FullLipsDotNose said:

benni said:

I have always, will always, respect the man, the music, and the artistry. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry with him. Because I am. I am angry with him that he didn't seek out medical help for dealing with and treating his pain. I am angry with him that he didn't set aside the music for a short time, to get better. I am angry with him that he hid this so well, that we could hold him to the light and tell our kids, "See? You don't have to resort to drugs in order to live large and beautifully." I am angry with him because he didn't trust us, the fans, enough to think that we would support him even through his pain and his battle with pain medication. I love him and that will never change, but I am angry with him right now, because he didn't have to die, if he had taken the responsibility, faced himself, and got treatment years ago.

[Edited 4/24/18 0:41am]

Yup. Agree. Notwithstanding being unable to tell my kids that he was a clean living genius, I was sucked into the world of heroin addiction many many years ago. Prince and his music played a part in me being able to beat down the dragon and get clean. Obviously there were more factors involved than just that, but he helped. Here was my favourite artist, clean as a whistle telling me he dont need no drugs to get high.... Hmmmm.

Doesnt detract from his musical greatness. I will always hold that up and be proud to have had it be the soundtrack to my life. But the man himself has pissed me off somewhat for the time being...

I love him still. Maybe even more. That said, I've experienced a wide range of emotions at his passing, which is absolutely normal.

[Edited 4/24/18 5:58am]

benni said:

I have always, will always, respect the man, the music, and the artistry. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry with him. Because I am. I am angry with him that he didn't seek out medical help for dealing with and treating his pain. I am angry with him that he didn't set aside the music for a short time, to get better. I am angry with him that he hid this so well, that we could hold him to the light and tell our kids, "See? You don't have to resort to drugs in order to live large and beautifully." I am angry with him because he didn't trust us, the fans, enough to think that we would support him even through his pain and his battle with pain medication. I love him and that will never change, but I am angry with him right now, because he didn't have to die, if he had taken the responsibility, faced himself, and got treatment years ago.

[Edited 4/24/18 0:41am]

must admit I feel like this today. Everyday brings changing emotions.

benni said:

Rebeljuice said:

benni said:

I have always, will always, respect the man, the music, and the artistry. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry with him. Because I am. I am angry with him that he didn't seek out medical help for dealing with and treating his pain. I am angry with him that he didn't set aside the music for a short time, to get better. I am angry with him that he hid this so well, that we could hold him to the light and tell our kids, "See? You don't have to resort to drugs in order to live large and beautifully." I am angry with him because he didn't trust us, the fans, enough to think that we would support him even through his pain and his battle with pain medication. I love him and that will never change, but I am angry with him right now, because he didn't have to die, if he had taken the responsibility, faced himself, and got treatment years ago.

[Edited 4/24/18 0:41am]

Yup. Agree. Notwithstanding being unable to tell my kids that he was a clean living genius, I was sucked into the world of heroin addiction many many years ago. Prince and his music played a part in me being able to beat down the dragon and get clean. Obviously there were more factors involved than just that, but he helped. Here was my favourite artist, clean as a whistle telling me he dont need no drugs to get high.... Hmmmm.

Doesnt detract from his musical greatness. I will always hold that up and be proud to have had it be the soundtrack to my life. But the man himself has pissed me off somewhat for the time being...

Congratulations on getting clean! Too many in my family did not, and they paid the price with their lives. And seeing their lives, what they went through, was enough to keep me away from it. But yes, it is the man I'm pissed at, not the musician and the impact his music had on my life.

PURPLEIZED3121 said:

benni said:

I have always, will always, respect the man, the music, and the artistry. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry with him. Because I am. I am angry with him that he didn't seek out medical help for dealing with and treating his pain. I am angry with him that he didn't set aside the music for a short time, to get better. I am angry with him that he hid this so well, that we could hold him to the light and tell our kids, "See? You don't have to resort to drugs in order to live large and beautifully." I am angry with him because he didn't trust us, the fans, enough to think that we would support him even through his pain and his battle with pain medication. I love him and that will never change, but I am angry with him right now, because he didn't have to die, if he had taken the responsibility, faced himself, and got treatment years ago.

