independent and unofficial
Prince fan community
Welcome! Sign up or enter username and password to remember me
Forum jump
Forums > Prince: Music and More > I don't know where I belong now
« Previous topic  Next topic »
  New topic   Printable     (Log in to 'subscribe' to this topic)
Author

Tweet     Share

Message
Thread started 04/30/16 2:43pm

isobelfq

I don't know where I belong now

I've been hesitant to post this because I was afraid of the judgment but after reading a few posts I feel like this is a safe place.

Since Prince left his body I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I don't feel at home anywhere. I don't feel like I fit anywhere. I feel...displaced. (This is not a suicidal cry for help; I just want to assure you all.) For the past year I've been planning on moving back the UK and the day after Prince left I boarded my Norwegian air flight back to London. For the past few months all I could think is "I want to go home. I want to go home." Home meaning the UK. Now that I'm here all I can think is "I want to go home." Home meaning, what? I read something to the effect of you can't make a home out of a person. I've never disagreed with something more than I disagree with that now. Prince, for me, was home. I remember after my first concert experience thinking any disaster could happen right now, mother dying, house burning down, loosing my job, ANYTHING and all I could think about was how hard I cried during Purple Rain and how, oddly, happy and peaceful I was during that moment. Prince was home. And now home is gone. Does anyone else feel like this?

Join me under the waterfall
Climb the rainbow tree

love is my color when I am shown love in return
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #1 posted 04/30/16 2:59pm

saviour7

I feel the same, Prince was my heart and the music got me through some rough times and knowing that I shared this world with him since the time of my place on earth which was the 80's..I am so empty inside after his passing.I am in a world of nothing..I'm feeling like I don't belong anywhere not of the physical but of the mind and heart.A huge part of me has now Gone and it's hard for some around us to understand.I remeber on the day I recieved an early morning text revealing the tragedy and it was as if I become lost and I couldn't breathe I don't want to breathe..I still don't I am not suicidal either but I feel like my heart has closed.It was a long journey to feel like I belonged to something greater than myself or any pain and now the path is blurred once again. Trust your self you know where you are meant to be and you can always find home and the answers in the music.Stay strong x
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #2 posted 04/30/16 3:23pm

Xarina

My Grandma used to say that love makes a house a home...so if you are feeling lost , just put on some Prince and think about how much you love his music, and maybe that will help you feel less homesick.

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #3 posted 04/30/16 5:02pm

SteelPulse1

Yes this .. displaced definately.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #4 posted 05/04/16 10:38am

isobelfq

Over the past few days I have just had to accept the fact that I am going to feel displaced, possibly for the rest of my life. It's actually not a new feeling. I've spent my adult life moving from city to cit, country to country trying to feel at home. Unfortunately the feeling never lasts. I can't be the only one who feels like this. Paisley Park existed for more than one reason, right? I'm going to have to create my own world in my own home. I just hope some sort of afterlife exists so I can finally meet him, say thank you and spend some time with him.

Join me under the waterfall
Climb the rainbow tree

love is my color when I am shown love in return
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #5 posted 05/04/16 11:34am

mikeyaddict

avatar

Firstly, hug , it can all be shit can't it. I felt for ages and ages in my life that I didnt belong or fit and ill at ease with everything. I'm not gonna give u the 'what I did' bullshit - we're all different. Just know ur not alone, lots of us have felt we don't know where or who we are for long periods of our lives. I'm sure and send my hopes and thoughts to you that it'll come right for you. Just stay true and strong and one day u'll get there. most likely when you least expect it. Big loves and hugs.
Comin str8 outta Preston...
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #6 posted 05/04/16 11:41am

purplethunder3
121

avatar

mikeyaddict said:

Firstly, hug , it can all be shit can't it. I felt for ages and ages in my life that I didnt belong or fit and ill at ease with everything. I'm not gonna give u the 'what I did' bullshit - we're all different. Just know ur not alone, lots of us have felt we don't know where or who we are for long periods of our lives. I'm sure and send my hopes and thoughts to you that it'll come right for you. Just stay true and strong and one day u'll get there. most likely when you least expect it. Big loves and hugs.

