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PRINCE & THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE

Prince awoke one morning from a deep sleep in a great deal of pain. He awoke fully naked with his scrotum stapled to a large sheet of plywood and his arms and legs splayed out in a big “X”. Moreover, there was a small metal pipe protruding from his anus that emitted a low level hum each time he had a bowl movement.

He thought back to his childhood about how his daddy used to punish him for making bad grades in Home Economics class. “Where’s daddy’s little girl???” John L. Nelson used to scream. But that’s a topic for another thread altogether.

Prince looked around to see what was going on. Just like watching the closing credits of Graffiti Bridge, Prince tried to reflect on how things could have gone so terribly wrong.

“eeeeeheee heeee”, Prince whimpered, “how did I end up like this?”

“Hello, Prince, “ a low sultry voice called out.

It was none other than….




plywood edit
[Edited 7/29/05 14:10pm]

Imago777 said:

o my word!

Jerome Benton "You must be talking about me cousin."

Prince "Tricky?"

JB "Tricky? Yes.That's one of the many names I go by."

Prince "What the duck is going on here? Answer me mother ducker!!"

JB "That's fucked up what you did man.Not releasing a Musicology DVD. But you know what they say..like Larry, like Pri..."

Prince "Lay off that."

It was then that...

sitruk7 said:

Prince awoke. 'Uuugh!' Prince moaned. 'No more Spicy Thai Tofu before bed', he thought. Prince knew deep in his heart a Musicology DVD would make both his fams and his bank account happy, but what was shot so far just did have that special something he was looking for. Prince closed his eyes and replayed the concert footage in his head. Of course 'I'm happy with the concerts, and performances, but it needs, hmmm, It's needs magic', Prince decided.

Prince started to call out of Mani, but he remember she wasn't there. Prince was sadden, he would have to make his own breakfast. Prince stumbled downstairs, and poured a bowl of Captain Crunch. A small packet fell into his bowl next to a cluster of crunchberries. "Oooh a prize!" Prince proclaimed, tearing the packet open to find...
[Edited 7/29/05 18:11pm]

littlemissG said:

uh...wasn't he already awake? or is this a flashback?

BananaCologne said:

He's awake now Chum, on with the story.

littlemissG said:

Are you sure this time?

BananaCologne said:

Yes, because this time Prince rips open the packet he found in his cereal. Inside he discovers your picture with a phone number on the back. Baffled why anyone would consider this a prize, Prince calls the number. The voice on the other end says...
[Edited 7/29/05 19:04pm]

"Are you awake? For real this time?" Prince was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say so he hit the off button and put the phone back on the reciever. He then thought about the DVD some more. "Hmm, what made Rave Un2 and Live At The Alladin so perfect, aside from the camerawork?" Suddenly, inspiration struck him hard. "I know!" he yelled "I need to..."

"edit out half of it again!"

and again,

Prince was lost in thought about how to improve his DVD as he opened the refrigerator to get soy milk for his cereal. To his great surprise letters poured out on the floor, and shot thru the air as soon as he opened the door! Stunned, Prince looked looked around the kitchen and letters popping out of the toaster, flooding from the sink, and springing from the blender!

Prince looked at the letter in his hand. It was white, made of very heavy expensive paper and sealed with a red official looking seal of wax. Prince tore open the letter and read, 'Congratulations Prince Rogers Nelson you have been selected to join...'

the NPGMC.Over 1,000 songs in the vault have been listed to periodically appear whenever updated. Expect updates once every blue moon"
[Edited 7/31/05 17:42pm]

Prince smiled ear to ear. Just as he ordered, his employees were marketing the NPGMC more aggressively, without resorting to annoying pop-up ads.

Just then the phone rang. It was Jerome Benton. Prince remember the dream he had that morning when Jerome appear while he was naked with his scrotum stapled to a large sheet of plywood and his arms and legs splayed out in a big “X”. Moreover, there was a small metal pipe protruding from his anus that emitted a low level hum each time he had a bowl movement. Prince cleared the image from his mind with great effort and asked,'Whatsup Cuz?'

Jerome replied....
[Edited 7/31/05 18:06pm]

"Don't you know I will sa-lap the weave off of your head.Just kidding.Are we on a secure line?"

Prince "Yeah, why?"

Jerome "Cause I wasn't playing about our last conversation. I want my royalties that you owe me for writing the 1999,Purple Rain and Sign O the Times albums!"

