Pokeno4Money said:

JustErin said:

Pokeno4Money said: Maybe she has visited in the past but I've never, ever seen her. If I had not gone to see him I probably would never have known she was there. Also, I don't think he has been to any company functions since I've started. Never put much thought into it until now. He introduced me to her like she obviously already knew who I was. Like, THIS is the one I told you about. I dunno, he probably told her that people have talked about us. I stayed away for the rest of the day.

I've known wives to be very protective of their husbands, especially if the hubby is a magnet. They want to know who's spending 40 hours a week with their man, and they also want to know if any of the coworkers are single ladies. Then the wives will make office visits as a way of marking their territory. They might even go so far as to become friendly with one of their hubby's "safe" female coworkers and use them for info.

If you notice a difference in his behavior over the next few days, something's up.

Again, he says or asks one thing and I'm like Like something he asked me yesterday morning.

But then I just tell myself that it's just friendly curiosity...?

Looking back at yesterday it makes a bit more sense. I usually pick him up some lunch if I go out and yesterday I got a "I better not".

His wife was not friendly to me...but that's cool. I went over to tell him something non work related so she was probably like, wtf?

I had to see him for something today and he seems the same.

maplenpg said:

JustErin said:

I've been working here for 4 and a half years and not once have I ever seen the wife - until today when I went to see him to tell him something and there she was, stopping by for a visit!

I swear, it was a sign telling me to fuck right off.

I'd take the sign and run for the hills. You wouldn't go into a store and take a bite from your favourite chocolate bar (without paying for it), put it back, walk out and think everything was okay would you? So appreciate the great relationship you have with your work colleague and leave it there. One kiss (taking a bite from the chocolate bar that isn't yours) will change everything, either you will become a marriage wrecker, or mistress, or you will have to face the guy every day knowing that you had some sleazy fuck somewhere just to get it out of your system. You're better than that - walk away. There's plenty of single men out there. Enjoy the flirting but take it no further. That's my two-pennies worth anyway

Yeah, I'm not looking to ruin anything. I'm thinking I might just be bored because I've avoided relationships and dating for the last little while and the pickings out here are pretty slim.

I've just never had to tell myself, no - don't act on anything. It's weird and I'm clearly being stupid over something that's probably nothing at all.

maplenpg said:

JustErin said:

Pokeno4Money said: Maybe she has visited in the past but I've never, ever seen her. If I had not gone to see him I probably would never have known she was there. Also, I don't think he has been to any company functions since I've started. Never put much thought into it until now. He introduced me to her like she obviously already knew who I was. Like, THIS is the one I told you about. I dunno, he probably told her that people have talked about us. I stayed away for the rest of the day.

I think seeing her has made you see sense. You knew it wasn't sensible before, now you know it would be a bad idea

Good luck with everything. It sounds like work might be awkward for some time.

Of course it's a terrible, stupid idea!

I have issues with tempation, though...

I think it will only be awkward if I make it awkward. I won't.

JustErin said:

Again, he says or asks one thing and I'm like Like something he asked me yesterday morning.

But then I just tell myself that it's just friendly curiosity...?

Looking back at yesterday it makes a bit more sense. I usually pick him up some lunch if I go out and yesterday I got a "I better not".

His wife was not friendly to me...but that's cool. I went over to tell him something non work related so she was probably like, wtf?

I had to see him for something today and he seems the same.

Maybe the wife is jealous of you, are you hotter than her?

Okay you asked me earlier my opinion on how to release your built up lust. If you were to tell him that you think his wife is sexy (you can say that now because you've seen her) and tell him you'd like to have a 3-some with both of them, that would release your lust and also they'd both be convinced it was all about her so there'd be no tension or awkwardness between you and him ... even though it was truly all about him.

That's a good way of looking at it. Like I said earlier you're spending 40 hours a week with somebody you're really into, enjoy it for what it is.

JustErin said:

Things have taken a bit of a hilarious turn but everyone here has lost interest. I should probably just get this deleted and erased from the internet now.

