Well, dang! I thought the other thread would make it to midnight tonight, but it didn't. So a little premature, but here is the first 2020 movie thread!

Now, I have a conundrum. Because, you see, I watched a movie that has been called "the 'Citizen Kane' of awful" and "one of the worst films of all time". So - do I END 2019 with this turkey, or sonce this is a 2020-titled thread, BEGIN the next decade with it?

It's the internet - let's do both!

What, pray tell, was the bomb we watched last night? Why, none other than "Movie 43"!

To be honest, I either didn't know or had forgotten this movie was blasted so badly by everyone. All I remembered about it was that it had a whole bunch of stars in it.

We found it on NetFlix - in between a bunch of Hitler documentaries, natch - and all I picked up on the description was a reference to "Kentucky Fried Movie". And as you may recall, I rated "KFC" as 4 1/2 Shower Doors out of 5 Shower Doors, only keeping 1/2 Shower Door to give to damosuzuki as he sent me the link to the movie (we miss you, Damo!). Well! Anything that references "Kentucky Fried Movie" must have something going for it!

Or not.

"Movie 43" isn't the worst thing I've ever seen. Actually, not by a long shot. There are some funny skits.

"The Catch", in which Hugh Jackman has testicles hanging from his neck, was funny. Kate Winslet in particular did a perfect job as the horrified blind date who is the only one that either sees the testicles or thinks they are....odd.

"Homeschooled" was hilarious! That was probably my favorite skit. But then the movie begins a never-recovered downward spiral into the worst kind of juvenile humor.

It's like they ran out of funny ideas after "Homeschooled" and decided that instead, let's just see how grossand nasty we can be. It turns out they could be very gross and very nasty.

Not everything was a total miss - as usual, Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville were awesome in their skit. The "Superhero Speed Dating" bit was really good until it went very blue. And while the Elizabeth Banks skit was not funny, I always rate anything she does very high because we have the same birthdate, and she was in the same sorority my wife was. Therefore, by various transitive powers, we're best friends and I have to rate everything she does as either Good or Great.

There's probably no real reason to ever watch "Movie 43" unless you get off hearing A-list actresses say really dirty words. I don't, so "Movie 43" gets a rating based on the weighted average of the humor in its 12 skits (not counting the Dennis Quaid overarching story line). And yes, I actually used Microsoft Excel to figure this out!

Based on MATH, I am giving "Movie 43" a rating of.........43 out of 100 Oh, come one - you HAD to know that was going to be its rating.

Anyway, watch "Kentucky Fried Movie" instead. Happy New Year!

The Aeronauts (2019) - Pilot Amelia Rennes (Felicity Jones) and scientist James Glaisher (Eddie Redmayne) find themselves in an epic fight for survival while attempting to make discoveries in a gas balloon.

Stunning cinematography aside, this is a typical Hollywood airbrushed reenactment of a historical event--as light and fluffy as the clouds that adorn most of the film's backdrop. 3.5/5

Mission: Impossible - Fallout (2018) - Ethan Hunt and his IMF team, along with some familiar allies, race against time after a mission gone wrong.

Many of the stunts were ridiculous. However, I can't deny it was thrilling from start to finish. 4/5

Last night I took my Favorite Mother-In-Law and my wife to see a movie about Fox News. That's right, you guessed it -

I took my bombshells to see "Bombshells".

You better not be groaning. You KNOW Mrs. RodeoSchro can and will take over my account. She's always watching.

"Bombshells" is a meh movie with a couple great acting performances. You already know what happens but since I am a nice guy and love my wife (hi, honey!) I will advise you that spoilers, such as they are, will be forthcoming.

I think I've figured out the movie's problem. Much like "Vice", there are no good guys. None. Honestly, there isn't anyone worth rooting for. Hear me out.

If you don't like Fox News, then you'll think everyone in this movie gets what they deserved. But no one "wins". There's no one to like.

If you do like Fox News, you'll hate Gretchen Carlson and Megyn Kelly, plus the made-up character that Margot Robbie played. But you won't like Roger Ailes, as he was a pretty disgusting guy. You might like what he created but you won't like the man behind the curtain. And he'd be the one person you could possibly root for but if you have any kind of moral compass, you can't.

