Not that I was having that particular problem with my son, but one summer I had him volunteer at a shelter for vets with mental issues. He saw real quick how good he had it. Maybe something like that will help open your son's eyes.

All I know for sure is that at that age, they take advice from people outside their own family far more than from if their parents say it. So another thing you can do is set him up with a mentor or two, who could give him the advice you want him to hear. If he respects the mentor, he'll listen to the advice.

its funny - as i read this- i wanted to say "you are not alone" ...

I have a 13 yr old girl - just starting the teen years .

I am always taking mental notes ... of those who have been there before me ~!

My son was fine, no issues at all as a teenager. My daughter was/is a holy fucking terror. I don't believe there is anything that will make her get it.

From what my mom has said, and that I can remember, I was a really calm teenager and never

really had issues with my mom.

My sister was boy crazy as hell, always trying to "change" herself depending on who she was trying

to impress. She didn't start calming down until she was about 19.

My younger brother had his moments. I was his proxy mother. I made sure he had a lot of room

to do what he wanted, but always was there for him and willing to offer advise or a listening ear

without judgement. The harder you try to hold them, the harder they will fight. He settled down

around 15-16.

My other brother is still a fucking terror. He is a grown ass man but still calls my mom from time to

time to either 1) try and get money from her or 2) scream and curse at her.

my mom just terrorised my brother and me into such complete submission

before puberty that we felt like forgetting to whipe our feet would ring in an

apocalypse.

.

which is why i had to rebel in a half hearted, ham fisted kind of way when i

was already 17 and started making friends who were like "dude, are you

for real with this shit?"

.

but even then it was a pretty mild transition. my parents were like "oh, ok,

you finally figured out that we can't really force you to do anthing. oh well,

it was nice while it lasted but still, let's have some new rules then, ok?"

.

and that was it.

We didnt have a problems with them at all!!!, and they didnt have problems with us.. I loved all phases of their lives! But we are a pretty close family, I think that helps..

I also never treated them like their ideas or opnions didnt matter like my parents did to me... In turn, they were very well behaved and if we did have issues we could work it out... In the end, they knew we were the parents and had the final say, but I wasnt unreasonable...

Now, dont think we were sissy tree hugging parents either... its just we respected them and they in turn respected us..

I don't have any kids, but I always think when parents have issues with their kids, "Can't you remember how you felt when you were that age?" I remember when I was 13, I had minor issues, like being a little "on edge," but I chalked it up to hormone changes. But after that, I was fine. I wasn't the rebellious sort, and I was very responsible as a teenager. I attest that to good home training. I knew if I followed the straignt and narrow, my parents would allow me greater freedom and would have no problems trusting me. My childhood and teenage years? The best years of my life. I'd go back in a heartbeat.

[Edited 6/11/13 12:11pm]

I'm steeling myself for it. Junior is turning 15 but he's very calm like I was. (TOO calm, as I mentioned in my thread about him recently).

My daughter is 13 and hasn't gone "boy crazy" yet. I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

My youngest is 11, but he's the one I dread hitting puberty the most. A few months back he decided to "move" my car while it was warming up...put it in drive, went as far as the stop sign, then put it in reverse and tried his best to put it back where it was.

Lord help me.

My 22 year old son gave me back what I gave him when he was a teen.

I am sarcastic in my responses to him, he in turn became a smartass.

So I spoke to him and stopped my snarky responses and he did the same.

He also needed a step by step "how-to-get-it-done" time line with getting a job, doing home work, staying organized, getting into college, etc.

My son needed structure and he needed me to KEEP my word and be about what ever I said. Had to walk the walk and not just talk it.

He needed the guidance and I learned that when he got bigger than me, (I am a single parent) he confused his new found strength for "being right". Testosterone is a bitch when a boy thinks he can take you.

I also was smart in keeping him away from knuckleheaded friends who were all about using him or getting high.

I did have a tough time when he dicovered pussy and the skank attached to it. Thank God I was right about her and he finally saw it after years of her pulling the wool over his eyes. Poor thang.

Talking to him had to be dailed up, because now he was a young adult and I had to explain the "why's" and not just tell him the "how's" . Patience was key and laying aside my anger and frustrations paid off in the end.

Now I have two more kids (12 and 10) ... I hope to do as well (if not better) with them too.

My son was fine through his teenage years, he was my responsible, driven child, then he hit 20 and I have no idea what happened, he went left field on me, but we're hanging in there, I see some sparks of hope. My daughter, wasn't bad, just flighty and unfocused, but then she was always like that it just went into overdrive in the teen years, she'd jump from one thing to the next, and don't let me complement her and tell her she was good at something that was reason enough to quit doing it.

PurpleJedi said:

I'm steeling myself for it. Junior is turning 15 but he's very calm like I was. (TOO calm, as I mentioned in my thread about him recently).

My daughter is 13 and hasn't gone "boy crazy" yet. I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

My youngest is 11, but he's the one I dread hitting puberty the most. A few months back he decided to "move" my car while it was warming up...put it in drive, went as far as the stop sign, then put it in reverse and tried his best to put it back where it was.

Lord help me.

I have a friend who has a son who decided to do the very same thing. She had a brand new Triumph sports car, and her son decided he would move it for her to a better parking spot. She had it parked in front of a chain link fence. Junior emded up putting the gear in reverse , stepped on the gas and ended up in the fence. Doris said she beat his ass so bad she called her sister to come get him because she was afraid she was going to kill his ass.

[Edited 6/11/13 12:38pm]

[Edited 6/11/13 12:43pm]

PurpleJedi said:

I'm steeling myself for it. Junior is turning 15 but he's very calm like I was. (TOO calm, as I mentioned in my thread about him recently).

