Mach said:

Gotta communicate and be on the same page. Mutual respect and the willingness to do what is best for the partnership.
Not sure why the word "taken" should ever need to come into play.

mdiver said:

Vendetta1 said:

Yeah, he fine. And in more ways than you know.

Mach said:

MAY choose? You mean there are times where you can keep your full independence in a partnership?
And of course it's by choice, since you chose to have a partner.

shanti0608 said:

Agree

though I can see how for some, relations are about control and giving up control

that passive agressive - dependent co dependent kind of relationship
( in it's negitive aspect )

many of my friends live in those types of relatios with not only their partners but children and families as well

Mach said:

Not all relationships are that way. Thank goodness.

ArielB said:

This is why sssssooooo many women remain unmarried - whether by choice or by chance. They've been brainwashed into thinking that saying, "yes" to a partner always means saying "no" to yourself.

I bought into that lie for a long time. I'm over it now.
[Edited 1/7/09 7:49am]

ArielB said:

I am fully financially independent from my marriage

yes "may" choose

I am fully independent on my choice of personal travel

personal friends ...

personal investments

seveal things

shanti0608 said:

To each their own and everything -

for me

I could not thrive that way ( and choose not to ! )

Mach said:

yep. Me either.

ArielB said:

Um...yes. Of course there is.

I will never, ever understand the whole 'two becomes one' ideology. It's great if people think it works for them...but I'll never get it.

shanti0608 said:

I made that choice based on a prior 3 yr engagement where my relationsip was unblanced and unhealthy. Based on control - passive agressive crap
( and abuse - both sides ) I gave up ( AND gave ) things for him because I thought it would make him happy cuz I thought that would make me happy ... on and on

Mach said:

I made the choice of not living that way from seeing my mom being abused for 14 yrs of her life. Seeing the mental and physical abuse she endured, I chose not to go down that path.

Ppl do things for all sorts of reasons. I might not agree or understand. It is not for me to judge, only live and learn and move on.

JustErin said:

Well, I've never been in a long term serious relationship, and I'm really curious and eager to learn how to make it work best.
It's interesting to see the answers here.

obsessed said:

Tongue-in-cheek, of course...I'm really not a mountain climber
and I can't swim worth a darn either.

ArielB said:

My relationship is 14 yrs old. He is the perfect mate in all aspects except we have this huge disagreement on where to live. It is driving me crazy because my daughter is involved. I can't make any decisions and need to weigh and reason out the consequences.

Would you move to a different part of the state/country for him?
if it was financially worth it.

2. If he/she asked you to give up working and be a stay-at-home mom/dad, would you do it?
Yes

3. Would you give up your independence/career for him?
NO, no. no.

4. What if he tries to bribe you with money?
He'll have to put it in writing, lol.

pplrain said:

I've done 1 & 3 and 4 has happened as well.

I have done no.1 for the good of the relationship and so far it's worked... we've been married 12 years.

I did give up my career to look after my daughter until she went to school
full-time, but not because HE asked me, it was because I thought it was the best thing to do for my daughter, and financially we were lucky enough to able to manage on one wage (just).

I have never given up my independence/career for anyone, nor would I even consider it... it's part of me and without it I would be someone else and certainly not a person my partner would want to be with.
I also feel that having an independent mum who goes to work is a positive role model for my daughter.

As for the bribing with money or anything else for that matter, if it gets to that stage ladies, it's time to pack up and leave!