I curious on what's considered bad. Based on what I've seen in this thread most people assume it's someone who is doing cruel things to the significant other. But what if someone is "bad" in outsiders eyes but they treat their significant other like royalty? I'm just taking mug shot guy as an example, not that I know how he treats his wife, but I'm just making up assumptions here right now. Plus Ti and Tiny were mentioned, I know Ti has been in jail a lot but how does that translate into how he treats Tiny? Maybe he's really good to her, I don't keep up with these things, so maybe he has tried to rearrange her face like that other (ex)couple I won't mention.

morningsong said:

I curious on what's considered bad. Based on what I've seen in this thread most people assume it's someone who is doing cruel things to the significant other. But what if someone is "bad" in outsiders eyes but they treat their significant other like royalty? I'm just taking mug shot guy as an example, not that I know how he treats his wife, but I'm just making up assumptions here right now. Plus Ti and Tiny were mentioned, I know Ti has been in jail a lot but how does that translate into how he treats Tiny? Maybe he's really good to her, I don't keep up with these things, so maybe he has tried to rearrange her face like that other (ex)couple I won't mention.

Food for thought!

For my son. Because I have low self esteem. Because I thought we could change him.

..

Dated him 10 years ago against the wishes of my friend, his sister. Bad credit, in and out of jail, problems with authority, consistent unemployment, the list goes on. He was a bad boy. Took 3 grand from me and ran. He gave me drama, risk, hot sex, attention.

..

10 years later, I gave up the grudge. Thought I had nothing to lose. Had a house, a great job, who cares I'm having fun. Met up again. He pleaded with me that he'd changed. He was just a kid back then. Give him another chance.

..

Got pregnant at 34. He promised the world. He never changed. We have a two year old.

..

We go to court. We agree and then when out of court, he disagrees. He blows up my phone all the time. He demands shit of me, when I do it, it's never enough.

...

Bad boys - no. No more for me.

For some folks male or female "The crazy you know is better than the crazy you don't know." ~ Iyanla Vanzandt

Now why I did it is another story LOL..........

luv4u said:

ThisOne said:

Chancellor said: What if they appear a certain way but after marriage they start changing and as the years pass they just get worse They start to reveal their 'other side' and it's not pretty and one realises everything b4 was just fake arse act

What was going on in the dating relationship prior to marriage was happening and does carry over into the marriage. Some folks see things they don't like but refuse to take their rose coloured glasses off, coz the woman or man were already like that to begin with. What you see is what you get.

Some folks leave the mess and others stay because they "love" the person, and/or for various other reasons. Abuse in any form is not love, it is hate..... power and control. Those that choose to stay in it do not realize that there are supports out there that can help you start a new life ...... abuse comes in many forms. You cannot change the person. A leopards spots never change. They are what they are.

I was a domestic violence survivor. I left dimwit yearssss ago and took my 2 toddlers (who were being abused by him) and an unborn child (he so desperately wanted aborted), and never once went back. I filed my police report with the domestic violence unit at the police station after dimwit left for work which seems like hoursssss before he left the house.



If you go back you will just be going back to what you left. It will not get better. You may even get killed by the abuser.

Wow, Luv, thanks for sharing this. That took a lot of courage. How long were you with him before you were married? It seems like your situation was unique in that you didn't seem to go back and forth with your ex-husband. I bet that wasn't easy, or was it?

honeyandmilk said:

For my son. Because I have low self esteem. Because I thought we could change him.

..

Dated him 10 years ago against the wishes of my friend, his sister. Bad credit, in and out of jail, problems with authority, consistent unemployment, the list goes on. He was a bad boy. Took 3 grand from me and ran. He gave me drama, risk, hot sex, attention.

..

10 years later, I gave up the grudge. Thought I had nothing to lose. Had a house, a great job, who cares I'm having fun. Met up again. He pleaded with me that he'd changed. He was just a kid back then. Give him another chance.

..

Got pregnant at 34. He promised the world. He never changed. We have a two year old.

..

We go to court. We agree and then when out of court, he disagrees. He blows up my phone all the time. He demands shit of me, when I do it, it's never enough.

...

Bad boys - no. No more for me.

Sounds like he was one of those guys who seek out women who have their stuff together. Before you know it, they've upended your life and you're left wondering how it happened. Good for you that you are still going strong.

ThisOne said:

What if they appear a certain way but after marriage they start changing and as the years pass they just get worse They start to reveal their 'other side' and it's not pretty and one realises everything b4 was just fake arse act

Excellent, excellent point becuz it happens..Some Men & Women do reveal their Monster-selves after the marriage..It's crazy but true...And that's also why some people get an annulment with the Quickness...LOL...I'll deal with her CRA-CRA if she Rich..So she can go right ahead and stab me with a dinner fork cuz i'm gonna by a new car with her money...

luv4u said:

morningsong said:

OK another random what if based on what I'm reading in the thread. An extreme example The BTK guy, he hid his true self pretty well, for all appearances he was a nice guy. So its possible disciplined people can hid their true selves. I guess it depends on the motives. One who knows they have issues vs. someone who doesn't think they have issues. Some seek out those they can manipulate or be manipulated by some thrive on the drama until they just get tired if it. I think a lot just take advantage of whatever given situation they're in, like they slowly discover what they can and can't get away with.