[Edited 4/24/18 0:41am]

must admit I feel like this today. Everyday brings changing emotions.

Yeah, everyday it does bring changing emotions, but the anger feels constant right now. I know it will pass, all emotions do, but damn it Prince. He told us to always live the truth, to always seek the truth, and the whole time, he was living a lie.

rogifan said:

benni said:

I have always, will always, respect the man, the music, and the artistry. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry with him. Because I am. I am angry with him that he didn't seek out medical help for dealing with and treating his pain. I am angry with him that he didn't set aside the music for a short time, to get better. I am angry with him that he hid this so well, that we could hold him to the light and tell our kids, "See? You don't have to resort to drugs in order to live large and beautifully." I am angry with him because he didn't trust us, the fans, enough to think that we would support him even through his pain and his battle with pain medication. I love him and that will never change, but I am angry with him right now, because he didn't have to die, if he had taken the responsibility, faced himself, and got treatment years ago.

[Edited 4/24/18 0:41am]

I get the anger. I’ve gone through that stage too. Damaris Lewis said she told Prince he needed to take time off and rest. I wish he would have done that too. Rest and get healthy. But I honestly don’t think the guy knew how to rest. I’m not angry with him for not sharing his personal problems with his fans. That’s just not who he was. Privacy obviously and perhaps not wanting his fans to worry. Whatever personal problems he was dealing with he didn’t bring them to his work or the stage. I just hope and pray that with all the focus on painkillers now the smartest researches and scientists will come up with medication for treating pain that isn’t addictive and doesn’t have such awful side effects. 🙏🏻💜

I didn't mean that he would share that with us, but a part of his whole privacy thing was to protect an image that he portrayed to the fans. And the fear that the image would be tarnished if it got out that he was using pain pills, that he was in considerable pain, or that the fans would turn on him if they found out. If he hadn't been so concerned with keeping that image intact, and protected that privacy so strongly, then he might still be with us. He just didn't trust us enough to accept the man behind the image.

I still love him, I see him as more human now that he's gone. I now understand that he had flaws amongst all his talent, and I don't know that made me love him even more. I learn more and more every year about him as I dive deeper into his psyche, which constantly changes as we go through different eras of his lifespan. I think the only time I faltered was when he first passed dozens of articles saying he was homophobic had thrown me off, but after careful investigation I still loved him. To be perfectly honest, I'd still love him even if he was homophobic, kind of like that one homophobic family member that's just ignorant you just sigh and let them live their life I guess.

MattyJam said:

jaawwnn said:

I don't wish to be rude but did none of this ever occur to you when he was alive? We used to discuss it a fair bit. Were you in denial or did you just write it off as org haters gonna hate (or both)?

Honestly, it didn't really occur to me when he was alive, probably because he still had that facade of being an enigma. Since he's passed and we've come to learn things about him that he would've hated for us to know, his life doesn't seem half as glamorous. Everything was so stage managed when he was alive. Now we've been allowed to take a peek behind the curtain, the reality of being Prince in 2016 seems so desperately sad. [Edited 4/23/18 14:08pm]

That reality might be true for maybe the year or two before he died - all of us at some stage have periods when life sucks - but surely it shouldn't negate the years/decades that his life was fulfilled and joyful...and there's nodoubt that was the case, there's too much evidence of him enjoying the experience of who and what he was for him to be faking it - nobody is that good an actor 24/7. And with regard to your earlier comment about him focusing too much on music rather than relationships, it was always his number one relationship. Creating music to Prince was like breathing is to the rest of us; an integral part of his being and his functioning.

benni said:

PURPLEIZED3121 said:

must admit I feel like this today. Everyday brings changing emotions.

Yeah, everyday it does bring changing emotions, but the anger feels constant right now. I know it will pass, all emotions do, but damn it Prince. He told us to always live the truth, to always seek the truth, and the whole time, he was living a lie.

The music today just brought me back a little, listended to the B-Sides CD..so many memories remembering buying the original 12" mixes AND those nasty grooves AND lyrics. Messing with our heads even in death!