My daughter is 13 and hasn't gone "boy crazy" yet. I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

My youngest is 11, but he's the one I dread hitting puberty the most. A few months back he decided to "move" my car while it was warming up...put it in drive, went as far as the stop sign, then put it in reverse and tried his best to put it back where it was.

Lord help me.

Now that it's summer time, I hope you've taken my advice, let the oldest one get his yard work Jones on, and realize just how unbelievably lucky you are!

Shyra said:

PurpleJedi said:

I'm steeling myself for it. Junior is turning 15 but he's very calm like I was. (TOO calm, as I mentioned in my thread about him recently).

My daughter is 13 and hasn't gone "boy crazy" yet. I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

My youngest is 11, but he's the one I dread hitting puberty the most. A few months back he decided to "move" my car while it was warming up...put it in drive, went as far as the stop sign, then put it in reverse and tried his best to put it back where it was.

Lord help me.

I have a friend who has a son who decided to do the very same thing. She had a brand new Triumph sports car, and her son decided he would move it for her to a better parking spot. She had it parked in front of a chain link fence. Junior emded up putting the gear in reverse , stepped on the gas and ended up in the fence. Doris said she beat his ass so bad she called her sister to come get him because she was afraid she was going to kill his ass.

[Edited 6/11/13 12:38pm]

[Edited 6/11/13 12:43pm]

My brother and I did something like that once to my mom's sedan. We put it in neutral, it started rolling, and luckily a light pole stopped our progress.

Well, not "luckily" since we smashed the car, but it did keep us from rolling into traffic.

Those stories remind me of my younger brother and I when I was 14 or 15, before I got my DL.. We had a really long drive way, my mom worked late at night so she would nap in the afternoons, so we used to drive up and down the driveway!

Perseverence. The Teenage years seem endless.

ZombieKitten said:

I've got 11 years of teenagehood to live through starting this year!

god.

help.

you.

Did it with 3 boys too

There is a very good reason as to why most adolescents act out. The prefrontal cortex, the lobe just behind the forhead (soft spot on a baby) does not fully develop untill about age 25. It is the last area of the brain to reach maturation - as the brain actually develops from back to front. This prefrontal cortex area controls, or rather doesn't control well - social situations, inappropriate behavior, good judgement/making decisions, problem solving, impulse control and more. In short, teens have less white matter than a grown adult. The white matter (mylin) is where the neural connections grow and in a teen there is very little. As teens age, the connectivity starts routing and by 25 the highway is ready to sort, process and analyse information.

So if more parents understood this AND talked about it with their children, so that they too understand why they feel the way they do...it can all be a little more forgiving for everyone. I feel so sorry for teens with parents that ride their asses hard, constantly - without taking any of this into consideration.

Red said:

Red said:

There is a very good reason as to why most adolescents act out. The prefrontal cortex, the lobe just behind the forhead (soft spot on a baby) does not fully develop untill about age 25. It is the last area of the brain to reach maturation - as the brain actually develops from back to front. This prefrontal cortex area controls, or rather doesn't control well - social situations, inappropriate behavior, good judgement/making decisions, problem solving, impulse control and more. In short, teens have less white matter than a grown adult. The white matter (mylin) is where the neural connections grow and in a teen there is very little. As teens age, the connectivity starts routing and by 25 the highway is ready to sort, process and analyse information.

So if more parents understood this AND talked about it with their children, so that they too understand why they feel the way they do...it can all be a little more forgiving for everyone. I feel so sorry for teens with parents that ride their asses hard, constantly - without taking any of this into consideration.

Which is exactly what I said!

of course, then U get the smart aleck kid that will use this to their advantage..."sorry Mom, but my prefrontal cortex isn't working". Good luck ZombieKitten - it's a ride.

my son is a very good 8 almost 9 year old. he makes honor roll at school, wins awards, etc....but the teenage years do scare me, because i've seen plenty of wonderful kids turn into nightmare teens.

Red said:

There is a very good reason as to why most adolescents act out. The prefrontal cortex, the lobe just behind the forhead (soft spot on a baby) does not fully develop untill about age 25. It is the last area of the brain to reach maturation - as the brain actually develops from back to front. This prefrontal cortex area controls, or rather doesn't control well - social situations, inappropriate behavior, good judgement/making decisions, problem solving, impulse control and more. In short, teens have less white matter than a grown adult. The white matter (mylin) is where the neural connections grow and in a teen there is very little. As teens age, the connectivity starts routing and by 25 the highway is ready to sort, process and analyse information.

So if more parents understood this AND talked about it with their children, so that they too understand why they feel the way they do...it can all be a little more forgiving for everyone. I feel so sorry for teens with parents that ride their asses hard, constantly - without taking any of this into consideration.

Hey, I've tried telling teenagers they only have half a brain.

Trust me, it doesn't work.

what were U like at 17 Rodeo?

Stymie said:

My son was fine, no issues at all as a teenager. My daughter was/is a holy fucking terror. I don't believe there is anything that will make her get it.

...and an outside mentor. How about calling an expert from overseas?

KoolEaze said:

Stymie said:

My son was fine, no issues at all as a teenager. My daughter was/is a holy fucking terror. I don't believe there is anything that will make her get it.

...and an outside mentor. How about calling an expert from overseas?

I'd like to know how to make it through as well. My kids are 16, 17 and 20. They are lazy, inconsiderate, rude, mean and unappreciative. When they were babies, I would cry sometimes because it was so hard having them so close together, it was overwhelming many times. Now, they make me cry just by being so awful to me. Of course, I don't let them see my cry! It's like everything that I do or say to them, annoys them.