Have you ever witnessed a loved one passing away from an illness? My mom just died yesterday, and I was with her when she took her last breath. She died peacefully, but she had the "death rattle" breathing right before she passed. The home health care nurse said that because since my mom could no longer swallow (she was in a coma), she had mucus built up in her throat. It was not pretty nor fun to witness that, but at least now my mom is no longer suffering. She had dementia, which is a cruel disease; one that I would not wish on anybody. I am thankful that my mom is no longer suffering after having this disease for about 10-11 years. RIP, mom.

May she rest in peace. The only silver lining here is that she is no longer suffering.

My uncle passed away last week and I usually paid him a visit every summer but due to covid I hadn´t been able to do that in the last couple of years. He was a Korea War veteran and in his early 90s.

My sincere condolences to you.

psychodelicide said:

Sorry to hear that. I lost my mom in 2019 and my favorite Uncle in 2020, it's still very hard still.

KoolEaze said:

Empress said:

kpowers said:

Really sorry for your loss and this trauma you've experienced.




The loss of my mom is something I'll never get over, it's been 10 years.

The cliche that "time heals" should be restated that "time dulls" the pain.

I feel for everyone that experiences this in life.

S2DG said:

Sincere condolences to those of you posting in this thread about your losses.

Mumio said:

I lost my mom 10 years ago this year, on April 21! She hated Prince. H-a-t-e-d him. When Prince died on the same date 4 years after her, I texted my brother and said, "Imagine the look on mom's face when Prince showed up this morning."

I did watch my grandpa (mom's father) die. I had gotten to town 2 days before. He was away and interactive, but slept most of the next day. The morning he died, his 73rd birthday - August 7 - the nurse came in and said we should call the family. My aunt and I had stayed over that night so we were there. We called everyone and within an hour or so, he was gone. It was peaceful, and thankfully he didn't have the death rattle on his throat.

It was surreal. I'd never seen anyone die before. It changes you. But it's a full circle moment to be fully appreciated for what it is. The gratitude of having had that person in your life is what's important, not the finality of their body ceasing to exist.

One thing I've learned through grief, especially since mom died, is that you have to just let yourself feel what you feel. Allow yourself to be in that moment. If you're sad, be sad. It'll pass quicker. If you're happy, be happy. If you're laughing, just laugh.

Death is traumatic, and your soul has to re-right itself. Like a boat on a wavy ocean. When it smooths out, the boat takes a while pitching left and right, up and down before it settles back to zero. We are the same way. The trauma is the waves. We're on the boat, and the boat is our life. It'll be all over the place for a bit. But eventually, we'll be level again. But we have to just let the boat do what it's going to do, and ride it out.

Sorry about your mom. I know how you feel. I know you're probably feeling relief, which is fine, too. You're sad cuz she's gone. That's fine, too. You don't know what's next. That's normal. Don't necessarily try to figure it all out right now. It'll be there later when you circle back around.

psychodelicide said:

Have you ever witnessed a loved one passing away from an illness? My mom just died yesterday, and I was with her when she took her last breath. She died peacefully, but she had the "death rattle" breathing right before she passed. The home health care nurse said that because since my mom could no longer swallow (she was in a coma), she had mucus built up in her throat. It was not pretty nor fun to witness that, but at least now my mom is no longer suffering. She had dementia, which is a cruel disease; one that I would not wish on anybody. I am thankful that my mom is no longer suffering after having this disease for about 10-11 years. RIP, mom.

My heartfelt condolences to you, psychodelicide. There's few things in life that are as heartbreaking as having a loved one suffer and die. And especially a parent or a child.

I have had a lot of family and friends die, but unfortunately i wasn't present when they passed away. Both my mother and father died in a hospital, and i wasn't present when they passed away. My father passed in 94, and i hadn't seen him in about 3 years prior to his death. My mother passed away in 2013, and by the time we(family) realised the severity of her condition(again, she died in the hospital, and the hospital failed her), it was too late. I was in a different city than her and was making plans to go see her, but she died suddenly. I talked to her a day before she died, and that conversation will be one of the most heartbreaking experiences i will ever have to go through.