PURPLEIZED3121 said:

He's the same to me. Talented, genious, music legend.

His private life i don't care. He's like every other person and made mistakes like everyone else. Who i am to judge him?

benni said:

rogifan said:

benni said:

I didn't mean that he would share that with us, but a part of his whole privacy thing was to protect an image that he portrayed to the fans. And the fear that the image would be tarnished if it got out that he was using pain pills, that he was in considerable pain, or that the fans would turn on him if they found out. If he hadn't been so concerned with keeping that image intact, and protected that privacy so strongly, then he might still be with us. He just didn't trust us enough to accept the man behind the image.

I believe he started with painkillers because of physical pain, not because he thought popping pills was fun. I don’t think he wanted the public to know the pain he was dealing with. I won’t defend the way he sometimes went about obtaining these meds but I don’t think of him as a hypocrite or someone living a lie.

I don't think he started either, because he thought it was fun. I also agree that he didn't want the public to know the amount of pain he was going through. However, I will stand by the comment that he was "living a lie", in the sense that he had this problem, would speak out against using drugs, all while knowing that he, himself, was using pain pills and was dependent upon them. Was he an addict? At this point, I don't know. I know I was talking against that originally, because I didn't realize the extent of his usage and that it had continued for many, many years. It seems there is evidence of it going back to the 80s or 90s. That is a long time to be using those kinds of pills without addressing the underlying problems that led to him using them. Yes, he had hip surgery in the 2000s, to try to address it, but he continued using the pills up until his death.

He said in "Let's Go Crazy":

Dr. Everything'll-Be-Alright
Will make everything go wrong
Pills and thrills and daffodils will kill
Hang tough children.

That was released in 1984. He knew, even back then, the damage that pills could do. He didn't go into it blindly. I don't know, maybe when he started taking them for pain, he thought he would be someone who would not fall prey to dependence or addiction. Maybe he thought he was stronger than the pills and would only take them for a short time. But the facts are that he had pills all over Paisley Park. He had them in bottles that were for other (more harmless) pills, indicating that he was hiding them, and hiding his dependence upon them. Who is going to say anything if he reaches for a Bayer aspirin? He knew there was more than aspirins in the bottle, but those seeing him take an "aspirin" would only think he was taking an aspirin, but he knew he wasn't. That is the "lie" he was living. He wouldn't allow any drugs around Paisley Park, while the whole time, he had opiods stashed everywhere at Paisley Park.

I'm sorry, rogi, I love him, I do. I have followed him for so long now. I adore him. But I am angry with him right now. It will pass. But right now, his death is senseless. He should still be here with us, but because of his stubborness, his need to protect his privacy, and his desire to hide his pain, he's not. And I am pissed at him for that.

benni said:

If possible, I love Prince even more after all of the gut-wrenching revelations of the past week. I know that many people think of him as this mythic (guitar and sex) god, but the man was, well, a man...with human frailties. That doesn't mean, however, that his idealistic anti-drug views were not sincere.

Also, as one who lives with chronic pain, I know firsthand how unbearable that can be. And, I don't dance and use my hands for a living. I think he just got caught up and didn't know how to end the vicious cycle of opiate dependency. And, the reactions of anger and disappointment by some of the fam speak to the reason why he hid his dependency until the tragic end.

FlyOnTheWall said:

If possible, I love Prince even more after all of the gut-wrenching revelations of the past week. I know that many people think of him as this mythic (guitar and sex) god, but the man was, well, a man...with human frailties. That doesn't mean, however, that his idealistic anti-drug views were not sincere.

Also, as one who lives with chronic pain, I know firsthand how unbearable that can be. And, I don't dance and use my hands for a living. I think he just got caught up and didn't know how to end the vicious cycle of opiate dependency. And, the reactions of anger and disappointment by some of the fam speak to the reason why he hid his dependency until the tragic end.

