Well, I was in a relationship with someone for two years. He was my first serious relationship too. Not to forget we were incredibly close. We were the best of friends, just as much as we were lovers. Needless to say, we thought we were made for each other. We even hoped to get engaged after finishing college and getting steadier. Now what I need advice on....he broke up with me last week.
Why?
Long story to short, a simple misunderstanding. I'm studying to be a performer, and am currently cast in a musical. One of my cast members and close friends, a homosexual might I add, jokingly zipped me up in his jacket. Of course he was playing around. I told my boyfriend, thinking that it would make him laugh like I did, that my gay friend was all over me. He took it the wrong way. And here I am. Pardon me if coming here for advice seems pathetic. I'm so busy with my studies and performing, I don't have many friends to socialize with.
I've apologized countless times. Should I keep trying, or just give up and give him his time? He still talks to me. I'm sure he still loves me. He just doesn't seem willing to try again. It's as if he's completely discouraged about it. Or maybe he's fed up... I just hate losing him/: Opinions? Advice? Thank you.

I don't think you have anything to apologize for. Unless "zipped me up in his jacket" means something way different from how it sounds.

Sorry about the breakup, but in time you'll definitely gain more perspective on it.

Efan said:

It certainly wasn't. Thank you very much.

I have no idea, but it kind of sounds like other things built up and he used this particular situation as an excuse or an out. I don't think it really has anything to do with the jacket.

If it DOES, then much better to know now.

Efan said:

We've talked about that, I'm sure your correct. So you think it's best to givea him time or try to fix it?

^ that.

you get full credit for being honest with your ex. he was probably looking for an out, and saw his opportunity. I give him two months (he's probably had someone lined up already) before he comes crawling back to you. don't take him back, one door closes another one opens up.

Efan said:

I have no idea, but it kind of sounds like other things built up and he used this particular situation as an excuse or an out. I don't think it really has anything to do with the jacket.

If it DOES, then much better to know now.

I was going to say something similar.

Maybe he's jealous of your friend because you've been spending so much time with him on the set...

Thank you all for the advice. I barely talk to my friend off of the set. I agree that it must have been an excuse or opportunity to break up with me. I was just coflicted though. You can tell he still has some feelings for me, but he's simply fed up. So I don't know whether to give him his space or apologize and keep trying to make things better. I surely don't want to seem clingy, but I want him to know that I care.

DMSRdove said:

Thank you all for the advice. I barely talk to my friend off of the set. I agree that it must have been an excuse or opportunity to break up with me. I was just coflicted though. You can tell he still has some feelings for me, but he's simply fed up. So I don't know whether to give him his space or apologize and keep trying to make things better. I surely don't want to seem clingy, but I want him to know that I care.

stop apologizing. guilty people apologize. people who sincerely made a mistake, apologize and move on. if he wants to be a prick about it, he's not the right guy for you. man up and stop worrying about his feelings...he's certainly not worried about yours.

WTF this sounds like a ridiculous reason to break up with someone.

There MUST be more to it than that........

I mean, do you give him reason to believe you cheat? Is this an on going argument between the two of you?

Or maybe he's been wanting to break it off just because, and this was the first thing you could give him to use as a reason?

BlackAdder7 said:

DMSRdove said:

Thank you all for the advice. I barely talk to my friend off of the set. I agree that it must have been an excuse or opportunity to break up with me. I was just coflicted though. You can tell he still has some feelings for me, but he's simply fed up. So I don't know whether to give him his space or apologize and keep trying to make things better. I surely don't want to seem clingy, but I want him to know that I care.

stop apologizing. guilty people apologize. people who sincerely made a mistake, apologize and move on. if he wants to be a prick about it, he's not the right guy for you. man up and stop worrying about his feelings...he's certainly not worried about yours.

I agree.

I've been there... and now I look back, wondering what I was thinking.

I never gave him reason to believe I would cheat but we had some arguements over sketchy situations he was in. He claimed there was a trust issue and that it wasn't fair for me to get upset over those silly things and then do what I did. I agree that there is a time to stop apologizing, I guess I justwant things to go back to how they were.