So now you're teasing us! Spill the beans

Given that I'm not a coy person by any means (although I tried & failed miserably in the past) my choice wouldbe the first. Life is too short, give in, emphasis on IN

maplenpg said:

JustErin said:

maplenpg said:

So now you're teasing us! Spill the beans

Things took a bit of a weird turn when another employee made some innuendo type comments to me last week. The employee that made the comments is banging another co worker who is head over heels for him. Some of us here know about it because the girl he is banging straight up told us. Oh and this is the same dude that made inappropriate comments about my work crush and I. Well, then my work crush witnessed the dude and I interacting and by the end of the day I was being chided about our "little banter" back and forth and how the other dude is a player and that the young chick he is banging will probably lose her shit on me if I do anything - which I won't because I'm not interested at all. Even if I don't do anything the perception, because of the way he interacts with me, is enough to create a shitstorm. Or so I was told. Even just now it was brought up again and how even if I have no intention to do anything with him shit can still happen. You know, outside of work and all. Blah blah blah... I made it very clear that I'm just not interested in this other co worker but I also admitted that there is a little bit of an instigator in me. Probably should not have said that but whatever I was being honest. He then out of the blue made a comment about how he doesn't act any different with me than he does with other women at work, just that our talks are a bit longer. My heart broke a little.

Oh dear. Sounds to me like he may have been a little green-eyed of your co-worker but then realised how it all sounded? Maybe he's enjoying the temptation of being tempted but won't cross the line too (he is married - this is the right thing to do)? Seems you need to just settle with your 'little longer than the rest' chats and look elsewhere for someone to tempt you all the way

JustErin said:

if I'm being honest giving in with my sitch would be disastrous and stupid. Very stupid.

JustErin said:

I can't resist. I find him sexy as fuck. But really it would be the dumbest move to make. I also don't think he would be that stupid. For sure the fantasy of a hot hook up is much more exciting and appealing than the actual reality and consequence of it.

Having read this entire thread…

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And there is the “nub”

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Your morality is admirable....noble

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You have integrity....hold it!

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So…chill………say FORGET THIS GUY…
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We understand... tis challenging
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NOT so easy when you work with him…BUT........ FORGET THIS GUY!!!!

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HE is NOT your guy…
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Take a wide breadth from him.... don't hang out....don't spend unecessary time.... remove ALL romantic inclinations.....

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Man is taken

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Remove yourself.......heal......distance.......new goggles......see something else.....

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Take understanding and stock (not control)…..enjoy his friendship on your comfort.

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SO…

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What are you looking for? AND please do not COMPARE any other man to this guy.

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A love? Lust? Fantasy?
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Commitment, investment, ready to make IKEA?
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I read this whole thread…..and it is soothing…. thank you x

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BUT……..

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Drifting and hanging on a fantasy of a married man at work………
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You are better than that pastiche

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Erin….get out of wherever you live….because you are wider in mind, body, spirit…….and dating pool!
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I wish U love in your endeavours..... Hx

C'mon Erin

You are clearly smart and attractive

Failing to understand why you appear somewhat trapped?

Your "office" is just that - an office

"Bigger picture" - what are you looking for?

A Boyfriend? An FWB? A Partner? A Husband?

If whatever the above is, and you aren't getting it where you are...then why not explore?

You are young, attractive, obviously intelligent - so what is the real deal here?

What is holding you back from either finding an eligible man where you live (if that is truly what you want?) - or adventuring outside of the world you inhabit?

Is this is about a Man - moreso, is this about you...? and btw, no single person is defined by being single...

There is something more to this orange

Everybody's looking for the Ladder

Peace Hx

Well... better for you or for him?

JustErin said:

Better for me, of course! Connected - I'm not looking for anything really. Well thats not entirely true. I just want uncomplicated no strings sex right now but just can't do that with randoms. I have "reserves" but they are in another city - which I recently visited and had a nice time. But now I'm back here in the land of unfuckables...

Wouldn't you rather be wined and dined, have good conversation, laughter, be loved and make love rather than just fucking? Don't you get laughter, love and warmth from your work colleague, everything aside from the physical - which is why you crave the physical? Surely there are some single, decent, unattached men around your area that would love the chance to date you - maybe you need to give some a chance? I don't know - I get the whole not wanted to be in a serious relationship but I'd like to think men see you as more than someone to fuck. Sorry, just my twopennies worth.