So we have a movie where it's all bad guys, and not the Parker kind of bad guys. I miss Parker.

Plus, the really bad guys like Bill O'Reilly - the scummiest of the scummy, which is pretty much a univerally-held opinion among liberals, conservatives and moderates? O'Reilly and those guys are barely mentioned. O'Reilly's hedonism, adultery and unwanted sexual advances are public knowledge, yet his behavior is never mentioned at all in this movie. How can you leave out Bill O'Reilly's troubles in a movie about sexual harassment at Fox News?

Well, these guys did.

I guess they figured they had enough bad guys already?

Speaking of bad guys, John Lithgow does an incredible job as Roger Ailes. Too bad the screenwriters did not do an incredible job showing us what a total sleazeball Ailes was. I'm guessing the writers are big Fox News fans and figured, "Hey - we love Fox News but we love money, too. Let's see if we can make a movie and thus a lot of money, while at the same time not making our heroes like Roger Ailes and Bill O'Reilly look like the scumbags they are".

There's no other reason I can think of for not actually showing Ailes harassing any women at all. Seriously - the whole premise of the movie is that Ailes is a serial harasser and yet there is not one concrete example of harassment anywhere in the movie (I know, I know - and I'll get to it in a little bit). It's all hearsay and second-hand knowledge.

The worst transgression in moviemaking revolves around Margot Robbie's character, who is someone the screenwriters made up. She wants to be on the air, and gets a meeting with Ailes. It goes well, and then Ailes tells her to stand up and do a spin ("TV is a visual medium"). She does, and then he tells her to hike up her dress a little. Reluctantly, she does. Then he tells her to hike it up a little more. Very reluctantly, she does. Then he tells her to hike it up still more. On the verge of tears, Robbie hikes it up enough so that a couple inches of her underwear is visible. Ailes grunts and then says they'll meet again.

Now - that is certainly sexual harrassment. But - and this is a big "but" - later in the movie Robbie says she unwillingly gave Ailes oral sex. Wait a minute - what? That's the second-biggest, baddest form of harassment there is, short of rape. You mean to tell me we are to believe that Robbie and Ailes had a second meeting that couldn't be arsed to depict on film, and in the second meeting Ailes committed an act that would surely get him fired on the spot, if not even incarcerated?

THAT'S THE WHOLE FREAKING MOVIE.

Especially since whatever harassment Ailes perpetrated on Gretchen Carlson and Megyn Kelly is relegated to a story about Ailes asking to see the inside of Megyn Kelly's hotel room.

The phrase "treated with kid gloves" is the best description of Roger Ailes that I can think of. He was let off really easy.

Now, to the good stuff.

Specifically, Charlize Theron. Wow! To say she nailed her performance is an understatement. I don't want to sound all hackneyed and cliched, but she WAS Megyn Kelly. Her looks, mannerisms and especially her voice - perfect. For the first time in my life, I will have a hard time picking the Best Actress. Between Theron's Megyn Kelly and Renee Zellweger's Judy Garland - dang. Those are two of the best performances I've seen.

(FULL DISCLOSURE - I've never picked a Best Actress before, so it's not like my pronouncement above is earth-shaking or anything.)

Nicole Kidman does a decent job as Gretchen Carlson but it's odd that while Carlson is the one who got Ailes fired, the movie centers around Megyn Kelly. Like I said, it's a meh movie.

I mentioned John Lithgow above but one crazy thing went through my mind. Ailes hires Rudy Giuliani, who's played by Richard Kind. Kind does OK as Giuliani but do you know who does the best Rudy Giuliani?

John Lithgow!

If you haven't seen Lithgow play Giuliani on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, you should look up a clip or two. Lithgow is off-the-chains hilarious. It would have have AWESOME to have had Lithgow play both parts, especially in the one scene where Ailes and Giuliani have a meeting.

Also, I can't find any confirmation of this anywhere, but I swear one of the many lawyers in this movie is played by Tom Hanks. Could be my imagination, could have been the booze I had. But I still think Tom Hanks is in an uncredited role and no one will make me change my mind.

