RodeoSchro said:

Stymie said:

If the two people agree to it, what's wrong with living apart?

Not a darn thing unless they have kids.

But if they don't have kids and they choose to live apart, they aren't man and wife. They're just fuck buddies.

How are they fuck buddies if they are married? Am I missing some definition of marriage somewhere that says a couple has to live together?

Stymie said:

If the two people agree to it, what's wrong with living apart?

Nothing.

The only thing that the same for all married couples is their marriage contract. Everything else is up to their own personal interpretation.

uPtoWnNY said:

XxAxX said:

so, when a guy is single by choice, to me it means he has taken the time to really really think about marriage and whether it is right for him.

jsut my 2c

I'm too much of a loner, too stubborn/set in my ways, too selfish, too moody, don't want kids and I don't want the financial/emotional responsibility that comes along with marriage.

If the day ever comes that I meet 'that special someone' who knocks me off my feet, the only way marriage would work is if we have seperate homes. I doubt many women would go for that.

i feel the same way. i've worked hard for what i have, love my home, love being able to do what i want to, when i want to. i'm not godless, not gay, nor cray cray, i just like my independence. so far, no one has persuaded me otherwise. I was briefly married, and didn't like the gender roles that accompany that situation. i did once travel to be with someone, and he to be with me, which was fun. so, i don't rule out non-traditional 'thangs'.

i feel really lucky to live in an age where women actually have a choice other than marriage.

i think many men feel that way too...

[Edited 10/24/12 13:17pm]

Stymie said:

RodeoSchro said:

Not a darn thing unless they have kids.

But if they don't have kids and they choose to live apart, they aren't man and wife. They're just fuck buddies.

How are they fuck buddies if they are married? Am I missing some definition of marriage somewhere that says a couple has to live together?

Yeah honey, pretty much LOL.

Have you noticed that all the people saying they'd like to be married but live in separate houses have never been married?

RodeoSchro said:

Stymie said:

How are they fuck buddies if they are married? Am I missing some definition of marriage somewhere that says a couple has to live together?

Yeah honey, pretty much LOL.

Have you noticed that all the people saying they'd like to be married but live in separate houses have never been married?

But what does that have to do with anything?

Stymie said:

RodeoSchro said:

Yeah honey, pretty much LOL.

Have you noticed that all the people saying they'd like to be married but live in separate houses have never been married?

But what does that have to do with anything?

Because someone who's never been married has no idea what a marriage is. They can pontificate all they want, but the truth is they do not have the foggiest idea what a marriage is. No one can, until they've actually been married.

I say this as a man who celebrated 25 years of marriage two weeks ago. I was single for the first 10 years of my adulthood. I know what I'm talking about.

Why would you listen to advice about marriage from someone who's never been married?

PurpleJedi said:

RodeoSchro said:

Stymie said:

But what does that have to do with anything?

Because someone who's never been married has no idea what a marriage is. They can pontificate all they want, but the truth is they do not have the foggiest idea what a marriage is. No one can, until they've actually been married.

I say this as a man who celebrated 25 years of marriage two weeks ago. I was single for the first 10 years of my adulthood. I know what I'm talking about.

Why would you listen to advice about marriage from someone who's never been married?

They aren't giving me advice on marriage and I'm not handing it out either. I'm really confused: Shouldn't I know as the potential married person what I want? If I don't want to live with someone and neither does he, I don't see what the problem is.

Am I missing something?

RodeoSchro said:

Stymie said:

How are they fuck buddies if they are married? Am I missing some definition of marriage somewhere that says a couple has to live together?

Yeah honey, pretty much LOL.

Have you noticed that all the people saying they'd like to be married but live in separate houses have never been married?

that's not true. and, it seems as though you are imposing your personal definitions on a rather general state of being. just my 2c

Stymie said:

RodeoSchro said:

Because someone who's never been married has no idea what a marriage is. They can pontificate all they want, but the truth is they do not have the foggiest idea what a marriage is. No one can, until they've actually been married.

I say this as a man who celebrated 25 years of marriage two weeks ago. I was single for the first 10 years of my adulthood. I know what I'm talking about.

Why would you listen to advice about marriage from someone who's never been married?

They aren't giving me advice on marriage and I'm not handing it out either. I'm really confused: Shouldn't I know as the potential married person what I want? If I don't want to live with someone and neither does he, I don't see what the problem is.

Am I missing something?

The only thing you're missing is that such a voluntary arrangement isn't a marriage. You might get a marriage certificate, but that doesn't mean it's a marriage.

Let me ask you: If two people aren't going to live together on purpose, what is the point of getting married? It's like subscribing to People magazine when you don't ever read People magazine.

.

[Edited 10/24/12 13:23pm]

XxAxX said:

RodeoSchro said:

Yeah honey, pretty much LOL.