DMSRdove said:

I never gave him reason to believe I would cheat but we had some arguements over sketchy situations he was in. He claimed there was a trust issue and that it wasn't fair for me to get upset over those silly things and then do what I did. I agree that there is a time to stop apologizing, I guess I justwant things to go back to how they were.

a little professional advice here...a great defensive move is to put the other person on the defensive. so your ex did, or is doing something wrong, and he's trying to make you feel like it's your fault so that he can feel better about himself, or feel "better" about himself in his own mind by saying "it wasn't my fault it was hers".

I'll bet you a dollar he has someone else already..or has her lined up. I'll bet you another dollar he's feeling powerful (and in a really shitty way) about himself by how he's making you feel awful.

cut

the

ties.

im done.

pay my receptionist on your way out.

I understand you're upset, and don't want the breakup. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors....so its hard to give advice on someone elses relationship....but just going off the little bit you're saying, he sounds manipulative. That may not be the case at all, thats just what I'm getting from it.

If you feel you MUST reconcile and that you are the one responsible for doing so. Give it a couple days, let the situation settle, then go to him and tell him you meant no harm and blah blah. If thats not good enough then Fuck 'em.

As they say in theatre world........... break a leg.

And about the bf... if you've explained till you're blue in the face and he still won't accept your explanation....... move on. I think he used this opportunity as a way to part ways with you.

There are plenty of fish in the sea as the saying goes. He is not the last man on earth.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Thank you, I'm sure things will get better with time. At least I know that I tried. He's not manipulative though, he's an amazing guy. I'm sure it was all the stress that built up.

luv4u said:

Thank you so much, and I completely agree!

I will tell you what I told my son (or similar)....

You are YOUNG.

And right now, you don't want to hear that, you think this ONE person is the one because you are stuck on this guy. Just like a trained dog that knows nothing else, all extra loyal... you will stay with this person and why?

How do you this person is the one you want for the very rest of your life if you don't date and see other people, no... not just one or two other people either.

Maybe your boyfriend is thinking this... he needs to meet other people and used this lame excuse to break free from you. He was suffocating and so were you... you just didn't feel it like he did because he thinking long term... the rest of his long life... 50 maybe 60 years???

Sounds harsh... but this may be his thinking^^^...

Don't be complacent and explore new paths in love... you are young and you will meet many more people that you can learn from and have fun, cry, yell, dance, play with.....

Don't be sad, look at this as an opportunity and IF .... years from now your paths cross again then it will happen naturally if its meant to be.... if not, then even better, because you defined yourself on your own terms and know what type of person you need to be with.

All my love to you, and kick up your heels and enjoy your youth. Don't waste it acting like an old married housewife. Now go have fun! Meet people!!

paintedlady said:

I will tell you what I told my son (or similar)....

You are YOUNG.

And right now, you don't want to hear that, you think this ONE person is the one because you are stuck on this guy. Just like a trained dog that knows nothing else, all extra loyal... you will stay with this person and why?

How do you this person is the one you want for the very rest of your life if you don't date and see other people, no... not just one or two other people either.

Maybe your boyfriend is thinking this... he needs to meet other people and used this lame excuse to break free from you. He was suffocating and so were you... you just didn't feel it like he did because he thinking long term... the rest of his long life... 50 maybe 60 years???

Sounds harsh... but this may be his thinking^^^...

Don't be complacent and explore new paths in love... you are young and you will meet many more people that you can learn from and have fun, cry, yell, dance, play with.....

Don't be sad, look at this as an opportunity and IF .... years from now your paths cross again then it will happen naturally if its meant to be.... if not, then even better, because you defined yourself on your own terms and know what type of person you need to be with.

All my love to you, and kick up your heels and enjoy your youth. Don't waste it acting like an old married housewife. Now go have fun! Meet people!!

You hit it on the nail!

Thank you all for taking the time to give me this advice(: It is very helpful amd has certainly givin me a better perspective. Thanks again! It's a sad thing, but I'll try my best to learn from it if things don't improve. If it's meant to be, whether it's tomorrow or a year for now, it'll happen(:

Thank you all for taking the time to give me this advice(: It is very helpful amd has certainly givin me a better perspective. It's a sad thing, but I'll try my best to learn from it if things don't improve. If it's meant to be, whether it's tomorrow or a year for now, we'll be together and happy(: If not, life is still plentiful. Thanks again!