My brother was invited to a wedding with a date. He invited his ex-girlfriend who he is still friendly with. Long story, short: a week before the event, he dropped her a reminder e-mail. She replied saying that she might not be able to make it, as her family (who live in another town) had been trying to schedule their annual snowmobiling trip and - if there was enough snow - they would be going that weekend.

My response to this was . I told him that I would e-mail her back saying "See ya 'round" (i.e. "You obviously have no respect for me or my friends and I don't tolerate this kind of behaviour, so I don't need you in my life."). He thought this was too harsh and started making excuses for her ("This is an important thing for her and her family", etc.).

What do you think, kids? What would you do if this happened to you? Do you agree or disagree with my advice to him?

IMHO that is a bit harsh, but if they are now just friends and he doesn't want to go to the wedding alone he might tell her. "Okay then, I'm going to see about taking someone else since you might be busy."

It depends...did she promised to go with him?? Then I agree!!
If she left it open..I don't agree.

Just a date for a wedding. it's not like they're getting married themselves.
If that family trip is imporant to her, I can understand choosing it over a date to a wedding.

lmfao... of course it would have to involve something so quintessentially canadian as snowmobiling!


ace... sounds like she didn't have the decency to tell him before this that she might not be able to go.

i would say he should tell her that he will be taking someone else.

HowComeYouDontCallme said:

Yes, she promised to go with him. I find it particularly galling that she didn't bother to let him know - that it took an e-mail from him one week before the event to get this information.

Personally, I can see how this trip could be important to her, but - if it were me - and I'd committed to going to a wedding with someone (where they've ordered a meal for me), I would pass on the trip and go visit my family another weekend. I see it as a total lack of respect for him and - if it were me - I don't need someone in my life who has so little regard for me. I'd tell her so and I'm surprised people feel otherwise. I think she just knows he's a nice guy and would let it slide.
[Edited 2/17/05 15:47pm]

Maybe she's using the family thing as an excuse because she feels a little uncomfortable to be there? I'm not siding with her...but I think she may feel uncomfortable to be going as a couple.

As I do on a regular basis, I gotta agree with you, Ace. I think it was irresponsible of the female to bail on the wedding, especially after committing to it. Very inconsiderate.

althom said:

Then don't you think she shouldn't have commited in the first place? And if she was going to change her mind, don't you think she should have done so earlier and bothered to inform him of this?

Ace said:

Oh yeah! I agree totally with your frustration. I'm just giving you maybe a reason as to why she might have done it.

althom said:

I'm not frustrated , but it does piss me off that someone would take advantage of my brother's good nature this way and I'm trying to encourage him to stand up for himself.

My "intuition" is telling me that you already disliked your brother's ex for some reason. Perhaps she has a history of hurting your brother or disregarding his requests? Your reaction is stronger than just "oh, this friend of my brother's is being inconsiderate".

If she's just a friend to him now, I don't think this warrants ending the friendship. However, if this is a pattern in their relationship, it's something only HE can really resolve. It's sticky getting between couples and ex-couples.

I'd put in my 2 cents briefly about it, and stress that it comes from a place of love--and then butt out.

AnotherLoverToo said:

Actually, I liked her quite a lot until I heard of this. I guess the passion of my reaction comes out of feeling that my brother is too nice a guy sometimes and it bothers me that he would let a slight like this go and continue on with her as though nothing had happened.



That's what I've done, but I was curious to find out if people thought my advice was too harsh.

Really depends on whose wedding it is and damn, you don't need a date to go to a wedding, right? Since she wasn't directly invited I doubt anyone but your brother would miss her. Big deal..

Tell your brother to find another date to take along. They don't have the same relationship anymore, move on.....

Ace said:

I would be mad if something like that happened to me...a promise is a promise!
I hope he can find another date to go to the wedding in time.







Hey..wait...I can go with him!!

This is a difficult one, indeed.
If she's just making an excuse, then I say she needs to be dumped.
However, if it's the truth, then...yeah...she should've been able to give more notice than that and not committed to the wedding. Still, with that said, I'd choose my family over an ex any day...but...it's not the end of the world.

Besides...if your brother can't find another date in time, he can just take home her meal in a doggie bag...

I'm of a mind to take NO MORE shit from people like that.
I've tolerated way to much over the past few years.

Like your brother, I always make excuses for those folks
and I'm fucking fed up with it.

While I crawl around like some pathetic fuck, other folk
tell me stories about the people I crawl for that make
my jaw drop to the floor.

You're absolutely right in being pissed off and wanting
to respond more harsh than your brother.

Sounds like your brother is more like me, and we need a
few people behind us to say "Wait a minute, let me tell
this monkey to piss off".

IstenSzek said:

Reminds me of "One" by U2 - "You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl. But I can't keep holding on to what you got, when what you've got is hurt."

BTGW, Ace, that was jacked up - very inconsiderate on her part.
[Edited 2/18/05 5:44am]

1sexymf said:

wow, you're right! I'm gonna listen to it right now and wallow sweetly

IstenSzek said:

That's such a a powerful lyric, isn't it?