This is something I don't understand. I'm on a LOT of dating a hook up websites, and I use CL as well, but ya'll already know all that

On most of them, you have the option to put whether you're HIV negative or positive. If someone doesn't have their status in their profile, I simply won't talk to them. If I do, I'll ask them what their status is, and they'll say "I'm undetectable." It doesn't bother me at ALL that they're positive, what bothers me is that they try to pass it off as if they're negative or they have little to no chance of transmitting it to you. That is so scary to me. Has anyone else seen or noticed this at all? I also hate having to ask. It's embarassing for me to do so. It's just scary to me that some of them who talk to me just act so non-chalantly about it.

Discuss.

ScarletScandal said:

This is something I don't understand. I'm on a LOT of dating a hook up websites, and I use CL as well, but ya'll already know all that

On most of them, you have the option to put whether you're HIV negative or positive. If someone doesn't have their status in their profile, I simply won't talk to them. If I do, I'll ask them what their status is, and they'll say "I'm undetectable." It doesn't bother me at ALL that they're positive, what bothers me is that they try to pass it off as if they're negative or they have little to no chance of transmitting it to you. That is so scary to me. Has anyone else seen or noticed this at all? I also hate having to ask. It's embarassing for me to do so. It's just scary to me that some of them who talk to me just act so non-chalantly about it.

Discuss.

I know I dont know alot about the gay dating scene but I would venture to guess what I highlighted is the reason some guys may not want to talk about it?? Im some places it still does carry a stigma, it may depend on where they are from..

Not trying to be inconsiderate, but I think it's like real classless to even have to put a diagnosis like that on a public site I mean yes the stigma of being HIV positive is not as bad as it use to be, but it's still a private matter.

nursev said:

Not trying to be inconsiderate, but I think it's like real classless to even have to put a diagnosis like that on a public site I mean yes the stigma of being HIV positive is not as bad as it use to be, but it's still a private matter.

I don't think it's classless at all. As gay men, we're encouraged to be open about our HIV status. That doesn't bother me at all. I'd rather know than not know.

ScarletScandal said:

nursev said:

Not trying to be inconsiderate, but I think it's like real classless to even have to put a diagnosis like that on a public site I mean yes the stigma of being HIV positive is not as bad as it use to be, but it's still a private matter.

I don't think it's classless at all. As gay men, we're encouraged to be open about our HIV status. That doesn't bother me at all. I'd rather know than not know.

What I mean is why not discuss it privately with that other person? Through email, notes, whatever. Should it really be posted on a profile with other insignificant shit? Not that kinda info

nursev said:

ScarletScandal said:

I don't think it's classless at all. As gay men, we're encouraged to be open about our HIV status. That doesn't bother me at all. I'd rather know than not know.

What I mean is why not discuss it privately with that other person? Through email, notes, whatever. Should it really be posted on a profile with other insignificant shit? Not that kinda info

It's not something that people are forced to do. In fact, a lot of people don't put their status on their profiles, which prompts me to ask them. I hate having to ask. I feel if someone approaches me, then they should let me know off the bat.

ScarletScandal said:

nursev said:

What I mean is why not discuss it privately with that other person? Through email, notes, whatever. Should it really be posted on a profile with other insignificant shit? Not that kinda info

It's not something that people are forced to do. In fact, a lot of people don't put their status on their profiles, which prompts me to ask them. I hate having to ask. I feel if someone approaches me, then they should let me know off the bat.

I agree that you shouldn't have to "pull" it out of someone-they should tell you if the relationship may go "there"

I don't mean to sound paternal, but guys don't go to those sites to babysit you. They overwhelmingly are there -- like you -- simply to score a piece and move on. Why would they freely give up information that makes meeting that objective tougher?

ScarletScandal said:

This is something I don't understand. I'm on a LOT of dating a hook up websites, and I use CL as well, but ya'll already know all that

On most of them, you have the option to put whether you're HIV negative or positive. If someone doesn't have their status in their profile, I simply won't talk to them. If I do, I'll ask them what their status is, and they'll say "I'm undetectable." It doesn't bother me at ALL that they're positive, what bothers me is that they try to pass it off as if they're negative or they have little to no chance of transmitting it to you. That is so scary to me. Has anyone else seen or noticed this at all? I also hate having to ask. It's embarassing for me to do so. It's just scary to me that some of them who talk to me just act so non-chalantly about it.

Discuss.

I consider that sociopathy, honestly.

If you lie or don't tell someone that you're HIV positive and screw them, especially without a condom, I believe you're a menace and risk to society and don't deserve to be free and out with the rest of the population.

I just really can't say enough how I view that type of think with total contempt and find it immoral.

And on a side note - just because some of those profiles on those sites, say they're HIV negative...they could be flat out lying about it.

Don't trust who you meet online. Hell you can't trust people who live most their lives offline either.

People go online to score ass, straight or gay... doesn't matter. ALL dating sites are filled with men and women who are positive. Those peoply much know they have HIV and getting sexed has become more difficult.

