[Edited 6/16/13 5:17am]

I always laugh when I hear my siblings talk about their teenage children because I remember my mother telling them when they were teenagers...."I can't wait until you have a teenager and I hope he or she gives you as much hell as you're giving me right now.".

Adria said:

I'd like to know how to make it through as well. My kids are 16, 17 and 20. They are lazy, inconsiderate, rude, mean and unappreciative. When they were babies, I would cry sometimes because it was so hard having them so close together, it was overwhelming many times. Now, they make me cry just by being so awful to me. Of course, I don't let them see my cry! It's like everything that I do or say to them, annoys them.

My nephews were 2 years apart and they were literally born competing with each other and fighting fighting fighting. I lived with them for 10 years and I thank God I am gay. NO KIDS FOR ME!

nakedpianoplayer said:

I've tried grounding, taking things away, heart to heart convos, reward systems, extra privileges if she keeps her grades up....I can't seem to shake her up. I'm reading this thread for ideas so hopefully someone has experience raising a girl who's 15, almost 16 and doesn't care about school knows some good ideas that I don't

Can you please lay out how your reward system worked?

Ha...... the last couple of years for me too have been tense with my now 19yr old daughter.

Great in school, great grades, no problems with boys or drugs or drinking or anything like that.

I just hate the know it all attitude and the rolling of the eyes like they've have it all in their head.

Alittle lazy too but if they want they can get up and get it.

Just stope giving to them and make them earn stuff.

You want money.... get a job.

You want to go somewhere..... ride your bike.

You think you know it all..... let them know they don't when they need you.

Oh, but you need to let them start making up their own choices and that's cool and part of groing up, but not with an attitude.

Remember, that the are growing up and want to make their choices but don't know shit yet.

Let them make them and fix them too. The hardest part is having both parents on the same track level but most of the time they aren't. And that makes it good parent / bad parent.

But I've always said I'll be that bad parent if what I'm doing is good for them.

Take the good with the bad and look at the whole picture and what's going on with them.

As long as they aren't sneaking around and lying, I can let other stuff slide.

We've been there as kids but parenting is tuff and didn't come a rule book so you do the best you can.

I work with a lady whose twins repeated 12th grade and she bitched at them for the last 4 years of highschool to get out of bed and get to school and stay in class while she was at work.

One passed and one didn't. Now this kid is repeating 12 grade a third time!!!! Third time.... why would you do that when you can't stand going to school.

So I kinda feel lucky with the little attitude I get and not all the other bullshit....... just look at the big picture with your kids.

As far as the 17, 19 and 20yr old not respecting me..... throw their asses out and let them figure out how to support themselves adn they might show you some respect.

ps.. I have a 15yr old daughter too.... so far so good with her but since she got her period.... I seen some crazy building up.... maybe that's it with the girls????

[Edited 6/17/13 14:38pm]

My 19yr old went up to 1st yr of college this year and I couldn't wait.

Last year of High school was buggin the shit out of me and I just kinda kept to my self and let the wife handle everything. She thought it was going to be great going away to college until the day she did she almost cried of anxiety. It took her a good couple of months to get used to it but I think that's part of growing up. She had it made at home with love and comforts and took it for granted. The wife had to have a big blow out session with her at Christmas break for acting like a princess and not helping out. I think me telling her she is either getting or job or taking more school over the summer made her think. She's working part time in an office by her mom to make money cause I said find a job or have nothing this summer. I gave her a used car but she has to pay her gas and insurance every month and any repairs or not drive it.

You gotta start setting the boundaries. When they get tired of the rules as they get older then then will move out to make it on their own. We all did.

Hang in there but make sure you and your wife set rules and stick to them.

Kids need rules in life to make it in society or they become the little punks we hate at the bus stop.

ZombieKitten said:

Red said:

There is a very good reason as to why most adolescents act out. The prefrontal cortex, the lobe just behind the forhead (soft spot on a baby) does not fully develop untill about age 25. It is the last area of the brain to reach maturation - as the brain actually develops from back to front. This prefrontal cortex area controls, or rather doesn't control well - social situations, inappropriate behavior, good judgement/making decisions, problem solving, impulse control and more. In short, teens have less white matter than a grown adult. The white matter (mylin) is where the neural connections grow and in a teen there is very little. As teens age, the connectivity starts routing and by 25 the highway is ready to sort, process and analyse information.

So if more parents understood this AND talked about it with their children, so that they too understand why they feel the way they do...it can all be a little more forgiving for everyone. I feel so sorry for teens with parents that ride their asses hard, constantly - without taking any of this into consideration.

and

[Edited 6/17/13 17:43pm]

LadyCasanova said: