Oh wow Richard! BEAUTIFUL. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

OK, now for Alice Smith! This review is going to be a full recollection of this experience for me so bear with me

It seems that the Alice fanship here on the org has been primarily through word of mouth. I heard about her through CalhounSq, who heard about it through Calldapplwondery, who probably heard it from someone else. Seems that all the people that I know who are into her heard about her not through traditional marketing or even hearing her music. They were recommended to check her out from people who were fans. Because I TOTALLY trust CalhounSq's musical sensibilities, when I saw her hyping this chick in a thread, I went out and bought the album blind without hearing so much as one single note.

On 2/22 my wonderful awesome friend Cali2 posted the upcoming tour dates and she was playing in Hollywood on March 15th, which is the anniversary of my cousin's death! Now I really don't need to explain the significance of her playing on that day but I can hardly not address it at all. When Cali told me that she was going to be in Hollywood on the 15th, I was just overwhelmed by the thought. New Religion is one of the most important songs of this decade for me. Actually, one of the most important songs ever. It was the literal soundtrack for what was happening to me. I had been telling people that I felt like I was finding my faith and my true god and then this song comes into my life at the exact time this is happening for me in the most amazing ways.

Well when I found this out, I thought of who I wanted to invite. I knew I wanted to invite my concert buddy but also wanted to make sure that I was around people who signified and understood my spritual journey and so I invited TheResistor, Madartista and someone I had recently begun dating. Both Madartista and TheResistor have played such a central role in the unfolding of my faith. I have a handful of mentors here and they are 2 of them They have been there even before all this started unfolding. They've been on my train from the beginning They are 2 people that I can speak to in the most honest and frank ways about spirituality and I always know I am speaking to listening ears and to people who are open to the possibilities.

The person that I had begun dating I invited for two reasons. The first is because of the way we met. It was a friday night and before going to the club, I was in one of those moods where I was just craving intimacy. I can wham bam thank you ma'am with the best of them but I just get to points where I crave intimacy like a vampire craves blood This was one of those nights. So before heading into the club, I actually said a prayer for God to send me someone that I could love on and kiss. So I was standing there and someone came up behind me and kissed me on the back of my neck and then walked on. I looked over and caught sight of him and went !!!!

So I approached him and before I asked his name, something came clear as day into my mind's eye and it was "God's Thumbprint" and I asked him if that meant anything to him and he was like interesting that you say that. My name is Michael and it means He who is like God. If you think about a thumbprint, it is a replica of you. Not a full representation but it is your unique identifier. And the Bible says we are made in the image of god. So the thumprint is a reflection of ourselves, just as we are a reflection of God. Both are likenesses Needless to say, the night ended up unfolding and that little prayer I said before going to the club was answered massively.

The second reason I invited him was for more selfish reasons. Well I'm not sure it's exactly selfish but I wanted someone I had a romantic connection with to be there for comfort. During the 5 years I spent with Greg, I didn't receive this from him. He wasn't giving like that and I always felt so alone during our relationship. When my cousin was killed I was so fucking devastated and it was something I couldn't bring to him because I knew he didn't/couldn't/wouldn't have it in him to be there like anyone who has a partner would expect when a death in the family occurs, especially one as tragic and senseless as what happened to my cousin.

Well he ended up calling me 2 days before and canceling because he forgot he made a promise to his friend to help him paint his friends house I felt so rejected. The responsible and reasonable part of me made no fuss about it because honestly, how could I ever have a problem with someone fulfilling a promise and keeping a commitment they made? But my loneliness echoed down the empty hallways of my heart..... I know someone who's mother died and her husband wanted to fly them both out to the funeral and she would not go. Later she told me why. Even though she was remarried, she never stopped loving her first husband and didn't want to go to the funeral because she wanted the confort from her first husband and since she wouldn't get the comfort she felt she needed from her current husband, she wouldn't go to her mother's funeral. I did not want this to be me.

The next morning as I was going to the cemetary I thought about how I was doing it all alone and it made me really really sad and it made me hurt. Since my cousin died, I think I am the only person in the family to visit her grave. My grandparents can't drive as far as it is to visit her because of health reasons. My aunt, her mom, is really sick and I can't speak for my uncle or my cousin Ronnie but I'm guessing at the issues involved. My sister hasn't gone and I don't think she will until such time as she has the luxury of having a normal life without her abuser being in it. I know it's more symbolic than anything else, going to the grave, because I know that is not where she actually is, but there is a certain degree of comfort about the ritual of it. And I thought of that woman who would not go to her mother's funeral becuase she didn't have her true lover by her side and I didn't want that to stop me from doing what I needed to do to represent the family and honor my cousin. I couldn't let that stop me.

