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Thread started 11/02/11 4:16pm

TotalANXiousNE
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Hello Org. I'm here to wallow in a broken heart......AGAIN.

So, as it turns out I am married to a compulsive liar. 6 months into my marriage and I realize I am not married to who I thought I was, and that he lies to me all the time. It is about stupid stuff, but I have explained to him COUNTLESS times that I cannot stomach a liar.

Now I'm catching him in these lies, and now he has told me that he is a pathological liar.

I thought this guy was the ONE, but he is not even the guy I thought he was . You guys saw how happy I was. It was all based on lies.

So, anyway.....I am takingthe steps to do what I need to do.

Yet AGAIN.

I had a job interview yesterday morning for like, the job of a lifetime. Like, it's a GREAT PAYING JOB.....so we will see how that pans out.

I just really cannot believe this. I am embarrased to even say it, because I feel like a failure.

Ugh, well nyway thanks for listening guys.

I've reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I layed down with love and I woke up with lies
Whats it all worth only the heart can measure
It's not whats in the mirror but what's left inside
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Reply #1 posted 11/02/11 4:25pm

paintedlady

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Not a failure if you learn from any mistake and become a better person for it.

I hoped you would so happy, I am sorry... hug

Is this fixable? Or would you be in constant worry over his lies? sad

I still wish you the best and total happiness, where ever that journey takes you dear. heart

I also hope your babies do not suffer from this... bheart rose

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Reply #2 posted 11/02/11 4:27pm

StillGotIt

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You cannot undo anything, so just move forward. The only real mistake you can make is by not learning from this mistake. Look for the red flags that may have been there that are now obvious to you that you could not see before and ask yourself what was obstructing your view of them before you married this guy? Were there people in your life trying to warn you about him that you didn't pay much mind to?

You also have to realize that a compulsive liar is very practiced in his skill. He may have been very convincing. Also, you may have been in a place in your life where you were more than willing to hear the ideal and overlook some things that deserved scrutiny.

So, pick up the broken pieces, get away from this liar and start all over. You already have a head start with a new job.

anyway...It could be worse....and I'm talking Kim Kardashian....now THAT is somebody who needs to be embarassed

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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Reply #3 posted 11/02/11 4:28pm

StillGotIt

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oh no....there are babies with this guy?

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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Reply #4 posted 11/02/11 4:30pm

StillGotIt

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paintedlady said:

Not a failure if you learn from any mistake and become a better person for it.

I hoped you would so happy, I am sorry... hug

Is this fixable? Or would you be in constant worry over his lies? sad

I still wish you the best and total happiness, where ever that journey takes you dear. heart

I also hope your babies do not suffer from this... bheart rose

Painted...you are gonna think I'm a hard ass but compulsive liars are not worth trying to fix anything with. they never change

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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Reply #5 posted 11/02/11 4:31pm

JustErin

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Aww...that's too bad, dude. sad

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Reply #6 posted 11/02/11 4:31pm

TotalANXiousNE
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paintedlady said:

Not a failure if you learn from any mistake and become a better person for it.

I hoped you would so happy, I am sorry... hug

Is this fixable? Or would you be in constant worry over his lies? sad

I still wish you the best and total happiness, where ever that journey takes you dear. heart

I also hope your babies do not suffer from this... bheart rose

We'll see. I dunno where this is taking us. Things are obviously not great between us right now....but he is not like my ex. He basically does whatever he can to try to passify (sp?) me.....there are no crazy arguements in front of the kids or anything. I know that he does love me. There is some sort of underlying issue going on here. We are in counseling. I am having linch with his mom tom to kinda talk to her about it. His parents are well aware of what is going on.

On top of it all he will not work. So I have to. Okay fine. But I am not going to work while he watches movies and plays playstation all day. The whole ousehold is going without, not because he CAN'T work, but because he won't. I've been loving through all of it, no harping.....because in all other areas he is wonderful......but once the LYING started.....no.....he is not gonna deisrepect me that way AND freeload like I'm his mother on top of it.

I just don't know. I just don't.

