Here's my dilemma. I have a best friend named LaToya who I love dearly and known since I was 6 years old. We're the same age. Toya has another "best friend" named Selina. Now, Lord knows i've tried my best to get along with Selina, seing as how we both have a mutual best friend. But for reasons unknown to me, Selina doesn't like me. I really could give less than a damn if someone doesn't like me so I kinda had that "fuck that bitch" attitude towards her. And the thing is that i've NEVER really spoken to her or had any kind of interaction with her. If I did, it was very small, and only cuz Toya was around. Selina is one of those fired up man hating mad for no reason type woman, and I'm the complete opposite.
With that being said...
Toya just moved back here from San Diego for 4 years from being in the army, and moved in with Selina. Toya ALWAYS invites me to come see her, but she knows how I feel about Selina and I try my best to avoid situations and drama in my life, because I don't fucking need it. Putting up with my mom is enough. So last week I finally break down and go see Toya. Selina called Toya to tell her that she was on her way home, and Toya told her I was there and Selina was basically like "I don't care." I'm thinking "Good. As long as she doesn't start any shit with me, we'll be alright. So Selina comes home, up the steps, and Toya and I are sitting in the kitchen talking. Then Selina interrupts our conversation and in a VERY condescending tone goes "What's wrong with you? I saw you the other day and waved and you didn't wave back."
Okay. She was SO wrong for that. I was forced to tell her about herself. So I say "Excuse you." and go back to my conversation. And then she comes with Some mo'. She says "I SAID I waved at you and you didn't wave BACK AT ME." The whole time I didn't want to say anything to her, because I didn't want to come out my face or disrepect her in her house, or in any way for that matter. But she didn't have to start shit. So I tell her "FIRST of all, you know I don't like you so I don't know why you're talking to me in the first place. I didn't come here to deal with you, I came here to see my best friend. SECOND, don't fucking talk down to me, I don't care who you think you are or if this is your house. I am not in a relationship with you, and I am not your child. You need to learn to fucking respect people. THIRD, WHY are you waving to me in the FIRST place? And even if it was me, which I'm sure it wasn't WHY are you getting mad that I didn't wave back at you? Belive me, if I waved at you and you didn't wave back, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. Not if you would kindly step to the side and be a bitch, then I'd like to continue my conversation. THANK YOU."
And she turned Kool-Aid red and was like "UH UH MUTHERFUCKER..YOU THINK YOU GONNA-" and I grabbed my coat. I didn't even get to say good bye to Toya.
That was last week.
So today I'm chatting with Toya and she told me they're moving. And I told her I didn't care. And she asked If I was gonna come visit them and I said "Not if Selina is gonna be a bitch." Then she went off telling me not to judge her and I don't know what's going on in her life and blah blah blah and I tell her "whatever is going on in her life has nothing to do with me. So she has no right to take her anger out on me. Tell her to get a fucking punching bag or take some Yoga or something." So Toya says that she's not gonna let me keep disrespecting Selina, then I had to remind her who got in who's face first last week. Then I do something I was hoping I'd never have to do. I made her choose either me or Selina. I really really didn't want to do it, because Lord knows I love Toya to death, and this was something so fucking STUPID for us to be arguing about in the first place. She chose Selina over me. I told her I wasn't surprised and to have a nice life.
So who was wrong?

Ok wow I saw the whole thing happen in my mind....

Thats messed up she chose "Selinas" over u. I guess it was bound to happen. Im sure Selina talks mess about you and do u think Toya defends u??? I doubt it

Everything will be fine

And obviously someone is mad because they were being fake when they waved at whoever it was and now they feel stupid

ThreadCula said:

Oh, I KNOW she doesn't. And I don't care how long I knew her and what not, If she's gonna act like this, then I think it's beneficial to cut her out my life. And I'm the type of person that if someone is bringing ANY kind of negativity to my life, I cut them out COMPLETELY. I'm all about positivity. I never brought up Selina when Toya and I spoke. She was always the first one to say "Selina thinks this, Selina thinks that." and I told her "You need to get your head out her ass." And she'd get mad. Then she got mad when I called Selina a bitch, WHICH she is. I wouldn't say that if it weren't true, and If she didn't act like one every time I was around her. Oh well. It's her loss.

want me to hold your weave?

weepingwall said:

No. Hold these

So I guess Toya and I won't be speaking ever again. But this is what she chose so....

