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Thread started 01/04/19 1:37pm

June7

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Prince's Death Investigation: Part 13

Discuss the controversies, insights, new information and respectful opinions about the death of Prince here. Don't troll or bring hateful discussion here. Be cool - or be gone. - June7

—-

Now, here’s what I’d like to do. It’s going to take some help from those who are properly commenting and engaging in discussion, to help out. I’d like those who enjoy this thread to NOT ENGAGE in those who come here and post the negativity. What I’d like instead, is for you to just report that post to me. Do not engage. I repeat, DO NOT ENGAGE ON THE POST! Just refer the post to me, and I’ll take care of the issue promptly. Do not talk about the post to others, just report it to me and then pretend you never saw them it.

Some of you are equally wrong for participating in the derailing of previous versions of this thread. If you don’t add fuel, there’s less fire. So, to those of you who choose to not listen to this idea - and engage - IN ANY WAY OTHER THAN WHAT I LISTED - then I’ll be talking to you as well, and trust me - it will not be a nice conversation.

This thread has been much nicer than the past ones already - if you enjoy having the place to discuss this topic, I hope I can count on you to follow my instructions.

Now, the anniversary of Alex’s passing is very soon, and I cannot guarantee I will be much help these next few days, but you never know. So, please help me out here.

— Thanks - June7
[PRINCE 4EVER!]

[June7, "ModGod"]
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Reply #1 posted 01/04/19 1:55pm

Bodhitheblackd
og

June7 said:

Discuss the controversies, insights, new information and respectful opinions about the death of Prince here. Don't troll or bring hateful discussion here. Be cool - or be gone. - June7

well, well, well...hope everyone is going to have a peaceful, loving, insightful, compassionate 2019...sure do miss that man...

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Reply #2 posted 01/04/19 3:30pm

Strawberrylova
123

What else to discuss regarding this topic? Let him R.I.P
Thats all I'm going to say..peace
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Reply #3 posted 01/04/19 3:45pm

MoBettaBliss

Strawberrylova123 said:

What else to discuss regarding this topic? Let him R.I.P Thats all I'm going to say..peace



yep

enough is enough

it'll be 3 years this april ... come on

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Reply #4 posted 01/04/19 5:01pm

ISaidLifeIsJus
tAGame

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Bodhitheblackdog said:

June7 said:

Discuss the controversies, insights, new information and respectful opinions about the death of Prince here. Don't troll or bring hateful discussion here. Be cool - or be gone. - June7

well, well, well...hope everyone is going to have a peaceful, loving, insightful, compassionate 2019...sure do miss that man...



Well, well, well.

Someone who reappears as soon as this thread is started.


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Reply #5 posted 01/04/19 5:05pm

SchlomoThaHomo

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Strange how you think you're pretty much over it, and then something out of the blue chokes you up. Today it was the "are you sleeping" part of the Pop Life remix. No idea why.

"That's when stars collide. When there's space for what u want, and ur heart is open wide."
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Reply #6 posted 01/04/19 5:54pm

nelcp777

Wonder why the glass in the studio was not tested or gathered as evidence?

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Reply #7 posted 01/04/19 6:41pm

rogifan

Strawberrylova123 said:

What else to discuss regarding this topic? Let him R.I.P
Thats all I'm going to say..peace

Seriously. Let the man Rest In Peace for gods sake.
Paisley Park is in your heart
#PrinceForever 💜
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Reply #8 posted 01/04/19 6:43pm

poppys

UGH, happy new year

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Reply #9 posted 01/05/19 8:18am

sonshine

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I was surprised to see this topic back up again too. I can't imagine what is left to discuss. There hasn't been any new information to discuss/share, but maybe I missed something.
In any case the only thing I have to say after all this time is that it's still a shame he's gone, and if nothing else his death has played a part in finally giving the opioid crisis in this country the attention it deserves. Better late than never I guess. At least from a public health standpoint an effort is being made.
It's a hurtful place, the world, in and of itself. We don't need to add to it. We all need one another. ~ PRN
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Reply #10 posted 01/05/19 8:34am

rednblue

sonshine said:

