Hang in ther Iamfunkay!! I've read a few of the responses and you have received some great advice. Life is not an easy thing to "do" alone. So please surround yourself with as many positive and loving people as possible. Also, having someone outside of your circle - a therapist maybe - to really talk to and be honest with may help.

Some everyday things you can do have already been mentioned like prayer, meditation,exercise and of course MUSIC. Music for me is the greatest soother of pain and sorrow.

I would also suggest just taking long walks and really looking at the scenary. I mean really look at the houses, the trees, the sky, the dog poo on the ground, the kids running and jumping, the couple arguing (but not too long...you don't want them to stop arguing to focus in on you and your staring )........take in everything.

I don't know if this will help you feel better, but it has worked for me in the past. Something along the way always seems to make me smile or ever laugh sometimes.

Again, hang in there sis!

I find upbeat music with positive messages or something you can get down to helps the most.

I'm weird though, a lot of it makes me upset and emotional so for the longest time it wouldn't work with me though it helps most

You are valuable.

[Edited 11/28/11 14:05pm]

purpledoveuk said:

A family member suffered from depression and they got referred to talk to someone who was no help at all (treated them like a nutter and just wanted to dose them up) - together we sat down and thought about the things that perhaps contributed or worsened the depression and did what we could to sort them - it helped a lot. The only real answer I think is don't bottle it up, share it. One thing suprised me though, and it ONLY came from others who had supported people with depression, they kept asking ME how I was doing because they realised the impact it can have on everyone around the depressed person

I'm afraid I'm going through this and I have to put a stop to it.

alphastreet said:

purpledoveuk said:

A family member suffered from depression and they got referred to talk to someone who was no help at all (treated them like a nutter and just wanted to dose them up) - together we sat down and thought about the things that perhaps contributed or worsened the depression and did what we could to sort them - it helped a lot. The only real answer I think is don't bottle it up, share it. One thing suprised me though, and it ONLY came from others who had supported people with depression, they kept asking ME how I was doing because they realised the impact it can have on everyone around the depressed person

I'm afraid I'm going through this and I have to put a stop to it.

I do not have a therapist right now. I had many bad ones. I had some that treated their time with me as mutual support. I am compassionate and a good listener and more then once I was doing my share of listening and being supportive.

Their are many who know that I have serious hoarding issues which causes huge problems. For one the amount of lost or broken items is huge. Anyway, I shares this info with my psychiatrist and told him that I literally prayed to God every day for God to give me the strength to clean my mess.

Now, we are talking a home that is frightening. My Dr said " I can think of plenty of things better to pray about". He totally did not get it. Therapists were coming to my home every week or every other week and just sitting at my table talking away. I even had an occupational therapist who drove from Boston to Worcester, Ma to see me. She would say things like "this week, clear around the stove.

I got more help from a book I found at the Dollar Tree by a man who is not a therapist called "Does this Clutter Make MY Butt Look Big". He went into some of the reasons people clutter and the underlying fears that he found that all clutters seem to share.

He is not a therapist, but someone capable of listening and observing and not judging the person as bad but simply seeing an emotional block there.

Anyway, remember that before they see you they have a client and after they see you they have one and often they forget what the hell you said 10 minutes after you ripped your guts out trying to communicate to them.

It would also help if therapists were like Doctors and specialized. They go from the home of a drug addict to a hoarder to someone who is an anorexic and are suppose to give quality therapy to all these people. My experience is that they end up knowing a little about each patients problem but are not an expert on anything well enough to help someone through it.

The guy whose book I read has made clutter and hoarding his life. I think his name is Peter Walsh. So lately I have been using workbooks and note books to sort out my issues.

This thing has waves

It's like going to war with a person

dead: were they part of an assertive community team or something? And that's really insensitive of them to say, whatever problems you're having is your business and has nothing to do with other clients if it's keeping you from living a quality of life.

funkay: those are your inner demons, I often feel like that myself when I get racing thoughts and the sad ones creeping in and if something that upsets me triggers me.

IamFunkay7 said:

IamFunkay7 said:

This thing has waves

It's like going to war with a person

The great teachers talk about letting the waves wash over you. Try and observe the depression rather than fight it. Be with it. Let it take it's course.There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you are feeling. I know it's not nice, or desirable. Don't fight it, it will only give it strength.

