I just had my heart broken today

I was dating an amazing, beautiful guy. So sweet, liked me for me incredibly smart and talented, he was Korean and... well he is 22 he is 2 years older then me and his parents do not know he is gay, and his dad is a pastor. He liked me a lot but he explained to me Korean culture is not accepting of gay people and i did know that. But it was hard to take it in, that because of his parents and his parents wanting him to go to ministry school. I feel like i am a freaking movie or music video.... it's just all this stuff going on, i myself an a christian but. Imagining your parents who loved you, took care of you and everything disowning for something you can't help

I know someone is going to say ''duh'' it's been like that for years, yeah i know but it's 2011 i wish people weren't so hard against these thing's... I liked this guy a lot, i would have given the world to this beautiful, amazing boy....

When you say "dating" does this mean that you two were intimate? If so, then he is full of BS.

Why is this guy even trying to date people his parents will not accept?

Gay/straight.. if he's a Christian he shouldn't be trying to have sex with anyone....

so the excuse "I'm Christian" or "My parents aren't cool with a same-sex relationship" doesn't fly with me...he shouldn't let things go that far.

Shouldn't play with people's emotions like that, its totally wrong and selfish.

I am sorry this dude led you on like that.

paintedlady said:

When you say "dating" does this mean that you two were intimate? If so, then he is full of BS.

Why is this guy even trying to date people his parents will not accept?

Gay/straight.. if he's a Christian he shouldn't be trying to have sex with anyone....

so the excuse "I'm Christian" or "My parents aren't cool with a same-sex relationship" doesn't fly with me...he shouldn't let things go that far.

Shouldn't play with people's emotions like that, its totally wrong and selfish.

I am sorry this dude led you on like that.

Well... yes we where intimate, i mean....... it's not just his parents, he is just frustrated with life and confused... and in aw way i want to be selfish and go oh pitty me. But i kind of understand... he also said i was the first guy to really ask him out. He has had only 2 bf before in high school he is 22 as i was saying.

He was beautiful, sweet and gave me this great feeling and he said that i made him feel amazing....

And i could tell he really liked me, and eh... it's just wierd.

I really have a big attraction to Asians, and some are very out and some are still very in the closet and it's just.... different from my background i guess.

paintedlady said:

When you say "dating" does this mean that you two were intimate? If so, then he is full of BS.

Why is this guy even trying to date people his parents will not accept?

Gay/straight.. if he's a Christian he shouldn't be trying to have sex with anyone....

so the excuse "I'm Christian" or "My parents aren't cool with a same-sex relationship" doesn't fly with me...he shouldn't let things go that far.

Shouldn't play with people's emotions like that, its totally wrong and selfish.

I am sorry this dude led you on like that.

oh and thank you for the hug

give it time. he sounds like he might be thinking things over. you've both got your lives ahead of you

XxAxX said:

give it time. he sounds like he might be thinking things over. you've both got your lives ahead of you

This is true it's just hard right now

The most gay people I've ever known was on here. Sorry your heart is broken. I think gay people have better relationships than straight people because gay people appreciate that they've found someone like them and cherish them more. They seem happier too, like double gay. :-

Why in the world is he just having a revelation now? Maybe he's been straight for a while now. Or just fell out of being gay like people realize that they are.

paintedlady said:

]When you say "dating" does this mean that you two were intimate? If so, then he is full of BS.

Why is this guy even trying to date people his parents will not accept?

Gay/straight.. if he's a Christian he shouldn't be trying to have sex with anyone....

so the excuse "I'm Christian" or "My parents aren't cool with a same-sex relationship" doesn't fly with me...he shouldn't let things go that far.

Shouldn't play with people's emotions like that, its totally wrong and selfish.

I am sorry this dude led you on like that.

who cares what your parents think. they need to accept you for you and who you love. you gotta be yourself even if certain people don't like it. who cares what other's think. it's your life.

my aunt married a guy who is half black/ half irish. i'll never forget the comments some of my family were making first getting over accepting him. god damn racists. we all bleed red. i never had a problem with it.neither did my cousin kerrie. i wonder who knows she's bisexual? she's got it on her facebook but only me,my uncle and her have fb pages.

why's everyone so quick to judge

go ahead bring up the ginger comment. i don't judge. i just wouldn't sleep with one. i don't prefer blonde hair either if it was a guy i'd wanna smush. that's different

i dont play that............ole buddy would be happy but his folks would be all

purplemookiebut said:

my aunt married a guy who is half black/ half irish. i'll never forget the comments some of my family were making first getting over accepting him. god damn racists. we all bleed red. i never had a problem with it.neither did my cousin kerrie. i wonder who knows she's bisexual? she's got it on her facebook but only me,my uncle and her have fb pages.

why's everyone so quick to judge

go ahead bring up the ginger comment. i don't judge. i just wouldn't sleep with one. i don't prefer blonde hair either if it was a guy i'd wanna smush. that's different

