"come here, take my hand, I'll show U."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between a Lady in the church and lady in the bathtub?

One has Hope in her Soul and One has Soap in her Hole.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man, down on his luck, went into a church which catered to the "uppity". Spotting the man's dirty clothes a deacon, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, "I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church."

The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, "Did you get a different answer?"

The man replied, "Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord said, 'Don't worry about it son; I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it yet."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

XxAxX said:

purplethunder3121 said:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between a Lady in the church and lady in the bathtub?

One has Hope in her Soul and One has Soap in her Hole.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man, down on his luck, went into a church which catered to the "uppity". Spotting the man's dirty clothes a deacon, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, "I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church."

The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, "Did you get a different answer?"

The man replied, "Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord said, 'Don't worry about it son; I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it yet."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety three."

"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said:

"It's easy, I just outlived the bitches."

A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

“How are we faring?" asks the king.

“Sire," replies the knight, “I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."

“What?!" shrieks the king. “I don’t have any enemies to the west!"

“Oh, no…" says the knight. “Well, you do now."

.

.......................................................................................................................................

.

There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home. Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders.

.

.

........................................................................................................................................

.

It's easy to explain why so many national governments are in shambles today. Empires used to be run by emperors. Kingdoms were run by kings

And now we have countries...

...................................................................................................................................

mELdOURADOsELVAGEM said:

What's your joke for today kingBad?

funny you should ask....