I was surprised to see this topic back up again too. I can't imagine what is left to discuss. There hasn't been any new information to discuss/share, but maybe I missed something. In any case the only thing I have to say after all this time is that it's still a shame he's gone, and if nothing else his death has played a part in finally giving the opioid crisis in this country the attention it deserves. Better late than never I guess. At least from a public health standpoint an effort is being made.


heart to you, to June7, to all who keep memories alive and hold loved ones in their hearts

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Reply #11 posted 01/05/19 8:39am

peggyon

My thanks to you, June 7, as well.
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Reply #12 posted 01/05/19 3:36pm

June7

Moderator

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sonshine said:

I was surprised to see this topic back up again too. I can't imagine what is left to discuss. There hasn't been any new information to discuss/share, but maybe I missed something.
In any case the only thing I have to say after all this time is that it's still a shame he's gone, and if nothing else his death has played a part in finally giving the opioid crisis in this country the attention it deserves. Better late than never I guess. At least from a public health standpoint an effort is being made.


That’s sadly the case. I wish he knew how much we would have supported his efforts to get off this drug - if only. But, as a person who has used, the last thing you want anyone to know is this weakness.
[PRINCE 4EVER!]

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Reply #13 posted 01/05/19 3:46pm

Bodhitheblackd
og

June7 said:

sonshine said:
I was surprised to see this topic back up again too. I can't imagine what is left to discuss. There hasn't been any new information to discuss/share, but maybe I missed something. In any case the only thing I have to say after all this time is that it's still a shame he's gone, and if nothing else his death has played a part in finally giving the opioid crisis in this country the attention it deserves. Better late than never I guess. At least from a public health standpoint an effort is being made.
That’s sadly the case. I wish he knew how much we would have supported his efforts to get off this drug - if only. But, as a person who has used, the last thing you want anyone to know is this weakness.

Yes, YES and YESSSSS!!! Great point. IMO, it's frequently the secrecy and shame that's the biggest roadblock on the path to sobriety...it can be emotionally crippling beyond the physical and brain-rewiring aspects of addiction.

It's a comfort to believe that there wouldn't have been anyone in his Purple Army who wouldn't have wanted to help.

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Reply #14 posted 01/05/19 7:16pm

rednblue

Bodhitheblackdog said:

June7 said:

sonshine said: That’s sadly the case. I wish he knew how much we would have supported his efforts to get off this drug - if only. But, as a person who has used, the last thing you want anyone to know is this weakness.

Yes, YES and YESSSSS!!! Great point. IMO, it's frequently the secrecy and shame that's the biggest roadblock on the path to sobriety...it can be emotionally crippling beyond the physical and brain-rewiring aspects of addiction.

It's a comfort to believe that there wouldn't have been anyone in his Purple Army who wouldn't have wanted to help.

[Edited 1/5/19 19:19pm]

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Reply #15 posted 01/05/19 7:21pm

rednblue

Bodhitheblackdog said:

June7 said:

sonshine said: That’s sadly the case. I wish he knew how much we would have supported his efforts to get off this drug - if only. But, as a person who has used, the last thing you want anyone to know is this weakness.

Yes, YES and YESSSSS!!! Great point. IMO, it's frequently the secrecy and shame that's the biggest roadblock on the path to sobriety...it can be emotionally crippling beyond the physical and brain-rewiring aspects of addiction.

It's a comfort to believe that there wouldn't have been anyone in his Purple Army who wouldn't have wanted to help.



Yes...the discrepancy in how things are judged is amazing. People constantly do suboptimal stuff regarding their own (and sometimes other people's) health all the time. I know I do, even now, in what should be my older and wiser days. And people doing really suboptimal, and outright reckless stuff, happens all the time.