True we are all beautiful in our own way

Gunsnhalen said:

I just had my heart broken today

I was dating an amazing, beautiful guy. So sweet, liked me for me incredibly smart and talented, he was Korean and... well he is 22 he is 2 years older then me and his parents do not know he is gay, and his dad is a pastor. He liked me a lot but he explained to me Korean culture is not accepting of gay people and i did know that. But it was hard to take it in, that because of his parents and his parents wanting him to go to ministry school. I feel like i am a freaking movie or music video.... it's just all this stuff going on, i myself an a christian but. Imagining your parents who loved you, took care of you and everything disowning for something you can't help

I know someone is going to say ''duh'' it's been like that for years, yeah i know but it's 2011 i wish people weren't so hard against these thing's... I liked this guy a lot, i would have given the world to this beautiful, amazing boy....

I'm sorry for your grief. Korea has that macho culture. Will take a while before it will change. Women are not allowed to smoke outside, they have to obey a man. Just because he's a man, so she is lower at the foodchain

He's 22 and in that culture an open disclosure really does take guts. I hope he will dare to do it, and fight for the emancipation of gay people. However, for now, just be good to your self. Nurture yourself and take time to grief. Just day by day. It does get better in time.

Don't let that get you down. Homosexuality not being accepted is not exclusive just to Korean culture because if you really think about it, it is not accepted by any culture. We kind of have our own culture we've created here in the United States and we had to fight for the few rights we have now and there are still lots of people right here in the States that don't accept us and never will.

I don't know if you're in the United States or not but if you are, you tell the guy that he is in the United States and is free to live his life as an individual the way he pleases. You can't change his family or their culture because apparently, they want to be here and enjoy the advancements of our culture but still want to hold on to the old bullshit of their own culture that may even be a reason for some people leaving their country and coming here in the first place because if things are so great there, you wouldn't leave. Work on him as an individual because you can't change his family and if you are ever confronted by them, just tell them that if they want to live their life 100% totally by their Korean culture, then they need to take their ass to Korea and move there because they are in the United States now and if their son wants another man, there ain't a damn thing they can do to stop it. In other words, work on the guy and tell his family to kiss your ass. I know you'd like to get along with them and be friends but there are some people that will cling to that old backwards way of thinking that make it impossible to be friends. Some people, you just can't get along with. That's just how life is, it's not perfect.

.

.

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[Edited 3/19/11 7:14am]

dJJ said:

Gunsnhalen said:

I just had my heart broken today

I was dating an amazing, beautiful guy. So sweet, liked me for me incredibly smart and talented, he was Korean and... well he is 22 he is 2 years older then me and his parents do not know he is gay, and his dad is a pastor. He liked me a lot but he explained to me Korean culture is not accepting of gay people and i did know that. But it was hard to take it in, that because of his parents and his parents wanting him to go to ministry school. I feel like i am a freaking movie or music video.... it's just all this stuff going on, i myself an a christian but. Imagining your parents who loved you, took care of you and everything disowning for something you can't help

I know someone is going to say ''duh'' it's been like that for years, yeah i know but it's 2011 i wish people weren't so hard against these thing's... I liked this guy a lot, i would have given the world to this beautiful, amazing boy....

I'm sorry for your grief. Korea has that macho culture. Will take a while before it will change. Women are not allowed to smoke outside, they have to obey a man. Just because he's a man, so she is lower at the foodchain

He's 22 and in that culture an open disclosure really does take guts. I hope he will dare to do it, and fight for the emancipation of gay people. However, for now, just be good to your self. Nurture yourself and take time to grief. Just day by day. It does get better in time.

What I don't understand is, why the hell do they come to the States and continue that bullshit? I mean, isn't the reason they came here in the first place because they don't like the way it is in their own country? Then why come to another country and continue with the same shit that you don't like?

dJJ said:

Gunsnhalen said:

I just had my heart broken today

I was dating an amazing, beautiful guy. So sweet, liked me for me incredibly smart and talented, he was Korean and... well he is 22 he is 2 years older then me and his parents do not know he is gay, and his dad is a pastor. He liked me a lot but he explained to me Korean culture is not accepting of gay people and i did know that. But it was hard to take it in, that because of his parents and his parents wanting him to go to ministry school. I feel like i am a freaking movie or music video.... it's just all this stuff going on, i myself an a christian but. Imagining your parents who loved you, took care of you and everything disowning for something you can't help

I know someone is going to say ''duh'' it's been like that for years, yeah i know but it's 2011 i wish people weren't so hard against these thing's... I liked this guy a lot, i would have given the world to this beautiful, amazing boy....

I'm sorry for your grief. Korea has that macho culture. Will take a while before it will change. Women are not allowed to smoke outside, they have to obey a man. Just because he's a man, so she is lower at the foodchain

He's 22 and in that culture an open disclosure really does take guts. I hope he will dare to do it, and fight for the emancipation of gay people. However, for now, just be good to your self. Nurture yourself and take time to grief. Just day by day. It does get better in time.