I've reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I layed down with love and I woke up with lies
Whats it all worth only the heart can measure
It's not whats in the mirror but what's left inside
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Reply #7 posted 11/02/11 4:35pm

paintedlady

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StillGotIt said:

paintedlady said:

Not a failure if you learn from any mistake and become a better person for it.

I hoped you would so happy, I am sorry... hug

Is this fixable? Or would you be in constant worry over his lies? sad

I still wish you the best and total happiness, where ever that journey takes you dear. heart

I also hope your babies do not suffer from this... bheart rose

Painted...you are gonna think I'm a hard ass but compulsive liars are not worth trying to fix anything with. they never change

Yeah, I just want her to be sure sure... its heartbreaking to hear.

Dani was thrilled and we were thrilled for her.

But I know she will be happy in staring over... wiser and stronger, and she's a good mom.

I just hope she gets the support she needs moving on. heart

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Reply #8 posted 11/02/11 4:35pm

thesexofit

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As they say "you love who you love".

At least your on the right track now in actually trying to fix the problem. As already said, is it fixable?

I use to date someone who even after I caught her smoking when she said she gave up, she would still deny it right infront of my face! Now that was just stupid. Lying about not being able to give up smoking was no big deal to me, but it was plain stupid to lie to my face about it after I had caught her LOL. Suffice to say we broke up, and things like that just gave me another reason to consider it.

I don't have time for people who lie constantly anymore either.

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Reply #9 posted 11/02/11 4:37pm

StillGotIt

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TotalANXiousNESS said:

paintedlady said:

Not a failure if you learn from any mistake and become a better person for it.

I hoped you would so happy, I am sorry... hug

Is this fixable? Or would you be in constant worry over his lies? sad

I still wish you the best and total happiness, where ever that journey takes you dear. heart

I also hope your babies do not suffer from this... bheart rose

We'll see. I dunno where this is taking us. Things are obviously not great between us right now....but he is not like my ex. He basically does whatever he can to try to passify (sp?) me.....there are no crazy arguements in front of the kids or anything. I know that he does love me. There is some sort of underlying issue going on here. We are in counseling. I am having linch with his mom tom to kinda talk to her about it. His parents are well aware of what is going on.

On top of it all he will not work. So I have to. Okay fine. But I am not going to work while he watches movies and plays playstation all day. The whole ousehold is going without, not because he CAN'T work, but because he won't. I've been loving through all of it, no harping.....because in all other areas he is wonderful......but once the LYING started.....no.....he is not gonna deisrepect me that way AND freeload like I'm his mother on top of it.

I just don't know. I just don't.

Girl....dont walk away...run!!!!! I'm sorry, but I've seen his type a LOT. This is often a way of earning a living....hook up with someone, treat her like gold, marry her, and live off of her. The liar part is usually the intro to the inevitable cheating. I say this because once you get sick of him living off of you, he has to line up the next victim. You have babies...this will automatically create an unhealthy environment for them. I say run and dont look back too many times. rose

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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Reply #10 posted 11/02/11 4:40pm

NDRU

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I'm sorry, that really sucks, especially when you guys have a kid.

Is there any way to make this work? He admitted he is a pathological liar. That seems like a positive thing. Maybe he can do something about it?

But I understand, sometimes a person goes too far.

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Reply #11 posted 11/02/11 4:42pm

TotalANXiousNE
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StillGotIt said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

We'll see. I dunno where this is taking us. Things are obviously not great between us right now....but he is not like my ex. He basically does whatever he can to try to passify (sp?) me.....there are no crazy arguements in front of the kids or anything. I know that he does love me. There is some sort of underlying issue going on here. We are in counseling. I am having linch with his mom tom to kinda talk to her about it. His parents are well aware of what is going on.

On top of it all he will not work. So I have to. Okay fine. But I am not going to work while he watches movies and plays playstation all day. The whole ousehold is going without, not because he CAN'T work, but because he won't. I've been loving through all of it, no harping.....because in all other areas he is wonderful......but once the LYING started.....no.....he is not gonna deisrepect me that way AND freeload like I'm his mother on top of it.

I just don't know. I just don't.

