New topic
Printable| Author | Message |
Searching for something It seems my life is to be defined as one of learning, training, and searching....The first two I have no problem doing, but the searching is what kills me. I will try to explain this the best I can....Have you felt like your looking/waiting for something? You try to be proactive and look for what it is you "Think" you want/need. You think maybe it's money...or a special someone in your love life...or perhaps a career or business goal....Success? Fame? or maybe something to be remembered for...I have gone through all these and more to try to determine what it is I search and hunger for. I found all of these things I listed to not be what I am looking for, and it grows more and more fustrating cause I don't know what it is Im looking for....For a time I thought I knew what it was....I thought it was freedom...Financial and otherwise...So I studied and started my own business in hopes to make more money and make it on my own terms. Business is going slowly but it is going well so far and I find now as I keep going that, Yes I would like financial freedom but that is not what Im looking for. So now im at square one again....with no clue to how to cure this feeling of "I still haven't found what Im looking for"
I left the org sometime ago because of great personal change and turmoil in my life....and though I have tons of people here I talk too and few here I can call friend, I became really super depressed for the first time in my life...Now everyone goes through depression and sadness in their life at some point/points, but for me this was the worst I have ever been. I have since recovered and am feeling better with some good old fashion life evaluation and self reassurance. A few people here on the org thought I should see a doctor and perhaps get some medicine cause I had gotten that bad, but fortunately I was able to get better on my own. In coming back there are many friends here I have not apologized to since I came back for just dropping off the face of the earth (Nesse in particular) For that im sorry....I was not in my right mind when I left...I just wanted to get away from everyone and everything and that is what I did. But even though I did get my life back in order that feeling of "I need to find this" is still there....I write this to see if any of you have had or has this feeling and do you know what it is your looking for? Is it just a matter of going out and trying to get it? Perhaps it will give me some insight on what it I am searching for... clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
- E-mail - orgNote -  Report post to moderator |
i don't know why and i don't know when it started, but i've always had a vague idea of what it is i'm "looking for", and i guess my life hasn't veered too far off-path...i don't know where the path started, and i'm not sure where the path will take me, but it's never felt like it's taken me the wrong way so i just keep going down it.
to me, some things just feel true. i know when things feel untrue, or when i'm compromising myself. the older i get, the more ridiculous it feels when i'm put in situations in which i don't belong. that awkward "this is not for me" feeling is more pronounced and undeniable. and i get better at standing my ground and saying "i won't do this" or "i won't be labelled this way". and that helps narrow the path. i've known since i was little that i like to write. i like to make stories and i like to make up conversations and i like to make people laugh. and writing is fun for me. so i decided a long time ago, that would be something i hold on to. that would be something i'd aspire to do all the time one day, in whatever way it is i can apply my style of writing to the outside world...i'm still working on that... everything else - romance, family, friends, the world at large - it's all an education to me. i learn and i try to retain the lessons. and another thing - this is cheesy, but i do believe in creative visualization. i've never read those books, but i like the phrase. if i can see what i want in my mind's eye - if i can visualize it as a possible reality - i can follow it up in the real world by making it happen. i believe 100% in our ability to do this. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Hi dre...yes I quite often feel I'm missing something or someone in my life and do go through stages of loneliness particularly because I live alone (I may as well do, anyway)
I'm coming into a very positive and exciting time in my life now so things are looking really good for me which is a nice feeling... I'm glad the people you confided in were there for you and I'm glad you're ok now   | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
|
I've learned over time...to be flexible and fluid in what I expect and not to set my expectations of myself or others high.
I found accepting what comes my way worked much better than looking for what it was I thought I wanted...This has worked well for me...but we are all different.   I have a firm grip on reality...Maybe just not this reality   |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
|
I don't think you will find what you are searching for externally. might sound corny but you need to do a little more soul searching I too have been through a really dark time in my life, but i seem to have come out stronger and more determined having realised my vocation and devoted myself to what i am good at. you stop searching when emotionally you are fulfilled the trick is having enough self awareness to know what that thing is. How you do that i don't know, all i know is what worked for me, and that was trying lots of new things, meeting lots of new people and distancing myself from negative influences, It gave me time to develope and realise what I wanted. I'm not searching any longer, i've found what i want in life and I'm going to get there. On my own, i discovered the person I am isn't the sum of my material possesions or whether i have a succesful relationship but how i interact in society. bloody hell i am rambling. I don't know whether you are familier with Maslows hierachy of needs but it makes an interesting read. anyway I'm going to bed I'm talking crap now
 you will get there eventually | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
I have been and still going through what you are facing right now. I can't give any good sound advice because I am working my way through as well. But I have learned you can only depend on yourself. Friends, family and loved ones are a blessing to surround yourself with but in the end you only have yourself. So learn to trust in YOU and things will fall into place. Maybe not right away but soon. I wish nothing but the best for you.