I don't know what's worse, watching a parent die, or not being there for them when they do transition.

Again psychodelicide, my heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you, and with anyone else who has lost a loved one.

Sorry to hear of your loss. Prayers for you during a difficult time.

TrivialPursuit said:

I lost my mom 10 years ago this year, on April 21! She hated Prince. H-a-t-e-d him. When Prince died on the same date 4 years after her, I texted my brother and said, "Imagine the look on mom's face when Prince showed up this morning."

I did watch my grandpa (mom's father) die. I had gotten to town 2 days before. He was away and interactive, but slept most of the next day. The morning he died, his 73rd birthday - August 7 - the nurse came in and said we should call the family. My aunt and I had stayed over that night so we were there. We called everyone and within an hour or so, he was gone. It was peaceful, and thankfully he didn't have the death rattle on his throat.

It was surreal. I'd never seen anyone die before. It changes you. But it's a full circle moment to be fully appreciated for what it is. The gratitude of having had that person in your life is what's important, not the finality of their body ceasing to exist.

One thing I've learned through grief, especially since mom died, is that you have to just let yourself feel what you feel. Allow yourself to be in that moment. If you're sad, be sad. It'll pass quicker. If you're happy, be happy. If you're laughing, just laugh.

Death is traumatic, and your soul has to re-right itself. Like a boat on a wavy ocean. When it smooths out, the boat takes a while pitching left and right, up and down before it settles back to zero. We are the same way. The trauma is the waves. We're on the boat, and the boat is our life. It'll be all over the place for a bit. But eventually, we'll be level again. But we have to just let the boat do what it's going to do, and ride it out.

Sorry about your mom. I know how you feel. I know you're probably feeling relief, which is fine, too. You're sad cuz she's gone. That's fine, too. You don't know what's next. That's normal. Don't necessarily try to figure it all out right now. It'll be there later when you circle back around.

My mom was a Prince fan. It was one of the many things we had in common. Miss my mom

kpowers said:

EmmaMcG said:

kpowers said:

My mom was a Prince fan. It was one of the many things we had in common. Miss my mom

My mother hated Prince. Or at least, she used to say she did. Maybe he was slightly before her time? I mean, she would have been only about 12 years old when Purple Rain came out. Mind you, after she died and we were sorting through her things we came across two Sheila E albums, The Family album and The Time's Ice Cream Castles. No Prince records but how can someone have all that stuff and NOT be a closet Prince fan?

Your mom must have been young when she died??? Sorry to hear that

kpowers said:

EmmaMcG said:

kpowers said:

Your mom must have been young when she died??? Sorry to hear that

Yeah she was 42.

That is very young. My sister was 45 when she died.

Yes.

kpowers said:

EmmaMcG said:

kpowers said:

That is very young. My sister was 45 when she died.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Thank you

I watched my mum and my dad both die of cancer, my mum was only 55. Not nice, but life continues.

Let me start by sending you love and my condoleances. I am also here to tell you things will eventually get better, but it does takes time. For me it was 4 to 5 years before I finally found some peace with my mom dying. Now I think back with love and good memories of her. And I still put her photo on the table when we are having Xmas dinner, that was her favorite holiday.

It is tough losing a parent, my mum died 14 years ago at the age of 56 after a long history of illness. We were all there when mum passed away, which I am very glad for, but still it was a hard experience. My mom had witnessed her mum die choking and she was very scared she would go the same way. Unfortunately she kind of did, although I think that is what happens to most people when they let go of their final breath? Us kids were sitting around her, stroking her hair and holding her hand, telling her we love her and that it is OK to let go. At that point she hadn't been really aware/conscious anymore for quite a while, I think she had very high fever. When the moment finally arrived she squeezed our hands firmly -like she was literally holding on for dear life- and then she was gone. It was a very sobering experience. I am still glad we were all there though and she didn't have to die all alone.

[Edited 2/7/22 11:59am]

Something comforting in knowing we're not alone with this traumatic experience in life.

It's so difficult to talk about to people who haven't experienced it, much less in person without becoming an emotional mess.

For me, this is also a reminder to live and experience what little time we have left.

[Edited 2/7/22 16:56pm]