There is SO much condemnation for struggling with a substance, vs. almost anything else. It's over-the-top irrational.

No doubt the following is an odd-sounding comparison, but looking at things side by side sometimes brings things out for me. So...just like there are people who struggle not to use a substance, there are people who struggle to be faithful to a partner. There are those who want to "cheat," and even those in open relationships, but I'm talking about the large number of people who want to be faithful yet can't control themselves and fall off the wagon.

It floors me that people falling off the faithfulness wagon sometimes get props and admiring "you're the player" type feedback. Yet what happens to people struggling with control over cigarettes, alcohol, crack, meth, opiates, etc.? These people get one of the ultimate stigmas directed their way. For a medical condition!

Add to that how plenty of people with addiction are hard working and contributing much, and plenty are attempting to self medicate other serious conditions, some of which are also stigmatized. It's just incredible.

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Reply #16 posted 01/05/19 8:03pm

peggyon

rednblue said:

Bodhitheblackdog said:

Yes, YES and YESSSSS!!! Great point. IMO, it's frequently the secrecy and shame that's the biggest roadblock on the path to sobriety...it can be emotionally crippling beyond the physical and brain-rewiring aspects of addiction.

It's a comfort to believe that there wouldn't have been anyone in his Purple Army who wouldn't have wanted to help.



Yes...the discrepancy in how things are judged is amazing. People constantly do suboptimal stuff regarding their own (and sometimes other people's) health all the time. I know I do, even now, in what should be my older and wiser days. And people doing really suboptimal, and outright reckless stuff, happens all the time.

There is SO much condemnation for struggling with a substance, vs. almost anything else. It's over-the-top irrational.

No doubt the following is an odd-sounding comparison, but looking at things side by side sometimes brings things out for me. So...just like there are people who struggle not to use a substance, there are people who struggle to be faithful to a partner. There are those who want to "cheat," and even those in open relationships, but I'm talking about the large number of people who want to be faithful yet can't control themselves and fall off the wagon.

It floors me that people falling off the faithfulness wagon sometimes get props and admiring "you're the player" type feedback. Yet what happens to people struggling with control over cigarettes, alcohol, crack, meth, opiates, etc.? These people get one of the ultimate stigmas directed their way. For a medical condition!

Add to that how plenty of people with addiction are hard working and contributing much, and plenty are attempting to self medicate other serious conditions, some of which are also stigmatized. It's just incredible.

I agree.

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Reply #17 posted 01/05/19 11:48pm

AnnaStesia10

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Thank u June7 for opening up this topic again for anyone on this forum still interested in talking about or reading about it. I for one am interested because for me, I am still not over his death and am in a way haunted by it. It is not a haunt that keeps me up at night or contributes to an unhealthy obsession. A haunt in a sense that I feel, still after the death investigation is over, we all are still not getting the full story.

You will have the people here go on and on about leave this alone he deserves his privacy. Let the man rest. But I say since Prince was a beloved public figure who touched the souls of so many and died by the the hands of a major pain med and I am sorry in such an odd way and found in an elevator in his musical oasis, that I do feel his fans and supporters do deserve to know the truth. The truth could bring full closure from any grief and also help people struggling with pain management and possible addiction to get the help they need. This all still does not make any fuckin' sense to me.

Add to that even after the officials released all the death investigation results and no one is to be charged, no one in is inner circle is talking about this and are protecting his image and legacy. It is like they all still feel they have a gag order and still have to adhere to those confidentiality agreements they all had to sign in order to work with Prince. Or they dont want any part of this.

The amount of closed mouths and shame attached to this pain pill issue, even in death, is a tragic shame in that I firmly believe the main reason Prince is dead right now is due to the closed mouths and Prince's own damn pride in not wanting to talk about this or reach out for help.