I said before I knew a woman who on purpose dated guys -she has full blown AIDS and is better now, she only disclosed her sickness when she was very sick and thought she was close to dying.

She knew for over a decade she and was infecting innocent men until she became really ill and got a sense of moral and stopped (I hope) , she should be in jail.he onus is on you not to fuck people willie-nilly unless you know them, all it takes is one selfish person person, this applies with Herpes also.. so its best to think most are positive rather than not. Protect yourself.

This is not a gay issue, or a male issue, straight folks (both men and women) do the same thing.

I just realized - yeah call me Captain Obvious - that most folks who get online on dating sites or even on sites such as social networking ones, have some weird sex drive and they get online and just go all out. I doubt anyone - regardless of sexual preference - would be totally honest if they have a STD, are HIV or not.

I assume everyone I hooked up with in the past was HIV+ and took the proper precautions.

lazycrockett said:

I assume everyone I hooked up with in the past was HIV+ and took the proper precautions.

Yeah obviously everyone should do that, but the thing is, we know life isn't perfect and that a lot of folks are fucking idiots.

And to me it's absolutely not acceptable to go, "Well, they should wrap it up". To me it's just extremely unethical when you know you have a serious life-threatening illness that can be transmitted via sex, to sit there and not tell the other person and rationalize it to yourself by going, "Well, they should know to wear a condom."

That's just incredibly fucked up to me.

lazycrockett said:

I assume everyone I hooked up with in the past was HIV+ and took the proper precautions.

I also assume that they have Gonorrhea and syphilis. Which means any man could get it even if they were to wear a condom (which I always do.). For instance your balls could slap against the pussy or inner thigh and get the std even though you are wearing a condom.

Same goes for a lady giving oral, you must always wear a condom-because she could transfer the std via mouth to penis or other way around.

I never fuck without condoms. I don't trust people AT ALL.

ScarletScandal said:

This is something I don't understand. I'm on a LOT of dating a hook up websites, and I use CL as well, but ya'll already know all that

On most of them, you have the option to put whether you're HIV negative or positive. If someone doesn't have their status in their profile, I simply won't talk to them. If I do, I'll ask them what their status is, and they'll say "I'm undetectable." It doesn't bother me at ALL that they're positive, what bothers me is that they try to pass it off as if they're negative or they have little to no chance of transmitting it to you. That is so scary to me. Has anyone else seen or noticed this at all? I also hate having to ask. It's embarassing for me to do so. It's just scary to me that some of them who talk to me just act so non-chalantly about it.

Discuss.

I don't understand why you ask somebody that question if you're in for a one night stand.

It's none of your business. Just play save.

If somebody would tell you he's negative, you go bare? I hope you don't.

Never trust people. People even might be infected and not know it by themselves.

robertlove said:

ScarletScandal said:

This is something I don't understand. I'm on a LOT of dating a hook up websites, and I use CL as well, but ya'll already know all that

On most of them, you have the option to put whether you're HIV negative or positive. If someone doesn't have their status in their profile, I simply won't talk to them. If I do, I'll ask them what their status is, and they'll say "I'm undetectable." It doesn't bother me at ALL that they're positive, what bothers me is that they try to pass it off as if they're negative or they have little to no chance of transmitting it to you. That is so scary to me. Has anyone else seen or noticed this at all? I also hate having to ask. It's embarassing for me to do so. It's just scary to me that some of them who talk to me just act so non-chalantly about it.

Discuss.

I don't understand why you ask somebody that question if you're in for a one night stand.

It's none of your business. Just play save.

If somebody would tell you he's negative, you go bare? I hope you don't.

Never trust people. People even might be infected and not know it by themselves.

I totally agree. Its NOT worth taking the chance. People have all kinds of shit they may not even be aware of. Under all circucumstances concerning dating sites, wrap that shit up

robertlove said:

ScarletScandal said:

This is something I don't understand. I'm on a LOT of dating a hook up websites, and I use CL as well, but ya'll already know all that

On most of them, you have the option to put whether you're HIV negative or positive. If someone doesn't have their status in their profile, I simply won't talk to them. If I do, I'll ask them what their status is, and they'll say "I'm undetectable." It doesn't bother me at ALL that they're positive, what bothers me is that they try to pass it off as if they're negative or they have little to no chance of transmitting it to you. That is so scary to me. Has anyone else seen or noticed this at all? I also hate having to ask. It's embarassing for me to do so. It's just scary to me that some of them who talk to me just act so non-chalantly about it.

Discuss.

I don't understand why you ask somebody that question if you're in for a one night stand.

It's none of your business. Just play save.

If somebody would tell you he's negative, you go bare? I hope you don't.

Never trust people. People even might be infected and not know it by themselves.

Well, why wouldn't I ask? As gay men, we're told that "Silence = Death" concerning HIV. I completely encourage talking to someone about health statuses. And plus, it's the drugs that make people sick, not HIV.

[Edited 4/21/12 19:56pm]

ScarletScandal said:

robertlove said:

I don't understand why you ask somebody that question if you're in for a one night stand.

It's none of your business. Just play save.