Well Chris (Madartista) couldn't make it because his brother and sister in-law were in from out of town that weekend and I only gave a week notice anyway. So I invited someone from my work who is one of my concert buddies and not very connected to my spiritual journey as we are relatively new friends but she is someone who is open to listening to where my path is taking me plus she is mucho fun and great to hang around socially so it was an easy pick. And because my date canceled, I had one more open slot and this pick was a cinch as well. I brought Diminutiverocker When we get together, we so easily connect on so many things we have in common. She really gets what makes me tick and our conversations are never stifled or boring. Most times they feel like actual therapy sessions. I know for a fact I have seen her grow personally and she has seen the same of me. THAT is wonderful to connect on

My day started out at 11:00 am and the concert was at 7:00 and even though that gave me 8 hours to get to the cemetary and to LA, I didn't have my car so I had to do this all on the bus/train. At first I thought that I wouldn't be able to get to the cemetary because it is out there in the boondocks and I didn't think a bus line would go that far. But as I said, there was one bus line that ended at a college about 10 minutes walking distance from there. So that is what I did, took the bus and walked there spent about an hour there and then jumped on the bus to another bus to the train and didn't end up making it to the concert until 7:30! Thankfully there was an opening act so we didn't miss anything!!!

We saw Alice in Hollywood at the Hotel Cafe which is about 2 studio aparments put together! That is how small this place is! I just love LA for the fact of our small intimate venues that artists aren't afraid to perform in because at the end of the day it is Hollywood/LA and it's not like performing in a similar sized club in Nebraska. Sorry Nebraska, but there is a difference

With one album she has made my all time favorite artist list! The album is absolutely incredible and stellar. People always ask what kind of music is on the album and every time I am stumped as to an explanation Because she's black I'm sure there is a desire to peg her into the R&B/Soul slot but that isn't really the genre of this album. It's very ecclectic musically and showcases her amazing VOICE! For those who need a breakdown of the album here's my take:

Dream - Starts off with a repetitive piano note and goes into piano/drum beat and you hear the power of her voice within 40 seconds.

Woodstock - She has stated in an inteview that she feels like her music is a muppets soundtrack and this song would definitely qualify! Very light, vibrant, happy.

Gary Song - Begins like the soundtrack to a criminal flick. Like cops on the beat, the bad guy lurking in corners. The chorus is a grand breakdown with her voice thundering through.

If we start the ball, to rolling
will it stop or keep going to the point
I don't know when I'm gon stop?

New Religion - Absolutely splendid. Fucking marvelous Down home, country type goodness. This is tied with Desert Song as my favorite on the album. I wrote about what this song means to me above.....

Do I - Very sultry, emotional and raw.

Fake is the New Real - Like many of these songs this is stripped down with a stark bass line, just slinkin along.

Desert Song - It is just really hard to explain how absolutely INCREDIBLE this song is. Her strongest vocals on the entire album I think someone described it as a spritual sung on a southern porch and that is pretty damn close to the truth. Of course the strongest song is about getting the hell away from a man

My mama said
Life is for living
If you're unhappy honey
Go out and reinvent yourself

X INFINITY!!!!!

Know that I - This album ends on a more mellow note with this and the next song. This is so beautiful though

Secret - You're so used to hearing her belt you in the face with that voice and you can see that she can sing in more subdued manners. Another great song.

Love Endeavor - Probably the most contemporary of the bunch. Great great song!


All three friends that I brought were Alice Virgins Each of them asked me to explain her music or what she is like and I told them that they just had to wait and see for themselves. By the time the first song is over my friends are like this !!!! I told them now do you see why I couldn't explain this broad? She came out dressed in simple black. A top that cut down in a V to show her modest chest and these pants, the like I have never seen before! They were tight and black but the zipper started half way up the ass crack and came down and under and up to the top of the pants. They were bad ass!

It is one thing to experience her album, but it is something entirely else to experience her live. There is absolutely no doubt and it isn't even debatable that she has a very powerful voice. She's kicking your ass within the first 45 seconds of the first song and she slaps those cheeks over and over throughout the album. But she is even more out of control in real life. Throughout the night my friends were just like damn! and I was progressively more and more hysterical as the night went on. I mean I couldn't help but have the mad giggles as she revealed herself onstage.

Her natural singing range is of a lower register but Alice has a 4 octave vocal range so she can hit those high notes too and it is an amazing spectacle to hear her in a low down growl to being up there in the fucking Alps. Damn!!!! There was one point where she was just blowing the fucking house down and she was blowin and blowin and getting stronger and stronger and she took two steps back and even turned her head to the side and her voice was so fuckin boomin that it still sounded as if she was blasting directly into the microphone I was loony bin material at that point. I was liquid faint

So the night is progressing and I figure she will probably be singing every song from the album. Her playing this specific day was just one of those things where my path is being directly validated and I just couldn't wait to hear her sing New Religion. At one point when it was silent I thought of yelling "New Religion" but didn't want to because when something is unfolding naturally I don't like to interfere with it. Well it got nearer and nearer for her to be off the stage. She was going to sing one more song and she asked what she should sing, I and another person yelled out "New Religion" but a chorus of people yelled for "Love Endeavor". Love endeavor won out.