Prince was not perfect I feel we all know what the F he was probably going thru. But for no one in his circle of friends and peers to at least talk about this with honesty is very strange to me. And I feel it perpetuates the stigma attached to addiction and pain pills.

Right now I am reading the Death Investigation book by Jay Corn. Nothing new in it I just wanted to read because as I've admitted, I am still not over his death and sadly have more questions than before.
"A strong spirit transcends rules." - Prince
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Reply #18 posted 01/06/19 3:13am

muchtoofast

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broken
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Reply #19 posted 01/06/19 6:03am

cantstop

AnnaStesia10 said:

Thank u June7 for opening up this topic again for anyone on this forum still interested in talking about or reading about it. I for one am interested because for me, I am still not over his death and am in a way haunted by it. It is not a haunt that keeps me up at night or contributes to an unhealthy obsession. A haunt in a sense that I feel, still after the death investigation is over, we all are still not getting the full story.

You will have the people here go on and on about leave this alone he deserves his privacy. Let the man rest. But I say since Prince was a beloved public figure who touched the souls of so many and died by the the hands of a major pain med and I am sorry in such an odd way and found in an elevator in his musical oasis, that I do feel his fans and supporters do deserve to know the truth. The truth could bring full closure from any grief and also help people struggling with pain management and possible addiction to get the help they need. This all still does not make any fuckin' sense to me.
Agree 100%
Add to that even after the officials released all the death investigation results and no one is to be charged, no one in is inner circle is talking about this and are protecting his image and legacy. It is like they all still feel they have a gag order and still have to adhere to those confidentiality agreements they all had to sign in order to work with Prince. Or they dont want any part of this.

The amount of closed mouths and shame attached to this pain pill issue, even in death, is a tragic shame in that I firmly believe the main reason Prince is dead right now is due to the closed mouths and Prince's own damn pride in not wanting to talk about this or reach out for help.

Prince was not perfect I feel we all know what the F he was probably going thru. But for no one in his circle of friends and peers to at least talk about this with honesty is very strange to me. And I feel it perpetuates the stigma attached to addiction and pain pills.

Right now I am reading the Death Investigation book by Jay Corn. Nothing new in it I just wanted to read because as I've admitted, I am still not over his death and sadly have more questions than before.
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Reply #20 posted 01/06/19 6:05am

cantstop

Agree 100%
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Reply #21 posted 01/06/19 1:03pm

sonshine

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rednblue said:



Bodhitheblackdog said:




June7 said:


sonshine said: That’s sadly the case. I wish he knew how much we would have supported his efforts to get off this drug - if only. But, as a person who has used, the last thing you want anyone to know is this weakness.

Yes, YES and YESSSSS!!! Great point. IMO, it's frequently the secrecy and shame that's the biggest roadblock on the path to sobriety...it can be emotionally crippling beyond the physical and brain-rewiring aspects of addiction.



It's a comfort to believe that there wouldn't have been anyone in his Purple Army who wouldn't have wanted to help.





Yes...the discrepancy in how things are judged is amazing. People constantly do suboptimal stuff regarding their own (and sometimes other people's) health all the time. I know I do, even now, in what should be my older and wiser days. And people doing really suboptimal, and outright reckless stuff, happens all the time.

There is SO much condemnation for struggling with a substance, vs. almost anything else. It's over-the-top irrational.

No doubt the following is an odd-sounding comparison, but looking at things side by side sometimes brings things out for me. So...just like there are people who struggle not to use a substance, there are people who struggle to be faithful to a partner. There are those who want to "cheat," and even those in open relationships, but I'm talking about the large number of people who want to be faithful yet can't control themselves and fall off the wagon.

It floors me that people falling off the faithfulness wagon sometimes get props and admiring "you're the player" type feedback. Yet what happens to people struggling with control over cigarettes, alcohol, crack, meth, opiates, etc.? These people get one of the ultimate stigmas directed their way. For a medical condition!

