Okay, ladies and gentlemen... maybe you can assist me in understanding a few more cultural phenomena that I can't understand.

NASCAR:

What is so thrilling about watching a bunch of rednecks drive around in circles for an indeterminate number of hours? After they have made it around the track about 2 times, you would think that the audience would get tired of watching... I don't watch people drive down the freeway all day. What is the fascination with watching these "athletes" drive around in circles for about 500 miles or so?

Huntin' and Fishin':

If a redneck isn't huntin' and fishin' he is either watching someone hunt and fish on television or reading about hunting and fishing in a magazine dedicated to rednecks who hunt and fish. What is the fascination with killing poor, defenseless animals? And what the fuck is up with "trophy hunters?" These guys kill animals for TROPHIES??? Go to the fucking trophy shop and buy yourself a big, gold cup with a plaque that says "WORLD'S BIGGEST DUMBASS" if you want a trophy that bad.

Monster Trucks:

Okay, I get it... the truck is really tall. WoooHooo... I think I will break out a couple of cases of beer and look at the tall, shiny trucks with me toothless buddies. You get one of these trucks in some mud and a real redneck will bust a nut right in their undershorts. Mud and really tall trucks are like an aphrodesiac to rednecks... it gets them in the mood for love. Indeed, many redneck babies have been conceived in the parking lot of monster truck rallies.

Rasslin' (or wrestling for the rest of us):

What is the fascination with watching a bunch of steroid-injecting, bad-acting, six brain cell-having idiots jump around in spandex. I can't understand the fascination at all... they have to KNOW that wrestling is fake, yet they still watch it non-stop... they need it like a crack addict needs the rock... wait, did I say "THE ROCK???" Maybe we are onto something here! Tell me... is there a rassler named "Heroin" too?

Horseshoes:

Whenever a significant number of rednecks gather... at least two... someone will invariably produce a number of horseshoes, at which point the mindless participants will begin flinging them very skillfully at a stick that has been shoved into the ground. Maybe they should take the time that they are using to play horseshoes to move the fucking refrigerator and barrels out of the front yard.

Barbeque:

Wherever there are rednecks, barbeque cannot be far behind. If these rednecks had any sense, they would invest in charcoal and starter fluid companies and make a profit from their own redneckdom. What would a redneck get-together be without some fresh flesh searing on a roaring fire?

Shirt and Shoes:

These items are apparently optional in all but the most fancy situations, such as meeting the president or something, at which point they will put on a fancy pair of boots and a shirt that has really loud colors and a very bad pattern on it. From what I have seen, shirts and shoes are completely optional at all other times and since your average redneck doesn't get to meet the president, these clothing items are reserved for the hoity-toity redneck.

Cold Beer:

Rednecks cannot simply drink beer, nor can they order a simple beer at an establishment that serves alcoholic products. No... a redneck must have a "cold beer," as no other beer will do.

EXAMPLE: Redneck to waitress "Hey there, cutie... bring me a Cold Beer!"

It is not that the establishment would be serving warm beer, but a redneck cannot say the word "beer" without the word "cold" being said immediately before.


Hell... there are many more things that I would like answers for, but I will stop here for now...

What do you think???

EDIT: Added "SATIRICAL TOPIC" to the title for the slow starters out there.
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[This message was edited Thu Nov 21 7:17:46 PST 2002 by IceNine]

I think you know way too much about rednecks... this is all so very true!

I had 2 look and see where u were comin' from... I see it's Texas.

Now I'm even more confused!

June7 said:

I lived in California for about five years... in Los Angeles... I know that there are rednecks there too... don't even try to bullshit me.

Red necks in California???

Nope, just us Messycans!

IceNine said:

Since I married a redneck woman, I have been introduced to NASCAR. Turns out it's really quite interesting how they try to adjust the cars in the pits, how they try to time the pitstops, how difficult it is to pass somebody depending on the circumstances...I can sit and watch a race from start to finish now!

You might as well ask why watch tennis, as if it were only a ball going back and forth.

Oops, this is what I meant 2 say...



There, now I feel better.

teller said:

IT MUST BE STINKY WITH ALL THOSE PITS

Okay, goddamn it... how many of you fit the descriptions that I posted???

Hmmm?

IceNine said:

Not me.I'm eternally grateful i'm not even in the same country as those freaks!

teller said:

I like watching racing too... although NASCAR isn't my favorite. I prefer to watch CART.

Better question:

Why is it that all Nascar Drivers are all white?





Hell, look into the stands the next time you see a race on T.V.





I was once told that at a particular race there was a black man in the stands and he got all sorts of "stares".

Check this out. This guy was arrested because some lady told the event police that he stole her purse. They had nothing to hold him with so they just kicked him out of the place.

It turns out that this guy happened to be a very successful lawer and sued the pants off these people.

If this isn't a segragated sport then I don't know what is.



Remeber Bo Jackson? (Bo Knows...)


He didn't know Nascar. Wonder Why?


Have you ever seen an Earnhardt sticker on a brown man's car?




I think not...


There is deffinately some white corporate evil crap behind Nascar...

Speaking of which.

You never see female drivers either.

I just did a search and there are a couple but there are protests against them as well.

http://ca.sports.yahoo.co.../ntr3.html
[This message was edited Thu Nov 21 8:55:31 PST 2002 by yamomma]

Interesting: http://sportsillustrated....acknascar/

and

http://www.aaim1.com/aaim...hedule.htm
[This message was edited Thu Nov 21 8:55:05 PST 2002 by yamomma]

NASCAR is cool, I love cars! I love the technology that's involved with NASCAR. The best part of the race is the last 10 laps. That's when they go all out and things get intense. But my favorite types of races r GT & GTS road courses like Le Mans.

Thecherryloon said:

Ditto, though I've got my own freaks.

yamomma said:

Well we know women can't drive, maybe black people can't either. Not their own cars anyway.

teller said:

Or, for Icenine, boxing - isn't that just beating the shit out of each other?

cntrvrsy said:

then why not make the races 10 laps? instead of 500

I grew up in the country around rednecks and had redneck friends...and one thing i learned is this: A redneck that chew or dip tobacco will chew or dip it anywhere and they will spit that tobacco juice in anything. I remember one of my redneck friends spitting tobaco juice in a cup while waiting in line at McDonald's, spitting tobacco juice in a cup at a funeral, spitting tobacco juice in a diaper because he couldn't find anything else to spit in, spitting tobacco juice in a cup during school, and even went to job interviews with tobacco in his mouth.

AbucahX said:

That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about!

Good example!

You might be a redneck if:

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You can spit without opening your mouth.

These are just a few that I have witnessed in the small town where I grew up. For the entire list go here:

http://www.laughnet.net/a...ts/fox.htm

And, no, I don't find Jeff Foxworthy funny... it's just for the spirit of the thread.

AbucahX said:

Have you ever accidentally taken a drink of that stuff? I have many times when I was younger. *shudder*

AzureStar said:

You are fucking sick.

IceNine said:

I didn't drink it on purpose. These people leave them sitting around in a regular cup. It happens.

AzureStar said:

LOL! Actually, i have came close many times to drinking that stuff by mistake...but i never dranked it! I mistakened it for coffee, cocoa or a real flat soda pop. And you're right, If you're around people that dip you will know that they will leave that stuff sitting in cups anywhere and everywhere in disguise. You better know which cup is yours when you pick it up when you're around people that dip, lol.

Can someone tell me why people chew tobacco?

IceNine said:

What would Freud say?

SuperiorTe said:

LMAO!

Sometimes a chaw is just a chaw.