Hopefully, that is one of the lessons learned as we grow older; that no matter how displaced one feels or how many hard balls life throws at you, there eventually comes a day when life gets better. As you said, most likely when you least expect it.

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato

https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #7 posted 05/04/16 11:44am

1contessa

A lot of us can understand what you're feeling right now, and hopefully with time, it all will get easier to deal with the loss of Prince. I've always wanted to go to Minnesota and visit Paisley Park, if not to even go inside, just to see it where it stood, knowing that Prince may or may not have been there at the time. Now, I can hardly even look at pics of the building, because it's where Prince died. I no longer have any desire to see Minnesota, it's just to painful to think about, and it's like if Prince is no longer there, what's the point?

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #8 posted 05/04/16 12:00pm

Denniscool

Some other perspective: A half year ago the relationship with my wife ended and living alone in still our house felt not at home. I felt like a stranger in my own house, not safe.

What's becoming clear to me is that feeling safe and loved was depending on something/someone else outside of me. My focus (though I'm still learning) is finding safety and love within me.

For me Prince's music has given me a lot in difficult times and though I'm not as much a fan as I used to be, his passing caught me off guard. Reliving his music and old emotions feeds that old feeling of finding love outside of me. That's all good for now, because I feel reliving/ processing these old emotions will be good eventually. Somewhere along the line I hope to integrate my love for Prince's music and my own independent love.

In case you don't relate to this idea, I will just send out some love.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #9 posted 05/04/16 12:05pm

purplethunder3
121

avatar

Denniscool said:

Some other perspective: A half year ago the relationship with my wife ended and living alone in still our house felt not at home. I felt like a stranger in my own house, not safe. What's becoming clear to me is that feeling safe and loved was depending on something/someone else outside of me. My focus (though I'm still learning) is finding safety and love within me. For me Prince's music has given me a lot in difficult times and though I'm not as much a fan as I used to be, his passing caught me off guard. Reliving his music and old emotions feeds that old feeling of finding love outside of me. That's all good for now, because I feel reliving/ processing these old emotions will be good eventually. Somewhere along the line I hope to integrate my love for Prince's music and my own independent love. In case you don't relate to this idea, I will just send out some love.

I'm still dealing with this one myself. It makes total sense. Just as the demise of Prince can reopen personal wounds that haven't healed...

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato

https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #10 posted 05/04/16 9:16pm

RiotPaisley

I definitely feel that way. Very lonely. A booming silence from within. I feel very afraid because I always stumbled upon his music at different times, randomly- a song of his I heard a million times before would come on just at the right moment to kinda give me a message or sign that guided me or just assured me everything would be ok or new music seemed to be released at the exact moment I needed it the most. I'm terrified the messages are gone.

I always put on Prince when I was sad or lonely and I could dance it off. Since his passing, my legs and heart feel like lead.

I've been pretty down the last few years. I ended a long term relationship. My sister died of an overdose. I've lost a lot of people recently to opioids. Some haven't physically died but they're far gone. I kinda just wait for news of their passing now. Never thought I'd lose my sweet Prince this way. It's just tearing me up. I was already feeling pretty alone. This has just knocked the wind out of me. I'm sadder than I've ever been. I dream of a world he still exists and then I wake up and my first thought is he's gone and I just feel crabby and everything hurts. Even my teeth.
Surprise, surprise.
Another treat. Another trick.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #11 posted 05/04/16 9:53pm

LifeisGood

Reading your post reminded me of when I finally moved from the Chicagoland area to the West coast. I'd wanted to move to California but ended up moving to Oregon because the cost of living is so much cheaper, I had that same thought about wanting to go home - it would just pop into my head at random times for no reason. A year after moving to Oregon I moved to the central coast of California and ended up loving it and haven't had that thought since. Maybe the thought about wanting to go home has more to do with where you're at and less to do with Prince. Also it helps to just not believe any of the press and picture him somewhere beautiful enjoying the last part of his life in private and who knows maybe in the future there will be a Prince sighting and it'll be something weird like someone seeing him at a Walmart buying his own CD. eek First words of "Facedown" are "Dead like Elvis".