Add to that how plenty of people with addiction are hard working and contributing much, and plenty are attempting to self medicate other serious conditions, some of which are also stigmatized. It's just incredible.


clapping Sad, but true. Thank you for saying this better than I could. I only wish more people were capable of such understanding and compassion. I've had people in my life that I have loved deeply, who were very worthy of the love they received. But the stigma is real and in actuality is probably even worse than you would imagine. It drives the secrecy, and the feelings of unworthiness that makes recovery so difficult.
[Edited 1/6/19 13:05pm]
It's a hurtful place, the world, in and of itself. We don't need to add to it. We all need one another. ~ PRN
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Reply #22 posted 01/06/19 4:38pm

peggyon

I too feel there are many unaswered questions. Likely the family and inner circle are in 'legacy- management' as they may feel millions of dollars are at stake.

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Reply #23 posted 01/06/19 5:05pm

SpamelaAnusorn

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I don't trust everybody around Prince I feel like he had too many enemas and people that can get some thing from him.

I like it when u DANCE 4 MEN!! Hallerlujah
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Reply #24 posted 01/06/19 5:11pm

peggyon

SpamelaAnusorn said:

I don't trust everybody around Prince I feel like he had too many enemas and people that can get some thing from him.

The enemas were for constipation from opiate use.

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Reply #25 posted 01/06/19 5:16pm

SpamelaAnusorn

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peggyon said:

SpamelaAnusorn said:

I don't trust everybody around Prince I feel like he had too many enemas and people that can get some thing from him.

The enemas were for constipation from opiate use.

Keep u friends close and u enemies even closer nod

I like it when u DANCE 4 MEN!! Hallerlujah
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Reply #26 posted 01/06/19 11:21pm

June7

Moderator

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AnnaStesia10 said:

Thank u June7 for opening up this topic again for anyone on this forum still interested in talking about or reading about it. I for one am interested because for me, I am still not over his death and am in a way haunted by it. It is not a haunt that keeps me up at night or contributes to an unhealthy obsession. A haunt in a sense that I feel, still after the death investigation is over, we all are still not getting the full story. You will have the people here go on and on about leave this alone he deserves his privacy. Let the man rest. But I say since Prince was a beloved public figure who touched the souls of so many and died by the the hands of a major pain med and I am sorry in such an odd way and found in an elevator in his musical oasis, that I do feel his fans and supporters do deserve to know the truth. The truth could bring full closure from any grief and also help people struggling with pain management and possible addiction to get the help they need. This all still does not make any fuckin' sense to me.

Excellent post.

Nobody can, or has the right to, tell anyone for how long they should grieve. I'm coming up to a year in my own son's death (on the 12th), and I'm still beside myself. Talking ... talking ... about his death, him, remembrences, etc., does help.

What people don't understand, or don't think about, is the condition or public understanding of how death affects those immediately surrounding you, or how it actually is felt, or how you're perceived from everytone around you when you lose a loved one, it's expected - we live, we die - it's in the bible. It's life. It's death. Most of us are, and have accepted the fact that this is so. But, when the death is your son, your child, it brings on a whole new sideline of empathy, sympathy and stigma. Yes ... I said stigma.

People are strange.

I have actually lost friends due to his death. Not in a way that they think you suck and have publicly stated that they never want to speak to you again, or anything like that - it's subtle. It's just a disappearance. And, normally I wouldn't have even noticed it if it were someone I was just an aquaintance of. But, this one person is/was a very dear friend, who, when this happened, just ... stopped ... talking ... to ... me.

This one I noticed - and, I called him on it. I called him at home about after a month after Alex died. His wife answered and she seamed slightly surprised I called and was cordial and offered her condolences and stammered out some sympathetic wishes, but seamed kinda nervous. We chatted a bit and I asked to speak to her husband - my 'brother'. That's how close I thought we were.