Steph | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
this thread also reminds me of a song lyric that i'd love to have tattooed onto the inside of my eyelids in glow-in-the-dark ink:
Respect your intuition. Make your manifestation, Theres no limitation. Have courage, Have rage, were all together. i don't know why, but just reading that gives me chills because it's so true and fierce and beautiful. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Sinister said: It seems my life is to be defined as one of learning, training, and searching....The first two I have no problem doing, but the searching is what kills me. I will try to explain this the best I can....Have you felt like your looking/waiting for something? You try to be proactive and look for what it is you "Think" you want/need. You think maybe it's money...or a special someone in your love life...or perhaps a career or business goal....Success? Fame? or maybe something to be remembered for...I have gone through all these and more to try to determine what it is I search and hunger for. I found all of these things I listed to not be what I am looking for, and it grows more and more fustrating cause I don't know what it is Im looking for....For a time I thought I knew what it was....I thought it was freedom...Financial and otherwise...So I studied and started my own business in hopes to make more money and make it on my own terms. Business is going slowly but it is going well so far and I find now as I keep going that, Yes I would like financial freedom but that is not what Im looking for. So now im at square one again....with no clue to how to cure this feeling of "I still haven't found what Im looking for"
I left the org sometime ago because of great personal change and turmoil in my life....and though I have tons of people here I talk too and few here I can call friend, I became really super depressed for the first time in my life...Now everyone goes through depression and sadness in their life at some point/points, but for me this was the worst I have ever been. I have since recovered and am feeling better with some good old fashion life evaluation and self reassurance. A few people here on the org thought I should see a doctor and perhaps get some medicine cause I had gotten that bad, but fortunately I was able to get better on my own. In coming back there are many friends here I have not apologized to since I came back for just dropping off the face of the earth (Nesse in particular) For that im sorry....I was not in my right mind when I left...I just wanted to get away from everyone and everything and that is what I did. But even though I did get my life back in order that feeling of "I need to find this" is still there....I write this to see if any of you have had or has this feeling and do you know what it is your looking for? Is it just a matter of going out and trying to get it? Perhaps it will give me some insight on what it I am searching for... I have no advice....my life is a mess but here is a  ....take care of urself hun | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Ocean said: I have no advice....my life is a mess but here is a
....take care of urself hun    | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
I feel crap today!! | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
althom said: I feel crap today!!
for you too... | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
It's just good to have you back, Sinister.  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Anxiety said: i don't know why and i don't know when it started, but i've always had a vague idea of what it is i'm "looking for", and i guess my life hasn't veered too far off-path...i don't know where the path started, and i'm not sure where the path will take me, but it's never felt like it's taken me the wrong way so i just keep going down it.
to me, some things just feel true. i know when things feel untrue, or when i'm compromising myself. the older i get, the more ridiculous it feels when i'm put in situations in which i don't belong. that awkward "this is not for me" feeling is more pronounced and undeniable. and i get better at standing my ground and saying "i won't do this" or "i won't be labelled this way". and that helps narrow the path. i've known since i was little that i like to write. i like to make stories and i like to make up conversations and i like to make people laugh. and writing is fun for me. so i decided a long time ago, that would be something i hold on to. that would be something i'd aspire to do all the time one day, in whatever way it is i can apply my style of writing to the outside world...i'm still working on that... everything else - romance, family, friends, the world at large - it's all an education to me. i learn and i try to retain the lessons. and another thing - this is cheesy, but i do believe in creative visualization. i've never read those books, but i like the phrase. if i can see what i want in my mind's eye - if i can visualize it as a possible reality - i can follow it up in the real world by making it happen. i believe 100% in our ability to do this. Thank you for your comments Anx...It's good you have a path to take...I think that is the problem...I don't feel "strongly" enough about a particular interest or skill im good at to actually take it further. Everything im good at has no real deep meaning or importance to me. Im sort of a jack of all trades I try lots of different things and I get good at them, but nothing has moved me to make it my lifes work. I suppose I should just be patient... clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Natisse said: Hi dre...yes I quite often feel I'm missing something or someone in my life and do go through stages of loneliness particularly because I live alone (I may as well do, anyway)
I'm coming into a very positive and exciting time in my life now so things are looking really good for me which is a nice feeling... I'm glad the people you confided in were there for you and I'm glad you're ok now Thank you Tisse you were one of those people I talked to about things before I left and you have helped me more than you know...Im truely blessed to know you...I told you once long ago you are the Prototype....I still mean it clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Sinister said: Natisse said: Hi dre...yes I quite often feel I'm missing something or someone in my life and do go through stages of loneliness particularly because I live alone (I may as well do, anyway)