Have you noticed that all the people saying they'd like to be married but live in separate houses have never been married?

that's not true. and, it seems as though you are imposing your personal definitions on a rather general state of being. just my 2c

I am! But it's my personal definition after 25 years of marriage. I have to tell you, I'm getting a whale of a chuckle out of those who are proclaiming all these things about marriage, but have never been married themselves.

They have no idea how wrong they are, LOL.

RodeoSchro said:

Stymie said:

They aren't giving me advice on marriage and I'm not handing it out either. I'm really confused: Shouldn't I know as the potential married person what I want? If I don't want to live with someone and neither does he, I don't see what the problem is.

Am I missing something?

The only thing you're missing is that such a voluntary arrangement isn't a marriage. You might get a marriage certificate, but that doesn't mean it's a marriage.

Let me ask you: If two people aren't going to live together on purpose, what is the point of getting married? It's like subscribing to People magazine when you don't ever read People magazine.

.

[Edited 10/24/12 13:23pm]

It isn't a marriage according to you though.

Is a marriage only living together?

RodeoSchro said:

XxAxX said:

that's not true. and, it seems as though you are imposing your personal definitions on a rather general state of being. just my 2c

I am! But it's my personal definition after 25 years of marriage. I have to tell you, I'm getting a whale of a chuckle out of those who are proclaiming all these things about marriage, but have never been married themselves.

They have no idea how wrong they are, LOL.

They are wrong about the things they want for their own marriages? That's not fair or necessarily true Greg.

I could sit here and say that all I have learned from married people is how to be miserable, cheat on your spouse and end up hating each other. That would not be fair either but it is the majority of what I've seen.

Stymie said:

RodeoSchro said:

The only thing you're missing is that such a voluntary arrangement isn't a marriage. You might get a marriage certificate, but that doesn't mean it's a marriage.

Let me ask you: If two people aren't going to live together on purpose, what is the point of getting married? It's like subscribing to People magazine when you don't ever read People magazine.

.

[Edited 10/24/12 13:23pm]

It isn't a marriage according to you though.

Is a marriage only living together?

No. It's through living together that a marriage is made.

Hell, the way you guys are defining "marriage", I could say I'm "married" to Megan Fox! Which reminds me of something funny:

Yesterday my brother had lunch with an old buddy of ours, who told us an interesting story. This guy remodels expensive houses. He has a client that has a $5 million house. He hired my buddy for a job but told him, "It's not for the house you know about. It's for my other house".

It turns out the guy has another wife and family! In the same town! He told my buddy, "Look - my first wife has scoliosis and has been in poor health for many years. So I have a second wife. Don't judge me, I'm a Mormon".

LMAO, my buddy said this guy was no more a Mormon than I am.

Stymie said:

RodeoSchro said:

I am! But it's my personal definition after 25 years of marriage. I have to tell you, I'm getting a whale of a chuckle out of those who are proclaiming all these things about marriage, but have never been married themselves.

They have no idea how wrong they are, LOL.

They are wrong about the things they want for their own marriages? That's not fair or necessarily true Greg.

I could sit here and say that all I have learned from married people is how to be miserable, cheat on your spouse and end up hating each other. That would not be fair either but it is the majority of what I've seen.

I didn't say all marriages were happy marriages. But it's not a marriage if you choose to live apart for no other reason than you want your own home.

Anyone that says that's a marriage has never been married. And if you notice, that's who's saying it here!

RodeoSchro said:

Stymie said:

They are wrong about the things they want for their own marriages? That's not fair or necessarily true Greg.

I could sit here and say that all I have learned from married people is how to be miserable, cheat on your spouse and end up hating each other. That would not be fair either but it is the majority of what I've seen.

I didn't say all marriages were happy marriages. But it's not a marriage if you choose to live apart for no other reason than you want your own home.

Anyone that says that's a marriage has never been married. And if you notice, that's who's saying it here!

You win. I give up.

Stymie said:

RodeoSchro said:

I didn't say all marriages were happy marriages. But it's not a marriage if you choose to live apart for no other reason than you want your own home.

Anyone that says that's a marriage has never been married. And if you notice, that's who's saying it here!

You win. I give up.

Now you're talking!

I'm confused as well.

If you enter into a relationship...and for whatever reason you choose to live apart.

Then you decide to get married...but choose to REMAIN living apart.

I am confused as to why you would take the extra step of going through with the process of matrimony when you don't want to live together???

"More than living together"...of course! You develop a bond and build a household and share the burdens of life as a united front. How do you do this in separate households?

..and WHY?

What exactly would make getting married an appealing prospect under those conditions?

Is it to have monogamous sex without the "stygma"? (Which I assume by now is an afterthought)

Is it for tax benefits?