Yeah i have a few Korean friend's and they have told me about that, and well i am a little better today... but i can't believe that about the women seriously wtf!

vainandy said:

Don't let that get you down. Homosexuality not being accepted is not exclusive just to Korean culture because if you really think about it, it is not accepted by any culture. We kind of have our own culture we've created here in the United States and we had to fight for the few rights we have now and there are still lots of people right here in the States that don't accept us and never will.

I don't know if you're in the United States or not but if you are, you tell the guy that he is in the United States and is free to live his life as an individual the way he pleases. You can't change his family or their culture because apparently, they want to be here and enjoy the advancements of our culture but still want to hold on to the old bullshit of their own culture that may even be a reason for some people leaving their country and coming here in the first place because if things are so great there, you wouldn't leave. Work on him as an individual because you can't change his family and if you are ever confronted by them, just tell them that if they want to live their life 100% totally by their Korean culture, then they need to take their ass to Korea and move there because they are in the United States now and if their son wants another man, there ain't a damn thing they can do to stop it. In other words, work on the guy and tell his family to kiss your ass. I know you'd like to get along with them and be friends but there are some people that will cling to that old backwards way of thinking that make it impossible to be friends. Some people, you just can't get along with. That's just how life is, it's not perfect.

.

.

.

[Edited 3/19/11 7:14am]

Lol yeah man i live in Hollywood, and i know that here it is still quite unaccepted to be gay. But apparently from what my Korean friend's tell me it's even worse in there culture , and i get him not wanting to risk having his family of 22 years of life disown him for someone he's known months even if love is involved. Which is kind of a downer to think of... And coming from Texas i know there is still some backwards thinking in parts of America

purplemookiebut said:

paintedlady said:

]When you say "dating" does this mean that you two were intimate? If so, then he is full of BS.

Why is this guy even trying to date people his parents will not accept?

Gay/straight.. if he's a Christian he shouldn't be trying to have sex with anyone....

so the excuse "I'm Christian" or "My parents aren't cool with a same-sex relationship" doesn't fly with me...he shouldn't let things go that far.

Shouldn't play with people's emotions like that, its totally wrong and selfish.

I am sorry this dude led you on like that.

who cares what your parents think. they need to accept you for you and who you love. you gotta be yourself even if certain people don't like it. who cares what other's think. it's your life.

Lemme break it down for you...

when you fuck someone, THEN say "parents will not accept this or that, because ___________"

its bullshit.

You know damn well what your parents are accepting of BEFORE you enter into any relationship at age.... what 22?

Aww hells no! This dude led him on, plain and simple. What your parents think is besides the point. Actually, being gay or race is besides the point as well, that good looking dude is just self centered and thinking of only his needs.

I guess we all fall some hot person who is selfish once in our lives... I sure did. You learn from it and move onto better things.

paintedlady said:

purplemookiebut said:

who cares what your parents think. they need to accept you for you and who you love. you gotta be yourself even if certain people don't like it. who cares what other's think. it's your life.

Lemme break it down for you...

when you fuck someone, THEN say "parents will not accept this or that, because ___________"

its bullshit.

You know damn well what your parents are accepting of BEFORE you enter into any relationship at age.... what 22?

Aww hells no! This dude led him on, plain and simple. What your parents think is besides the point. Actually, being gay or race is besides the point as well, that good looking dude is just self centered and thinking of only his needs.

I guess we all fall some hot person who is selfish once in our lives... I sure did. You learn from it and move onto better things.

well thank you for the kind word's=]

But i mean in all honesty as i was saying i do kind of get it from his POV...

He is from a family that is not accepting at all of gay's, he is 22 he has known me a few months and his family 22 years. So even if you are in love throwing away 22 years of family for someone who might not even work out. Can be a huge risk...

it's prob more in his mind... one day when he is ready to tell them, they may show their true love for him and show acceptance...... there are so many parents like that and the love for their children always comes first..... blood is thicker than culture

i have 3 kids and i know that it's their choice and no matter what i will always love them and b there for them

I come from a family full of homo-phobics... I do understand his POV but at 22? Naw, your friend should have been more responsible with his actions.

I could see if he presented you with his issue BEFORE anything happened (kiss/date/sex/whatever)

at the first sign of interest he should have let you know what was up, then allow YOU to make the decision to go any further. This way, you would not have had the rug pulled from under you so to speak.

Gunsalen, you really deserve the respect of true consideration in any relationship. Sexual orientation/religion/culture aside... no one deserves to be just tossed away because family will not approve. Its a matter of pricipal, he simply lacked the character to be completely honest of his situation with you, he waited to get sexed up first and leave you using his "family" as the excuse.

Dude dogged you out, he was just wrong.

I honestly don't think this is a cultural issue. There are closeted gays of every race, creed and color.

Genesia said:

I honestly don't think this is a cultural issue. There are closeted gays of every race, creed and color.