nursev said:

I dated my ex for two years before marrying him, we even lived together during that time. I got pregnant with my son and got married when I should've stayed a single parent and just raised my son. Sometimes marriage makes a situation worse. I stayed married for seven yrs which was pure hell! So I wasted nine years of my life with that fool and still raised my son alone. My son is 18 now and a terrific young man! Single parents rock! Fuck marriage! Been there, done that, not doing it again. Fuck love, I'm tired of trying

Aw dayum!

But....

Was baby daddy a good dude for the first two years? Did he become an ass when the baby came?

Timmy84 said:

paintedlady said:

I think too many young men are too trusting and too irresponsible when it comes to contraception. Young men easily sleep with girls and trust that these girls use birth control and know their bodies.

I don't think many young people think ahead or realize how much they risk when they choose to have unprotected sex.

So IMHO its more of an issue of being too "care-free" as opposed to a lack of self-esteem.

Right.

I agree, but I also think it depends on the two people involved. There are different scenarios, so it is hard to judge. As for me, I met my daughter's father (he's now deceased), I was 28-29 years old, with a good paying job, and dating. Living in NYC, going to very fine restaurants and shopping areas. I didn't use contraceptives because I did not think I would get pregnant. I thought my body was invincible to those kind of things. Lo and behold, I met him and bam, I am pregnant. We didn't stay together too long. The low self esteem came afterwards, not before. Years later, I found out he had a lot of issues, but now my baby will be 16 years old next month. That's a blessing.

But it has taught me something. Just be careful.

The accidental pregancies by someone you kind of like is different from those couples who choose to have kid after kid but then claim marriage is too serious. That type of thinking is bizarre to me because raising a child is probably the hardest and most serious job one will ever have in their life and its a lifetime job for some people.

Maybe its like another orger said earlier, people are afraid of the contract of marriage - the legitimacy of it. Again....isn't child support ultimately more expensive than marriage? Especially when you factor in stuff like health insurance, extra curricular activities, private school versus public school, daycare, legal fees for when the teenager does something irrevokably stupid and dangerous, buying that first car, etc.

And lets be real, birth control is CHEAP and sometimes FREE depending on where you go. Shit I'm probably horny 29 days out of the month but I aint droppin' no kid unless there's a ring and even then I aint droppin' no kid cuz that's some damn hard work. We will just have to get a puppy UNLESS .....the papi in question is MIchael Fassbender, Hugh Jackman, Morris Chestnut , Jude Law or Idris Elba. Yeah those mofos can plant all the seed they want without a marriage contract. Child support guaranteed!

angel345 said:

Timmy84 said:

Right.

I agree, but I also think it depends on the two people involved. There are different scenarios, so it is hard to judge. As for me, I met my daughter's father (he's now deceased), I was 28-29 years old, with a good paying job, and dating. Living in NYC, going to very fine restaurants and shopping areas. I didn't use contraceptives because I did not think I would get pregnant. I thought my body was invincible to those kind of things. Lo and behold, I met him and bam, I am pregnant. We didn't stay together too long. The low self esteem came afterwards, not before. Years later, I found out he had a lot of issues, but now my baby will be 16 years old next month. That's a blessing.

Least you learned not to get all caught up. But I'm glad that you were able to raise your child. That's all that is important anyway.

HotGritz said:

The accidental pregancies by someone you kind of like is different from those couples who choose to have kid after kid but then claim marriage is too serious. That type of thinking is bizarre to me because raising a child is probably the hardest and most serious job one will ever have in their life and its a lifetime job for some people.

Maybe its like another orger said earlier, people are afraid of the contract of marriage - the legitimacy of it. Again....isn't child support ultimately more expensive than marriage? Especially when you factor in stuff like health insurance, extra curricular activities, private school versus public school, daycare, legal fees for when the teenager does something irrevokably stupid and dangerous, buying that first car, etc.

And lets be real, birth control is CHEAP and sometimes FREE depending on where you go. Shit I'm probably horny 29 days out of the month but I aint droppin' no kid unless there's a ring and even then I aint droppin' no kid cuz that's some damn hard work. We will just have to get a puppy UNLESS .....the papi in question is MIchael Fassbender, Hugh Jackman, Morris Chestnut , Jude Law or Idris Elba. Yeah those mofos can plant all the seed they want without a marriage contract. Child support guaranteed!