I would not be angry with him, if he were still with us. I would not be angry with him, if he had sought help sooner and admitted to himself, if no one else, that he had a problem. I'm angry with him, because he's not here, because his death was senseless, because if he had sought help sooner, if he had admitted to himself that he needed that help sooner, he'd still be with us. I can forgive him for using pain pills. I need them myself and deal with chronic pain on a daily basis. I live with a health condition that can kill me at any time. However, I've not used any pain pills in the last 2 years, not since we lost Prince, except for over the counter medication, which really doesn't help, but I have no insurance, therefore no doctor, and I will not turn to the street for pain medication. I can't even get what my doctor calls, "life saving medication" because I can't afford it. I could accept him being dependent upon those medications, because I do understand chronic pain. What I can't accept is that he cared more about his image and his privacy, than he did in seeking out the help he needed for his pain and his dependency. That is what I am angry with him about. I'm not angry that he was using the pain pills, I'm angry that he thought it was a big enough deal that he had to have them, that he wouldn't get help, until it was too late.

rogifan said:

benni said:

I don't think he started either, because he thought it was fun. I also agree that he didn't want the public to know the amount of pain he was going through. However, I will stand by the comment that he was "living a lie", in the sense that he had this problem, would speak out against using drugs, all while knowing that he, himself, was using pain pills and was dependent upon them. Was he an addict? At this point, I don't know. I know I was talking against that originally, because I didn't realize the extent of his usage and that it had continued for many, many years. It seems there is evidence of it going back to the 80s or 90s. That is a long time to be using those kinds of pills without addressing the underlying problems that led to him using them. Yes, he had hip surgery in the 2000s, to try to address it, but he continued using the pills up until his death.

He said in "Let's Go Crazy":

Dr. Everything'll-Be-Alright
Will make everything go wrong
Pills and thrills and daffodils will kill
Hang tough children.

That was released in 1984. He knew, even back then, the damage that pills could do. He didn't go into it blindly. I don't know, maybe when he started taking them for pain, he thought he would be someone who would not fall prey to dependence or addiction. Maybe he thought he was stronger than the pills and would only take them for a short time. But the facts are that he had pills all over Paisley Park. He had them in bottles that were for other (more harmless) pills, indicating that he was hiding them, and hiding his dependence upon them. Who is going to say anything if he reaches for a Bayer aspirin? He knew there was more than aspirins in the bottle, but those seeing him take an "aspirin" would only think he was taking an aspirin, but he knew he wasn't. That is the "lie" he was living. He wouldn't allow any drugs around Paisley Park, while the whole time, he had opiods stashed everywhere at Paisley Park.

I'm sorry, rogi, I love him, I do. I have followed him for so long now. I adore him. But I am angry with him right now. It will pass. But right now, his death is senseless. He should still be here with us, but because of his stubborness, his need to protect his privacy, and his desire to hide his pain, he's not. And I am pissed at him for that.

I hear ya. Btw, my dad is an alcoholic. He started drinking when he was a teen in the Marines. He turned 80 in January. I can’t tell you how many times I and others in the family would question why he did some of the things he did. As he got older hard liquor would make him sick and lose his appetite. If he didn’t have his hands would start to shake. He’d go off it for a while start feeling better but then all of a sudden he’d be back on it again and my mom would find the hidden bottles in the garage. I finally accepted the fact that I’m not an alcoholic and can’t even begin to understand what it’s like to be one. I have an iPad full of videos of live concert footage and interviews from Prince over the last 10-15 years. Never was he anything other than totally with it and totally amazing. And for the majority of that time he looked so good and very healthy. I really do believe something happened within the last year or so of his life that made things take a turn for the worse. That’s when we really notice the change in appearance and he starts to not look healthy. It’s all just very sad because I think he had so much more to offer the world. God obviously had other plans. 😥

My father was an alcoholic, too. I remember the hidden bottles. I remember he had an open bottle on his truck seat one time and a cousin and I got in the back of the truck and started jumping up and down, trying to cause that bottle to turn over and spill out, so that he wouldn't have it to drink any more. The things we do...