I'm coming into a very positive and exciting time in my life now so things are looking really good for me which is a nice feeling... I'm glad the people you confided in were there for you and I'm glad you're ok now Thank you Tisse you were one of those people I talked to about things before I left and you have helped me more than you know...Im truely blessed to know you...I told you once long ago you are the Prototype....I still mean it I truly didn't realise dre...I'm so glad I could be there for you and it works both ways hon I'm blessed to have you as my friend too. I remember you told me that and it's still one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said to me
| |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
p0pRocks said:
I don't think you will find what you are searching for externally. might sound corny but you need to do a little more soul searching I too have been through a really dark time in my life, but i seem to have come out stronger and more determined having realised my vocation and devoted myself to what i am good at. you stop searching when emotionally you are fulfilled the trick is having enough self awareness to know what that thing is. How you do that i don't know, all i know is what worked for me, and that was trying lots of new things, meeting lots of new people and distancing myself from negative influences, It gave me time to develope and realise what I wanted. I'm not searching any longer, i've found what i want in life and I'm going to get there. On my own, i discovered the person I am isn't the sum of my material possesions or whether i have a succesful relationship but how i interact in society. bloody hell i am rambling. I don't know whether you are familier with Maslows hierachy of needs but it makes an interesting read. anyway I'm going to bed I'm talking crap now
you will get there eventually I hope things get better for you sweetie... I missed you and your humor and Im glad your still here. I completely understand where you are coming from...But the thing that irritates me the most is that the feeling I feel IS external...It's like I am a loaded gun and I need to fire at a target but I don't have a target....It's one of the reasons I started posting here in the first place...This place offers me a chance to show creativity and humor that I usually just keep to myself. clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Steadwood said: I've learned over time...to be flexible and fluid in what I expect and not to set my expectations of myself or others high.
I found accepting what comes my way worked much better than looking for what it was I thought I wanted...This has worked well for me...but we are all different. Stead thank you for the great advice....We need to get you an advice column on a newspaper...I will be your agent! clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
EverSoLesa said: I have been and still going through what you are facing right now. I can't give any good sound advice because I am working my way through as well. But I have learned you can only depend on yourself. Friends, family and loved ones are a blessing to surround yourself with but in the end you only have yourself. So learn to trust in YOU and things will fall into place. Maybe not right away but soon. I wish nothing but the best for you.
Steph Thank you sweetie We will find what we are looking for someday  it helps to talk and hear others experiences to put your experience in perspective...clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Ocean said: Sinister said: It seems my life is to be defined as one of learning, training, and searching....The first two I have no problem doing, but the searching is what kills me. I will try to explain this the best I can....Have you felt like your looking/waiting for something? You try to be proactive and look for what it is you "Think" you want/need. You think maybe it's money...or a special someone in your love life...or perhaps a career or business goal....Success? Fame? or maybe something to be remembered for...I have gone through all these and more to try to determine what it is I search and hunger for. I found all of these things I listed to not be what I am looking for, and it grows more and more fustrating cause I don't know what it is Im looking for....For a time I thought I knew what it was....I thought it was freedom...Financial and otherwise...So I studied and started my own business in hopes to make more money and make it on my own terms. Business is going slowly but it is going well so far and I find now as I keep going that, Yes I would like financial freedom but that is not what Im looking for. So now im at square one again....with no clue to how to cure this feeling of "I still haven't found what Im looking for"
I left the org sometime ago because of great personal change and turmoil in my life....and though I have tons of people here I talk too and few here I can call friend, I became really super depressed for the first time in my life...Now everyone goes through depression and sadness in their life at some point/points, but for me this was the worst I have ever been. I have since recovered and am feeling better with some good old fashion life evaluation and self reassurance. A few people here on the org thought I should see a doctor and perhaps get some medicine cause I had gotten that bad, but fortunately I was able to get better on my own. In coming back there are many friends here I have not apologized to since I came back for just dropping off the face of the earth (Nesse in particular) For that im sorry....I was not in my right mind when I left...I just wanted to get away from everyone and everything and that is what I did. But even though I did get my life back in order that feeling of "I need to find this" is still there....I write this to see if any of you have had or has this feeling and do you know what it is your looking for? Is it just a matter of going out and trying to get it? Perhaps it will give me some insight on what it I am searching for... I have no advice....my life is a mess but here is a ....take care of urself hun Awww Ocean...I hope you are ok....If you need to chat you know how to reach me...thank you for the hug Don't forget how special you are...clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Anxiety said: this thread also reminds me of a song lyric that i'd love to have tattooed onto the inside of my eyelids in glow-in-the-dark ink:
Respect your intuition. Make your manifestation, Theres no limitation. Have courage, Have rage, were all together. i don't know why, but just reading that gives me chills because it's so true and fierce and beautiful. co-signclever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
althom said: I feel crap today!!