If somebody would tell you he's negative, you go bare? I hope you don't.

Never trust people. People even might be infected and not know it by themselves.

Well, why wouldn't I ask? As gay men, we're told that "Silence = Death" concerning HIV. I completely encourage talking to someone about health statuses. And plus, it's the drugs that make people sick, not HIV.

some drugs have side effects, but, if they don't take them, it could progress faster

Life is fucked up in the sense that if you have a disease, you have to take medication but if the medication is not right, something else may happen to that person and then if you don't take it, you'd die anyway.

PositivityNYC said:

ScarletScandal said:

Well, why wouldn't I ask? As gay men, we're told that "Silence = Death" concerning HIV. I completely encourage talking to someone about health statuses. And plus, it's the drugs that make people sick, not HIV.

some drugs have side effects, but, if they don't take them, it could progress faster

I don't even buy into any of this AIDS scam.

nursev said:

ScarletScandal said:

I don't think it's classless at all. As gay men, we're encouraged to be open about our HIV status. That doesn't bother me at all. I'd rather know than not know.

What I mean is why not discuss it privately with that other person? Through email, notes, whatever. Should it really be posted on a profile with other insignificant shit? Not that kinda info

It's different on personals sites when it comes to gay and straight people. I like to look through the sites simply to see the dicks of average men because I don't like the "perfect" plastic Ken doll look of the porn stars these days. When you go to a site like Craig's List in the "Men Seeking Men" section and look at the pictures, the majority have a picture of the person's dick. That's letting you know right up front that they are looking for some fun the very first time they meet. No beating around the bush, talking, going to dinner or any of that other stuff, just going straight to bed as soon as they meet.

I get bored looking at those dicks because so many gay men these days have bought into that porn look and shave and trim their dicks so I go over to the "Men Seeking Women" section to look at the pictures. Boy, what a disappointment that is. All I ever see is pictures of their faces and rarely do they post a picture of their dick. Like gay men, they may also have motives of going to bed as soon as they meet someone but they have to deal with women which means they have to play the women's games such as going to dinner first, talking, and "getting to know each other first". That's the difference right there. When it comes to two men meeting up, they don't have to play all those games and get right on down to business as soon as they say "hello". There's no talking in private because they didn't meet up to talk.

ScarletScandal said:

robertlove said:

I don't understand why you ask somebody that question if you're in for a one night stand.

It's none of your business. Just play save.

If somebody would tell you he's negative, you go bare? I hope you don't.

Never trust people. People even might be infected and not know it by themselves.

Well, why wouldn't I ask? As gay men, we're told that "Silence = Death" concerning HIV. I completely encourage talking to someone about health statuses. And plus, it's the drugs that make people sick, not HIV.

If you truly believe this, why are you worried about contracting HIV? Surely you could just never take the meds and be fine.

[Edited 4/22/12 8:48am]

ScarletScandal said:

PositivityNYC said:

some drugs have side effects, but, if they don't take them, it could progress faster

I don't even buy into any of this AIDS scam.

how is it a scam when ppl have died from it?

if it is a scam, then why even care what somebody's status is?

Lammastide said:

ScarletScandal said:

Well, why wouldn't I ask? As gay men, we're told that "Silence = Death" concerning HIV. I completely encourage talking to someone about health statuses. And plus, it's the drugs that make people sick, not HIV.

If you truly believe this, why are you worried about contracting HIV? Surely you could just never take the meds and be fine.

[Edited 4/22/12 8:48am]

wut.

PositivityNYC said:

ScarletScandal said:

I don't even buy into any of this AIDS scam.

how is it a scam when ppl have died from it?

if it is a scam, then why even care what somebody's status is?

Because regardless of what I believe, it's still a disease that people are dying from, and I don't want to be caught up in that shit. Being told I'm positive, then put on all kinds of lists and taking crazy ass drugs that fuck my body up and such. I'm cool on all that

And I've noticed that down here in Phoenix, as opposed to L.A., guys tend to be a LOT more open about their HIV- status. It's a bit of a culture shock to me. Although, I still have chatted with a couple guys on their who wouldn't tell me ANYTHING, so I leave them alone. If we were just going to hang out, I really wouldn't care what someone's HIV status is, BUT since HIV is allegedly spread through sex, and I was going to hook up with someone, I would want to know their status. Why wouldn't I?

Lammastide said:

I don't mean to sound paternal, but guys don't go to those sites to babysit you. They overwhelmingly are there -- like you -- simply to score a piece and move on. Why would they freely give up information that makes meeting that objective tougher?

Oh I understand what you're saying , but regardless of how tough it is for them, I still ask. I'm about to just stop fucking.

It's been like 3 years since my last "real/serious" (sort of) long-term relantionship; since then I've had sex only with very few trustworthy individuals that I know since the late 90's/early 00's, and I've always taken the necessary precautions...

online dating sites = russian roulette they could be assholes, they could be liars, they could be infected, they could be mental... hell no

and I agree that's basically an universal issue, not just a gay issue, that's homophobia...

[Edited 4/22/12 10:55am]