He got on the phone and my first words to him were, "Are you okay? I mean, are we okay?! Because ... I haven't heard from you in awhile, and I wasn't sure if you heard about Alex (I knew he did, I just threw that in there to offer him an out) and, you know, I don't understand why you didn't reach out?"

He answered, "Oh ... yeah ... I heard about that - and, I am so sorry for your loss ... understand, that it's just too close to my sister's death, I honestly couldn't offer you anything comfort wise, it's all too difficult for me right now".

And, right there, I suddenly wasn't upset with him anymore - just a little hurt that he couldn't have disclosed that to me instead of letting me think we were not as close as I thought we were. This goes back to my first paragraph - and, I don't have the right to tell him how long, or how to grieve.

He apologized, and I know he felt bad, but, so did I for not knowing why he didn't contact me. But, again, I wasn't expected to know.

I wrote a song about Alex and our family (his two siblings and his mother - my ex and myself) called "Easy". After the song talks about our family growing up together, splitting up, etc., it goes into what happened 'in present day' and how I'm dealing/not dealing with this. The last verse, which I believe needs to be brought out more, talked about more, made aware of more is this:

---

"So, please don't stop being my friend

You can stop me on the street again

Say, "How nice it is to see you, man"

Take me for a beer, and then

That might make it easier

Instead of trying to avoid these things - that's not okay

That's not the way

And if you do, that makes it easy

Well, a little bit easy"

---

My point was not to shame him (or those who didn't, or couldn't, talk to me). But, to remind people that being silent hurts even more. The parents who lost a child are shunned. Nobody wants to be reminded in this life that this happens. It's too tragic. So, they instead, subconciously take care of it by not dealing with it at all. And they just stop talking to you. I understand ... I do. But, that's not the way.

This is one of the reasons I believe that his death, Prince's, should not be held silent just to appease those who can't deal with it, or think it's too long after, or etc., etc., etc. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Nobody should put their own beliefs, or restrictions, upon somebody else. Nobody should bitch at another person because their discomfort in dealing with something should be the same yours. You should be able to grieve for as long as you need to, publicly or privately. The choice in posting this thread is that simple for me. And anyone who has discomfort with this discussion should not click on the thread - the topic or subject matter, is clearly listed in the title. If it is not for you, simply skip this thread. No one will miss you or your reason for doing so.

Thank you. And thanks to all of you who have offered your condolences. I can't state how much those little words, or that moment of sympathy means to me.

Tomás - Easy

[PRINCE 4EVER!]

[June7, "ModGod"]
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Reply #27 posted 01/06/19 11:35pm

June7

Moderator

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moderator

SpamelaAnusorn said:

I don't trust everybody around Prince I feel like he had too many enemas and people that can get some thing from him.

One can never have too many enemas. Keeps shit real. eek

[PRINCE 4EVER!]

[June7, "ModGod"]
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Reply #28 posted 01/07/19 7:08am

Bodhitheblackd
og

June7 said:

AnnaStesia10 said:

Thank u June7 for opening up this topic again for anyone on this forum still interested in talking about or reading about it. I for one am interested because for me, I am still not over his death and am in a way haunted by it. It is not a haunt that keeps me up at night or contributes to an unhealthy obsession. A haunt in a sense that I feel, still after the death investigation is over, we all are still not getting the full story. You will have the people here go on and on about leave this alone he deserves his privacy. Let the man rest. But I say since Prince was a beloved public figure who touched the souls of so many and died by the the hands of a major pain med and I am sorry in such an odd way and found in an elevator in his musical oasis, that I do feel his fans and supporters do deserve to know the truth. The truth could bring full closure from any grief and also help people struggling with pain management and possible addiction to get the help they need. This all still does not make any fuckin' sense to me.

Excellent post.

Nobody can, or has the right to, tell anyone for how long they should grieve. I'm coming up to a year in my own son's death (on the 12th), and I'm still beside myself. Talking ... talking ... about his death, him, remembrences, etc., does help.