Also, once you have that first baby... you sorta live a different life and many women think "better keep my family together" and keep humping babydaddy then there is baby #2 and #3 and on...

so reasons of multiple babies being born from a guy is different from the first pregnancy. The first pregnancy is usually a product of carelessness.

Once a women has a ONE baby... she is more likely to have more alone since she is less likely to marry a new guy or the babydaddy.

[Edited 11/22/11 12:57pm]

veronikka said:

JuliePurplehead said:

My parents got married while mom was pregnant with my older brother. And then I came along 3 years after him. I've been through a lot of fucked up shit in my life but I feel nothing has damaged me more (especially in the relationship department) than witnessing my parent's loveless marriage. I've been taught to believe that marriage is an annoyance, an inconvenience and an unfaithful union. So as someone who has that as an example of marriage, why would I ever want to get married?

No one I know is happily married either!

I might be wrong, but I think a lot of it has to do with who we're surrounded by that can help form our perception on marriage. For most of my adult life I was always in a fast crowd where people were self-centered head cases who didn't understand or accept marriage or the commitment to team work that comes along with it. Suffice it to say whenever they would dip down the isle (myself included), the results were usually disasterous.

In the past few years I've pretty much been a a circle where people have serious respect for & commitment to their partners, and the team-building/team work aspect is priority. That's definitely been a positive influence in shaping how I see marriage now; it's cool to see friends who've been able to make it work for 10-20 years and still see stars and get goosebumps over each other. It doesn't mean that the marriages aren't without the common issues all relationships have to confront (communication, defining shared goals, making sure the money's right, etc.), but the team... and the love and respect and commitment they have for each other is considered to be bigger and more important than any inconvenience or annoyance.

I know a happily married couple.

My parents. Going on 27 years now...

They never separated, never cheated on each other, stayed true to each other and raised a family. Sure they fight and shit, but underneath it all, they love each other. Don't ask them to admit it though...

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

I know a happily married couple.

My parents. Going on 27 years now...

They never separated, never cheated on each other, stayed true to each other and raised a family. Sure they fight and shit, but underneath it all, they love each other. Don't ask them to admit it though...

@ the picture right after your description. I wonder when someone gets married, do they suddenly change their wicked ways to have kids and make it "work"?

Timmy84 said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

I know a happily married couple.

My parents. Going on 27 years now...

They never separated, never cheated on each other, stayed true to each other and raised a family. Sure they fight and shit, but underneath it all, they love each other. Don't ask them to admit it though...

@ the picture right after your description. I wonder when someone gets married, do they suddenly change their wicked ways to have kids and make it "work"?

Nah, you don't change them suddenly...and in some cases you might evn hang on to a few of them as long as they contribute to keeping things spicy and ensure that no one gets hurt

I had good sense. I never did either. I know me. Someone gets on my nerves, I'm OUT. No papers to sign, no lawyers to pay, none of that mess. Kids are expensive and they can break your heart. Plus there is no guarantee that they will be there for you when your ass gets old and decrepit.

Efan said:

BlackAdder7 said:

low self esteem/self worth issues. they think if they have a baby, they will get alot of attention, and that they will receive love from the baby.

I think that's exactly it.

But babies are naturally born selfish. The emotional interaction between the baby and the mother comes afterwards but it's not instinctive.

ThreadBare said:

Why the poo face, Thready?

Ottensen said:

ThreadBare said:

Ottensen said:

Why the poo face, Thready?

People have been mistaking me for married for years, especially lately. Apparently, I project not just marriage material but "married for a while now."

It's totally gonna happen, dude. Soon. And then aaaaaalllll the wimminz are gonna see that ring on your finger and totally wanna make out with you.

Adisa said:

ThreadBare said:

Adisa said:

It's totally gonna happen, dude. Soon. And then aaaaaalllll the wimminz are gonna see that ring on your finger and totally wanna make out with you.

And That says what?? Get a wedding band today... [Edited 11/26/11 8:44am]

When you tell people you're not married, what do they say?

TTimmy84 said:

ThreadBare said:

Timmy84 said:

When you tell people you're not married, what do they say?

They're shocked. They say I seem responsible and on top of things, which they don't associate with single men.

Wow really? That's fucked up that they pre-judge single men. I'm sure if they saw me, they'd probably think the same. "You have to be married." So because I take care of my responsibilities, that means I'm married?! What kind of logic is that? I feel ya...

[Edited 11/26/11 11:19am]