"Bombshells" is going to get Oscar buzz, but only for Theron's performance. Too bad, because this could have been a really good movie about female empowerment. I think the film makers missed the boat. I can see tons of Fox News-watching old white guys seeing this movie and then screaming at their TV, "All he did was make them do spins? He got fired for that?!? This is all part of the War On Old White Guys, just like Rush and Trump told us!!11!!!!1!!!!!"

INTERESTING TIDBIT - No one in the theater, including me, booed OR clapped at the film's references to current political events. I'm not sure what to make of that. But aren't you proud of me? After all, we took in "Bombshells" after sitting in a bar all afternoon and watching the Houston Texans beat the Buffalo Bills in the Wildcard playoff game - in overtime, no less. Yes, there were adult beverages consumed - along with some wine at the Booze But No Chow Theater - and yet I acted like a grown-up. Maybe there's a new me for 2020!

The only thing worth seeing here is Charlize Theron. The movie itself gets more disappointing as I think about it. So I'm giving "Bombshells" One Bullet In The Gun In Sean Hannity's Waistband out of the Six Bullets In the Gun In Sean Hannity's Waistband. Yep! The Sean Hannity character had a gun in his waistband.




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[Edited 1/5/20 11:03am]

I am on a ROLL. Five days into 2020 and I'm up to three movies! (We're counting "Movie 43" as a 2020 movie; at least, I am which is my right as a Certified Movie Reviewer*.) This one, however, was a Netflix movie watched at home.

As I was cleaning the kitchen after another great meal prepared by my son (schnitzel!), I heard the sounds of a fight coming from the TV in the family room. I'm never one to miss a good fight! So I took a break from the scrubbing and the polishing and the putting-things-up to see what the rumpus was.

My son, wife, and Favorite Mother-In-Law were watching a movie called "I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore" (or, as we Certified Movie Reviewers* call it, IDFAHITWA). What's this movie about? I asked. "This girl got her laptop stolen and took it back, and now she's about to go all vigilante on the bad guys".

WHAT?!? A vigilante movie and you started without me?!? I thought they loved me!

IDFAHITWA stars Melanie Lynskey (as close a name to "Lynryrd" as you'll ever find) who you might remember as Rose from "Two and a Half Men". That's what I remember her from, although it took me 30 Google-less minutes to remember the name "Rose". Since I worked so hard at remembering it, I'm rewarding my efforts by calling her "Rose" throughout this review. It's good to be a Certified Movie Reviewer*.

Rose is an unlikely choice to play a vigilante. She's got this lisp in her voice, and she just doesn't look like she can ever get really mad. Which is perfect!

Tony is one of her neighbors and he decides to help her. I walked in on the scene where Rose and Tony are getting the laptop back. The people who have it say they didn't steal it; rather, they bought it from a fence. Tony and Rose visit the fence and lo and behold! There's Rose's china set, which was also stolen.

Rose steals back her china but in the process has to club the old guy running the fence operation. The old dude gets up and breaks Rose's finger, so Tony finishes the old fence off with a punch to the jaw. BTW, Tony is played by Elijah Wood, who Wikipedia tells me was in all those "The Lord of the Rings" movies that I never saw.

Naturally the police won't help. But that's good - who needs vigilantes if you have a helpful police force? We wouldn't have a vigilante movie, would we?

Whilst beating up the old fence, Rose and Tony spot the van that was seen at their robbery, and Tony is able to trace the license plate. It turns out the van is owned by the father of one of the robbers. The dad is a really smarmy, rich lawyer. Rose and Tony visit his mansion, pretending to be cops. The lawyer's drunk wife tells them that the van belongs to the smarmy lawyer's son. The smarmy lawyer has an armed body guard who has no trouble getting the drop on Rose and Tony.

Despite Rose and Tony's (a) impersonations as cops; and (b) heartfelt desire to tell the son/robber that he is doing bad things, the smarmy lawyer laughs at them and sends them on their way. This causes Rose to steal some of the smarmy lawyer's yard art.

But! The son and his robber accomplices are hiding behind a bush, and see Rose leave. They were just about to rob the smarmy lawyer/robber's dad but now they're worried, because they don't know who Rose and Tony are. So the robber kid follows them and sneaks into Rose's apartment, which he realizes is an apartment he had just burgled.