Prince "About that.."

Jerome "Uh,uh..pay up time Mr.87 million dollar tour."

Prince "Ok...I'll tell you what..."

sitruk7 said:

Prince switches to his Jedi command voice. " Royalties you want not."

Jerome "I don't want royalities"

Prince "Prince's friendship is enough"

Jerome "Friendship is enough"

Prince "Jerome write more songs for Prince, he is friend"

Jerome "I will write more songs for Prince my friend...WHO BETTER GIVE ME MY DAMN MONEY!!"

Prince slams down the phone "Dang! That didn't work!"

***CRASH!!!***

Prince hears a loud crash outside and races to the back door to find...

Larry Graham

"Hey now Baby Brother!" says Larry

Prince "What was that noise?"

Larry "Aw. You know the only way I can get to your crib without your fans trying to tar and feather my butt is to parachute on in."

Prince "Where's Tina?"

CRASH

Tina "Here I am!Right by MY MAN!"

Prince " Let's hurry in!"

Larry "Why?"

Prince "Cause Chance Howard said he'll be right over 2."

The three scramble in the house,into Prince's studio when suddenly...

when suddenly, and for no appearent and explainable reason what so ever, a giant crack in the floor appeared and all 3 were hurled into a dark vortex where time, space, and even reality as we know it does not exist.


Prince awoke in dazed and awkward state, realizing that he was tied to a wooden plank of plywood. He was completely nakes, save for a pair of expensive DKNY orange highheeled power pumps, and a jewel encrusted ankle bracelete. Moreover, his scrotum appeared to be stapled to the board, and a little metal pipe could be seen projecting from his anus.

He wince, had a bowel movement, and the metal pipe let out a low hum.
"Is this the end of all things, " Prince said to himself.

He felt helpless.

He felt insecure.

He felt desperate.

It was at that momment that he called to the one person he knew he could count on, whehter they were physically there or not.

That person was....

That person was...

Ice cube,who said "man why you dressed like dat? im not helpin you if you get beat up...come on!"

.
.
[Edited 8/1/05 4:47am]

Christopher said:

Prince "Whatcha doing here Cube?"

IC "I told you I bought a house next to you so we can kick it. Ta-Dow!"

Prince "Get me outta here.I'm cold.Where's my gong?"

IC "First things first...you got Robin Powers number still?"

Prince "No.I had lost it but she gave it to me again when I saw her at the 1991 MTV awards show.I forgot my buttless pants didn't have pockets."

IC "Nona Gaye?"

Prince "Somewhere."

IC "Alright then."

Prince "Oh yeah. Jerome Benton called..."

IC "Lemme guess, he wants his royalties for using I Wanna Be Your Lover in Are We There Yet?

Prince "No.Just for $4 he lost on a matenee showing of it."

IC "Man, how the hell did you get here anyways?"

Prince "I'm not sure. All I know is..."

Before Prince could respond...

From a distance a voice answered 'You're in the Land of Men Who Miss Their Woman.'

Prince 'Who said that?'

From a darken corner the figure of a young man emerged. He was of medium build, wore his dark hair in a short afro with a matching goatee. His freakled face was streaked with dry tears. Prince judged him to be in his mid-twenties, and from his accent a spanish speaker from California.

BobGeorge909 'I did. You can call me BobGeorge, and miss my woman.'**SNIFF**

IceCube 'Woman? I got too many women to be here'

BobGeorge909 ' 'The Land of Men Who Miss Their Hoochies is next door man.'

IceCube looked toward a door he hadn't seen before and replied 'Oh, that's where it is! Later P!'

IceCube was gone before Prince could reply, and Prince was left with the mysterious BobGeorge. Prince struggled against his bonds which grew more uncomfortable every minute.

Prince 'Thanks for the explanation man, but can you free me please?'

BobGeorge 'No.'

Prince 'NO!!!'

BobGeorge 'You must free yourself just like every man who winds up in this land of misery.'

Prince 'HOW?'

BobGeorge ' Think about your special lady, then think about your predicament, really think about it.'

Prince thought about Mani. The house seemed so empty when she's away. Things he usually enjoy is just not the same. Worst he had to do his own cooking. Worst still he keeps running out of lotion and kleenex when she's gone back to Canada!