What people don't understand, or don't think about, is the condition or public understanding of how death affects those immediately surrounding you, or how it actually is felt, or how you're perceived from everytone around you when you lose a loved one, it's expected - we live, we die - it's in the bible. It's life. It's death. Most of us are, and have accepted the fact that this is so. But, when the death is your son, your child, it brings on a whole new sideline of empathy, sympathy and stigma. Yes ... I said stigma.

People are strange.

I have actually lost friends due to his death. Not in a way that they think you suck and have publicly stated that they never want to speak to you again, or anything like that - it's subtle. It's just a disappearance. And, normally I wouldn't have even noticed it if it were someone I was just an aquaintance of. But, this one person is/was a very dear friend, who, when this happened, just ... stopped ... talking ... to ... me.

This one I noticed - and, I called him on it. I called him at home about after a month after Alex died. His wife answered and she seamed slightly surprised I called and was cordial and offered her condolences and stammered out some sympathetic wishes, but seamed kinda nervous. We chatted a bit and I asked to speak to her husband - my 'brother'. That's how close I thought we were.

He got on the phone and my first words to him were, "Are you okay? I mean, are we okay?! Because ... I haven't heard from you in awhile, and I wasn't sure if you heard about Alex (I knew he did, I just threw that in there to offer him an out) and, you know, I don't understand why you didn't reach out?"

He answered, "Oh ... yeah ... I heard about that - and, I am so sorry for your loss ... understand, that it's just too close to my sister's death, I honestly couldn't offer you anything comfort wise, it's all too difficult for me right now".

And, right there, I suddenly wasn't upset with him anymore - just a little hurt that he couldn't have disclosed that to me instead of letting me think we were not as close as I thought we were. This goes back to my first paragraph - and, I don't have the right to tell him how long, or how to grieve.

He apologized, and I know he felt bad, but, so did I for not knowing why he didn't contact me. But, again, I wasn't expected to know.

I wrote a song about Alex and our family (his two siblings and his mother - my ex and myself) called "Easy". After the song talks about our family growing up together, splitting up, etc., it goes into what happened 'in present day' and how I'm dealing/not dealing with this. The last verse, which I believe needs to be brought out more, talked about more, made aware of more is this:

---

"So, please don't stop being my friend

You can stop me on the street again

Say, "How nice it is to see you, man"

Take me for a beer, and then

That might make it easier

Instead of trying to avoid these things - that's not okay

That's not the way

And if you do, that makes it easy

Well, a little bit easy"

---

My point was not to shame him (or those who didn't, or couldn't, talk to me). But, to remind people that being silent hurts even more. The parents who lost a child are shunned. Nobody wants to be reminded in this life that this happens. It's too tragic. So, they instead, subconciously take care of it by not dealing with it at all. And they just stop talking to you. I understand ... I do. But, that's not the way.

This is one of the reasons I believe that his death, Prince's, should not be held silent just to appease those who can't deal with it, or think it's too long after, or etc., etc., etc. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Nobody should put their own beliefs, or restrictions, upon somebody else. Nobody should bitch at another person because their discomfort in dealing with something should be the same yours. You should be able to grieve for as long as you need to, publicly or privately. The choice in posting this thread is that simple for me. And anyone who has discomfort with this discussion should not click on the thread - the topic or subject matter, is clearly listed in the title. If it is not for you, simply skip this thread. No one will miss you or your reason for doing so.

Thank you. And thanks to all of you who have offered your condolences. I can't state how much those little words, or that moment of sympathy means to me.

Tomás - Easy

June 7, thanks for this...people love, suffer, grieve in their own way...I think we all saw this truth in Prince's music. It's what makes him unique and irreplacable. It was the core of his genius. RIP.

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Reply #29 posted 01/07/19 7:12am

PennyPurple

avatar

June7 said:

Excellent post.

