers for help? How did that work out for you?


Be concise. Provide examples. No cheating. GO.

I hate to say it but more often than not if it's a man asking for help and I am alone, I'm skeptical. I'm more likely to keep on walking/driving/going.

If I'm with friends or a woman has asked, then I might see what it is they want/need. And depending on what it is, I may do what I can, or I may keep on walking then too.

I don't know that I've ever asked a stranger for help. I'm more likely to call a friend, call AAA, call my family or just figure it out on my own than ask someone I don't know for help.

But I've been offered it without asking more than once. I've been pushed out of snow banks, offered help to change a tire, all kinds of things.

I think I would have a slight delayed reaction, just in case somebody else jumps in and pushes me aside (like my husband the hero )
but I think I would help once I determine that I can actually do something that really would help.
I've surprised myself
pushing cars, helping kids find their mum's etc
nothing real life or death yet.

Anxiety said:

CarrieMpls said:

Unless they are clearly in a medical emergency, I'ma be like because I don't like being told what to do. ("Help me" is a command.) However, if they approach and say, "Could you please help me?" then it depends on if I'm in a hurry or a bitchy mood. But like you said, living in New York, one becomes quite cynical because most of the time people who accost you on the street are trying to hustle you; so I generally just keep on walking, sometimes I say "No thanks," but mostly not.


I usually try not to ask random people for help. I'm of the mindset that I am responsible for myself so if I decide to buy too much shit at Bed Bath and Beyond and am struggling on the subway, that's on me.

When I do break down and ask for help (usually directions/subway question), I say, "I'm sorry to bother you. Do you know...". Most of the time people don't know the answer.

The only specific instance I can think of happened in Chicago. My roommate and I had just moved to Newport b/t Halsted (the heart of Boystown) and Clark. We were at the 7/11 on Roscoe(?) and Halsted and realized her car had a flat tire. Now being the independent woman that I am, and having to had to change a flat tire to pass driver's ed in HS I wasn't too concerned; except I wasn't strong enough to get the lug nuts loose. (My roommate had no clue--she grew up in the 'burbs.) Do you know how many gay guys walked right by us and did not offer to help? I was like, "If we were anywhere besides Boystown, a guy would already have offered to do this for us!" Finally I broke down and asked some guys. They weren't exactly thrilled, but did agree to help us.

DevotedPuppy said:

The only specific instance I can think of happened in Chicago. My roommate and I had just moved to Newport b/t Halsted (the heart of Boystown) and Clark. We were at the 7/11 on Roscoe(?) and Halsted and realized her car had a flat tire. Now being the independent woman that I am, and having to had to change a flat tire to pass driver's ed in HS I wasn't too concerned; except I wasn't strong enough to get the lug nuts loose. (My roommate had no clue--she grew up in the 'burbs.) Do you know how many gay guys walked right by us and did not offer to help? I was like, "If we were anywhere besides Boystown, a guy would already have offered to do this for us!" Finally I broke down and asked some guys. They weren't exactly thrilled, but did agree to help us.

Anxiety said:

My first thought was I get asked for help all the time. Mostly by those wanting change/money.

Now if I was approached by someone who needed help like medically, I would probably do something.

A little story of when I needed help just recently and probably appeared to others as a stranger. I was attacked a couple of months ago where this guy cornered me and tried to strangle me. I was a bit tipsy and was walking home when I should have been in a cab when this happened.

I was really freaked out and shyly approached these guys who were outside a bar smoking a cig right as it was last call and asked them if they could help me. I didn't even know what I needed help for, but I asked them for it anyway. I had asked them to come with me slightly down the block where the guy had come from to see if he was still there. The guy had taken my hat and I wanted to get it back. I think I was more in shock than anything and I should have gone home right then and there. They were very reluctant to assist in any way. One of them fially said "Come on guys let's help this dude" and they walked with me and it appeared the guy had taken off. After that one of them called the police for me and made sure I was at least all right.

I guess what I am getting to is it all depends. I live in a city where it's probably best not to help someone unless it's necessary and it poses no danger to do so.

i simply head butt them and continue on my way.

horatio said:

i'm skeptical of everyone and anyone i don't know, so naturally i'm leery at first if someone asks me for help. the questions strangers usually ask me are for directions to places downtown (like the one time somebody asked me where nicollet mall is, thinking that it's a shopping mall instead of a thoroughfare ). if someone seems sketchy or "off" to me, i keep going on my merry little way. for homeless folks, i politely tell them "no" if they ask me for money.

"I felt my butt tooted."

Several years ago a stranger approached me in midtown Manhattan asking for help saying his friend was from Africa and didn't know how to use ATMs. So being the young eager beaver that I was at the time, I walked with both of them to the nearest bank and show them how my bank card could get them inside. Then the stranger said that his friend was still skeptical and wanted to actually watch me enter my PIN number and get money out before he became convinced. At that point I told him I couldn't help him anymore and walked away.

More recently, a stranger came up to me late one night as I was pulling into my driveway and told me his mother was in the hospital and he had no money and needed some for a cab to go see her. I offered him an old metrocard that still had some fares on it and he just turned and walked away.

The same guy approaches me again late one night and complains how he really needed to take a dump and asked if he could use my bathroom. I told him I couldn't help him with that.

The very same guy again just this week stops me as I'm walking home from the subway (also late at night) and tells me a drawn-out story about how his brother is in the hospital after getting into a fight and he needed cab fare to go visit him. I again said I had no money and he walked away without saying a word.



So what I saying is that it's not in my best interests to help people if they approach me.

In london these days, you just move away very slowly and do a runner!

sextonseven said:

Anxiety said:

Anxiety said:

sextonseven said:

Anxiety said:

"Behind every successful woman there is an astonished man." General Ann Dunwoody

I just remembered I helped this couple that approached me late one night in the 24-hour Rite-Aid when they asked me if I had any ID on me. They were clearly drug addicts and they needed someone with identification to buy needles for them.

After I got the needles for them, they asked me if I had a car and in which direction I was going because they needed a ride. I told them that I had helped them enough already.

Anxiety said: