SpinsterSister said:

leslievette said:

The way I see it is, I can't afford not to go...emotionally that is. I have so much fucking regret about not going to the last show in Oakland. Regrets about not visiting PP sooner, I can't have yet another regret on my heart, it's simply too much. Yes it's going to be one of the hardest experiences of my life walking into PP and have him not be there physically, but I know I have to do this for myself. Because honestly, he is there. It's the closest I'll get to him and that's what I need right now. You say you're not ready to let him go, who says we have to? I've come to realize I never will, and I don't want to. I don't want to forget him and forget how he made me feel. The reality is harsh, he's always on my heart which makes it impossible for me to let him go.

Sorry for the rant, it's a rough one tonight. My emotions go back and forth from sad, to "ok", to angry, repeat. This is so unfair. So fucking unfair

Sorry for the language

Amen Lesile, no need to apologize for your feelings. I was cleaning out my den in my house and my nephew found some old, old Prince stuff I had stashed and I almost started crying. He said "No need to cry, he's able to visit you now that he is free and out of pain, he doesn't have that old body anymore". My nephew is just like the child I never had, he's a knockout and an old soul. I think for me, it's now that I have realized that I should've never let "life" take me away from what I loved, now that I've lost part of that love, what do I do now? I hate that it took his premature death to wake me up. It is like a prisoner sentenced to solitary confinement for so many years, dreaming of what I could do, would do, have done and all of a sudden being released from prison into a world I know absolutely nothing about, am alienated from and terrified of taking one step away of my confinement. I'm no spring chicken, I've missed out on a lot of life already but without him, just knowing that he is not "here" in the physical, that promise of tomorrow is no longer.

Am I making sense?

It makes TOTAL sense! That's such a perfect way of putting it, that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. I also have my days where I don't understand the point of anything anymore. Like you said, I lost a part of that love so it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel now. Anytime I do or think of something in particular it's like...why? What's the point now? He was such a huge part of my life that I feel like I neglected these past few years and now it's biting me in the ass. I think it's different when you have a spouse, kids, etc (no offense whatsoever to those who do) you have certain things and responsibilities that take up your time and can keep your mind off of it at least for a little bit. Not that their grief is any more or less. I'm left with so many thoughts that run through my mind on a daily basis, it's insane. I don't have a significant other to run to, I don't have the love of my own kids to keep me "going" in a sense. I don't think I'm making any sense. I hope I didn't offend anyone, that's not my intent at all. Just trying to make a point that something extremely profund is now missing in my life and I have no idea what to make of it, or how to replace it. Or if I even want to replace it. But if I don't, what then? I have to live like this from now on?

leslievette said:

SpinsterSister said:

That is why "our" threads are so important to me and I believe, quite a few of us. In a way it's like we're keeping him here in the physical, we're keeping our old dreams, hopes and memories alive so in essence, we are also living our dreams. It is the loss of a very special part of our lives. I was lucky, I was able to meet him in 1979, he was kind of quiet, nervous, kept eye contact (simliar to PR) and smiled big when I complimented him on becoming a big worldwide star.

Now he's gone. It felt like yesterday and it's 30 odd years later.

Maybe he's been gone for some time, as I truly believe that his personal life was not as happy, fulfilled or what he wanted as he let on or what his inner circle says....if he couldn't get find his happiness, what makes me believe that I can get mine? I know, I know....Love God, read your bible....I dig it, BUT in times when I would ask myself "I wonder what he is doing"..I could always smile and go back to his music....but I now have that stone cold answer and a lot of his music of the past.

Like I said before....how are we to navigate our middle to golden years now that our shepherd is gone?

For people like me, shy as all heck, (yea, believe it) always the oddball and the one sister who isn't beautiful like my other sisters (flight attendants)...I mean shit, he made the wallflowers feel they were something beautiful, unique and desirable. Something I had to push back for the sake of my own survival for most of my life. Ain't gonna get that from Bieber, Motley Crue or David Gilmour and I wouldn't want it from them (well except for David Gilmour) either.

It's the fact that his flame is out that I'm having a hard time. It is not suppose to work this way, nobody lives forever but he was not suppose to pass at 57 either. I'm just bein a selfish bitch right now, I'm pissed and depressed that he is really gone.

We are on the exact same page Every single word makes perfect sense and I relate 100%. I didn't know you met him, that is amazing. You will always have that memory and nobody can take that away. I guess we have to figure out how to navigate this thing called life on our own

It was a meet and greet and as stupid as this sounds....I felt like we connected. I am sure he gave all the girls that feeling too but he was so young and just kind of odd (sorry) that I fantasized that it was me. Trust me, the fantasies is what I used as fodder to get me through some really rough personal times in my life. I know that is the reason why I LOVE the really early early stuff from him...from his first LP (4U) and the pics to his qwerky dressing at that time...that is what I remember when I was happier and still had the promise/dreams. It was when I heard and realized his awesome talent/future on that 8track, I knew he would be huge...now when I listen to it, I still soar but crash down too soon. I wish I had a husband and kids to keep myself going.

Oh shit, I'll just take my pills and have a couple of drinks...I'll feel better tomorrow. Let's push on and post some nasty gifs and pics of those beautiful eyes.

Mountainsnseas said:

ACharmed1 said:

BTW just an FYI -I'm setting up the next movie night already. UTCM! Be on the look out in yer emails this Funky Friday.

@Ross

ActUrAgeMomma said:

CherryMoon57 said:

Ah yes sorry, we're a bit quick like that in the evening... And I also got a bit excited about a possible video viewing on Friday night (TBC). Judging from our last session, this could be an interesting one so watch this space! The new Beavis & Butthead show coming soon!

I'm not familiar. Is that an English show?

Nah, it's American (from the 90's) but I don't think you really wanna know about that show, it's very (I mean VERY) silly. About two teenage losers watching videos and commenting inappropriately on them. They did for of the Most Beautiful Girl in the World (it's on YT), you can watch it but you can't say I haven't warned you! They also had a film calle Beavis & Butthead do America, it's hilarious.