Rose sees him and strikes him in the throat with a plaster cast she'd made of that very guy's shoe print (it's her only evidence and as you can guess, the police just laughed at it). It's a perfect hit! The robber kid cannot breathe, stumbles out into the street, and then there's this scene which I am SURE you have seen before:

<Searching...> What?!? I cannot find the gif of the robber kid getting hit by the bus anywhere. Not even on the super-secret Dark Web sites we Certified Movie Reviewers* use. How can that be? When I saw that scene, my first reaction was "So THIS is where that gif that I've seen a million times came from!" And now it's not out there?!?

Did someone tell The Eagles that they were somehow in this gif, so The Eagles had it taken down? (This will make more sense to you after you learn that The Eagles are notorious for taking down any and all music, covers, tabs, and even discussions about them or their music on YouTube. They are 1,000 times worse than Prince ever was, but it does lead to some funny stuff. People use all kinds of code words to describe the band, and most of them cannot be printed on a family website like what I pretend this one to be.)

Now that I've completely ruined a joke by using 100 words to explain it, let's move on. However, I do owe you a gif of someone getting hit by a bus, so here you go:



Due to the robber kid getting throat-punched by a cast of his own shoe print - which would have killed him on its own had he not taken matters into his own hands and walked in front of a bus - the robbers are one robber short. So, they kidnap Rose and force her to come along.

This is actually a good plan, since the smarmy lawyer and his wife have met Rose and are more likely to let her into their home than they would be to let their loser robber of a son in. The wife lets Rose in and the two remaining robbers follow.

SIDE NOTE: More than once, I have typed "lawyer" when I meant to type "robber. Which reminds me of a joke!

One guy asked another guy, "Have you ever had a Freudian Slip? For instance, the other day I was at the train station and the ticket lady was really built. She was beautiful! I meant to say, 'I need two tickets to Pittsburgh' but what came out was 'I need two pickets to Titsburgh'. My face turned red as a beet!"

"Yep, that's happened to me," says his friend. "Why, just this morning my wife and I were eating breakfast and I meant to say 'Will you please pass the butter?' but what came out was 'You damn woman, you have really ruined my life'".

Who else but a Certified Movie Reviewer* can provide a gif of Rebecca Black getting hit by a bus AND a top-notch, almost-clean-enough-to-tell-your-pastor joke?

Back to IDFAHITWA. And this is the good part!

Rose and the robbers have a great fight/gun battle/throwing stars altercation, and most everyone is killed one way or another. Only Rose, one robber, and her friend Tony survive, but Tony has been stabbed in his muscle guts and is in bad shape. What are"muscle guts" you ask?

TIME FOR ANOTHER SIDE NOTE: Waaaaay back in the '70's, we lived on six acres. We had a small guest house/garage, and my dad went through various live-in lawn care specialists (my brother and I were too busy chasing girls to mow the lawn, or something like that). One of the guys we tried was a young man named Bobby. He was from Arkansas (he claimed!) and was, shall we say, not very educated.

One Saturday morning Bobby was supposed to be hard at work, mowing the six acres. But he was still asleep. My dad barged in and said, "What are you doing? Get up!" To which Bobby replied, "Oooooh, Mr. RodeoSchro. I can't. My muscle guts are hurt". Translation - "I am hungover and that's why everything in here, including me, smells like cheap booze". Long story short, Bobby pulled his muscle guts together, mowed the yard, and then drove off in an old car we'd bought for him to do errands with. My dad reported the theft to the police and the chief of police said, "Bobby? You mean Bobby Joe Spindle. Don't worry, he'll turn up. I've usually got two or three Spindles in the jail at any time, and he'll be here one way or the other".

We never did see Bobby or the old car again, but we've used the term "muscle guts" ever since.

And now, so will you!

Again, back to IDFAHITWA. Rose drags Tony into the woods and hides him under some roughage. She then confronts the last robber, who vows to kill her. However, it turns out the other way around. Rose boinks him with a couple of rocks, causing the robber to stumble into a pond, whereupon he is attacked by a water moccasin. No one survives a water moccasin attack - especially when the water moccasin attaches itself to your face.