I guess there is something to be learned from depression. It's probably there for a reason whether it's a chemical imbalance or your life is out of balance. I try and look at is as a stimulus to reassess my life. For example I've changed my diet amd I'm taking more exercise. I'm engaging in interesting hobbies, I'm challenging myself at work more. These are all things that take me out of depression because I'm not sitting around thinking about problems all the time. Oh and I'm seeing a good therapist.

IamFunkay7 said:

This thing has waves

It's like going to war with a person

hang in there, you.

Reaching out is the most important thing. I admire you for that. I hope you find the answers you need. Blessings.

Oubah said:

Reaching out is the most important thing. I admire you for that. I hope you find the answers you need. Blessings.

Thank you, I hope I will too. As a person who wants to motivate people, maybe I need to go through to be able to help people find a way to get out of it. It's a battle, but I know what really helps is when you keep pushing.

I did something really, really stupid.

I got into these intense conversations with a man that I met on a singles site. I talked to this man for hours and hours. He was from my city and he was headed home either the 21st or 22nd of November. On the 18th he talked to me. Again, incredibly intense. At 3:16pm he chatted " have to step out, brb in half an hour" and I never heard from him again.

Emailed him, messaged him through the site and still no answer. Found myself looking in the obituaries. Nothing.

On the 26th in the morning I saw him on yahoo messenger. I typed "What happened, be honest". He typed back "In Jax with my son" .. I typed "Great" . I was in the middle of typing "at least now I know you are alive" when he logged off, maybe for good.

Like I said, the conversations were frequent and intense. Right now my flesh is hot just thinking of all of this. He knew I had Bipolar II and no argueing happened in our last conversation at all. I just can not believe someone would be so sadistically cruel as to drop me emotionally from such a high altitude. The pain is intense, like "I wish I was dead" intense.

Deadflow3r said:

I did something really, really stupid.

I got into these intense conversations with a man that I met on a singles site. I talked to this man for hours and hours. He was from my city and he was headed home either the 21st or 22nd of November. On the 18th he talked to me. Again, incredibly intense. At 3:16pm he chatted " have to step out, brb in half an hour" and I never heard from him again.

Emailed him, messaged him through the site and still no answer. Found myself looking in the obituaries. Nothing.

On the 26th in the morning I saw him on yahoo messenger. I typed "What happened, be honest". He typed back "In Jax with my son" .. I typed "Great" . I was in the middle of typing "at least now I know you are alive" when he logged off, maybe for good.

Like I said, the conversations were frequent and intense. Right now my flesh is hot just thinking of all of this. He knew I had Bipolar II and no argueing happened in our last conversation at all. I just can not believe someone would be so sadistically cruel as to drop me emotionally from such a high altitude. The pain is intense, like "I wish I was dead" intense.

bottom line, he is a jerk and doesn't deserve you. I've encountered people like that too, but it's not stupid what you did, it's normal. We hate rejection, or any sign of it because it makes us feel low. You are reacting as any human would. I think you should just leave him alone and look deeper into why you feel the way you do. One guy made me feel that way and we weren't even together, but it wasn't really him who made me wish I was dead, it was the experiences and the behavior I felt which kept causing this. Keep pushing flower, I know its such a challenge, but thats whats going to help your heart right now. Try to distract yourself and accept that you did something you didn't agree with. Its tough, that if its always gonna be like this feeling I rather be dead, but its only temporarily. I promise you.. but seriously, just ignore him next time you see him on. The same thing happen to me and at first I was so hurt because I thought I finally met someone really cool. We had talked for some time and then he just completely cut me off, I had the urge to ask why but each day I tried to get my mind off of waiting for his phonecall or wondering why. you'll be alright I promise. Positive visualization often helps me, seeing myself in a more positive state .

IamFunkay7 said:

Deadflow3r said:

I did something really, really stupid.

I got into these intense conversations with a man that I met on a singles site. I talked to this man for hours and hours. He was from my city and he was headed home either the 21st or 22nd of November. On the 18th he talked to me. Again, incredibly intense. At 3:16pm he chatted " have to step out, brb in half an hour" and I never heard from him again.

Emailed him, messaged him through the site and still no answer. Found myself looking in the obituaries. Nothing.

On the 26th in the morning I saw him on yahoo messenger. I typed "What happened, be honest". He typed back "In Jax with my son" .. I typed "Great" . I was in the middle of typing "at least now I know you are alive" when he logged off, maybe for good.

