lauralevesque said:

Well, you do have the tendency to wonder why but I have a cousin who is 45 and basically is a "confirmed bachelor" (and no, he's not gay) but he travels CONSTANTLY and never has time to devote to a relationship, which is a shame because he's so handsome and so so sweet that some girl is missing out. Unfortunately he's married to his job.

He sounds like my uncle who is in his 70s and has never been married. I used to wonder if he was gay but I used to sneak and find his dirty magazines he had hidden and all of them were either Playboy or Penthouse (the absolute worst magazines because it's rare to even see one dick in them). A closeted gay man is going to have some Hustler magazines because they have at least one couples pictorial in them.

I shared a house with him for a few years and paid him rent and I see why he's never been married. No woman in their right mind would have him. He is a COMPLETE slob. That's the filthiest man I've ever seen in my life. Clothes all over the floor, a sink full of dirty dishes where he didn't even have the good sense to even rinse the ketchup or sauces off the plates before placing them in the sink and the stuff is dried on there to where you have to scrape like hell to get if off. A woman would end up killing his ass.

vainandy said:

lauralevesque said:

Well, you do have the tendency to wonder why but I have a cousin who is 45 and basically is a "confirmed bachelor" (and no, he's not gay) but he travels CONSTANTLY and never has time to devote to a relationship, which is a shame because he's so handsome and so so sweet that some girl is missing out. Unfortunately he's married to his job.

He sounds like my uncle who is in his 70s and has never been married. I used to wonder if he was gay but I used to sneak and find his dirty magazines he had hidden and all of them were either Playboy or Penthouse (the absolute worst magazines because it's rare to even see one dick in them). A closeted gay man is going to have some Hustler magazines because they have at least one couples pictorial in them.

I shared a house with him for a few years and paid him rent and I see why he's never been married. No woman in their right mind would have him. He is a COMPLETE slob. That's the filthiest man I've ever seen in my life. Clothes all over the floor, a sink full of dirty dishes where he didn't even have the good sense to even rinse the ketchup or sauces off the plates before placing them in the sink and the stuff is dried on there to where you have to scrape like hell to get if off. A woman would end up killing his ass.

Ewww.

I wouldn't think anything of it. the majority of marriages fail. Divorce is usually not very pretty and can leave people with some VERY serious issues and scars. And there's always a reason why they got a divorce in the first place (i.e., adultry, abuse, etc). So if I had to choose between someone who's been married and divorced and someone who has never been married, I'd probably take the latter.

PurpleJedi said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

I'm currently seeing a guy who's 33 and never been married and has no kids.

I personally think it's a sign of character. To me, it means he doesn't rush into things easily. He takes his time, and chooses wisely.

No red flag for me. Matter fact, my dad was 36 when he married my mom, and he was never married previously, nor did he have any children from previous relationships.

So no problem at all.

Have you ever asked him why he "waited so long"?

Certainly. He said he was serious about a couple of women, but it never panned out.

But he met my mother and they're still together. In 2 years, they'll be married for 30 years.

chocolate1 said:

uPtoWnNY said:

I wish I could meet more women like you.

Most of the time, I get "what's wrong with you?" or "are you gay?", even from some of my relatives.

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

PurpleJedi said:

Have you ever asked him why he "waited so long"?

Certainly. He said he was serious about a couple of women, but it never panned out.

But he met my mother and they're still together. In 2 years, they'll be married for 30 years.

Awesome! God bless 'em.

Im 32,never married,no kids.why?

Im a dull,dull person.Some people think Im retarded.I know my last 2 bosses felt the same way.Last boss asked me if I finished school.Im not retarded,but have a bad,bad case of anxiety,which gives off that impression.Im not experienced either.I'v hardly traveled,never drove a car,never been in serious relationship.

If you like a boring,passionless,anxiety driven personality,Im your guy.

uPtoWnNY said:

JustErin said:

Man, I'd love to meet a dude around my age that has never been married or does not have kids.

That's no red flag, that's a green flag to me.