 poor guy...whats wrong?clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Fauxie said: It's just good to have you back, Sinister.
Thanks buddy! Good to be back....  clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Moderator |
I know what you mean love. I really do.... In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Sweeny79 said: I know what you mean love. I really do....
More than anyone I know you do honey...clever clever quotation - attention getting quote - sad yet witty remark - look at me! Im deep quote- song lyric about my ex cause that bitch stole my mp3 player! - line from movie I liked - Prince lyric - not very clever sig mocking other sigs | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Sinister said: EverSoLesa said: I have been and still going through what you are facing right now. I can't give any good sound advice because I am working my way through as well. But I have learned you can only depend on yourself. Friends, family and loved ones are a blessing to surround yourself with but in the end you only have yourself. So learn to trust in YOU and things will fall into place. Maybe not right away but soon. I wish nothing but the best for you.
Steph Thank you sweetie We will find what we are looking for someday it helps to talk and hear others experiences to put your experience in perspective...This is why I have always admired you....not because of all the flirting or the craziness but the simple words spoken on threads such as this....thank you | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
'Dre, you know I love you and I know you're strong enough to overcome the sadness and depression without medicines
This feeling that you're going thru is called life and we all get our share of it unfortunatly
You will find what you're looking for, I know you will
Try to stay sane for that little wonder God just gave you | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Sinister said: p0pRocks said:
I don't think you will find what you are searching for externally. might sound corny but you need to do a little more soul searching I too have been through a really dark time in my life, but i seem to have come out stronger and more determined having realised my vocation and devoted myself to what i am good at. you stop searching when emotionally you are fulfilled the trick is having enough self awareness to know what that thing is. How you do that i don't know, all i know is what worked for me, and that was trying lots of new things, meeting lots of new people and distancing myself from negative influences, It gave me time to develope and realise what I wanted. I'm not searching any longer, i've found what i want in life and I'm going to get there. On my own, i discovered the person I am isn't the sum of my material possesions or whether i have a succesful relationship but how i interact in society. bloody hell i am rambling. I don't know whether you are familier with Maslows hierachy of needs but it makes an interesting read. anyway I'm going to bed I'm talking crap now
you will get there eventually I hope things get better for you sweetie... I missed you and your humor and Im glad your still here. I completely understand where you are coming from...But the thing that irritates me the most is that the feeling I feel IS external...It's like I am a loaded gun and I need to fire at a target but I don't have a target....It's one of the reasons I started posting here in the first place...This place offers me a chance to show creativity and humor that I usually just keep to myself. I missed you too
And I'm glad you came back
and  for coming here and sharing your creativity and humour with us, you know it makes sense who needs a target
thanks for your well wishes, I'm pleased to say I'm doing good like i said i found what i need to do | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Don't wanna get all depressing on you , but I know exactly where you are coming from with this...
I have had that feeling for.....um, let's see, most of my life, and I can't see any reason up on the horizon why it should go away now 
I just get on with life and try to ignore it like it's a fly on my windscreen or something.. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
I'm not working and I think boredom is a big part of my similar problem. I've been trying to find things to stimulate my brain. Having said that, the one thing I try to hold to is simplicity in everything I do. Not always easy, but I've found this to be where my happiness is found. Trimming all the unnecessary stuff from my life and just getting on with the basics of living day to day. Even down to just walking straight and tall, finishing things I start, be they important or mundane tasks like cleaning, and doing things with purpose and not begrudging and putting off stuff I have to do but might not want to.
I hope things get better for u dre as u find where you can feel contented and happy. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
RocknRollDave said: Don't wanna get all depressing on you , but I know exactly where you are coming from with this...
I have had that feeling for.....um, let's see, most of my life, and I can't see any reason up on the horizon why it should go away now
I just get on with life and try to ignore it like it's a fly on my windscreen or something.. Hey, wait up, whaddya know, I just found it down the back of the sofa! Bit covered in hair and fluff (and I swear that's a pube too) but s'OK..
 I WISH it were that easy  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |