Gadotou said:

No, but I feel that I am moving along slowly in the direction that's healthy for me.

I've been able to stay functional. That said, some days take more conscious effort than others. Immediately after P's passing I felt devastated (and there are still moments when it all still feels devastating) but it was never debilitating. The grief is easing off. What has remained constant is the feeling that the world is off-kilter in some way, that something is not right. There are still sudden dips, but I've set aside time and space to feel my feelings and move through them.

I don't always feel okay, but I'm okay with that. I refuse to be judged for how or when or why or who or how long I'm grieving. And believe me, some have tried on this very forum. The other side of the coin is I have found very kind & compassionate people here who encourage instead of criticizing or putting others down. Support is very conducive to healing.

When I'm feeling particularly raw I stay on the lighthearted threads. Those threads are being looked down on too, but that's okay. I admit that their judgement hurts sometimes, particularly when I'm in an emotional dip. But I remind myself their judgement does not matter, because they don't even know me, and because they don't know me, the basis for their judgement is not sound.

I'm a human being who is mourning. No one has to *like* how I feel, or what I share here. The only thing they have to do as decent fellow human beings though is *respect* my right to be.

Grieving is not pathological. It's a completely natural part of being human! There is not a person out there who has not suffered a loss, life being life. Luckily, we are wired to heal, physically and emotionally. The hardest part is getting out of the way of the healing process. Resistance is what makes the process harder.

Thank you Malbena for this thread I think it's a brilliant idea to create safe places here for people who are struggling. I know it can help many immeasurably because a sense of safety is crucial to healing. Maybe we can persuade the Mods to give this a sticky?

Hang in there everyone This is a journey that maybe is surprising you, or posing a lot of difficulties. I myself have been caught off-guard. But I really believe there are many things we can learn and great rewards to be had someday, when we reach the other side. Today we keep swimming through it.

This is a great post and I do wish others would learn tolerance here for others feelings and thoughts, especially about this. We've all got many different ways of grieving, coping, accepting, but those who insist on pushing their "get over it already" mentality should stop being so concerned about everyone else's mental health and worry about their own business.

Mumio said:

those who insist on pushing their "get over it already" mentality should stop being so concerned about everyone else's mental health and worry about their own business.

Agreed. It's a dangerous thing to say to someone and for the person to actually achieve.

Nope

TrivialPursuit said:

Mumio said:

those who insist on pushing their "get over it already" mentality should stop being so concerned about everyone else's mental health and worry about their own business.

Agreed. It's a dangerous thing to say to someone and for the person to actually achieve.

Yes, some people push that way, and that's dismissive and disrespectful. The danger lies in repression of very natural, very human feelings which will surface again at some future point, protracting the course of healing. But even when you are faced by dismissive people you still have a choice. You don't have to go along, you don't need their approval.

IMO what is important is your approval and acceptance of where you are and how you feel. Meet yourself exactly where you are, whatever stage you are at. Make friends with your grief. This is self-care, and self-care is your responsibility.

This is just general advice, from my own life experience. Take from it what you will, or whatever resonates with you. It's all very personal. Because we are all different (genes, experience, predispositions, preferences) we will grieve differently. For example, I get the sense that the people posting in the fentanyl thread are people who need to intellectually make sense of the medical (and other related) details of P's passing. They have been getting their share of negative judgement, but please understand that this is might be their way, that their exploring of those issues is probably what will lead them to coming to terms with the loss. Intellectually first, because that's how they roll.

I spend a lot of time in the sexuality thread, as you will see in my profile. That's another thread that gets a lot of contempt. I came there initially for some levity and fellowship, but over the course of time I've realized why I needed to be there. I needed to see how much Prince's art has empowered me as a woman living in a world where the sexual politics are as they are. I needed to see the breadth and depth of what my loss is, so that I can properly mourn it. Maybe one day I'll write about it here, but I can't articulate it yet.


Love4oneanother, as our beloved Prince said. But first respect. Because there can't be love without respect.

My 2 cents. And again, not a prescription for your own process. You get to shape your own, that's the fun part.

SquirrelMeat said:

I don't believe in 'closure' as a mindset, so I'm going to sit myself in the very comfortable zone of 'blissful constant denial'.

Totally see what you mean! I was in that phase for the first 2 or 3 weeks or so, but since have learnt to accept his death as part of 'the dance of life'. It was a privilege to have his presence and music in my life and I appreciate him for all the excitement and entertainment he brought to the table over the years.

But for me life moves on and I see no use in extensive mourning. That just makes you feel bad. Life is too short (as demonstrated by Prince's unexpected death) to waste a lot of time on bad feelings and negativity.

Besides that, I didn't know him on a personal level. I only knew the image he presented to the media. Although Prince has always played a large and important role in my life since I was 12 years old, his death was by far not as impactful as for example the death of my mother.

TrivialPursuit said:

acceptence: reluctantly, yes
closure: no

elfrijole said:

Great thread. It reminds me that we all have something i common that at time gets lost amongst all the squabbling: We have bee so impacted by Prince's death. Reading people's accounts of their own expereinces with this helps me with my own grief, as well as making it feel like a true community here. Thanks and

Morningstarlet said:

a few time I was on the verge of a break down (the most recent was Sep 18 after seeing the Tribute at the Viking's game and at the Emmy's) but I was with someone that is a little...less than understanding. A few other times i have almost lost it (again with this person) and I did not let go... the person would be jealous...

OnlyNDaUsa said:

OnlyNDaUsa said:

a few time I was on the verge of a break down (the most recent was Sep 18 after seeing the Tribute at the Viking's game and at the Emmy's) but I was with someone that is a little...less than understanding. A few other times i have almost lost it (again with this person) and I did not let go... the person would be jealous...

no acceptance. no closure.

Mumio said:

OnlyNDaUsa said:

a few time I was on the verge of a break down (the most recent was Sep 18 after seeing the Tribute at the Viking's game and at the Emmy's) but I was with someone that is a little...less than understanding. A few other times i have almost lost it (again with this person) and I did not let go... the person would be jealous...

Double that

thanks y'all

OzlemUcucu said:

I'm 63 years old and have loved Prince over half of my lifetime. My answer is NO. Maybe if there was something/someone that could take his place in this life, but there isn't, never will be.I can't move forward and I can't go back. So I come here.

[Edited 9/25/16 11:58am]

Morningstarlet said:

So ask yourself what would Prince have wanted? I believe he would have wanted his fans to be happy. Eventually everyone will reach acceptance of his passing because there is no other option. He won't and can't be replaced, but he can be remembered and appreciated for the wonderful musician that he was. I believe that is what Prince would have wanted, and I believe that is what this forum accomplishes.

Agreed!

PurpleDiamonds1 said:

OzlemUcucu said:

No.

And it feels so much more hurtful the more times passes. At times I am unbelievably unable to listen to his songs without feeling hurt.

I feel like a teenager whose only hero has died for good. When I was teenager he was my hero. Yesterday I saw on my way home a beautiful huge ret sunset. I stood there, closed my eyes and for a moment it felt like it was Prince shining from out the universe.

I guess I just needed the positive energy coming from his way like he used used to. He was a bit like the sun at times.

[img][img:$uid]http://i10.phot.../img:$uid][/img]

[Edited 9/24/16 15:06pm]

Feel like this too...loved the picture Both the sun and the moon setting in the ocean reminds me of Prince.

I know why he reminds me of the sunet.

He was huge yet smooth like a quiet ocean. Distant yet very near with his sparkling lights reflecting on the ocean. A very unique special human being. He touched me with his art in so many ways that no one else could have. I am so glad that I was part of this fan experience for such a long time. It's been a good journey with Prince. God I am getting a little poetic now, but I begin to miss him more every day.

OzlemUcucu said:

PurpleDiamonds1 said:

OzlemUcucu said: Feel like this too...loved the picture Both the sun and the moon setting in the ocean reminds me of Prince.

I know why he reminds me of the sunet.

He was huge yet smooth like a quiet ocean. Distant yet very near with his sparkling lights reflecting on the ocean. A very unique special human being. He touched me with his art in so many ways that no one else could have. I am so glad that I was part of this fan experience for such a long time. It's been a good journey with Prince. God I am getting a little poetic now, but I begin to miss him more every day.

Wow! What a profound description

I say you should write a poem and share with us.

TrivialPursuit said:

Closure is a construct, it's not real when dealing with death. You can't just close the love you have for someone because they're gone.

What is real is acceptance. Doesn't mean one has to love it, or like it. We often accept things we don't like, whether it's phone bills, shitty relatives, the Darth Vader voice on The Rainbow Children, or whatever.

We have to understand these are the cards on the table; this is the hand we've been dealt in the world of Prince. We have to play it. We can't fold out of this one. We can not buy a CD, but we do have to accept this. To deny this is real is to maneuver through an illusion. I get a bit weary of the "can't talk, tears again, unreal" melodrama.

Once we understand (stand under) the truth, then the journey to peace and appreciation can begin. Prince's own journey was his search for the truth, whatever it was. I think it's why he never said what "the truth" was because for each person it's different.

If we loved him, his music, and his life, then we should follow suit. Live in truth, appreciate what he did and the legacy we're all a part of, because in that he'll never be totally gone.

Absolutely 100% agree !

-

I only want to add this: when you loose somebody dear to you, close or far, you will never ever get over it. No one really does. And that's OK. You'll (try to) accept after (some) time what's missing, but the missing itself will remain (for a long time) either painful or acceptable. The lack of that particular love or friendship is irreplaceable. And all that is OK too. That's just all life is about.

And melodrama (basically always) says a lot more about your own state of attention or being than the situation you're trying to show and how to deal with it.