With the last robber dispatched, Rose's grandmother's ghost points Rose back to where Tony has been hidden; however, it looks like Tony's future is now as a ghost, too. But good news!

It turns out that Tony lived! I'd like to say they lived happily ever after, but only a sequel will tell us that for sure.

IDFAHITWA is a lot of fun. The only way it could have been improved was maybe with a Charlie Sheen cameo. But even without a Charlie Sheen cameo, I highly recommend IDFAHITWA. I'm rating IDFAHITWA as 4 Certified Movie Reviewer Asterisks out of 5 Certified Movie Reviewer asterisks. Thanks, Netflix, for something besides a Hitler documentary!

* By "Certified" I mean Self-Certified



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[Edited 1/6/20 7:22am]

The Marriage Story.

I have been waiting for this acclaimed film to hit the theatres but then heard that it actually is a Netflix film that got just an extremely limited and brief release so it could qualify for the Oscars. So, I watched it on Netflix last night.

It was worth the wait! It a really well done movie with excellent acting by Adam Driver, Scarllett Johanson, and Laura Dern. I have always have been a Driver fan, and he is wonderful here. The movie, which is really a divorce story, takes such a familiar topic yet portrays it in such a artistic and complex way that it feels like it will be a classic in the family drama genre.

4 out of 4 stars

EmmaMcG said:

Managed to peel myself away from my new baby to go see Star Wars Rise of Skywalker. Really enjoyed it. This new trilogy has been my favourite of the Star Wars trilogies. Which I'm guessing is not a popular opinion but I didn't grow up with the originals so I never had that kind of affinity for them. I was 9 when Episode 1 came out and I liked it at the time but having just watched them fairly recently, both Episode 1 and 2 are awful, awful movies. Like, how do you make a movie about space wizards boring? Episode 3 was pretty good though. Especially the last half hour or so. Once Anakin goes full bad guy it really picks up. But the new "sequel trilogy" are all good movies individually. Rise of Skywalker is not perfect but given that one of the lead actors died prior to shooting, I think they done as good a job as they could with it. The absolute best thing about it though, the best thing about the entire series, is Palpatine. What an evil bastard. I know people like to say Darth Vader is the best villain but I think Palpatine beats him hands down. He's the one with all the memorable lines and Rise of Skywalker is almost like a "greatest hits" for him. He brings back all his catchphrases. And it's great. I didn't expect him to play such a big role so I was pleasantly surprised. The only real letdown for me was that Anakin wasn't in it. I know his voice was used but it would have been nice had he shown up as a force ghost and he be the one to convince Kylo Ren to turn on the emperor. Nevertheless, a very enjoyable movie that gets a 4/5.

Sure Palaptine is baddass, no doubt.

but he was.... already DEAD....? Duh!

Kathleen Kennedy is the true villian in Star Wars. it seems it was her idea to bring Palpatine back. what a silly cunt. didn't she do what you always critizised? i.e. give the old fans what they already know and expect from SW not trying anything new?
a MAJOR fuckup

they killed of the entire Skywalker arc, especially Anakins sacrifice is useless and completely irrelevant now to Star Wars. if the family never existed, so what, could still be the same showdown, Palpatine vs. Palaptine and the younger Plapatine wins. so what.
but hey, maybe he's not dead and we get another Palpatine trilogy...
and one more after that... boring snoozefest

replace Palpatine with Plagueis, insert the force gosts of the whole bunch in the showdown like planned (Anakin, Obi, Mace etc.) and fix a few of the other holes and open plotpoints, and Ep9 could have been a decent finale. the longer JJ cut without the Disney fuckups would have been better I'm sure, I like JJ, but because of Palpatine it still would be catastrophic to the whole saga

https://www.reddit.com/r/...urce_that/

I admit it, after TFA I was secretly hoping this could turn out to be the best of the trilogies. boy was I wrong.

BombSquad said:

The Apartment (1960) - A man tries to rise in his company by letting its executives use his apartment for trysts, but complications and a romance of his own ensue.

This has become a new year's staple for me and is one of the finest films ever made. 5/5

[Edited 1/17/20 10:43am]

I watched The Thin Man on New Year's Eve for the millionth time. "The next person that says 'Merry Christmas' to me, I'll kill 'im."

sexton said:

The Apartment (1960) - A man tries to rise in his company by letting its executives use his apartment for trysts, but complications and a romance of his own ensue.