Girl....dont walk away...run!!!!! I'm sorry, but I've seen his type a LOT. This is often a way of earning a living....hook up with someone, treat her like gold, marry her, and live off of her. The liar part is usually the intro to the inevitable cheating. I say this because once you get sick of him living off of you, he has to line up the next victim. You have babies...this will automatically create an unhealthy environment for them. I say run and dont look back too many times. rose

I believe you that you see it alot. I don't believe that he is a cheater or that he has any kind of malice in mind when he lies about the dumb shit he lies about.

I don't have a decision. I am numb. Do I love him even? Because what is real and what isn't? I know I love who I thought he was......is that the real him, and now he is in some sort of depression.....or addiction that I don't know about? Is that what he is lying to hide? Do I leave him if that is the case? I view it like a sickness.....but do I become a doormat?

At the moment, like I said, I am just setting up a future for my kids and myself. So that I have all options available to me.

I've reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I layed down with love and I woke up with lies
Whats it all worth only the heart can measure
It's not whats in the mirror but what's left inside
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Reply #12 posted 11/02/11 4:44pm

paintedlady

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TotalANXiousNESS said:

paintedlady said:

Not a failure if you learn from any mistake and become a better person for it.

I hoped you would so happy, I am sorry... hug

Is this fixable? Or would you be in constant worry over his lies? sad

I still wish you the best and total happiness, where ever that journey takes you dear. heart

I also hope your babies do not suffer from this... bheart rose

We'll see. I dunno where this is taking us. Things are obviously not great between us right now....but he is not like my ex. He basically does whatever he can to try to passify (sp?) me.....there are no crazy arguements in front of the kids or anything. I know that he does love me. There is some sort of underlying issue going on here. We are in counseling. I am having linch with his mom tom to kinda talk to her about it. His parents are well aware of what is going on.

On top of it all he will not work. So I have to. Okay fine. But I am not going to work while he watches movies and plays playstation all day. The whole ousehold is going without, not because he CAN'T work, but because he won't. I've been loving through all of it, no harping.....because in all other areas he is wonderful......but once the LYING started.....no.....he is not gonna deisrepect me that way AND freeload like I'm his mother on top of it.

I just don't know. I just don't.

I left the father of my two (younger) kids for the same reason... hug

He worked but he wanted to freeload and keep his money for himself. Me and the kids ended up homeless.

He took off and dumped me for a woman who was old enough to be our mother. Told me she was a better woman than I could ever be.

She stabbed him two years later. highfive In the leg... he is OK... fine enough to work and pay me my child support. Now he contributes more than 1/2 his paycheck to my household and he doesn't live here. lol

Things will get better, you will bounce back from this. nod

[Edited 11/2/11 16:47pm]

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Reply #13 posted 11/02/11 4:44pm

TotalANXiousNE
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paintedlady said:

StillGotIt said:

Painted...you are gonna think I'm a hard ass but compulsive liars are not worth trying to fix anything with. they never change

Yeah, I just want her to be sure sure... its heartbreaking to hear.

Dani was thrilled and we were thrilled for her.

But I know she will be happy in staring over... wiser and stronger, and she's a good mom.

I just hope she gets the support she needs moving on. heart

hug

I've reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I layed down with love and I woke up with lies
Whats it all worth only the heart can measure
It's not whats in the mirror but what's left inside
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Reply #14 posted 11/02/11 4:50pm

StillGotIt

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okay....I will step from my extreme soapbox.

Perhaps you do still love him. But as your trust dissapates, you will become angry and god forbid, bitter. Love and distrust cannot coexist for long. Since you have children, you have far more at risk than he does if it cannot be salvaged.

if he is unable to win back your trust, if he is lying to you about the little things, you will always wonder where it ends. You cannot continue to love somebody you do not trust. Some of the things he may decide to lie about in the future can have astronomical consequences for you and your children.

Lying is a character issue....its not a broken arm. Its an indication of the person inside. i would ask myself, if he is lying over the little shit that doesn't matter, what will he do when a real challenge presents itself? Does he have the character that can deal? If not...you will always be dealing with hard times by yourself. And sad to say....I know I am harsh...but I always felt that when a dude lies to me, its an indication that he does not love me the way i need to be loved.

lies and love cannot co exst in my mind

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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Reply #15 posted 11/02/11 4:52pm

TotalANXiousNE
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StillGotIt said:

okay....I will step from my extreme soapbox.

