Has anyone ever experienced this, your friend meets someone, says he's "the one" and then proceeds to neglect you?? My friend and i are close, er-were close, i guess she's into this guy-but its kinda overboard. I don't want to be angry, we've talked, she says she wants to spend all of her free time with him. I don't know if to continue to talk to her, when she calls and im's. How can you just abandon your friends like that?

Or maybe i should just back off?

gabeez said:

she'll be back ... it's pretty normal to behave that way in the beginning of a relationship.

One4All4Ever said:

If the new love relationship lasts and outgrows the lust/honeymoon phase your friend may swing back around to balancing friendships with their personal relationship - and ... they may not

One4All4Ever said:

In that case, I rather the friend stay gone.

Stymie said:

yea that's what i mean - its like how is that ok, or acceptable?? We've been friends for over 8 years, this guy comes into the picture, and in 3 months manages to become her #1. I'm struggling between being understanding and wondering if this is someone i want to be friends with.

be happy for your friend (unless the guy's an asshole)! if she's worth your time she'll spend more time with you after the initial rush wears off. totally normal.

Throw all friends overboard when you fall in love, that's what I say! ...

And then of course come back around when you get dumped and you need a shoulder to cry on!

gabeez said:

Trust me. I understand your side completely.

gabeez said:

if you expect something back for what you are/were giving, it probably isn't real friendship after all.

I've had people I hadn't seen in 5 or more years, after 5 minutes in the same room we were back on the same level of 'friendship' . Friendship doesn't mean your paths have to run parallel for the rest of your life. Go explore, there's so much beautiful things out there

One4All4Ever said:

Amen to that !

Mach said:

I'm not worthy...

One4All4Ever said:

i went through a period of not talking to my best friend for almost 6 months, but when we started talking again nothing had changed. it just depends on the friendship.

One4All4Ever said:

Pppfftt whatever - ARE so

One4All4Ever said:

See, I don't think there is something wrong with expecting something in return, i.e., the same level of friendship that you give out.

Happens all the time. Have you met the guy? If it is really bothering you, try showing some interest in their relationship.

Be careful to not come off as trying to get it on with him though. Girls are crazy like that.

evenstar said:

My best friend and I had not talked for over three years (no bad blood, just kinda drifted apart)...when we did talk again, though, it was as if zero time had passed, and we were playing off one another like we always did.

Stymie said:

I think it depends on the person...I'm very much a loner so I'll be emotionally fine with friends that I don't talk to every day or even every week. Our paths can crossed here and there with no real set consistency and I won't be bothered one iota. Someone who's far more extroverted and outgoing may not be able to say the same, though.

I have a friend that's happened with over the last year or so and it's annoying as hell to me. What's worse, is when we'll try to catch up and purposely schedule time together, and then she brings him along. Not that I dislike him in any way, just that it's not "them" I want to spend time with, it's her.
But ultimately I love her and she loves me and that won't change, so I take what I can get. And at some point maybe things will swing back to having more time to hang and such.

Byron said:

I am like you Byron. I do not need to hear from my friends everyday and know all about everything that is going on in their lives. I have several good friends that I can go long periods of time without hearing from them. They know I am here if they need them and I know they are there as well. I realise that my friends have their own lives.
I guess I am just not a needy person and enjoy my alone time.

gabeez said:

If she's still calling and IMing you, she hasn't abandoned you!

Byron said:

This is how i am when it comes to friends. we all know we care about each other but it doesn't bother me when it happens and it doesn't bother them if it was reverse. different relationships are approached in different ways and thats just how it is. especially in the beginning of a romantic one. they are still figuring each other out.
[Edited 1/14/08 13:17pm]

thanks, but i will continue to be a whore who is only interested in money and fame.....emotional bucket toss

i have a friend that four years ago we were as close as you could get. we did just about everything together.

one day he starting talking to this guy and i encouraged him to go out on a date with him, because i wanted my friend to find a guy he was happy with. well after a i few weeks we stopped hanging out as much. they moved in together and are still together.

we still talk, i was hurt, but he's happy and i'm happy for him. granted we don't see much of each other because we're in different ciricles of friends now, but life is change we can't stop it, we just have to be open to it.

One4All4Ever said:

ok, ok, i like some of that - i agree, we don't have to run parallel paths - but she was someone i was pretty tight with, and if that changes cause of some dude...its questionable at the very least - we've gone through periods where we didn't talk cause of work, school, etc. But never cause of another person.

But i like what you said..maybe its a good time for me to shift gears

.

I think a lot of you guys are missing the point: It's not that I have the need to talk to friends everyday: even Ivy enjoys her alone time, but what irks the hell out of me is when my friends get involved and they stop calling or coming by or hanging out. Yes, I understand not calling me everyday, but weeks or months at a time? I do not understand the dynamic of making that other person your whole life.

shanti0608 said:

Oh, I have my "hermit" moments as well lol ...

Mach said:

agreed

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Good point ...

gabeez said:

if she's happy, let her be. i want nothing more than to see my friends happy. the hurt will pass, and as a friend you'll be there should anything change