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #12 posted 05/04/16 10:21pm

100PercentSwee
t

This is comforting 2 know others feel this way. I think I am feeling this sense of lost like U are 2, but because for my mother and I, Prince was like...the ground 2 our relationship. We would spend many hours watching Purple Rain and listening to many of his albums. I love him, and when he passed, the thoughts came rushing 2 me of my mom and I, I just feel...uncomfortabe and apathetic. Couldn't really move past it, ddn't want 2, didn't want 2 do anything except just sort of sit and occasionally sob. But believe me, others are feeling this 2, you are never alone. We are all here mourning this together, and we all love each other. Bless U.

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #13 posted 05/04/16 10:35pm

purplethunder3
121

avatar

100PercentSweet said:

This is comforting 2 know others feel this way. I think I am feeling this sense of lost like U are 2, but because for my mother and I, Prince was like...the ground 2 our relationship. We would spend many hours watching Purple Rain and listening to many of his albums. I love him, and when he passed, the thoughts came rushing 2 me of my mom and I, I just feel...uncomfortabe and apathetic. Couldn't really move past it, ddn't want 2, didn't want 2 do anything except just sort of sit and occasionally sob. But believe me, others are feeling this 2, you are never alone. We are all here mourning this together, and we all love each other. Bless U.

Totally feel for you. My son and I bonded over Prince also. And he feels the loss like I do. You are most certainly not alone. Hang in there. hug yes

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato

https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #14 posted 05/04/16 10:58pm

SteelPulse1

Fn sux .. i hate this
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #15 posted 05/04/16 11:00pm

sexyone

avatar

isobelfq said:

I've been hesitant to post this because I was afraid of the judgment but after reading a few posts I feel like this is a safe place.

Since Prince left his body I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I don't feel at home anywhere. I don't feel like I fit anywhere. I feel...displaced. (This is not a suicidal cry for help; I just want to assure you all.) For the past year I've been planning on moving back the UK and the day after Prince left I boarded my Norwegian air flight back to London. For the past few months all I could think is "I want to go home. I want to go home." Home meaning the UK. Now that I'm here all I can think is "I want to go home." Home meaning, what? I read something to the effect of you can't make a home out of a person. I've never disagreed with something more than I disagree with that now. Prince, for me, was home. I remember after my first concert experience thinking any disaster could happen right now, mother dying, house burning down, loosing my job, ANYTHING and all I could think about was how hard I cried during Purple Rain and how, oddly, happy and peaceful I was during that moment. Prince was home. And now home is gone. Does anyone else feel like this?

Most of us here probably feel the same way. I honestly feel like a family member died and my heart is broken. I can't concentrate. He was the only artist that I absolutely loved and was a major part of my life. Everyone knew my love for him and his music. When he past, my phone blew up. People who I haven't spoken to in years were reaching out to me. Friends and family were checking up on me.

I don't think anyone else understands what I am feeling besides you guys. I feel empty.

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #16 posted 05/05/16 11:02am

isobelfq

LifeisGood said:

Reading your post reminded me of when I finally moved from the Chicagoland area to the West coast. I'd wanted to move to California but ended up moving to Oregon because the cost of living is so much cheaper, I had that same thought about wanting to go home - it would just pop into my head at random times for no reason. A year after moving to Oregon I moved to the central coast of California and ended up loving it and haven't had that thought since. Maybe the thought about wanting to go home has more to do with where you're at and less to do with Prince. Also it helps to just not believe any of the press and picture him somewhere beautiful enjoying the last part of his life in private and who knows maybe in the future there will be a Prince sighting and it'll be something weird like someone seeing him at a Walmart buying his own CD. eek First words of "Facedown" are "Dead like Elvis".

It has to do with Prince. I just moved back to the UK, a place I've wanted to be since I first came here for grad school, and now I have no idea of where to be. I just miss him so much.