Like I said, the conversations were frequent and intense. Right now my flesh is hot just thinking of all of this. He knew I had Bipolar II and no argueing happened in our last conversation at all. I just can not believe someone would be so sadistically cruel as to drop me emotionally from such a high altitude. The pain is intense, like "I wish I was dead" intense.

bottom line, he is a jerk and doesn't deserve you. I've encountered people like that too, but it's not stupid what you did, it's normal. We hate rejection, or any sign of it because it makes us feel low. You are reacting as any human would. I think you should just leave him alone and look deeper into why you feel the way you do. One guy made me feel that way and we weren't even together, but it wasn't really him who made me wish I was dead, it was the experiences and the behavior I felt which kept causing this. Keep pushing flower, I know its such a challenge, but thats whats going to help your heart right now. Try to distract yourself and accept that you did something you didn't agree with. Its tough, that if its always gonna be like this feeling I rather be dead, but its only temporarily. I promise you.. but seriously, just ignore him next time you see him on. The same thing happen to me and at first I was so hurt because I thought I finally met someone really cool. We had talked for some time and then he just completely cut me off, I had the urge to ask why but each day I tried to get my mind off of waiting for his phonecall or wondering why. you'll be alright I promise. Positive visualization often helps me, seeing myself in a more positive state .

Thank you for all the hugs! I really have not felt this low in a long while. Had he slowly eased away from me I would have seen it coming but that is not at all what happened. We had ascended high up the mountain of what was a mutual fantasy, so it seemed. Then, poof, like a puff of smoke he was gone.

I trust my instincts and I was blindsided.

I did write him another message, which he may never read, on the single site. Basically it said that what he did truly sent my emotions plummeting into depression and to please never do this to another woman. It is totally emotionally sadistic to do that. It is hateful to not care how another feels. To let them think that you may be dead because things sounded so possitive when we last talked that I could not fathom that he willingly just stopped talking to me.

I have gone through a lot. I left my daughter several states over, with my sister, so I could concentrate on getting my head and my life together and now this!!!

My daughter is happy with my sister. I am happy for her but very in pain that she has no problem simply forgetting about mommy and moving on. ( she's not quite 10)

I feel unloveable on the deepest level.

Deadflow3r said:

IamFunkay7 said:

bottom line, he is a jerk and doesn't deserve you. I've encountered people like that too, but it's not stupid what you did, it's normal. We hate rejection, or any sign of it because it makes us feel low. You are reacting as any human would. I think you should just leave him alone and look deeper into why you feel the way you do. One guy made me feel that way and we weren't even together, but it wasn't really him who made me wish I was dead, it was the experiences and the behavior I felt which kept causing this. Keep pushing flower, I know its such a challenge, but thats whats going to help your heart right now. Try to distract yourself and accept that you did something you didn't agree with. Its tough, that if its always gonna be like this feeling I rather be dead, but its only temporarily. I promise you.. but seriously, just ignore him next time you see him on. The same thing happen to me and at first I was so hurt because I thought I finally met someone really cool. We had talked for some time and then he just completely cut me off, I had the urge to ask why but each day I tried to get my mind off of waiting for his phonecall or wondering why. you'll be alright I promise. Positive visualization often helps me, seeing myself in a more positive state .

Thank you for all the hugs! I really have not felt this low in a long while. Had he slowly eased away from me I would have seen it coming but that is not at all what happened. We had ascended high up the mountain of what was a mutual fantasy, so it seemed. Then, poof, like a puff of smoke he was gone.

I trust my instincts and I was blindsided.

I did write him another message, which he may never read, on the single site. Basically it said that what he did truly sent my emotions plummeting into depression and to please never do this to another woman. It is totally emotionally sadistic to do that. It is hateful to not care how another feels. To let them think that you may be dead because things sounded so possitive when we last talked that I could not fathom that he willingly just stopped talking to me.

I have gone through a lot. I left my daughter several states over, with my sister, so I could concentrate on getting my head and my life together and now this!!!

My daughter is happy with my sister. I am happy for her but very in pain that she has no problem simply forgetting about mommy and moving on. ( she's not quite 10)

I feel unloveable on the deepest level.

