New topic
Printable| Author | Message |
There Is This Girl With No Arm And No Legs Sitting on the beach. A guy walked by and she started crying. The guy asked, "Why are you crying?" She said, "I have never been kissed before". So the guy kisses her. She starts crying again. The guy asked, "Why are you crying now?" She said, "I have never been screwed before." So the guy picked her up and threw her in the water and said, "now your screwed."  | |
- E-mail - orgNote -  Report post to moderator |
Cold bloooooded!  It is not known why FuNkeNsteiN capitalizes his name as he does, though some speculate sunlight deficiency caused by the most pimpified white guy afro in Nordic history.
- Lammastide | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
funkpill said: Sitting on the beach. A guy walked by and she started crying. The guy asked, "Why are you crying?" She said, "I have never been kissed before". So the guy kisses her. She starts crying again. The guy asked, "Why are you crying now?" She said, "I have never been screwed before." So the guy picked her up and threw her in the water and said, "now your screwed."
im confused about this punch line. cheers! ~svn seven [Edited 5/19/09 23:53pm] | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
 | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
It's a little old dontcha think?
Seriously, I heard that one at school and I'm 39. Not dissing, just saying. 
Here's one... A woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, "Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, "Will I be acquitted?"
Better? Probably not!  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Thats so old, not even funny anymore 
comegetwild said: A woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, "Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, "Will I be acquitted?" Made me  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
 The Borg... Partypoopers of the galaxy.. ( Medical Hologram )
------------------------------------------------- ..Where is my lovelife.. where can it be?? There must be something wrong with the machinery.. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
comegetwild said: It's a little old dontcha think?
Seriously, I heard that one at school and I'm 39. Not dissing, just saying.
Here's one... A woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, "Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, "Will I be acquitted?"
Better? Probably not! unlucky7 reincarnated | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
7e7e7 said: funkpill said: Sitting on the beach. A guy walked by and she started crying. The guy asked, "Why are you crying?" She said, "I have never been kissed before". So the guy kisses her. She starts crying again. The guy asked, "Why are you crying now?" She said, "I have never been screwed before." So the guy picked her up and threw her in the water and said, "now your screwed."
im confused about this punch line. cheers! ~svn seven She has no arms and legs so she can't swim. Get it now?  I swear the words "HATER" is wayyy over-rated...smh | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
One of the best days of my life... http://prince.org/msg/100/291111
love is a gift 
an artist with no fans is really just a man with a hobby.... | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Old or not both jokes are very funny!
Happy Friday Funkhoney!!  I'm firmly planted in denial | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
That joke's a little old. I remember it a little differently. It went something like this:
A man and his wife had a baby boy who was born with such a severe birth defect that he was born only with a head. They did the best to raise him, and on his 21st birthday the dad took his son who was born only with a head to the bar to celebrate. The dad goes up to the bartender and orders two beers, one for him and the other for his son. He pours the beer into the son's mouth, and he miraculously begins to grow a torso. The dad is shocked and delighted, so he orders another beer for his son. He pours the beer into his mouth, and he miraculously grows some arms and legs. The father becomes really overjoyed, so he orders another beer for this son. The son grabs the beer and guzzles it down, but he suddenly loses his balance, keels over and dies. The father is left grieving over his dead son and screams, "Why! Why!!! Why?!?" The bartender goes up to the dad and says, "You know, you should have quit while he was ahead." Ba da boom. Ting!   | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
728huey said: That joke's a little old. I remember it a little differently. It went something like this:
A man and his wife had a baby boy who was born with such a severe birth defect that he was born only with a head. They did the best to raise him, and on his 21st birthday the dad took his son who was born only with a head to the bar to celebrate. The dad goes up to the bartender and orders two beers, one for him and the other for his son. He pours the beer into the son's mouth, and he miraculously begins to grow a torso. The dad is shocked and delighted, so he orders another beer for his son. He pours the beer into his mouth, and he miraculously grows some arms and legs. The father becomes really overjoyed, so he orders another beer for this son. The son grabs the beer and guzzles it down, but he suddenly loses his balance, keels over and dies. The father is left grieving over his dead son and screams, "Why! Why!!! Why?!?" The bartender goes up to the dad and says, "You know, you should have quit while he was ahead." Ba da boom. Ting! unlucky7 reincarnated | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Love Friday Jokes Pill!
Happy Weekend!!  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Here's mine...
There was this little boy whose family could not buy him a glass eye for his missing eye. Instead he had a wood eye and it look really good but the boy was very self conscious about it. He came home one day from school and told his mother that a school dance would take place on Friday but he didn't want to go. His mother asked him why? He said that he was afraid that someone would make fun of him because of the wood eye. He said beside mom who would dance with someone who has a wood eye. It took a great deal of effort but his mother finally convinced her son to go to the school dance and have at least one dance. Well, the boy goes to the school dance and notices that everyone is dancing except this one little girl who was sitting in the corner. He noticed that she had a wooden leg. He thought to himself this is perfect she has a wooden leg and I have a wooden eye. She would never make fun of my wood eye. So he approached the girl and asked her if she would like to dance with him. She smiled at him as said "would I", "would I". Feeling hurt the boy jumps back points at her wooden leg and says "peg leg", "peg leg". Christian Zombie Vampires | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
aghhhhh you've all got a bunch of groaners this week!
