Genesia said:

If it's X-rated, it's a lust letter - not a love letter.

This is stoopid. I found some old letters my wife and I wrote about 10 years ago and they're very x-rated in places, but they're definitely love letters too. Do we have to have buzz words like lust letters, really? Sounds silly.

Fauxie wrote to his spouse; not to someone elses spouse.

Big difference.

Don't waste your creativity on a married man.

Or better yet, keep a journal, bound one and write "letters" that you have zero intention of ripping out of the journal.

Read them later and see what you think of your own creative writing.

You can do with love letters what you do with hate letters that should never be sent, write them, read them and burn them.

What about sending soft porn clips to them under an anonymous email address? Is that psycho/weird?

Does Penthouse Forums even exist anymore???

RenHoek said:

Does Penthouse Forums even exist anymore???

Hmm, good question. I'm not really sure but that would be worth an investigation of some sort

KidaDynamite said:

I wanna read these letters.......POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!!!

Sorry for the delay, here's one below:

__________________________________________________________________________________

In every corner of my sexual mind, the thoughts of tasting you, scratching you and riding you for hours makes me feel so delighted. I'm guilty of Pastorbation...

SeventeenDayze said:

KidaDynamite said:

I wanna read these letters.......POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!!!

Sorry for the delay, here's one below:

__________________________________________________________________________________

In every corner of my sexual mind, the thoughts of tasting you, scratching you and riding you for hours makes me feel so delighted. I'm guilty of Pastorbation...

The thoughts of stroking you and watching you tremble in a moment of heated passion give me third degree sexual burns!

Cold showers are not cure for the incessant, dirty images of you that roam from my mind to every part of my body. Pastorbation is a sin-filled cancer. I'm on life support and defenseless...

When I pastorbate, your cum runneth over from my lips, to my hips and beyond...

HOLY JEEBUS!!!!

i luv dirty talk, andf writing stuff!!!!

If I was to send one it would b like this…….

The other day I thought about you ~ again

And again we are together in my bed

The window is open and there is a small breeze pushing the curtains apart, allowing the light of the moon to create a silhouette of your body over mine.

I see you clearly, your eyes beaming blue as u stare at me whilst you gently brushed the bra strap off my shoulder. My legs are apart allowing you the space to move in toward me. I just sit there as you kiss the other side of the bra off.

Your hands trembled in attempt to remove it, I can sense the uncertainty of where you think the clips are, a typical man – unaware of how easy it really is – you move back allowing me to do it for you. That is all I do, and i let it sit there; just hanging over my nipples, ready for your tongue to slide it away.

A second lapses and you stare at me, a second that could easily be an eternity in the gage of sexual activity. I hold my breath as you lean toward me softly touching my lips with a little kiss, where does such gentleness come from, how could this kiss touch me this way; I can not contain myself…… I am now an animal hungry for that feast that lies between your legs….. this tender kiss turns savage and then we…………………..

Oh dear I’m tired, I’ll have to leave it there 4 now

SeventeenDayze said:

KidaDynamite said:

I wanna read these letters.......POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!!!

Sorry for the delay, here's one below:

__________________________________________________________________________________

In every corner of my sexual mind, the thoughts of tasting you, scratching you and riding you for hours makes me feel so delighted. I'm guilty of Pastorbation...

The thoughts of stroking you and watching you tremble in a moment of heated passion give me third degree sexual burns!

Cold showers are not cure for the incessant, dirty images of you that roam from my mind to every part of my body. Pastorbation is a sin-filled cancer. I'm on life support and defenseless...

When I pastorbate, your cum runneth over from my lips, to my hips and beyond...

Not hot: disturbing.

good job this one!

[Edited 3/11/13 8:15am]

SeventeenDayze said:

KidaDynamite said:

I wanna read these letters.......POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!! POST THEM!!!!!

Sorry for the delay, here's one below:

__________________________________________________________________________________

In every corner of my sexual mind, the thoughts of tasting you, scratching you and riding you for hours makes me feel so delighted. I'm guilty of Pastorbation...

The thoughts of stroking you and watching you tremble in a moment of heated passion give me third degree sexual burns!

Cold showers are not cure for the incessant, dirty images of you that roam from my mind to every part of my body. Pastorbation is a sin-filled cancer. I'm on life support and defenseless...

When I pastorbate, your cum runneth over from my lips, to my hips and beyond...

Good lord!

I was thinking of writing an 80s Prince style sex ballad for someone but my friend told me it would be far less creepy if I just sent her a Facebook message and asked her out.

You know what I'm saying.

Congratulations. Level 1 completed.

SeventeenDayze said:

What about sending soft porn clips to them under an anonymous email address? Is that psycho/weird?

Leave that married man alone!!!!!!!!!!!!! and yes, its weird...very weird.... very very weird!