Perhaps you do still love him. But as your trust dissapates, you will become angry and god forbid, bitter. Love and distrust cannot coexist for long. Since you have children, you have far more at risk than he does if it cannot be salvaged.

if he is unable to win back your trust, if he is lying to you about the little things, you will always wonder where it ends. You cannot continue to love somebody you do not trust. Some of the things he may decide to lie about in the future can have astronomical consequences for you and your children.

Lying is a character issue....its not a broken arm. Its an indication of the person inside. i would ask myself, if he is lying over the little shit that doesn't matter, what will he do when a real challenge presents itself? Does he have the character that can deal? If not...you will always be dealing with hard times by yourself. And sad to say....I know I am harsh...but I always felt that when a dude lies to me, its an indication that he does not love me the way i need to be loved.

lies and love cannot co exst in my mind

I hear you and I agree. This is not how I wanted to, or thought we would live. I am completely distraught over it.

I've reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I layed down with love and I woke up with lies
Whats it all worth only the heart can measure
It's not whats in the mirror but what's left inside
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Reply #16 posted 11/02/11 4:54pm

paintedlady

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My theme song when I am down... keep moving on chica.

here's to you dear heart hug

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Reply #17 posted 11/02/11 4:59pm

StillGotIt

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Whatever you do, do it in your own time. If you want to see where it goes and give him a chance, then do that. Whatever decision you make, you are the one who has to feel comfortable with it. Its sucks to be in a position where you feel like a parent...he wants to be in love, but he doesn't want to grow up.

My heart aches for you......this is so tough. Listen to your heart, but also make a list for your head. Make a list...I'm serius...make a list of why you love him, and and a list of concerns. that will help you sort things outside of your emotions. you deserve more, you are not asking for a million dollar home...you just want to share your life with another responsible adult you know...get off the playstation, grow up and get a job....you are not being unreasonable. He is not right for making you have to ask him to do something that should be ingrained

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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Reply #18 posted 11/02/11 5:30pm

Vendetta1

TotalANXiousNESS said:

So, as it turns out I am married to a compulsive liar. 6 months into my marriage and I realize I am not married to who I thought I was, and that he lies to me all the time. It is about stupid stuff, but I have explained to him COUNTLESS times that I cannot stomach a liar.

Now I'm catching him in these lies, and now he has told me that he is a pathological liar.

I thought this guy was the ONE, but he is not even the guy I thought he was . You guys saw how happy I was. It was all based on lies.

So, anyway.....I am takingthe steps to do what I need to do.

Yet AGAIN.

I had a job interview yesterday morning for like, the job of a lifetime. Like, it's a GREAT PAYING JOB.....so we will see how that pans out.

I just really cannot believe this. I am embarrased to even say it, because I feel like a failure.

Ugh, well nyway thanks for listening guys.

I am so sorry Dani. hug

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Reply #19 posted 11/02/11 5:55pm

GetAwayFromMe

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I can't tolerate a lying male.

hug

comfort

I wish you lived closer to me.

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Reply #20 posted 11/02/11 6:08pm

PANDURITO

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GetAwayFromMe said:

I can't tolerate a lying male.

That sounded sexist confused

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Reply #21 posted 11/02/11 6:11pm

GetAwayFromMe

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PANDURITO said:

GetAwayFromMe said:

I can't tolerate a lying male.

That sounded sexist confused

Go marry one and you'll know what I'm talking about. lol

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Reply #22 posted 11/02/11 6:24pm

PANDURITO

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TotalANXiousNESS said:

he lies to me all the time. It is about stupid stuff...stupid stuff...stupid stuff...

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Reply #23 posted 11/02/11 6:48pm

dJJ

hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

You didn't fail. There is no failure in believing another person and not being paranoid about everything he tells you.

You are not to blame. You fell in love with a picture that somebody purposely painted for you because he knew it would be that picture you would fall for. And he purposely painted that picture falsely. How could you have known?

File for divorce before you get the well paid job. Get legal advice tomorrow and protect your assets, money, children and yourself. He will manipulate the situation so he can live on you for a very long time. Make sure you are prepared and protected. Get your network working for you.

