OK, yall know the rules.


Let's design a Prince amusement park in the spirit of his career, personal life, and vast music catalogue. There's thousands of possibilities folks!



All start...


In anxious anticipation, visitors will show up to the park, some of the fans..ahem, erm.. I mean, FAMS, will actually be dressed like their hero in certain eras (purple rain being the favorite in Winter, and Dirty Mind being the favorite in summer for practical reasons).
And no matter what time you show up, you'll then get into a tram at the parking lot that will lead you to a waiting area outside a gate, and be forced to wait between 3 and 5 hours.
Once the gate opens you will then go through security and cameras, cameraphones, and various other random personal items will be taken from you for security reasons. However, in compesation you'll be handed a free copy of the latest park map, compulsery even if you've already obtained one at the kiosks throughout Minneapolis.
You'll then be ushered to a final waiting area and be lead through a gate if the park happens to be open that day, which you'll soon find out.


Once inside the park, head straight for the "Chelsea Rogers rollercoaster". Don't bother with a fast pass, as it's not always honored once you've returned with your pass, just get in line and head on into the ride! IT's a wild, bumpy ride, that has a good deal of bounce, but seems a bit aimless and a bit too long and makes you queezy by the time it's over. But compared to the rest of the planet earth pavilion, it's the only one that will get your blood flowing really.




.... your turn!

Don't forget to stop by one of the Parks more famous cafeterias "The Wedding Feast!" where the food is vegan, and the music and atmosphere always jovial!

whenever you're feeling a little tired, don't worry...step into one of the nearby elevators and you'll be descended into one of the four "chillout zones" (North, East, West, & South) where you will be sent into a quiet slumber with the help of some snoozy lounge jazz. even if you've just come off of one the faster, more intense rides, the NEWS chillout zones will suck all that excitement out of you and leave you free to sleep peacefully.

theghostoftonym said:

OMG, I liked NEWS

Imago said:

im getting the vibe that whole post was a dig at prince concerts, and the planet earth album

i think i just came to the conclusion that all these weird "what if" senario threads stem from impatience for new prince material regardless of how recently prince has released new material and/or how the so called "die hard fan" recieved it...




interesting..




continue..

Don't forget the Watchtower of Terror and the Animal Kingdom petting zoo.

Also, "lifetime" memberships to the park may be purchased for $3,121.00. They are valid till the park closes next year.

December1984 said:

fuck



Don't forget to visit the new "Prince Amusement Park Amsterdamn" where you can ride "Poom Poom Poom" and "Jughead" while high.

Don't forget to visit the Symbol years Holocaust memorial where dreams and career aspirations where gathered up and sent away.



But let's face it--the rides aren't what you're coming to the park for! It's the live shows! 24/7 !!!

Face painting at the Lisa's Brush stall - free to fans who can name the perfume Susan Rogers was wearing when Prince recorded Wally. Instantly ransform your pasty plainess into 1984's Prince Jimi, 1990's Prince Jesus or 1994's Prince Minelli.

The RaspberryBeretBeretBeretBeretBeretBeretBeret. 3121 different-sized raspberry berets have been hidden inside a huge rubber starfish. You have 319 seconds to find one that fits your head perfectly. Prize is a bottle of Get Wild cologne and an endorphinbed. Free copy of NEWS with price of entry.

Ticket collectors can wear ironic Don't Pay Me t-shirts.

The 'Paisley Pork' burgers are just a mischevious internet rumour. Beware! Even mentioning them could see you ejected from the premises.

classic! you people are good .

The que is long for The Endorphinmachine, but what do you expect for a ride whose cabs resemble vaginas?

Attention "Girls and Boys"! Don't miss "Christopher Tracy's Parade" every night "Under The Cherry Moon" where "Venus De Milo" will ask "Do U Lie"? Be honest or she'll say "I Wonder U" and banish your ass to the "Mountains" where "Sometimes It Snows In April" and there's a freaky witch that'll give you a "Kiss" before she makes you find a "New Position". Don't try to run because she'll catch you and beat you while singing "Anotherloverholeinyohead" but if you're into that sort of thing then "Life Can Be So Nice"!