Girl, there is always MORE dick... ALWAYS!!

and this time if he is married or "in a complicated situation" leave his trifling ass alone.

Life is too short for that mess.

Especially after you are slapping folks with lawsuits! I would never want to hear from a person who slapped me with a lawsuit let alone see them naked.

Painted, I was chucklin at "Trifling ass"... Then I saw Ya sig.

Fonkyman said:

Painted, I was chucklin at "Trifling ass"... Then I saw Ya sig.

its comedy gold I tell ya... comic GOLD!!!

I giggle everytime I say "pastorbation".... I really do.

There is always more dick. Always.

There is always more pussy. Always.

Never a need for any drama.

paintedlady said:

There is always more dick. Always.

There is always more pussy. Always.

Never a need for any drama.

That's gotta be the shortest x-rated love letter I ever read. Fanks.

Fonkyman said:

paintedlady said:

There is always more dick. Always.

There is always more pussy. Always.

Never a need for any drama.

That's gotta be the shortest x-rated love letter I ever read. Fanks.

Thanks for the additional love letters folks.

The guy was an asshole so I decided to have a bit of fun with his mind at his expense. The same way he has mistreated a whole lot of people, it finally came back on him for a change.

here's one i wrote

dear female... when i see you i want to kiss you ... i want our tongues to touch and them to wrestle... your tongue can be hulk hogan and my tongue can just be a young up and comer... your tongue can win by holding my tongue down for 3 seconds... there'll be no need to throw chairs

i'll be so worn out from the wrestle i'll lay down... you can then poop on my chest and run away giggling like a school girl... i'll pretend i'm mad and throw the poop at you... you'll then catch it and our eyes will lock.. i'll be so impressed with your reflexes and fine motor skills, i'll hardly notice the crowd beginning to gather around us... you'll start to look confused as you won't quite know what to do with the poop... i'll be all chivalrous and romantic and come and dispose of it for you... then we'll go for coffee

to be continued

SeventeenDayze said:

Thanks for the additional love letters folks.

The guy was an asshole so I decided to have a bit of fun with his mind at his expense. The same way he has mistreated a whole lot of people, it finally came back on him for a change.

Who.......the Pastor?

MoBetterBliss said:

KidaDynamite said:

Who.......the Pastor?

MoBetterBliss said:

dear female... when i see you i want to kiss you ... i want our tongues to touch and them to wrestle... your tongue can be hulk hogan and my tongue can just be a young up and comer... your tongue can win by holding my tongue down for 3 seconds... there'll be no need to throw chairs

i'll be so worn out from the wrestle i'll lay down... you can then poop on my chest and run away giggling like a school girl... i'll pretend i'm mad and throw the poop at you... you'll then catch it and our eyes will lock.. i'll be so impressed with your reflexes and fine motor skills, i'll hardly notice the crowd beginning to gather around us... you'll start to look confused as you won't quite know what to do with the poop... i'll be all chivalrous and romantic and come and dispose of it for you... then we'll go for coffee

to be continued

SeventeenDayze said:

Thanks for the additional love letters folks.

The guy was an asshole so I decided to have a bit of fun with his mind at his expense. The same way he has mistreated a whole lot of people, it finally came back on him for a change.

These threads are too long to read through, so please clear me up on the following:

Why is he an asshole?

How has he mistreated a whole bunch of other people?

You sent him these letters to have fun with his mind at his expense? The married pastor? The married pastor that you secretly love and can't bear to be away from?

Here's a couple I wrote:

My darling Sasquatch,

Consumed with a yearning in my tally-wacker, fitfully I try to sleep. With great self discipline I leave my nobbly bits alone and settle down to rest my weary member. Stirring from deep within I sense my love bulb inflating once more. Thoughts of you en-trance me, captivate and permeate my very being. The purple prickliness is upon me. Honey teardrops rise then fall from my purpley ever-growing eye. Then, you are with me darling, once more.

First you said you'd love me, that you really need me. Suddenly I find I'm out there, walking in a storm, of tranquility. You are the storm... You are my storm.
Then you knew you had me, and you really had me. Nothing I could do or say, less suddenly, I just turned gay. We all know the song, or some of it.

If this world would stop it's turnin, well, you'd still have me yearnin, hit may.
When you hear that stomach grumble, best get ready for my rumble, hit may.
If I got on sheets of plastic, don't act bendy or elastic, hit may.
Just sometimes I have troubles, when I get the Barney Rubbles, hit may,
When it's time to leave your hat on, just clean up what you shat on, hit may.

Oh my beautiful sasquatch. Through tear filled blurs I see you now. Those deep brown eyes penetrate my very soul. You hold me with your cold cold stare. Your perfume fills the air, intoxicating, exhilarating... It's musty too, kinda earthy, agricultural?

I smell your breath as you draw closer to me, the sound of the elctric scooter fills the room announcing your sultry approach. I smell your very essence, your feet too? Then you are upon me. Slowly you take my hand, coaxing it ever closer to your fire. I burn my fingers on the first bar and you give a little whimper then a chuckle. As you hold my gaze you lower yourself and I feel another tear rise in my eye. Your gentle humming is all that breaks the silence. (Smurfs theme tune). Moments pass in a whirl and you let out a sigh from your bottom, or maybe your front bottom, I'm never certain? You are the sun, the moon, the stars and the doctor will see you now.

-

Hey treacle tits,

I like you. Saw you last night in Shinbangs with Dex, Jo and Danny. Then I saw you later on at the burger van with Si, Pat and Marco. You looked fine in your high heels with your corn beef legs out. I like your legs. They're nice... Blotchy. I watched you eat your burgers. Then your chips. You looked cracking. Then I watched you eat kebab meat and more chips and those slices of pizza from Wendys van. The cola too. Girl you can really put it away. I bet you like Chinese? Looked like you were loving that chow mein I saw you eat round Francois house.

Give me a call if you fancy an Italian tonight. Vito's having a party. I'll be in The Queens Legs all day if you aint got no credit on your phone. (952) 470-2409.

Fonkyman said:

Here's a couple I wrote:

My darling Sasquatch,

Consumed with a yearning in my tally-wacker, fitfully I try to sleep. With great self discipline I leave my nobbly bits alone and settle down to rest my weary member. Stirring from deep within I sense my love bulb inflating once more. Thoughts of you en-trance me, captivate and permeate my very being. The purple prickliness is upon me. Honey teardrops rise then fall from my purpley ever-growing eye. Then, you are with me darling, once more.

First you said you'd love me, that you really need me. Suddenly I find I'm out there, walking in a storm, of tranquility. You are the storm... You are my storm.
Then you knew you had me, and you really had me. Nothing I could do or say, less suddenly, I just turned gay. We all know the song, or some of it.

If this world would stop it's turnin, well, you'd still have me yearnin, hit may.
When you hear that stomach grumble, best get ready for my rumble, hit may.
If I got on sheets of plastic, don't act bendy or elastic, hit may.
Just sometimes I have troubles, when I get the Barney Rubbles, hit may,
When it's time to leave your hat on, just clean up what you shat on, hit may.

Oh my beautiful sasquatch. Through tear filled blurs I see you now. Those deep brown eyes penetrate my very soul. You hold me with your cold cold stare. Your perfume fills the air, intoxicating, exhilarating... It's musty too, kinda earthy, agricultural?

I smell your breath as you draw closer to me, the sound of the elctric scooter fills the room announcing your sultry approach. I smell your very essence, your feet too? Then you are upon me. Slowly you take my hand, coaxing it ever closer to your fire. I burn my fingers on the first bar and you give a little whimper then a chuckle. As you hold my gaze you lower yourself and I feel another tear rise in my eye. Your gentle humming is all that breaks the silence. (Smurfs theme tune). Moments pass in a whirl and you let out a sigh from your bottom, or maybe your front bottom, I'm never certain? You are the sun, the moon, the stars and the doctor will see you now.

-

Hey treacle tits,

I like you. Saw you last night in Shinbangs with Dex, Jo and Danny. Then I saw you later on at the burger van with Si, Pat and Marco. You looked fine in your high heels with your corn beef legs out. I like your legs. They're nice... Blotchy. I watched you eat your burgers. Then your chips. You looked cracking. Then I watched you eat kebab meat and more chips and those slices of pizza from Wendys van. The cola too. Girl you can really put it away. I bet you like Chinese? Looked like you were loving that chow mein I saw you eat round Francois house.

Give me a call if you fancy an Italian tonight. Vito's having a party. I'll be in The Queens Legs all day if you aint got no credit on your phone. (952) 470-2409.

Fonkyman said:

Here's a couple I wrote:

My darling Sasquatch,

Consumed with a yearning in my tally-wacker, fitfully I try to sleep. With great self discipline I leave my nobbly bits alone and settle down to rest my weary member. Stirring from deep within I sense my love bulb inflating once more. Thoughts of you en-trance me, captivate and permeate my very being. The purple prickliness is upon me. Honey teardrops rise then fall from my purpley ever-growing eye. Then, you are with me darling, once more.

First you said you'd love me, that you really need me. Suddenly I find I'm out there, walking in a storm, of tranquility. You are the storm... You are my storm.
Then you knew you had me, and you really had me. Nothing I could do or say, less suddenly, I just turned gay. We all know the song, or some of it.