I also agree that something changed within the last year or two. A man who seemed so full of life up until this point, suddenly looked frail and fragile. I'm wondering if he changed "providers" or had to start getting his pills from somewhere else, and they happened to be laced with the fentanyl, but he didn't realize it. Fentanyl has a short half-life, so it would be out of his system quickly when he was tested. And whether that is when the dependence to control his pain, turned into an addiction. Something definitely changed over the past year or two, though, definitely.

benni said:

FlyOnTheWall said:

If possible, I love Prince even more after all of the gut-wrenching revelations of the past week. I know that many people think of him as this mythic (guitar and sex) god, but the man was, well, a man...with human frailties. That doesn't mean, however, that his idealistic anti-drug views were not sincere.

Also, as one who lives with chronic pain, I know firsthand how unbearable that can be. And, I don't dance and use my hands for a living. I think he just got caught up and didn't know how to end the vicious cycle of opiate dependency. And, the reactions of anger and disappointment by some of the fam speak to the reason why he hid his dependency until the tragic end.

I would not be angry with him, if he were still with us. I would not be angry with him, if he had sought help sooner and admitted to himself, if no one else, that he had a problem. I'm angry with him, because he's not here, because his death was senseless, because if he had sought help sooner, if he had admitted to himself that he needed that help sooner, he'd still be with us. I can forgive him for using pain pills. I need them myself and deal with chronic pain on a daily basis. I live with a health condition that can kill me at any time. However, I've not used any pain pills in the last 2 years, not since we lost Prince, except for over the counter medication, which really doesn't help, but I have no insurance, therefore no doctor, and I will not turn to the street for pain medication. I can't even get what my doctor calls, "life saving medication" because I can't afford it. I could accept him being dependent upon those medications, because I do understand chronic pain. What I can't accept is that he cared more about his image and his privacy, than he did in seeking out the help he needed for his pain and his dependency. That is what I am angry with him about. I'm not angry that he was using the pain pills, I'm angry that he thought it was a big enough deal that he had to have them, that he wouldn't get help, until it was too late.

Clearly, and sadly, he was not thinking clearly.

Another perception that still troubles me is that I feel slightly cheated. Was the Prince whom we shared a spiritual journey with just faking it. Was it all part of the creation of this alter-ego called Prince....a fantasty of the ultimate music star he created in his head that he marketed to the world?

Were Lovesexy & TRC real spiritual awakening points in his life OR just part of the script?

Still love him BUT it feels somewhat tainted.

says more about U than HIM if it does...

benni said:

FlyOnTheWall said:

i just wanna hug all of you guys.

why didn't you just pour the shit out, fucking alkies.

benni said:

rogifan said:

benni said: I hear ya. Btw, my dad is an alcoholic. He started drinking when he was a teen in the Marines. He turned 80 in January. I can’t tell you how many times I and others in the family would question why he did some of the things he did. As he got older hard liquor would make him sick and lose his appetite. If he didn’t have his hands would start to shake. He’d go off it for a while start feeling better but then all of a sudden he’d be back on it again and my mom would find the hidden bottles in the garage. I finally accepted the fact that I’m not an alcoholic and can’t even begin to understand what it’s like to be one. I have an iPad full of videos of live concert footage and interviews from Prince over the last 10-15 years. Never was he anything other than totally with it and totally amazing. And for the majority of that time he looked so good and very healthy. I really do believe something happened within the last year or so of his life that made things take a turn for the worse. That’s when we really notice the change in appearance and he starts to not look healthy. It’s all just very sad because I think he had so much more to offer the world. God obviously had other plans. 😥

My father was an alcoholic, too. I remember the hidden bottles. I remember he had an open bottle on his truck seat one time and a cousin and I got in the back of the truck and started jumping up and down, trying to cause that bottle to turn over and spill out, so that he wouldn't have it to drink any more. The things we do...

I also agree that something changed within the last year or two. A man who seemed so full of life up until this point, suddenly looked frail and fragile. I'm wondering if he changed "providers" or had to start getting his pills from somewhere else, and they happened to be laced with the fentanyl, but he didn't realize it. Fentanyl has a short half-life, so it would be out of his system quickly when he was tested. And whether that is when the dependence to control his pain, turned into an addiction. Something definitely changed over the past year or two, though, definitely.