Don't tell him anything or confide him in any way. Gather as much proove as possible. Get everything in writing, emails and make pictures, record conversations.

I'm very sorry to feel compelled to advice you these things. I'd rather advice you to work it out and believe in love. However, I advice you to start reading about anti-social personality disorders, narcistic personality disorders and again, as I have adviced before, read 'Stalking the soul'.

http://www.webheights.net...en/sts.htm

He will not change. He will promise you he will change. He will seduce you to believe he will change. However, that is all smoke in your eyes.

He will not change. He will prey upon you.

I don't want to make you scared. I just want you to be the strong woman you are. The one who has a beautiful soul and who knows she deservers better than this.

I'm certain there will be enough orger to support you on this road.

Just be careful.

He might even read your posts here.

I wish you to get in touch with all the love and strength and wisdom that you carry inside, so you can take care of yourself and your children.

Protect yourself. rose

heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart

99% of my posts are ironic. Maybe this post sides with the other 1%.
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Reply #24 posted 11/02/11 7:11pm

728huey

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I'm sorry about your situation. sad hug comfort Like someone said earlier, he has a huge character issue, and it's bound to get much worse if you let it contiunue. It's too bad you have a child involved in all of this, but its for the better that you get out as soon as possible.

typing

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Reply #25 posted 11/02/11 7:16pm

Machaela

hug

You know I love you rose

I think no different of you ~ I'm not a strong beliver in "failures" ... I belive in lessons ...if you learn one simple thing from a situation it is in no way a failure it's an oppertunity to learn ... learn more about life , people and yourself

hug

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Reply #26 posted 11/02/11 9:11pm

kimrachell

hug so sorry you're going through this.hug

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Reply #27 posted 11/02/11 9:53pm

StillGotIt

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dJJ said:

hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

You didn't fail. There is no failure in believing another person and not being paranoid about everything he tells you.

You are not to blame. You fell in love with a picture that somebody purposely painted for you because he knew it would be that picture you would fall for. And he purposely painted that picture falsely. How could you have known?

File for divorce before you get the well paid job. Get legal advice tomorrow and protect your assets, money, children and yourself. He will manipulate the situation so he can live on you for a very long time. Make sure you are prepared and protected. Get your network working for you.

Don't tell him anything or confide him in any way. Gather as much proove as possible. Get everything in writing, emails and make pictures, record conversations.

I'm very sorry to feel compelled to advice you these things. I'd rather advice you to work it out and believe in love. However, I advice you to start reading about anti-social personality disorders, narcistic personality disorders and again, as I have adviced before, read 'Stalking the soul'.

http://www.webheights.net...en/sts.htm

He will not change. He will promise you he will change. He will seduce you to believe he will change. However, that is all smoke in your eyes.

He will not change. He will prey upon you.

I don't want to make you scared. I just want you to be the strong woman you are. The one who has a beautiful soul and who knows she deservers better than this.

I'm certain there will be enough orger to support you on this road.

Just be careful.

He might even read your posts here.

I wish you to get in touch with all the love and strength and wisdom that you carry inside, so you can take care of yourself and your children.

Protect yourself. rose

heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart

well said....very well said

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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Reply #28 posted 11/03/11 2:42am

imago

TotalANXiousNESS said:

So, as it turns out I am married to a compulsive liar. 6 months into my marriage and I realize I am not married to who I thought I was, and that he lies to me all the time. It is about stupid stuff, but I have explained to him COUNTLESS times that I cannot stomach a liar.

Now I'm catching him in these lies, and now he has told me that he is a pathological liar.

I thought this guy was the ONE, but he is not even the guy I thought he was . You guys saw how happy I was. It was all based on lies.

So, anyway.....I am takingthe steps to do what I need to do.

Yet AGAIN.

I had a job interview yesterday morning for like, the job of a lifetime. Like, it's a GREAT PAYING JOB.....so we will see how that pans out.

I just really cannot believe this. I am embarrased to even say it, because I feel like a failure.

Ugh, well nyway thanks for listening guys.

hug

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Reply #29 posted 11/03/11 3:00am

JerseyKRS

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get a job you bum.



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