If this world would stop it's turnin, well, you'd still have me yearnin, hit may.
When you hear that stomach grumble, best get ready for my rumble, hit may.
If I got on sheets of plastic, don't act bendy or elastic, hit may.
Just sometimes I have troubles, when I get the Barney Rubbles, hit may,
When it's time to leave your hat on, just clean up what you shat on, hit may.

Oh my beautiful sasquatch. Through tear filled blurs I see you now. Those deep brown eyes penetrate my very soul. You hold me with your cold cold stare. Your perfume fills the air, intoxicating, exhilarating... It's musty too, kinda earthy, agricultural?

I smell your breath as you draw closer to me, the sound of the elctric scooter fills the room announcing your sultry approach. I smell your very essence, your feet too? Then you are upon me. Slowly you take my hand, coaxing it ever closer to your fire. I burn my fingers on the first bar and you give a little whimper then a chuckle. As you hold my gaze you lower yourself and I feel another tear rise in my eye. Your gentle humming is all that breaks the silence. (Smurfs theme tune). Moments pass in a whirl and you let out a sigh from your bottom, or maybe your front bottom, I'm never certain? You are the sun, the moon, the stars and the doctor will see you now.

-

Hey treacle tits,

I like you. Saw you last night in Shinbangs with Dex, Jo and Danny. Then I saw you later on at the burger van with Si, Pat and Marco. You looked fine in your high heels with your corn beef legs out. I like your legs. They're nice... Blotchy. I watched you eat your burgers. Then your chips. You looked cracking. Then I watched you eat kebab meat and more chips and those slices of pizza from Wendys van. The cola too. Girl you can really put it away. I bet you like Chinese? Looked like you were loving that chow mein I saw you eat round Francois house.

Give me a call if you fancy an Italian tonight. Vito's having a party. I'll be in The Queens Legs all day if you aint got no credit on your phone. (952) 470-2409.

oh my, your mind...

you can tell me Fonky,

is this your Sassy Quatch?

maja2405 said:

Fonkyman said:

Here's a couple I wrote:

My darling Sasquatch,

Consumed with a yearning in my tally-wacker, fitfully I try to sleep. With great self discipline I leave my nobbly bits alone and settle down to rest my weary member. Stirring from deep within I sense my love bulb inflating once more. Thoughts of you en-trance me, captivate and permeate my very being. The purple prickliness is upon me. Honey teardrops rise then fall from my purpley ever-growing eye. Then, you are with me darling, once more.

First you said you'd love me, that you really need me. Suddenly I find I'm out there, walking in a storm, of tranquility. You are the storm... You are my storm.
Then you knew you had me, and you really had me. Nothing I could do or say, less suddenly, I just turned gay. We all know the song, or some of it.

If this world would stop it's turnin, well, you'd still have me yearnin, hit may.
When you hear that stomach grumble, best get ready for my rumble, hit may.
If I got on sheets of plastic, don't act bendy or elastic, hit may.
Just sometimes I have troubles, when I get the Barney Rubbles, hit may,
When it's time to leave your hat on, just clean up what you shat on, hit may.

Oh my beautiful sasquatch. Through tear filled blurs I see you now. Those deep brown eyes penetrate my very soul. You hold me with your cold cold stare. Your perfume fills the air, intoxicating, exhilarating... It's musty too, kinda earthy, agricultural?

I smell your breath as you draw closer to me, the sound of the elctric scooter fills the room announcing your sultry approach. I smell your very essence, your feet too? Then you are upon me. Slowly you take my hand, coaxing it ever closer to your fire. I burn my fingers on the first bar and you give a little whimper then a chuckle. As you hold my gaze you lower yourself and I feel another tear rise in my eye. Your gentle humming is all that breaks the silence. (Smurfs theme tune). Moments pass in a whirl and you let out a sigh from your bottom, or maybe your front bottom, I'm never certain? You are the sun, the moon, the stars and the doctor will see you now.

-

Hey treacle tits,

I like you. Saw you last night in Shinbangs with Dex, Jo and Danny. Then I saw you later on at the burger van with Si, Pat and Marco. You looked fine in your high heels with your corn beef legs out. I like your legs. They're nice... Blotchy. I watched you eat your burgers. Then your chips. You looked cracking. Then I watched you eat kebab meat and more chips and those slices of pizza from Wendys van. The cola too. Girl you can really put it away. I bet you like Chinese? Looked like you were loving that chow mein I saw you eat round Francois house.

Give me a call if you fancy an Italian tonight. Vito's having a party. I'll be in The Queens Legs all day if you aint got no credit on your phone. (952) 470-2409.

oh my, your mind...

you can tell me Fonky,

is this your Sassy Quatch?

Now THAT'S disturbing, LOL!

As for Ottensen, I already re-wrote another summary, please find it and read again

So, since he's an "Asshole" you're going to stop chasing him, right?