I know the feeling of feeling the lowest, thats when you cling to God because he will be strong enough for you. Today I felt so overwhelmed, I have a ten page paper due in a few and a presentation due in like 9 hours, thats so minor but adds to me feeling overwhelmed about everything. I hate that feeling unlovable but the biggest lesson I've learned in life is feelings and reality can be seperated so tell yourself, "I may feel this way now but it doesn't make it true." we were all meant to be loved, and I know it sometimes feels that way, but just remember its only the feeling, not necessarily the truth. Your daughter loves you, children don't forget who their parents are, just always show her that you lover her very much.

Thank you for your kind words

I have always felt that God was real. Maybe not exactly the Christian version of God, but most definitely a universal, one, creator, force, that combines light and darkness like a ying yang symbol. Given that I believe that we are all figments of this Heavenly Father's imagination, we are therefor all understood and treasured by our creator.

It is unfortunate that many times in my life I felt that God's love and the love of the Universe was it for me. I have often felt like other humans do not love me. I am a vulture of a woman. My value seems to be only seen by others when I am no longer in their life. Like a vulture, I am misunderstood and even sometimes feared.

Since childhood I have had people pull away from me because "she is so strange!"

I should be ok with it. This man described the woman of his dreams and she sounded just like me. I fell for it. Finally someone likes vultures. maybe a male vulture? I fell hard and ultimately there was no net.

So back to meditation which heals me better than anything!

^ I think that sort of experience is common...some people just don't take internet 'relationships' seriously and can be all pally and suddenly disappear. Some .orgers I know have behaved like this. So try not to take it personally, esp. as from talking online they don't know the real you anyway.....

The trick is to not get to emotionally invested into these 'relationships' until you really know the person IRL. Treat is all with a pinch of salt. It's hard though if you have had intimate conversations...The danger of the internet is that in the absence of the other person's presence you tend to project your fantasies and desires onto the other person and imagine them to be some kind of saviour, when in fact more likely they are nothing like what you think them to be.

If you think the person is special then get their phone number and/or address, if they won't give it, you know they aren't serious, but if they do then they can't really cut you off like that without you being able to contact them and ask.

It could also be that they want to spare your feelings, but it does seem a bit cowardly to just disappear.

Meditation is a good idea, it's VERY helpful to gain perspective and mental balance.

[Edited 11/28/11 9:02am]

TheFreakerFantastic said:

^ I think that sort of experience is common...some people just don't take internet 'relationships' seriously and can be all pally and suddenly disappear. Some .orgers I know have behaved like this. So try not to take it personally, esp. as from talking online they don't know the real you anyway.....

The trick is to not get to emotionally invested into these 'relationships' until you really know the person IRL. Treat is all with a pinch of salt. It's hard though if you have had intimate conversations...The danger of the internet is that in the absence of the other person's presence you tend to project your fantasies and desires onto the other person and imagine them to be some kind of saviour, when in fact more likely they are nothing like what you think them to be.

If you think the person is special then get their phone number and/or address, if they won't give it, you know they aren't serious, but if they do then they can't really cut you off like that without you being able to contact them and ask.

It could also be that they want to spare your feelings, but it does seem a bit cowardly to just disappear.

Meditation is a good idea, it's VERY helpful to gain perspective and mental balance.

[Edited 11/28/11 9:02am]

ThanK you. I don't even know his last initial or his birth date. I should have insisted on more but i was new to this and just starting out. Maybe it is best that it started with the first guy. Learned a lot.

I have his email address but not his # and i asked him "what happened and why did you not just say "can't continue with this any longer, sorry" but got no reply. And yes, that does show cowardice and lack of empathy on his part.

I have a feeling that he flatters himself into thinking that he is a man of mystery, but it is really just cowardliness.

I truly understand now that the internet can be the place where your alternate personality has room to run and play. Especially useful if you have a conservative job and lifestyle. I think that that was this mans story in a nut shell.

IamFunkay7 said:

I know the feeling of feeling the lowest, thats when you cling to God because he will be strong enough for you. Today I felt so overwhelmed, I have a ten page paper due in a few and a presentation due in like 9 hours, thats so minor but adds to me feeling overwhelmed about everything. I hate that feeling unlovable but the biggest lesson I've learned in life is feelings and reality can be seperated so tell yourself, "I may feel this way now but it doesn't make it true." we were all meant to be loved, and I know it sometimes feels that way, but just remember its only the feeling, not necessarily the truth. Your daughter loves you, children don't forget who their parents are, just always show her that you lover her very much.