And don't forget to visit the Roadhouse Garden! Opening 1998.

PLANET EARTH, PRESENTED BY O2 COMMUNICATIONS : Sit comfortably in one of our phallic-shaped cars (its not intended to be sexual, its just a coincidence) and you are whisked up away inside the giant grey sphere at the center of the park. As your car judders and creaks along, witness the history of the planet earth from the dawn of man to the present day, and how 02 communications (in collaboration with Jehovah, & NPG Records) will lead the way into a bright future. See the house of the future, with its many phones (powered by 02 technology), bibles and pornography (it's not intended to be sexual, it's just a coincidence).

FEEL U UP: THE BIG STROKE : Learn about the human body. Hands-on exhibit, fun for all the family (especially sisters).

At 3:19 pm ,U can go down to Alphabet St and watch...Christopher Tracy's Light Parade.
With floats based on songs/album covers...
Example.....
P on his Purple Rain bike, with apollonia lookalikes trying to catch up with him
Sometimes It Snow In April (prince inside them glass snowdome)
The Lovesexy flower float

Somethin like that....

...and for the sexiest ride home, be sure to head to the parking lot where your very own personal Lady Cab Driver awaits, she'll ask you no questions if you promise to tell her no lies.

be sure to stop by the NewPowerSoul museum showcasing princes most prominent period of recent times.larry graham and wife tina will be giving lectures on the hour. every hour.make sure to get there early.


fine print U R not allowed to leave the lectures at any time. no exceptions.....at all,ever!.....not even 2 use the bathroom. so dont ask! paisleyamusmentpark 2007 all rights reserved.

THE LEGALS HAVE LANDED : The year is 1998. Lawyers are everywhere. You are a Prince fansite webmaster. Can you escape the loopy lawyers before they shut down your site? A fast-paced animatronic adventure that'll thrill you, terrify you, but mostly just irritate the shit out of you. If you manage to escape, you win a prize: a copy of the hit album "NEWS"

INGRID CHAVEZ MEMORIAL SLAM POETRY ARENA : feel free to step in and bust out some fresh poetry to a bemused crowd. poetry must be read as if you're auditioning to be the voice of an automated telephone helpline. "press 3....if you wish to....see the sky....it's pretty". At the end of the day, the best poet receives a prize: a copy of the hit album "NEWS"

THE GAME BOYZ SHOW : Join these three clowns for a fun-filled stage show featuring custard pie throwing, Tony M riding around on a tricycle while spinning plates, Kirk Johnson shooting water at the crowd from a flower on his lapel, and lots of hilarious unintentional homoeroticism. Audience participation is mandatory; EVERYONE has to get stupid! In fact, if you don't leave the auditorium feeling at least 75% stupider than you did when you entered, you get a compensatory free gift: a copy of the hit album "NEWS"

MOUNT NEWS : The centerpiece of the park, this 50-foot high sculpture in the shape of a cross is constructed entirely from unsold copies of the hit album "NEWS"
[Edited 8/7/07 13:25pm]

my co-workers just came in my office to see if I'm OK. Y'all crazy!!!

theghostoftonym said:

oh no




I can't stop laughing.

theghostoftonym said:

Genius.

See, this is actually a really good thread. I don't know why you insist on posting all those other turds, potentially making people overlook this one. We need to talk about your org choices. Orgnote me.

theghostoftonym said:

haha

mplsmike said:

i collect snowdomes

funny thread

For those with motion sickness, there is always the carnival area with games galore!

Be sure to check out The Vault, a version of the classic squirrel hammer game where the price of one entry is a bootleg or Japanese import single, preferably postmarked to Ohio. Each bootleg earns the carrier a chance to crack open the vault and choose an unreleased song. Of course, they must knock out the endless prancing purple army in 7.77 seconds.



It is rumored that one participant, Bart van Hemelen, actually won one time, and reported that all of the choices were monumental, steaming piles of crap.

theghostoftonym said:

Love these!

Moonbeam said:

Christopher said:

Will Tina be waving her towel? If so, I'm soooo there!