To me it means he didn't rush into anything, or was smart about living his life for him while he was young - which we should all do.

Plus, he doesn't bring baby-mamma, ex wife drama into the picture.

I wish I could meet more women like you.

Most of the time, I get "what's wrong with you?" or "are you gay?", even from some of my relatives.

I bet more women wish they could meet a guy like you too.

PurpleJedi said:

XxAxX said:

i view him as perfectly okay. maybe, smarter than most

yeah, absolutely.

well, a lot of the married guys i know personally are married because 'they' acidentally got pregnant and marriage was required. still other married guys are married because 'it's the thing to do, everyone does it'. others, just want sex on demand, doesn't much matter from whom, and someone to cook and clean for them.

so, when a guy is single by choice, to me it means he has taken the time to really really think about marriage and whether it is right for him.

jsut my 2c

XxAxX said:

so, when a guy is single by choice, to me it means he has taken the time to really really think about marriage and whether it is right for him.

jsut my 2c

I'm too much of a loner, too stubborn/set in my ways, too selfish, too moody, don't want kids and I don't want the financial/emotional responsibility that comes along with marriage.

If the day ever comes that I meet 'that special someone' who knocks me off my feet, the only way marriage would work is if we have seperate homes. I doubt many women would go for that.

uPtoWnNY said:

XxAxX said:

so, when a guy is single by choice, to me it means he has taken the time to really really think about marriage and whether it is right for him.

jsut my 2c

I'm too much of a loner, too stubborn/set in my ways, too selfish, too moody, don't want kids and I don't want the financial/emotional responsibility that comes along with marriage.

If the day ever comes that I meet 'that special someone' who knocks me off my feet, the only way marriage would work is if we have seperate homes. I doubt many women would go for that.

Yeah man...good luck with that!

uPtoWnNY said:

XxAxX said:

so, when a guy is single by choice, to me it means he has taken the time to really really think about marriage and whether it is right for him.

jsut my 2c

I'm too much of a loner, too stubborn/set in my ways, too selfish, too moody, don't want kids and I don't want the financial/emotional responsibility that comes along with marriage.

If the day ever comes that I meet 'that special someone' who knocks me off my feet, the only way marriage would work is if we have seperate homes. I doubt many women would go for that.

Hey, as long as you're paying for both homes, I'm down!

JustErin said:

uPtoWnNY said:

I'm too much of a loner, too stubborn/set in my ways, too selfish, too moody, don't want kids and I don't want the financial/emotional responsibility that comes along with marriage.

If the day ever comes that I meet 'that special someone' who knocks me off my feet, the only way marriage would work is if we have seperate homes. I doubt many women would go for that.

Hey, as long as you're paying for both homes, I'm down!

I think I read it here the other day that many women either think that a single man 35+ years is either gay or has issues.

I was not surprised.

Timmy84 said:

PurpleJedi said:

uPtoWnNY said:

I'm too much of a loner, too stubborn/set in my ways, too selfish, too moody, don't want kids and I don't want the financial/emotional responsibility that comes along with marriage.

If the day ever comes that I meet 'that special someone' who knocks me off my feet, the only way marriage would work is if we have seperate homes. I doubt many women would go for that.

Yeah man...good luck with that!

I actually have zero problem with that.

sunflower7 said:

Well..funny u should ask this purp. Me and one of my girlfriends were just talkin about this. She is 32, and said it's a red flag. I'am 31 and am single doing the dateing thing. - don't think it is a red flag. I would definately date someone like that.

...then again with your love for Michael Bolton, it figures.

Stymie said:

PurpleJedi said:

Yeah man...good luck with that!

I actually have zero problem with that.

What's even the POINT of marriage then?

I've heard of separate bedrooms...but separate HOMES? Damn-!

PurpleJedi said:

Stymie said:

I actually have zero problem with that.

What's even the POINT of marriage then?

I've heard of separate bedrooms...but separate HOMES? Damn-!