Here...you need a big one of these...

I saw my therapist today, interesting, alot of things came out.

Deadflow3r said:

Thank you for your kind words

I have always felt that God was real. Maybe not exactly the Christian version of God, but most definitely a universal, one, creator, force, that combines light and darkness like a ying yang symbol. Given that I believe that we are all figments of this Heavenly Father's imagination, we are therefor all understood and treasured by our creator.

It is unfortunate that many times in my life I felt that God's love and the love of the Universe was it for me. I have often felt like other humans do not love me. I am a vulture of a woman. My value seems to be only seen by others when I am no longer in their life. Like a vulture, I am misunderstood and even sometimes feared.

Since childhood I have had people pull away from me because "she is so strange!"

I should be ok with it. This man described the woman of his dreams and she sounded just like me. I fell for it. Finally someone likes vultures. maybe a male vulture? I fell hard and ultimately there was no net.

So back to meditation which heals me better than anything!

I got chills reading that cause I could relate to a lot of it, but wish I was like that though I feel too victimized by my past to become this way too. There was a time I used to pray all the time and though I know it's helpful, it's too painful to do now and I feel guilty for too much.

[Edited 11/29/11 0:29am]

IamFunkay7 said:

I saw my therapist today, interesting, alot of things came out.

alphastreet said:

Deadflow3r said:

Thank you for your kind words

I have always felt that God was real. Maybe not exactly the Christian version of God, but most definitely a universal, one, creator, force, that combines light and darkness like a ying yang symbol. Given that I believe that we are all figments of this Heavenly Father's imagination, we are therefor all understood and treasured by our creator.

It is unfortunate that many times in my life I felt that God's love and the love of the Universe was it for me. I have often felt like other humans do not love me. I am a vulture of a woman. My value seems to be only seen by others when I am no longer in their life. Like a vulture, I am misunderstood and even sometimes feared.

Since childhood I have had people pull away from me because "she is so strange!"

I should be ok with it. This man described the woman of his dreams and she sounded just like me. I fell for it. Finally someone likes vultures. maybe a male vulture? I fell hard and ultimately there was no net.

So back to meditation which heals me better than anything!

I got chills reading that cause I could relate to a lot of it, but wish I was like that though I feel too victimized by my past to become this way too. There was a time I used to pray all the time and though I know it's helpful, it's too painful to do now and I feel guilty for too much.

[Edited 11/29/11 0:29am]

Meditation heals me more than prayer does.

I sometimes go to a quiet cemetery, no one is ever there. There I sit, quietly within its nothingness and force myself to become quiet inside.

Thank you for your kind words. Thanks for reminding me of cemeteries also. There is one not far from me and I should stroll through and maybe bring a candle.

I believe in the West we overvalue prayer and undervalue meditation. Ultimately we throw off our spiritual balance this way,IMO.

She said until I see her again next week I had to do these things:

5x of exercise (5 days)

2 times of getting out the house and hanging with friends/being away from home.

3 meals or more a day

Relaxing for a few hours a day

IamFunkay7 said:

She said until I see her again next week I had to do these things:

5x of exercise (5 days)

2 times of getting out the house and hanging with friends/being away from home.

3 meals or more a day

Relaxing for a few hours a day

YES on all counts!

IamFunkay7 said:

She said until I see her again next week I had to do these things:

5x of exercise (5 days)

2 times of getting out the house and hanging with friends/being away from home.

3 meals or more a day

Relaxing for a few hours a day

No offence, but I told you this last week on this thread....maybe u should listen to me instead

Sometimes though it's nice to hear from a real person in front of you and to talk....so I get it...

[Edited 11/29/11 14:23pm]

TheFreakerFantastic said:

IamFunkay7 said:

She said until I see her again next week I had to do these things:

5x of exercise (5 days)

2 times of getting out the house and hanging with friends/being away from home.

3 meals or more a day

Relaxing for a few hours a day

No offence, but I told you this last week on this thread....maybe u should listen to me instead

Sometimes though it's nice to hear from a real person in front of you and to talk....so I get it...

[Edited 11/29/11 14:23pm]

I took it all into consideration, just telling yall what she said lol

IamFunkay7 said:

She said until I see her again next week I had to do these things:

5x of exercise (5 days)

2 times of getting out the house and hanging with friends/being away from home.

3 meals or more a day

Relaxing for a few hours a day