happy friday funky!   She couldn't stop crying 'cause she knew he was gone to stay | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Nah nah nah. The BEST joke of this genre is:
A woman was down on love. Every relationship ended badly. Desperate, she put the following ad on Craigslist: "Wanted - man for a stable relationship. Must not beat me, must not run away, and must be a great lover". The next day, her doorbell rang. She opened the door, looked down, and was surprised to see a man with no arms or legs. "Hi," he said. "I'm here in response to your ad." "There must be some mistake," stammered the lady. "Oh no, I'm the man for you," he said. "You want a man that won't beat you - well, I have no arms. And you want a man that won't run away, and look - I have no legs." "But what about the lovemaking part?" asked the lady. And the man said, "How do you think I rang your doorbell?" BadaBOOM! | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
728huey said: That joke's a little old. I remember it a little differently. It went something like this:
A man and his wife had a baby boy who was born with such a severe birth defect that he was born only with a head. They did the best to raise him, and on his 21st birthday the dad took his son who was born only with a head to the bar to celebrate. The dad goes up to the bartender and orders two beers, one for him and the other for his son. He pours the beer into the son's mouth, and he miraculously begins to grow a torso. The dad is shocked and delighted, so he orders another beer for his son. He pours the beer into his mouth, and he miraculously grows some arms and legs. The father becomes really overjoyed, so he orders another beer for this son. The son grabs the beer and guzzles it down, but he suddenly loses his balance, keels over and dies. The father is left grieving over his dead son and screams, "Why! Why!!! Why?!?" The bartender goes up to the dad and says, "You know, you should have quit while he was ahead." Ba da boom. Ting! RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
RodeoSchro said: Nah nah nah. The BEST joke of this genre is:
A woman was down on love. Every relationship ended badly. Desperate, she put the following ad on Craigslist: "Wanted - man for a stable relationship. Must not beat me, must not run away, and must be a great lover". The next day, her doorbell rang. She opened the door, looked down, and was surprised to see a man with no arms or legs. "Hi," he said. "I'm here in response to your ad." "There must be some mistake," stammered the lady. "Oh no, I'm the man for you," he said. "You want a man that won't beat you - well, I have no arms. And you want a man that won't run away, and look - I have no legs." "But what about the lovemaking part?" asked the lady. And the man said, "How do you think I rang your doorbell?" BadaBOOM! Dingdingding! We have a winner! I'm not stopping. I haven't even taken my coat off
C'mon and dance while you, while you still have your cherry babe, cherry babe.. www.KerrysCakes.org.uk | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect.” To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that." | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
JayJai said: 7e7e7 said: im confused about this punch line. cheers! ~svn seven She has no arms and legs so she can't swim. Get it now? oooooh!
well thank you! cheers! ~svn seven | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
superspaceboy said: Here's mine...
There was this little boy whose family could not buy him a glass eye for his missing eye. Instead he had a wood eye and it look really good but the boy was very self conscious about it. He came home one day from school and told his mother that a school dance would take place on Friday but he didn't want to go. His mother asked him why? He said that he was afraid that someone would make fun of him because of the wood eye. He said beside mom who would dance with someone who has a wood eye. It took a great deal of effort but his mother finally convinced her son to go to the school dance and have at least one dance. Well, the boy goes to the school dance and notices that everyone is dancing except this one little girl who was sitting in the corner. He noticed that she had a wooden leg. He thought to himself this is perfect she has a wooden leg and I have a wooden eye. She would never make fun of my wood eye. So he approached the girl and asked her if she would like to dance with him. She smiled at him as said "would I", "would I". Feeling hurt the boy jumps back points at her wooden leg and says "peg leg", "peg leg". | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
funkpill said: Sitting on the beach. A guy walked by and she started crying. The guy asked, "Why are you crying?" She said, "I have never been kissed before". So the guy kisses her. She starts crying again. The guy asked, "Why are you crying now?" She said, "I have never been screwed before." So the guy picked her up and threw her in the water and said, "now your screwed."
Thanks for starting the Friday joke thread. Now we have more participants. . [Edited 4/24/09 18:36pm] | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
All these jokes been around a bit, heard most before... and all are funny.
Good stuff guys
Happy Friday pill  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
funkpill said: 'There Is This Girl With No Arm And No Legs'
oooo Cavey like she be much easier to drag by hair without arms and legs | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
comegetwild said: It's a little old dontcha think?
Seriously, I heard that one at school and I'm 39. Not dissing, just saying.
Here's one... A woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, "Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, "Will I be acquitted?"
Better? Probably not! ouchy.....they are all funny tho. THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]
**....Someti | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
I heard somewhat similar (but definitely less funny) jokes when I was a kid. They went something like this:
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs sitting on the toilet? A: John Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in a pool? A: Bob Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? A: Art Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? A: Russell Feel free to join in the Prince Album Poll 2018! Let'a celebrate his legacy by counting down the most beloved Prince albums, as decided by you! | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Moonbeam said: I heard somewhat similar (but definitely less funny) jokes when I was a kid. They went something like this:
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs sitting on the toilet? A: John Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in a pool? A: Bob Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? A: Art Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? A: Russell
Goofy me thinks they're funny. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
i thought the punchline was "i've never been fucked before" then the guy throws her in the ocean and says "well you're fucked now" | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Sheesh i thought this was going to a "nugget sex" joke I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