Prince 'I Understand! The wooden plank symbolizes how without love, life is a meaningless struggle. I am naked because I need to bare my soul for love, The sweet pair of DKNY orange pumps means she helps me to stand tall, and a jewel encrusted ankle bracelet is of course the style she brings to my life. My stapled scrotum symbolizes my balls belong to her alone, and the little metal pipe up my anus means I ain't got sh*t without her!

Suddenly, Prince was freed and fully dressed. He looked down and saw he still had the pumps, and ankle bracelet.

Prince 'Cool! Thanks BG! Now, how do I get out of here?'

BobGeorge 'We have to sing our way out.'

Prince 'Ain't nuthin but a thang.'

Prince held his arms out palms up and from nowhere a guitar fell into his hands.

BobGeorge 'How Did You Do That??!!'

Prince 'I'm Prince.'

BobGeorge 'Of course, follow my lead.'

BobGeorge
I got a Lady she's so far away
But in Canada I could not stay


Prince 'My woman is in Canada too!'

BobGeorge 'Don't interrupt! Accompany me on that guitar your Royal Badness.'

BobGeorge
I look at her picture but it's not the same
I want a wild Canadian I can tame!
It doesn't feel or taste like her
There is no subsitute,Now I'm sure

Prince
OOOWAh!
I dream about her
Her heels locked behind my back

BobGeorge
I dream about her
I'm happy when I play with her rack

Prince
I want my Mani!

BobGeorge
I want my Sammi!


Instantly they were transported to...
[Edited 8/3/05 15:04pm]

littlemissG said:

paisley park

A hole in Paisey Park to be exact.It was dark and seemingly huge like a cave.Prince felt a feeling of uneasiness creep inside his soul.Bob George909 was nowhere to be seen.

Prince "Bob? This ain't funny! Bob,if u're out there...let's see you dance.U said u was funky! C'mon!"

(voice) "He's not here."

Prince "Who's there?"

(voice stepping out of the shadows) "Don't you recognize your old bodyguard Big Chick Huntsberry?"

Prince "Chick? Is that really u?

Chick "Of course it is."

Prince "If u're here, does that mean...?"

Chick "No man, don't worry. It'll all make sense soon.Lemme get you outta here."

Prince "Cool. Lead the way."

Chick "Uh,uh. You know how we do it!"

At that point Prince hops on Chick's back piggyback style. Chick carries Prince toward a bright light with music emitting from it's source.Oddly, enough it sounds like Michael Jackson singing a James Brown song.Prince suddenly breaks out in a cold swea...um...he gets nervous as he sees none other than the Godfather of Soul himself(dressed in a green jumpsuit 2 sizes too small) calling Prince to the stage.

Prince,curious as to way the band it playing 300 beats per seconds, makes his way to the stage. He tosses a glove out in the crowd.Jerome tosses it back and says he still wants his royalties.Prince, paniced finally makes it on stage. That's when...
[Edited 8/2/05 19:58pm]

omg! lmao! yall is craaaaazzzzy!!!!

sitruk7 said:

thats when James Brown looks at Prince and says "what in the hell are u doing to ur wife man and Prince looks at James crazy and says"well at least i dont beat the shit of of her like u you do."JB was like what who u think ur talking
to like that dont u know am the Godfather of Soul." and Prince wasnt a bit interested to hear all that yang that JB was talking to he just left with Chick. when suddenly
[Edited 8/3/05 6:30am]

Tiffypoo2004 said:

a groupie jumps out the bushes and she tackles prince to the ground and chick trys to get her off prince..but she bites his hand. and then prince gets his blouse ripped off screaming then someone yells ...

Christopher said:

"OHHH THATS THE BITCH U BEEN CHEATING ON ME WITH." Mani unexpectally appears from no where. and Prince replies "Mani baby is not what it looks like it was a groupie who tackled me to the ground, i dont even know this chick i swear." Mani was like "sure Prince Rogers Nelson do i like stupid to you?" You BEEN USING ME ALL THIS TIME U WHORE." Mani cries and run into her limo. Prince runs after her in her limo. " then
[Edited 8/3/05 6:43am]

The limo gets a flat, and slides out of control toward...
[Edited 8/3/05 15:02pm]

littlemissG said:

the side of the road prince is LOL a bit but yells out "yall alright!?" then the car stops on the side of the road mani gets out and takes her pumps off and prince gets ready to box her. when the groupie appears out of no where and she....
.
.
[Edited 8/3/05 19:19pm]