See...this is how easy I get pulled back in. I was doing my own thing today, trying to stay away and we ran into each other and he asked me how "insert town here" was at such and such at time this past Saturday and I was like, how do you know I was there? He then tells me that he was also in the area and noticed me drive by.

Not a big deal, for sure. But now I'm like, shit, that's a good eye he's got. and of course I'm also like

JustErin said:

Better for me, of course! Connected - I'm not looking for anything really. Well thats not entirely true. I just want uncomplicated no strings sex right now but just can't do that with randoms. I have "reserves" but they are in another city - which I recently visited and had a nice time. But now I'm back here in the land of unfuckables...

I totally get this! Similar boat...and also enjoy physical relationships but not without an emotional connection...and occassional companionship...whilst maintaining independence...

Regarding this chap at work - may I propose an alternative perspective which I probably did not put eloquently before...

This guy knows that you like him and enjoys a flirtatious, sexually charged relationship...

He is getting a boost out of it - but in a nice contained environment...where he then can still go home to his wife and not have the guilt of infidelity.

i.e.... he may see you as his "work girlfriend"... allowing him to safely interact coquettishly without ramifications.

That is fine for him...and you...as long as it doesn't have an impact on you...

End of the day...he has nothing to lose because he goes home and can have his "work girlfriend" fantasy

But...what is the impact on you?

Does this flirtation cloud your mind and emotional well-being? or are you able to take it for the superficial office "banter" and fun?

If yes - then cool, and enjoy the flirtation for what it is - a bit of harmless office spice...

If not - then I'll be brutal and say you probably need to give him a wide berth...as he has you "on the hook" so to speak.

Why? - because it may be occupying your mind/being and side-tracking you to see other possible opportunities because you are fixed/sighted on this ineligible chap.

Ultimately, it is about you Erin and are you getting what you want out of a superficial (albeit sexually tense) friendship...or is it at a bigger cost.

Sometimes we can get a bit distracted and blinkered which results in other real opportunities passing us by...

What I do know, is you are very capable of attaining whatever you wish...

BTW...where on earth is this strange place you live in - that there are no eligible men?!?!?

Peace...x

[Edited 9/7/16 3:50am]

Apologies....can't resist....

And a loon you may be!!!

Yes – Animotion “Obsession”….classic 80s

My point was…. You seem like a really switched on, nice girl with alot going for you…

I have no idea of your personal circumstances…

But just never feel trapped or indeed confined…there is always an alternative way…

The world is broad, colourful and unknown…unburden yourself...

Why not just say “fuck it” and explore? adventure?....play?

Only got one time around right?

And you are smart and equipped….so "fuck it"….maybe you have outgrown the small city…..

"Time for something new….and that means you to…"

You are somewhat frustrating!!!!!!! Ruddy loon

Peace….x

I know I'm frustrating...always have been...

My friend here at work thinks I'm being "mean" because I'm interacting with guys here that are interested and I'm not. But I'm just being friendly...I'm not really leading anyone on. We can all be friends, right?

I'm up to meeting anyone just not actively searching and don't really care all that much. I'm here in this area for at least a couple more years then I'm out.

"What dreams may come... When we have shuffled off this mortall coil... Must give us pause."

Being brutal...

Either a "tease" or a "mind-fuck"...

Neither is fruitful or sustainable...

Men/Women who play along... fall into categories:

1) Those that see it for what it is.... and make relationships elsewhere...

2) Those that are confused and enjoy a sparky relationship...and ultimately doomed but fun!

3) Those that are dominant/submissive rather than equal/open... which leads to resentment on either side...and again is doomed

“Eyes wide open"... we only have one time around on this mortal coil...

I wish U love...I wish U heaven...

Peace….x

JustErin said:

Things have taken a bit of a hilarious turn but everyone here has lost interest. I should probably just get this deleted and erased from the internet now.

I didn't lose interest, I just forgot the title of the thread.