At that point I became defensive and I felt like I had been rejected twice. I was so so crushed that she didn't sing that song. And I almost couldn't believe that it was happening that she wasn't going to. The other things that happen have happened naturally and without me having to try and influence it and I just thought without any doubt that New Religion would have been part of the night. But it wasn't. I really started to spiral into the abyss of the emotion I was feeling. If I let myself, I can sink so low to where nothing else about the night mattered and I could let those emotions ruin the entire experience.

As we were walking out and to the car, I really saw that I was surrounded by the most amazing friends and that I did have the most excellent time up until I had realized I wasn't going to hear this song and I focused on being in those moments and not allowing the hurt to grab ahold of everything else and poison it. And I couldn't personalize her not singing the song. I mean she is allowed to create her own set lists But a more immature me could have allowed the rejection and the pain to ruin everything. I could have gone there but I didn't.

And I can't believe that that specific action on my part was validated by the wicked witch herself but I was listening to the Dr. Laura show 3 days later and someone called in with their problem and she advised them to choose joy even in disappointment. And as much as I hate to admit it, she actually is onto something there I did choose the joy and happiness over the hurt and pain. But I'm learning the dynamics of being able to still feel the pain but not give it the most power over me. That is a big part of last year for me.

My first reaction when my date was canceled was to cut him off period. I kind of looked at it as a sign that things weren't meant to be. If he couldn't be there on this vitally important day, and it feels that way to me, then he can't be my true love. A sign that natural order is not part of this equation. Coming from such crap ass experiences with men, I have come to the point where I have no problem just cutting someone off cold. But what could I be missing if I didn't at least express myself to this man and state how I feel? How can I honestly not honor a commitment. That is such a valiant part of a person's character.

I really did struggle with how I was going to address my disappointment because this would be something that I would think about every time I saw this man if I didn't have the chance to process it and express it and make it known and it would be my poison if I didn't. He probably is going to think I'm fucking insane but I am who I am and at least I'm trying to deal with it in a constructive way. Certainly if I'm going to be focused on forgiveness, I at least need to give the man a chance right? And don't worry folks, I'm not going to be a dumb doormat and give men license to ill I can still tell a cretan from a mile away but won't rush to judgement and do the first thing I instinctively want to do to protect my feelings. I'll think on it and if someone needs to get cut off then they will be cut. the. fuck. off! But this one is a potential keeper and I recognize that

Well, that's the whole of my review. Probably more information than people really wanted But there it is

PS, here was the setlist:

• Gary Song
  
• Fake is the New Real
  
• Dream
  
• Not Friends? (this was new and I'm guessing that is the title)
  
• Woodstock
  
• Have a Heart (this is new too and also a guess)
  
• Desert Song
  
• Do I?
  
• Eyes Without A Face (Billy Idol)
  
• Love Endeavor
  

She could have sang New Religion instead of covering Billy Idol. Damnit Billy!

.
[Edited 4/1/08 17:23pm]

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

This is the un cliff noted version of the story I told the last time I saw you

I've skimmed through it before I'm going to read it fully, but I gotta say it looks beautiful. Seems like you have some things to be happy about.

2Jay said:

Well some things are pissing me off but I can't let that derail me from the real goal So I put those irritations to the side and focus on the good things that are happening for me Thank you for considering reading my novel

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I'll definitely read it

Wow...just no words yet. I just spent the last hour reading and re-reading your words. Crying at certain parts. Wow No words....

It's ALL true, folks!





Aw, Supa...



I can totally relate - it's surely a life lesson for all of us. And yes - you were surrounded by loving friends - T and the Resistor are fabulous because you attract nothing but the best - a mirror of yourself.

THANK YOU for Alice Smith - she was truly a treat (even though we haven't yet solved the mystery of the two mixes ) and has 3 new fans thanks to you! I am so glad I was able to share it with you... some things are meant to be.

noimageatall said:

So happy you read it!!!!

greenpixies said:

I think that deep down inside your dismissing my powers becuase you are fearful that there could be something valid outside your personal belief system

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

There is something valid outside of my personal belief system. Truth. I try, within my falliblilty, to line my personal beliefs up with it.

greenpixies said:

Well I am certainly happy for you but I am happier for myself that I didn't have to accept the pre-fab cookie cutter truth and instead have been allowed to discover the truth as it pertains to me! Did the cookie thing and it was real stale. My truth is super fresh

this is how i define forgiveness:

every loving thought is true. the rest isnt.

when u look at things that way, its easier to forgive urself for any mistakes u have made as well as others.

pride is an obstacle, and so is a victim complex.

superkiss said:

A victim complex can certainly be a major obstacle however I feel that too many are willing to slap the victim "complex" label on actual victims and therefore dismiss their victimhood. I think it's very important to recognize that many times people have been victimized because if you never deal with this very basic part of the equation, it's impossible to fully get to a place of peace.