Nobody can, or has the right to, tell anyone for how long they should grieve. I'm coming up to a year in my own son's death (on the 12th), and I'm still beside myself. Talking ... talking ... about his death, him, remembrences, etc., does help.

What people don't understand, or don't think about, is the condition or public understanding of how death affects those immediately surrounding you, or how it actually is felt, or how you're perceived from everytone around you when you lose a loved one, it's expected - we live, we die - it's in the bible. It's life. It's death. Most of us are, and have accepted the fact that this is so. But, when the death is your son, your child, it brings on a whole new sideline of empathy, sympathy and stigma. Yes ... I said stigma.

People are strange.

I have actually lost friends due to his death. Not in a way that they think you suck and have publicly stated that they never want to speak to you again, or anything like that - it's subtle. It's just a disappearance. And, normally I wouldn't have even noticed it if it were someone I was just an aquaintance of. But, this one person is/was a very dear friend, who, when this happened, just ... stopped ... talking ... to ... me.

This one I noticed - and, I called him on it. I called him at home about after a month after Alex died. His wife answered and she seamed slightly surprised I called and was cordial and offered her condolences and stammered out some sympathetic wishes, but seamed kinda nervous. We chatted a bit and I asked to speak to her husband - my 'brother'. That's how close I thought we were.

He got on the phone and my first words to him were, "Are you okay? I mean, are we okay?! Because ... I haven't heard from you in awhile, and I wasn't sure if you heard about Alex (I knew he did, I just threw that in there to offer him an out) and, you know, I don't understand why you didn't reach out?"

He answered, "Oh ... yeah ... I heard about that - and, I am so sorry for your loss ... understand, that it's just too close to my sister's death, I honestly couldn't offer you anything comfort wise, it's all too difficult for me right now".

And, right there, I suddenly wasn't upset with him anymore - just a little hurt that he couldn't have disclosed that to me instead of letting me think we were not as close as I thought we were. This goes back to my first paragraph - and, I don't have the right to tell him how long, or how to grieve.

He apologized, and I know he felt bad, but, so did I for not knowing why he didn't contact me. But, again, I wasn't expected to know.

I wrote a song about Alex and our family (his two siblings and his mother - my ex and myself) called "Easy". After the song talks about our family growing up together, splitting up, etc., it goes into what happened 'in present day' and how I'm dealing/not dealing with this. The last verse, which I believe needs to be brought out more, talked about more, made aware of more is this:

---

"So, please don't stop being my friend

You can stop me on the street again

Say, "How nice it is to see you, man"

Take me for a beer, and then

That might make it easier

Instead of trying to avoid these things - that's not okay

That's not the way

And if you do, that makes it easy

Well, a little bit easy"

---

My point was not to shame him (or those who didn't, or couldn't, talk to me). But, to remind people that being silent hurts even more. The parents who lost a child are shunned. Nobody wants to be reminded in this life that this happens. It's too tragic. So, they instead, subconciously take care of it by not dealing with it at all. And they just stop talking to you. I understand ... I do. But, that's not the way.

This is one of the reasons I believe that his death, Prince's, should not be held silent just to appease those who can't deal with it, or think it's too long after, or etc., etc., etc. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Nobody should put their own beliefs, or restrictions, upon somebody else. Nobody should bitch at another person because their discomfort in dealing with something should be the same yours. You should be able to grieve for as long as you need to, publicly or privately. The choice in posting this thread is that simple for me. And anyone who has discomfort with this discussion should not click on the thread - the topic or subject matter, is clearly listed in the title. If it is not for you, simply skip this thread. No one will miss you or your reason for doing so.

Thank you. And thanks to all of you who have offered your condolences. I can't state how much those little words, or that moment of sympathy means to me.

Tomás - Easy

Wonderful words June.

It is odd how friends just walk away in times of need. My parents had best friends that they would go on vacation with and do everything together, when my Step Dad passed, my Mom never heard from them again. eek

I'm sorry you are going thru such a heartbreaking time. (hugs)

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