Why is it that when someone finds out that you said something about them behind their back, they don't like it, but when you extend the courtesy to say it to their face, they think it's rude of you? What's up with that mess?

Discuss.

JustErin said:

I'm serious. Because I don't hold back. I think it's rude to say something behind someone's back. Plus I like the look of complete shock when they notice the audacity you had to express your dislike towards them to their face. It's burtiful....

Einnol said:

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I can't win in those situations. Normally I just tell them to their face and then get in trouble.

I don't get the whole freaking out because someone is talking about you privately with someone else. Whatever, it happens. Absolutely everyone does it and really what's the big deal? People are allowed to say whatever they want to say.

The whole "How dare you talk about me behind my back!" line always cracks me up. It's so childish.

As for people freaking out because you say something they don't wanna hear to them directly, what do you expect? No one wants to be told there is something negative about them, even when it's the truth.

Talk about me behind my back, say it to my face...either way...I don't care I'll deal with what's being said about me.

JustErin said:

well put ...

Personally, I'd much rather someone say things about me behind my back than to my face. Out of sight out of mind.

U better say it behind my back or else im kickin ya ass.

whether people say anything about me in front of me or behind my back, i really don't care. i kind of appreciate being told things to my face, because at least i know about whatever issue people have with me that way, but it really doesn't matter to me. people are going to say what they're going to say and nothing i do will stop them, so i don't care.

The person that says things behind someones back is a coward because they do not have the guts to say it to their face.

if people are saying things behind my back, i'm flattered to know they're taking up their time and energy to talk about lil' old me.

after all, there's no such thing as bad publicity!

Anxiety said:

I was gonna say, more often than not it's flattering.

i'd be less upset to hear the person say it to me than to find out through somebody else

I used to care about folx talking about me behind my back, then I didn't care. But now, everything gets back to me anyway SO....I rather have people just be honest and have the balls to be upfront...or just stop talking to me period.

luv4u said:

they're only a coward if they wouldn't say those same things to the persons face if confronted or if they talk shit about somebody but act like things are just peachy when around that person...

everybody talks about somebody behind their back...

Stymie said:

I'd love to talk to you behind your back...



or rather talk to you while I'm behind you....

I'm used to saying something to someone's face.


...
[Edited 3/28/08 18:18pm]

roodboi said:

I agree. There isn't anything I would say behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face. The only reason I don't speak my mind on here is because I'd get banned in a heartbeat.

roodboi said:

Oh the naughty things I could say right now.

Stymie said:

GET A ROOM!

JustErin said:

Erin...I love you...I really do...

but fuck off...

roodboi said:

JustErin said:

exactly. the only time i could imagine someone being upset with people
talking about them is if they were really saying stuff that just wasn't
true like "oh yeah i've seen him suck dick on hudson and 4th" when he's
obviously never been on hudson and 4th etc.

this is a bone of contention to me, as so easily the 'story' spirals out of control and then people get blamed etc etc etc

I would rather people say it to my face and be honest about it, what hurts the most is hearing about it second hand

It's no big deal most of the time. It's irritating if they can sway the opinions of those I consider friends away from me obviously, but you have to consider folks who succumb to idol gossip aren't really worthy of knowing anyways. Everybody talks about folks they dislike--it's normal. Why tell somebody you dislike them just to prove a point? Most of the time they're gonna know anyways.

On some very immature and self-aggrandizing level I'm sure, I find it very flattering when somebody wastes so damned much effort and time with it. It sometimes give me great pleasure getting under somebody else's skin--because if I hate them, hey--it's kind of nice knowing they're upset enough by the thought of me...to...well.. dwell on it.

There's nothing I love more than seeing irritation of me conveyed...even if in a cowardly manner. It's like controlling the inner 16 squares in a game of chess--just satisfying.

The only time people talking about me behind my back bothers me is when it's completely false. Especially when it's at work. I work with a bunch of catty women and I know if one person says something behind my back, it's going to circulate around the whole office. If they want to talk shit about my glasses or hair, whatever. But when they start spreading lies about how I got my job, then I get pissed.

The only time it matters to me is when the cowardly person is a supposed friend. The last time it happened, recently, I called the person on it and they had no response.

Found out they were back at it, just this past week. I think, after a while, you just take a "sticks and stones..." approach to it, and laugh it off.

Stymie said:

JuliePurplehead said:

I know what you mean. I'm in that situation right now. When I first started working at this place, I noticed how the employees were talking about one another behind each others backs, if as to say I needed to look out for this person or that. What it told me was what type of people they are. If you talk about everyone else, why would you exclude me? When those people come around, they put on the second face and try to get in their business. Thay way when they leave, they start talking about their backs some more. They even tried to clean it up by saying,"Nothing against her and were not two faced but..." I said it's too late now, I know what's up. I use to be that one who felt like they had to defend themselves against people who had something to say. Anytime that I did, I would get in trouble, even if they deserved to get their tales handed to them. It was always, "UH OH, ANGRY BLACK GIRL AT WORK and then they would fear me. So I have to be smart because I need my job. I know they talk about me, but I don't care because I saw what type of people they were in the beginning, so I never trusted them, never considered them my friends, never hang out with them after unless it's work related and I benefited(Christmas party with free food and I won the grand prize, a digital camera), and I never ask them any personal questions about their life as I don't see why I should be concerned with someone who's backbiting me. Besides they are the ones getting played but are too stupid to know it. I ask for personal days, I get them. I asked for a raise, I'm getting it and I don't even like these heifers. Everything I ask for, I get. So whose stupid? Not me!!! Then when I'm through learning everything I can, I will move on to the next. Screw 'em!!!

roodboi said:

i agree with this, too if i say something, I can say," Yea, I said it and!!!" You can't whup my behind!!!! but i pretty much keep my thoughts to myself at work so people won't twist my words. I would rather someone hear it from me if you are going to quote me, quote me right.