This has become a new year's staple for me and is one of the finest films ever made. 5/5

gandorb said:

sexton said:

The Apartment (1960) - A man tries to rise in his company by letting its executives use his apartment for trysts, but complications and a romance of his own ensue.

This has become a new year's staple for me and is one of the finest films ever made. 5/5

yes. it is a real classic.

Hereditary. Hm, I don't know. I guess it's an alright movie, but I did not find it scary. Is something wrong with me? Or maybe it doesn't really want to be a horror movie? Anyway, 5.5/10.

Knives Out. So much fun! Had a smile on my face basically throughout the whole movie. The sets, the cast, the car chase (!!!), the structure and the story in general... Brilliant. 8.5/10

EmmaMcG said:

But Plagueis was also dead. I don't understand how you can be angry about Palpatine coming back to life and yet still advocate for Plagueis coming back to life.

I said it many times, and I doubt you could have missed it. but for the last time:

Because the survival of Palpatine renders the Skywalker family irrelevant to the Star Wars Saga

now read that again.. slowly

UNFORGIVEABLE

BombSquad said:

EmmaMcG said:

BombSquad said:

I said it many times, and I doubt you could have missed it. but for the last time:

Because the survival of Palpatine renders the Skywalker family irrelevant to the Star Wars Saga

now read that again.. slowly

UNFORGIVEABLE

Luke Skywalker and Leia trained Rey, who killed Palpatine once and for all. Read THAT again. Slowly.

Rey was a fucking beast before, no need for a random clumsy Skywalker, Smith or Miller to get involved, could easily have someone else. Qui Gon or Yoda ghosts, Jar Jar, or her all alone, she could handle the Force obviously quite good without any training of some random Skywalker clowns.

it's only Palpatine vs. Palaptine suddenly.

and everything that happend during nine movies? who the fuck cares now in the final PP showdown?

most disturbing, Vader is an irrelevant clown now and his redemption useless.

go re-watch Ep6 , Vader throwing Palatine down the reactor....

hahahaha you fool think he's dead? what a naive dumbfuck you are Vader! just get lost and out of the way, and leave the saga to some grown up men


WHAT A FUCKING MESS

EmmaMcG said:

Luke Skywalker and Leia trained Rey, who killed Palpatine once and for all. Read THAT again. Slowly.

how do you know??? we thought he was dead for 30 years and then suddenly SWOOSH he's back!

note to JJ/Disney: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!

#palpatineIsSTILLalive!

you said he's the ultimate villian

he can survive that Rey clown just as he can survive that Vader sissy. anything goes.

your ultimate villian HAS to come back for Ep10-12!

and also for Ep13-15!

until infinity!

the ultimate villian!

the eternal villian!

the audience knows him, right? so why try new ideas???

I guess you also want 30 James Bond movies all with Dr. No


if that is your position, so be it

it's just funny, because when we debated Ep8 you had exactly the opposite view:

you said old fans didn't like it because it didn't give them what they knew and expected, and that you like TLJ so much because it took new directions and covered new ground

and now for Ep9 you suddenly make a 180 degree turn and applaude the biggest fan-service-overload ever in TROS, and the oldest easiest most boring solution of them all: Palpatine. now what is it?

[Edited 1/9/20 6:59am]

Dang, I might have to watch some more "Star Wars" movies. Probably not, but who knows? This Palpatine dude seems interesting.

Anyway, we watched "The Purge - Election Day" last night. My son had never seen it but as you may..., nay should recall, I have not only seen it I also provided yet another fantastic review. In fact, that was my first liveblog ever!

I rated "The Purge - Election Day" as 2 Slashed Party Girls out of 8 Slashed Party Girls the first time, but I liked it better this viewing. Therefore, I'm adding 3 more Slashed Party Girls to the rating, giving it an updated rating of 5 Slashed Party Girls out of 8 Slashed Party Girls. This updated rating in no way affects the rating I gave my liveblog review, which remains a 10.

