20. You are so sexually deprived, you think you're "G-spot" is between your F and H keys.

19. Your Bagel gets delivered with a Glock 9 on top because you keep confusing "Guns n Butter."

18. You only feel safe praying to God with a UPS backup close by to minimize the effects of a bolt of lightning from God.

17. The TIPS program has your phone number on block.

16. You think the National Endowment for the Arts is a government penis enlargement facility.

15. You name your kids "Deduction One", "Deduction Two", etc...

14. You even type like this, "YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" with your caps key off...

13. You purchased "bi"-focals so you can peep into two gay neighbors windows at once.

12. You think Moses was watching Fox News when he went up into the mountain and came back with the 10 Commandments.

11. At the end of Sunday services, the offering plate at your church is worth more than what's in it.

10. You think quips like "Amurika, love it or leave it," from your primary literary source -- bumper stickers -- sound smarter after posting it 500 times.

9. You've reported someone on AOL to the FBI for something they posted.

8. You believe that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

7. You referred to someone as, "My [insert racial or ethnic minority here] friend."

6. The term "fair election" causes you to break out in a cold sweat.

5. You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

4. You're able to change faces on a subjects notice.

3. You think a Bible that fires .45 caliber rounds would be a great idea.

2. You think you may remember laughing once as a kid.

1. You get depressed after 4th of July celebrations because, although it reminds you of war, there aren't any casualties.

2the9s said:

co-sign!