I'm seriously asking you all who would entertain such an arrangement.

ZombieKitten said:

For the same of my sanity?

...come on...you know you'd be miserable without the Master...

PurpleJedi said:

PurpleJedi said:

I've heard from a few people that I know, who are in their late 30's or early 40's and on the "dating scene" that when they get to know someone, they are quizzed as to why they never married. As if it's something to be wary of.

How do you feel about this?

Do you agree or disagree with this being some sort of "red flag"?

What about someone who just came out of a 10 year relationship (never married)? Any better/worse?

Discuss!

I would think somethings wrong with you.

I know a few couples who are married but keep separate residences. I think one couple has apartments in the same building - maybe across the hall from one another. Sounds fine to me; especialy if you live in a large city like NYC or Chicago where finding an apartment with enough space yet affordable is really difficult. Aside from the legally binding aspect, I think what "marriage" has to "be" is how the people who are married define it. If not co-habitating together works for them, why should anyone else care?

As far as "what's the point of being married if you're not going to live together?" goes, I have two comments:

1. perhaps there's a financial benefit by being able to claim "married" on one's taxes; maybe one spouse will then qualify for the other spouse's health insurance, visitation rights in a hospital, green card! , etc.

2. If living together is such a crucial element of marriage, then if you live together with your S.O. can that count as being pretty much married? What's the point of getting married then? (See #1. )

RodeoSchro said:

XxAxX said:

that's not true. and, it seems as though you are imposing your personal definitions on a rather general state of being. just my 2c

I am! But it's my personal definition after 25 years of marriage. I have to tell you, I'm getting a whale of a chuckle out of those who are proclaiming all these things about marriage, but have never been married themselves.

They have no idea how wrong they are, LOL.

well, i don't think you are qualified to speak for everyone. i'm not saying you are 'wrong', i am only saying it is possible that 'your' reality is not one that will apply to everyone.

imo, people need different things from marriage. separate residences does not necessarily mean an unsuccessful marriage, it means both parties agree to have more space than in a traditional marriage format. it allows the freaks who want to stay up late working on a project to do just that. it allow the guy who wants to fling his socks up on the lampshade (i kid, gents) to do just that, without recrimination. no more 'should the toilet seat be up or down' stuff. it can be both, for each.

this is just my opinion, of course.

[Edited 10/24/12 16:30pm]

Nah, justing joking.

Rather than judge I'd what for someone to tell my why they've never been married; then I'd make an assessment if I should run.

Love ain't easy. I think most people who are middle-age will tell you they thought it would happen but career/work, fear, and sometimes getting in the way of themselves brought them to the point of not being betrothed.

As far as someone coming out decade plus long relationship... those folks usually are serial monogamist.

I thought judgemental people deemed marriage to be a union between a man and a woman. Now you're telling me it's just two people living together?

^ in some states, sharing a residence for 7 years or longer constitutes a legally binding common law marriage

PurpleJedi said:

I've heard from a few people that I know, who are in their late 30's or early 40's and on the "dating scene" that when they get to know someone, they are quizzed as to why they never married. As if it's something to be wary of.

How do you feel about this?

Do you agree or disagree with this being some sort of "red flag"?

I'd probably be intrigued by the caution and self-styling it suggests in a person. But, yes, a part of me would wonder to what degree I might expect any real energy from them as partner.

What about someone who just came out of a 10+ year relationship (never married)? Any better/worse?

Discuss!

Now this would make me a bit more weary. It's not that I'd assume there was some commitment problem; rather, I couldn't be bothered with the inevitable constant comparisons with their partner of 10+ years. I'd like to be asssessed for who I am, not as someone's upgrade or downgrade.

jone70 said:

I know a few couples who are married but keep separate residences. I think one couple has apartments in the same building - maybe across the hall from one another. Sounds fine to me; especialy if you live in a large city like NYC or Chicago where finding an apartment with enough space yet affordable is really difficult. Aside from the legally binding aspect, I think what "marriage" has to "be" is how the people who are married define it. If not co-habitating together works for them, why should anyone else care?

As far as "what's the point of being married if you're not going to live together?" goes, I have two comments:

1. perhaps there's a financial benefit by being able to claim "married" on one's taxes; maybe one spouse will then qualify for the other spouse's health insurance, visitation rights in a hospital, green card! , etc.

2. If living together is such a crucial element of marriage, then if you live together with your S.O. can that count as being pretty much married? What's the point of getting married then? (See #1. )

1) See...that's what I would think. If you "marry" someone but don't necessarily want to live with them, then it's probably for financial reasons like you stated (yes, married people pay less taxes).

2) In some Hispanic societies...once you've lived with someone for a while and had kids and all that, you're considered "married" in a sense.

Who needs a stinkin' piece of paper anyway?