DynamicSavior said:

The only thing you were dead wrong about was forcing her to choose, because that automatically disqualifies you for being chosen because you then place yourself before the happiness of the chooser (which for you is not wrong but the chooser will see that as egotistical and inconsiderate...)

Neversin.

okay, there's a lotta things floating around in my mind while reading this: first off, i feel that it was wrong that your friend chose selina over you. you'd think that she'd know how you feel about her anyway--you've known each other forever, so you'd think toya would know better. i'm figuring that she'll find out that she was wrong for cutting you off for selina.

secondly, selina was absolutely wrong for butting in to yall's conversation like that over something as petty as you not acknowledging her cuz she waved at you. what kinna shit is that?? and why did she have to act as if it was some big deal? it shouldnt've been an issue.

Neversin said:

I was bluffing when I said that. I was hoping she'd say "there's no need for that. I just won't have you 2 around each other" or something to that effect. But then after she chose Selina, she said some shit like " All my life Selina had my back when I was in shit, and where were you at?" Well exCUSE the FUCK outta me for not being up your ass and with you all the time.

Actually, I think it's kinda messed up that you were hesistant to go over to your friend Toya's apartment from the get-go. If she's your "best friend", then you should've been there the very first time she invited you, especially since she had just gotten home from the army, regardless of Selina or not, and been happy that she was home. Also, if anyone gave ME an ultimatium, I'd drop them in a heartbeat. My guess is Toya's right. Who the hell needs that drama?

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

...in the FIRST place. And it really wouldn't bother her unless she liked me or something

DynamicSavior said:

Bluffing? If you really cared about her as a friend, you'd try to talk about your feelings with her to try to come up with a real solution, instead of just "bluffing". That's very passive-agressive, not to mention immature.

theVelvetRoper said:

Selina is the ONLY reason I hesitated from going over there. And If I did, I'd make sure that Selina wasn't gonna be there at ALL. Toya has brought this up time and time again and always acted like she favored Selina over me. So I asked her to choose to see where her head was at. And naturally, it's up Selina's ass. Fuck both of 'em. I have more friends anyway. Fortunately, they don't act this way. I know one thing though, if our mom's hear about any of this, they'll FLIP on both of us. We'll probably get beat too.

theVelvetRoper said:

Lord knows I did. I tried So hard to come to a common ground with her over this, but instead she kept acting like she wanted me to treat Selina like queen of the fucking universe. Fuck that shit. If she thinks she's gonna condescend to me and treat me like shit, (and has done this in front of Toya, and she didn't say shit, but the minute I tell Toya how I feel about Selina, she goes off on me.) then she has another fucking thing coming. My mom doesn't even talk to me like that. So I'll be DAMNED if I let some chick that doesn't even know me or like me for that matter talk to me like that.

DynamicSavior said:

So where does the dilemma come in? Fuck 'em all then,

DynamicSavior said:

You were bluffing?! And you expected some cliche, pre-thought, "only-a-solution-in-the movies" kind of answer from her? How about talking? You claim to be best-friends, how about acting like one?
It seems to be a problem with everyone nowadays; there seems to be some unwritten rule that people have to react as cliche as possible when posed a common problem or expect some kind of non-thinking, pre-packaged answers...
How can you really know each other if you don't talk? A best-friend isn't a stereotype you should expect TV-movie answers or TV-movie conversations from...


Well, if that's the first time you heard her about that than I really wonder what kind of best-friends relationship y'all had... (Seems everyone is calling everyone a best-friend nowadays...)

Neversin.

theVelvetRoper said:

In Toya thinking that I was gonna allow Selina to talk to me any which way, and kiss her ass like Toya does. It's things like this that make me GLAD to be gay. I don't think I could handle being in a relationship with a woman and dealing with all the emotions and the "today I feel...today I don't feel" bull shit. No offense to any of ya'll. I don't hate women. My mother was one.

Several problems popped up in my head when i read this.

1st.

You say you've tried your best to get along with Selina. Then you say, "I kinda had that "fuck that bitch" attitude towards her. And the thing is that i've NEVER really spoken to her or had any kind of interaction with her. If I did, it was very small, and only cuz Toya was around." This doesn't add up in my mind to trying your best. It seems to me like you didn't like her and she had the same feelings toward you (perhaps because she sensed your animosity?) and no real attempts were made to get along.

2nd.

You put yourself first when deciding between your own comfort or going to see your best friend. However, your best friend's friend, Selina, put Toya first and admitted to having no problem with you being in her house. Regardless of your reasons, your decision not visit can be seen as selfish.

