(Quick Prince link--wonder how often Prince cheated on his girlfriends/wives?)

Now the Orgers turn--any of you ever cheat on your spouses/girl/boyfriends? Why? Were you able to work it out or did it end the relationship? Was it worth it in the end?

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

I do not agree with the idea of "cheating" on your girlfriend/boyfriend. If you want to do that type of thing, break up and then do it... there is no excuse for betrayal.

This is just my opinion, of course.

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

No, I have never done it. I have way too much of a concience to do it.

IceNine said:

I agree 100%

Well...I have when I was a teen. I agree with the others...there is no excuse for it, and either end the relationship before doing so, unless you're involved in an open relationship. In which case...follow the rules.

I have no interest in cheating. I've found a keeper.

AzureStar said:

Open relationships, hmmm--do you really think those work for both people, or do you think there's really just 1 partner who'd prefer to have an open relationship, so the other goes along with it to "keep" the person with them?

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

theC
that sounds cool :::shady grin::: having 2 deal with the
person while they r in the arms of another.where do i sign???

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

It can work for both people. I'm not saying it would work for everyone, and I imagine there are many instances where it is just as you described. I do think it can be very healthy for some relationships. I suppose it would depend on the people. Personally, I find nothing wrong with a couple having an open relationship, if both people are in agreement and it isn't used as a sex fest. I think too often the thought of an open relationship immediately brings to mind just that, as well as "swingers". Those two things I know nothing about.

AzureStar said:

.

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

I knew a couple who had an open relationship. After a party that went late me and gf left in the morning and stepped on the married lady with one of my friends while her husband was sleeping in their room. They had 3 kids too. It seemed more of a way to placate the wife though, and as far as I could tell they had a happy situation. But ugggh...

AzureStar said:

I've never known it to really work for a couple. I've only seen it where one wants it and so the other goes along, or one thinks they want it but then they try it and it doesn't work for one of them. (What did you mean by "those two things I know nothing about"?)

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

I was referring to the sex fest and the swinging.

AzureStar said:

Intellectually, I'm all for the "open relationship" and even "swinging", but I just don't think I have the kind of security/self-esteem to feel completely comfortable. I think I'd always feel as if he wanted options because I wasn't "(good) enough"...

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

theC
u have issues(very sexy)

theC said:

The man who doesn't like/use porn is all hot for the idea of his woman being with other men? And thinks my "issues" are sexy?

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

theC
naw i don't like a woman with other men...i like the "i
might not feel good enough" part.as 4 porno and mags,i've seen em(i am a male in the u.s).i tend 2 enjoy the REAL THING MORE and my imagination goes further than any film
[This message was edited Tue Jul 9 19:38:13 PDT 2002 by theC]

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

I don't think I'd be able to handle the "swinging" at all. That's just not for me, nothing that I'm interested in anyway. The open relationship, sure...but probably more for the fact that I wouldn't feel caged. I imagine a lot of people would feel as you might...feeling as though they weren't good enough for their partner. It certainly isn't for everyone. I know quite a few people who feel that way when their partner watches porn, or even glances at another.

Anyway...good question that you posed. I don't agree with cheating...even though I have done it in the past, but not since that time. I guess I was too afraid to tell my boyfriend that I wanted out...so I just went out instead.

IceNine said:

I totally agree. I believe cheating on your partner is very glamourised in this day & age, especially among men. Its wrong to hurt someone because you dont have the guts to be honest!

Lewis
[This message was edited Tue Jul 9 19:39:51 PDT 2002 by thecloud9mission]

So what about flirting/cybersex online with other Orgers? Is that "cheating" on your husband/wife/boy-girlfriend?

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

yeah if u go 2 far i guess it could b.(yr right)
we leave it at that(next topic)

theC said:

I wasn't refering to you at all theC, just in case you started feeling a bit paranoid and all...

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

I don't consider flirting cheating. Flirting can easily be done by passing another on the street with a look. I guess I would consider cybersex cheating. I never really thought about it before now because I've never tried it and really don't know anyone who has.

AzureStar said:

Sure, I totally understand about the flirting-look-as-you-pass-by, but I'm talking more like a deliberate sort of flirting. Would cybersex be like stopping that person in the street and "talking dirty" to them for an hour, or perhaps more like phonesex? If you were married/with someone in a monogamous relationship, how would you feel about that?

Personally, I think it all depends on the relationship you are in, who your partner is and how well you know them. If I was in a relationship with someone who was known to cheat, then yes, I would have to say that flirting would probably tend to get to me. Cybersex, phonesex, talking on the street sex, yes, all of the above would get to me. Then I'd leave.

However, if I were in a relastionship with someone whom I trusted, then, no, flirting would not bother me at all. Cybersex, phonesex, etc., most likely would irritate me and bring forth further discussion in the relationship, if it was hidden from me. To me, hiding something means you think you're doing something wrong.




.
[This message was edited Tue Jul 9 20:07:07 PDT 2002 by AzureStar]

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

not paranoid just started thinking i was drifting off topic

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

While many see cheating as a black and white issue, it really isn't, cheating in a relationship can only be determined by the couple in question. People tend to do what works for them, and the definition of cheating to them seems to often be a self-serving one in order to justify their behaviour in their relationship.

I guess cheating is the betrayal of the understanding that the partners in question have reached... the line is always drawn somewhere... it is a relative thing...

I can never understand cheating on someone you love, (whatever the definition is in ones relationship) , betrayal is betrayal, and doing something intentionally that you know will hurt the one you're with... well, I don't think it could ever be worth it... if you have the desire to cheat on the one you're with... then you have to question why you're with that person in the first place.

For me it all comes down to honesty and being open with one another, if you can't have that... then really... what is the point?

AnotherLoverHoleinYoHead said:

flirting is actually defined as paying amorous attention to someone, without serious intention. and in a sociologic aspect flirting is only used to refer to the intention of information exchange, so as to identify qualities in another person, and more usefully, in prospective mates. but if your intentions are not to find another mate, flirting can be accomplished innocently.


seduction is the term for what I think most of you are using flirting for, which in a sociological sense is to entice into sexual intercourse.

so, to break it down:

information exchange=flirting
desire for sex=seduction

Diva said:

I couldn't agree more. Cheating is defined by the two people involved w/one another. As long as you're open and honest with each other about what you want from them (and what you want from others) everything's OK. Granted, this isn't always an easy arrangement to come by...

rdhull said:

that's gross.