BTW, my son is a professional political consultant. He and I had many guffaws at the end of the movie, when the election results were coming in. First of all, the incumbent New Founding Fathers president had the states he won represented in red, while the Senator's states were blue. If they use the same color-coding in the future that we do now, that means the New Founding Fathers were Republicans, and the Senator was a Democrat. Those Hollywood liberals strike again!

Plus, the election map showed that the Senator had already won Texas and California, and all they were waiting on was to see if she won Florida, which would gurantee victory. But anyone who understands the concept of time zones knows that the order in which results would really come in would have been Florida, then Texas, then California. Also, the election results were being given while it was still daylight outside, which would have been impossible since this movie takes place in Washington, D.C. It would have been 10:00 PM in Washington, D.C. by the time the California voting was over.

Those little points aside, I recommend "The Purge - Election Night". It's funny, and you get to watch a Party Girl in a teddy bear costume get blown away. What more could you ask for?



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[Edited 1/9/20 7:17am]

BombSquad said:

As you know, I'm gainfully unemployed. My wife, however, is not. This is her busiest time of the year and thus, she was not able to join my, my son, and my Favorite Mother-In-Law last night when we saw "Knives Out".

Good thing too, because it showed you a few different ways to kill someone!

Not that I'm worried about that. My love for my wife is well-documented in these pages. ISN'T IT?

In keeping with the RodeoSchro Inverse Movie Review Theorem, which states "The worse a movie is, the longer its review shall be, and vice versa", this will be a short review. Which means...

..."Knives Out" is very entertaining!

(Also, I believe that I am the only author of a Theorem that contains the phrase "and vice versa". Someone please nominate me for some kind of Science Award, thanks.)

This movie has more than a few plot twists. It's a farce disguised as a who-dun-it, and plays both genres very well.

"Knives Out" must be awarded on the basis of the approximate number of knives in the Knife Chair. I estimate the Knife Chair had 200 knives. Therefore, I rate "Knives Out" as 175 Knives out of 200 Knives. Good entertainment!

Jojo Rabbit (2019) - A young boy in Hitler's army finds out his mother is hiding a Jewish girl in their home.

This film is often zany with a few sobering moments. I thought that contrast worked although critics were more divided. Director Taika Waititi is crazy. 4/5

Although we've seen a lot of movies since the turn of the decade, it was all really building up to last night's motion picture, "Like a Boss". I figured THIS would be the movie my ladies would enjoy the most.

As with most things involving my perception of the female mind, I was wrong.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaay wrong.

Again - let me preface this by saying I don't know how the female mind works. No man does. Not even Prince really knew how the female mind worked, although he could fake it better than the rest of us guys could.

But it seems like women may not enjoy watching empowered women sticking it to overbearing women as much as men like watching dudes stick it to The Man. I guess that's why the phrase is "stick it to The Man!" and not "stick it to whatever gender is causing you grief!"

That's the only explanation I can come up with for the lack of laughs I experienced last night. Other than a few plot holes and far, far too much unnecessary dope smoking, I thought "Like a Boss" had its moment.

Of course, a lot of that may have been due to alcohol. I may have had one or two drinks before settling in. OK - I did have two Mai Tais at dinner, and then a large pour of Movie Theater Quality Pinot Noir as we took our seats.

And then another large pour of Movie Theater Quality Pinot Noir when the movie began. But I blame that one on the ten Party Women who took up our entire row. They entered the theater just as the previews were winding down, and they were smashed. Well, I hope they were smashed because they were loud. Even louder than me, if you can believe that.

So I made a snap decision (but not a "bend and snap!" decision, hahahaha) that more booze would be needed to get through 1 1/2 hours of Party Women chatter so as you can see, I was forced to get that last large pour of Movie Theater Quality Pinot Noir. Is this what people think about me when I'm in the house? Nah, couldn't be. My repartee is witty and no one can convince me otherwise.

Besides, I found out this morning that I'm an international celebrity so from now on, I should probably be on my best behavior. That, or wear a disguise when I go to the movies. Time will tell which way I go.

The way I'm going right now, however, is back to the review. But first, more about Movie Theater Quality Pinot Noir.