Companionship when I want it? Love? Who the fuck knows. I have no desire to marry so I have no idea why I'm on this thread. But, I did like NY's idea of being married and living separately. I've turned into a loner and when I want to be alone, I don't want anyone else anywhere around.

PurpleJedi said:

Stymie said:

I actually have zero problem with that.

What's even the POINT of marriage then?

I've heard of separate bedrooms...but separate HOMES? Damn-!

Um....everything, except being in each other's presence all the time.

As far as I last understood, marriage was about a lot more than just living together.

All it really means is they missed that window in their 20's where it's easier to get married.

What I've seen happen with various guy friends is that if they didn't get married in their 20's, they had a tough time getting married in their 30's, as most women at that age bracket who wanted to get married already got married in their 20's and are having kids, establishing careers, etc. Then, as some marriages start to crumble, the pool of available women becomes much bigger when the guys reach their 40's, but most of the available women have kids.

I suspect the timing is the same thing for women who didn't get married in their 20's - a thin pool of available, willing-to-get-married guys in their 30's, then lots of guys come back around in their 40's. However, my friends have told me that women look at a divorced guy in his 40's with a wary eye, because they figure there must have been a good reason his wife left him.

JustErin said:

uPtoWnNY said:

I'm too much of a loner, too stubborn/set in my ways, too selfish, too moody, don't want kids and I don't want the financial/emotional responsibility that comes along with marriage.

If the day ever comes that I meet 'that special someone' who knocks me off my feet, the only way marriage would work is if we have seperate homes. I doubt many women would go for that.

Hey, as long as you're paying for both homes, I'm down!

As I recall, you once described that exact arrangement as the only way you would ever get married!

JustErin said:

PurpleJedi said:

What's even the POINT of marriage then?

I've heard of separate bedrooms...but separate HOMES? Damn-!

Um....everything, except being in each other's presence all the time.

As far as I last understood, marriage was about a lot more than just living together.

If you don't live together, all that other stuff becomes moot.

Separate homes only make sense if you divorce.

RodeoSchro said:

JustErin said:

Um....everything, except being in each other's presence all the time.

As far as I last understood, marriage was about a lot more than just living together.

If you don't live together, all that other stuff becomes moot.

No it doesn't. There are married couples that live in different cities and commute to see each other when they can.

I guarantee they do not feel that they have a lesser marriage or that everything else in their marriage is "moot" simply because they don't live with each other.

[Edited 10/24/12 12:35pm]

How many of these "distant marriages" work though?

JustErin said:

RodeoSchro said:

If you don't live together, all that other stuff becomes moot.

No it doesn't. There are married couples that live in different cities and commute to see each other when they can.

I guarantee they do not feel that they have a lesser marriage or that everything else in their marriage is "moot" simply because they don't live with each other.

[Edited 10/24/12 12:35pm]

Yes; in fact, my next-door-neighbors lived in different cities for several years. But not by choice - by work demands.

You, however, would choose to live in separate homes even if you lived in the same city or, I assume, even the same neighborhood. That's not anywhere near the same thing as being forced to be apart.

Timmy84 said:

How many of these "distant marriages" work though?

My neighbors did but as I told Erin, they didn't choose to be apart. He was a bigwig with the University of Houston, while she got offered the job as dean of the business school at Mississippi State. At the time, they had a boy in high school, so they decided the dad and son would stay here while the son completed high school, then the dad would join his wife in Mississippi.

I can't see a marriage working where one spouse says, "Hey, I got a great job two thousand miles away!" and the other spouse says, "Have a good time! See you on the weekends!"

As a matter of fact, I know a couple that happened to. They were young - in their 20's. They both had jobs here in Houston, and then the husband got a great job in Dallas. The wife said, "Have fun! See you on the weekends!"

They were divorced within two years.

.

[Edited 10/24/12 12:47pm]

If the two people agree to it, what's wrong with living apart?

Stymie said:

If the two people agree to it, what's wrong with living apart?

Not a darn thing unless they have kids.

But if they don't have kids and they choose to live apart, they aren't man and wife. They're just fuck buddies.