3rd.

By telling your friend to choose you illustrated, yet again, your own selfish nature. You basically told your friend to put you first before her own feelings while you wouldn't even do the same thing for her all those previous times she asked you to visit.

4th.

I would have done exactly what Toya did. Sorry. You owe Toya an apology if you want to save that friendship. If you can't suck it up and apologize, you'll be proving to Toya (and Selina) that she made the right choice.

This is exactly why 99% of the friends I've had in my life are boys.

Girls suck.

Sweeny79 said:

you know depends..speaking as a male i think i enjoy frequently the company of women as friends,i mean girls or women as you put it are more mature,well-spoken...they are truthful to what thier feelings. male friends are good for when your bored,besides that you or rather me in my case i get tired of the immatureness and well the sexual tension thats runs throught the group of males.

mud wrestle.

2freaky4church1 said:

my example has been proven..

Sweeny79 said:

You are so fucking right with that shit. The only thing is, I can't be friends with people without them wanting to fuck me. For the exception of about 2 people. Which is sad. So I'll just stick to my hag. We would've NEVER gone through this type of shit.

Neversin said:

I tried to talk to her about it, then she'd say "change the subject" then she'd be the one to bring it back up and I'd tell her we need to get this shit out in the air and deal with it, or not talk about it at all. And any other time she'll say "why can't you 2 get along?" And from the first time I met Selina, and the way she was rolling her eyes and popping her neck, thinking she's God's gift to man and I had to let her know "Look, I don't want you. So you can just drop the attitude, IF you please." Which didn't work. So I chose to not want to deal with her EVER.

Well, if that's the first time you heard her about that than I really wonder what kind of best-friends relationship y'all had... (Seems everyone is calling everyone a best-friend nowadays...)

Neversin.[/quote]
Nope. This is FAR from the first time I heard about her. She talks about Selina non-fucking stop and I was tired of hearing about her all the damn time. But, whatever. I don't care anymore. Hopefully now they can live happily ever after with out me being in the way. Toya knows me WAY better and WAY before Selina ever did. So she knows what kind of person I am. If Selina is going to Toya and saying this that and the fifth about me, Toya should execute some fucking brain power and say to herself "That doesn't sound like Lonnie at all" instead of fucking believing everything that comes out of Selina's mouth. This is some high school bullshit that I don't want to deal with. So I'm choosing not to by eliminating 2 people from my life who want to bring it to me.

PurpleKnight said:[quote]Sounds to me like you brought all of this on yourself. You acted like a total jerk.

Are you so petty that you can't wave back to someone? Are you so foolish that you expected her to choose you when you presented a ridiculous ultimatum in the first place?

I don't know who she was waving to, but I sure enough wasn't me. Because I even asked her if It was day or night, and she said it was about 3 in the afternoon on a Thursday, which is a straight LIE. I work 3rd shift Thursday nights. I was in my bed sleep at 3 in the afternoon. So it couldn't have been me. And even if it was I would've waved back to her, since she was making a friendly gesture.

Seriously, learn how to minimize a volatile situation next time. You brought this result upon yourself.

You snubbed a person, seemingly provoked her to a heated argument, and then dumped all of this on your so-called "best friend."

What you should've done was just act polite to this Selina and then have an open talk with Toya, explaining to her that you'd rather not be around Selina when you see her because you don't get along with her at all.

What you did was close the pathway to communication and expect everything to go your way. This isn't a movie. You have to influence things in a positive way to get a positive result.
[Edited 2/20/06 19:11pm]

I've tried my best to be nice to her, but she let it known that she wasn't having any of that nice business, and chose to be a bitch and I had to tell her about herself. And If that cost me my friendship, I don't care. In this case, my pride is worth more.

PurpleKnight said:

I was basically tired of hearing "Selina this, selina that, selina doesn't like you, selina doesn't want you in her house" and all that shit. And since Toya didn't want to drop it, I dropped her. Seemed like the logical choice.

Imo you were out of line by treating her like that in her own house
No matter if you don't like her , sorry

Dewrede said:

Treating her like what? She's the one who felt she could talk to me any old way JUST because it was her house. And I let her know about herself.

I wouldn't wanna be treated like that , iow , ignored in my own house
She had every right to 'interupt' your conversation because it took place in her house

Had it been somewhere else i would've agreed with you


Btw , i also feel it was wrong you made your friend choose
[Edited 2/20/06 20:01pm]