Now, I know that Movie Theater Quality Pinot Noir enhances many things; specfically, humor. It's why every time I said, "Bend and snap!" when Jennifer Coolidge appeared on the screen, I laughed. But no one else did, which led me to conclude that either:

1. I was in a theater packed with people that never saw "Legally Blonde";
2. I was in a theater packed with people that were way too sober/had no sense of humor; and/or
3. My efforts could not overcome the lack of funny stuff in "Like a Boss".

I'm going with a combination of 2 and 3, even though the Party Women were smashed. But you know what? They NEVER laughed at ANYTHING in the movie.

Uh oh.

"Like a Boss" just wasn't very funny to anyone except me. And I didn't like much of the movie; I just think Tiffany Haddish is hilarious. She could read a grocery list and I'd laugh.

But everything else? Yuck. As I mentioned before, there was unnecessary dope smoking and, I think, some cigarette smoking too. Someone sold out to Big Cannabis/Big Tobacco. At least there wasn't any vaping - although given the unlikability of most of the characters in this flick, vaping would have fit right in. No one likes vapers.

Plot holes abounded, too. First of all, Salma Hayek is supposed to be the villain but she really didn't do anything bad. She offered to buy into Rose Byrne and Tiffany Haddish's cosmetics firm; made a fair offer which would have given her a controlling ownership share of 51%; but then agreed to pay the same amount but only receive a non-controlling ownership of 49%. Anyone who's watched "Shark Tank" can tell you that was a fair deal.

The only thing Hayek did that was remotely "bad" was tell Byrne and Hadish they had to fire Billy Porter. And that was stupid - Porter's ability to package a particular cosmetics product was compared to the amount packaged by the machines that Hayek used. Apples and oranges! There was no reason to fire Porter but I guess that's the only really bad thing the screen writers could come up with.

I was going to point out to my ladies/surounding theater-goers that Prince had written a song about Salma Hayek and her baby but given the non-reaction to about 7 exclamations of "bend and snap!", it appeared this audience was not sophisticated enough to know who Prince was. Any of them actually having heard "Hey Valentina" was statistically impossible.

So, I laughed at all the non-dope-smoking-related jokes but time and time again, I was the only one that laughed.

"Like a Boss" is a formulaic movie that does everything The Formula requires, except have funny jokes and characters you can really root for. I'm saddened to say it, but there's really no good reason to see this movie. Not in the theater; not on Netflix; probably not even on a long airplane trip.

Think of it this way - I watched "Like a Boss" so you don't have to. It gets 0.75 Bend and Snaps out of a possible 5 Bend and Snaps. Just try to do 0.75 of a Bend and Snap and see if you don't pull a muscle. So that's it - "Like a Boss" is as popular as a pulled muscle.



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[Edited 1/12/20 10:20am]

Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (2019) - A faded television actor and his stunt double strive to achieve fame and success in the film industry during the final years of Hollywood's Golden Age in 1969 Los Angeles.

This is my favorite Quentin Tarantino film. I thought it looked and sounded spectacular. 4.5/5

Just finished the Irishman. Surely no Oscars material. It's one of the weakest maffia-movies with one of them three in it. Surely DeNiro who didn't even care acting for a single minute; he just 'did his lines'.

A big contrast to Le Mans '66: they may win it all for me. Even in this very competitive year. See it!

Jojo Rabbit: a nice little Czech movie without Czech actors and in English.

Ride Like a Girl: very good family movie

Jexi: funny comedy with a running joke involving dick pics

Zombieland 2: Stone is in it being Stone, so it's fabulous

The Lighthouse: two hours wasted in the most cruel way

The Two Popes: definitely one of the better movies i watched last months. Entertaining by IQ rather than guns and cars.

Uncut Gems: extremely annoying Adam Sandler in an extremely annoying movie.

"Her Smell" (2018)...Elizabeth Moss plays a "Courtney Love-ish" type of female rocker who is very self destructive. Midway through the film, she has a bad experience and the second half is her trying to deal with and overcome her demons. The viewer also finds out why she is the way she is..Moss is fantastic throughout the entire film. So much that the director of the film (Alex Ross Perry) wrote a letter to the Academy so she could be nominated for an Academy Award/Best Actress. Being a musician myself, I really enjoyed this film. (10)