Yeah I remember when they caught that guy and said how it was bizarre that he was a Sunday school teacher or something! I remember when they were profiling this dude on America's Most Wanted (before he was caught, of course) and they were talking about the heinous things he was doing, it was horrible. What makes it even more bizarre is that his wife said she had no clue.

I saw a movie a few years ago that was similar. It basically was showing a man doing a lot of weird things and then it ends with him going home to his wife, sitting on the couch and saying his day was "fine"...

I guess unless you're a mindreader, it's nearly impossible to know what's going on in any given situation.

It could be low sef-esteem or he's paying the bills or the combination of the two.

Or in the case of that mug shot fool with the bedroom eyes: he looks good. Orange is the new black, but I digress

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Or in the case of that mug shot fool with the bedroom eyes: he looks good. Orange is the new black, but I digress

i rest my case

HuMpThAnG said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Or in the case of that mug shot fool with the bedroom eyes: he looks good. Orange is the new black, but I digress

i rest my case

Stop laughing ladies, he now has an "agent" that might sue you for talking about her high profile client

SeventeenDayze said:

SeventeenDayze said:

HuMpThAnG said:

i rest my case

Stop laughing ladies, he now has an "agent" that might sue you for talking about her high profile client

That "agent" would be his parole officer

Beautifulstarr123 said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Stop laughing ladies, he now has an "agent" that might sue you for talking about her high profile client

That "agent" would be his parole officer

Now THAT'S funny! LOL This so-called agent must be a ride-or-die chick herself because despite getting death threats from other gang members, she's still sticking with this guy! Geez! LOL

JustErin said:

This is no mystery. It's simply about lack of confidence and esteem. Too many women have the "well, this is as good as it will get for me, so better not lose it all". Sure, they also think they might be the one that changes them...but it's really about self esteem.

Also, nice guys do not finish last. That's a total load.

They do if they are un-attractive.

IMHO Really good looking people lack personalities and tend to be assholes, a little ugliness always makes a person a bit humble and that humility is what leads to a compassionate heart.

Cocky guys generally know they got it going on, so they really do not go out of their way to be nice to a ladies because they feel they can get another lady easily.

The sad part is... nice people want to date "good looking" people and never look closely at character traits. So a nice girl will want the hot guy and not care about his character as long as he is hot and then she is shocked when he treats her badly, and vice versa.

paintedlady said:

IMHO Really good looking people lack personalities and tend to be assholes, a little ugliness always makes a person a bit humble and that humility is what leads to a compassionate heart.

Cocky guys generally know they got it going on, so they really do not go out of their way to be nice to a ladies because they feel they can get another lady easily.

The sad part is... nice people want to date "good looking" people and never look closely at character traits. So a nice girl will want the hot guy and not care about his character as long as he is hot and then she is shocked when he treats her badly, and vice versa.

Excellent points.

paintedlady said:

paintedlady said:

IMHO Really good looking people lack personalities and tend to be assholes, a little ugliness always makes a person a bit humble and that humility is what leads to a compassionate heart.

Cocky guys generally know they got it going on, so they really do not go out of their way to be nice to a ladies because they feel they can get another lady easily.

The sad part is... nice people want to date "good looking" people and never look closely at character traits. So a nice girl will want the hot guy and not care about his character as long as he is hot and then she is shocked when he treats her badly, and vice versa.

Well, I wouldn't say all of them.

SeventeenDayze said:

morningsong said:

paintedlady said:

JustErin said:

free2bfreeda said:

The women in relationships have this belief that they can change the "bad" guy. So they take and take. Finally sfter years of mental, emotional and many times physical abuse, they get the message and move on.

I agree with this too. Taking on the rescuer role, and in some cases, being familiar with the behaviour and not realizing they deserve better, cause aspects of being treated that way was normal in their upbringing.

TheBahtMaster said:

Another thing to consider is that some women, especially past a certain age, are afraid to be alone. A woman who is single and of a certain age is treated like a leper.

Marriage seems to be going out of style anyway, so maybe some of these societal expectations will disappear and make it easier for more people to accept being single as "okay".

SeventeenDayze said:

Another thing to consider is that some women, especially past a certain age, are afraid to be alone. A woman who is single and of a certain age is treated like a leper.

Marriage seems to be going out of style anyway, so maybe some of these societal expectations will disappear and make it easier for more people to accept being single as "okay".

Exactly and some men/potential partners take this for weakness