Join me under the waterfall
Climb the rainbow tree

love is my color when I am shown love in return
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #17 posted 05/05/16 3:06pm

pinkcashmere1

isobelfq said:

I've been hesitant to post this because I was afraid of the judgment but after reading a few posts I feel like this is a safe place.

Since Prince left his body I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I don't feel at home anywhere. I don't feel like I fit anywhere. I feel...displaced. (This is not a suicidal cry for help; I just want to assure you all.) For the past year I've been planning on moving back the UK and the day after Prince left I boarded my Norwegian air flight back to London. For the past few months all I could think is "I want to go home. I want to go home." Home meaning the UK. Now that I'm here all I can think is "I want to go home." Home meaning, what? I read something to the effect of you can't make a home out of a person. I've never disagreed with something more than I disagree with that now. Prince, for me, was home. I remember after my first concert experience thinking any disaster could happen right now, mother dying, house burning down, loosing my job, ANYTHING and all I could think about was how hard I cried during Purple Rain and how, oddly, happy and peaceful I was during that moment. Prince was home. And now home is gone. Does anyone else feel like this?

Displaced feels like the right word. As the days pass and people move on, I just feel weird. The world feels strange around me. I remember little details from that day...even before I heard and there was something in the air. I think for some of us...he was telling us. Things that happened in the days leading up to his leaving seem so odd. Could his energy have been preparing us. I don;t know what to think. I just want to know that he is ok. Nothing really dies. Maybe he is a butterfly or something.

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #18 posted 05/05/16 3:31pm

XxAxX

avatar

yes, displaced. torn from my roots. i'm okay and will be okay, but being here at the org makes me feel sad now. i used to head on over to this website like home away from home and back then the purple website color was welcoming.

.

but now, the same purple P seems to have shadows and sharp edges i never noticed before. mostly i feel like crying when i come here and the rest of the world is filled with tabloid nightmares. i miss a month ago. sad

.

a month ago we were all landing here like a bunch of birds in a tree, passing by. now, it feels as though we are huddled in a tight circle over his tombstone. i don't want to walk away from the tombstone but someday i'll have to and then what?

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #19 posted 05/05/16 4:44pm

FUNKYNESS

I have felt displaced for my entire life. Prince was all I had to soothe the pain of living in a world that I dont fit in. It has been this way since 1979. I got this far with him. Now there will never be anything to replace him in my life.

Save America - Stop Illegal Immigration. God bless America. PEACE
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #20 posted 05/05/16 4:46pm

phoenixrising

XxAxX said:

yes, displaced. torn from my roots. i'm okay and will be okay, but being here at the org makes me feel sad now. i used to head on over to this website like home away from home and back then the purple website color was welcoming.


.


but now, the same purple P seems to have shadows and sharp edges i never noticed before. mostly i feel like crying when i come here and the rest of the world is filled with tabloid nightmares. i miss a month ago. sad


.


a month ago we were all landing here like a bunch of birds in a tree, passing by. now, it feels as though we are huddled in a tight circle over his tombstone. i don't want to walk away from the tombstone but someday i'll have to and then what?



hug
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #21 posted 05/05/16 6:13pm

purplethunder3
121

avatar

XxAxX said:

yes, displaced. torn from my roots. i'm okay and will be okay, but being here at the org makes me feel sad now. i used to head on over to this website like home away from home and back then the purple website color was welcoming.

.

but now, the same purple P seems to have shadows and sharp edges i never noticed before. mostly i feel like crying when i come here and the rest of the world is filled with tabloid nightmares. i miss a month ago. sad

.

a month ago we were all landing here like a bunch of birds in a tree, passing by. now, it feels as though we are huddled in a tight circle over his tombstone. i don't want to walk away from the tombstone but someday i'll have to and then what?

sad bheart comfort

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato

https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
  New topic   Printable     (Log in to 'subscribe' to this topic)
« Previous topic  Next topic »
Forums > Prince: Music and More > I don't know where I belong now