gabeez said:

if she's happy, let her be. i want nothing more than to see my friends happy. the hurt will pass, and as a friend you'll be there should anything change

ehuffnsd said:

You are such a sweetie even though I disagree with every word you just types.

ehuffnsd said:

You are such a sweetie even though I disagree with every word you just types.

ehuffnsd said:

You are such a sweetie even though I disagree with every word you just types.

ehuffnsd said:

You are such a sweetie even though I disagree with every word you just types.

Stymie said:

I agree, Ivy, but I think there's a happy medium between both perspectives. We have to allow our friends room to grow and change, and if that means they have less time with us than before, that's ok, whether it's because of a new partner, a new job, a new direction in life, whatever. But it is NOT ok to cut someone off completely, no apologies and then come running back only when it's convenient. A little communication goes a long way, even if it's only to say I'm sorry I don't have time for you right now but I hope to someday soon, or whatever.

Stymie said:

I agree, Ivy, but I think there's a happy medium between both perspectives. We have to allow our friends room to grow and change, and if that means they have less time with us than before, that's ok, whether it's because of a new partner, a new job, a new direction in life, whatever. But it is NOT ok to cut someone off completely, no apologies and then come running back only when it's convenient. A little communication goes a long way, even if it's only to say I'm sorry I don't have time for you right now but I hope to someday soon, or whatever.

Stymie said:

I agree, Ivy, but I think there's a happy medium between both perspectives. We have to allow our friends room to grow and change, and if that means they have less time with us than before, that's ok, whether it's because of a new partner, a new job, a new direction in life, whatever. But it is NOT ok to cut someone off completely, no apologies and then come running back only when it's convenient. A little communication goes a long way, even if it's only to say I'm sorry I don't have time for you right now but I hope to someday soon, or whatever.

Has anyone ever experienced this, your friend meets someone, says he's "the one" and then proceeds to neglect you?? My friend and i are close, er-were close, i guess she's into this guy-but its kinda overboard. I don't want to be angry, we've talked, she says she wants to spend all of her free time with him. I don't know if to continue to talk to her, when she calls and im's. How can you just abandon your friends like that?

Or maybe i should just back off?

CarrieMpls said:

but they aren't cut off they still commiunicate. same with myself and my friend. we talk just not like the old days.

gabeez said:

All kinds of people do that. Apparently, friends are for when you're single and alone, but a thing to be ditched once you've partnered up.

ehuffnsd said:

And I see what you're saying too, but maybe it's that I feel like you're saying it's no big deal. But it is. It's a loss to mourn. Close friendships to me are as important as romantic relationships. When things change, it's HUGE for me.

I think a lot of you guys are missing the point: It's not that I have the need to talk to friends everyday: even Ivy enjoys her alone time, but what irks the hell out of me is when my friends get involved and they stop calling or coming by or hanging out. Yes, I understand not calling me everyday, but weeks or months at a time? I do not understand the dynamic of making that other person your whole life.

ehuffnsd said:

And I see what you're saying too, but maybe it's that I feel like you're saying it's no big deal. But it is. It's a loss to mourn. Close friendships to me are as important as romantic relationships. When things change, it's HUGE for me.

ehuffnsd said:

And I see what you're saying too, but maybe it's that I feel like you're saying it's no big deal. But it is. It's a loss to mourn. Close friendships to me are as important as romantic relationships. When things change, it's HUGE for me.

gabeez said:

All kinds of people do that. Apparently, friends are for when you're single and alone, but a thing to be ditched once you've partnered up.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Good point ...

Stymie said:

I hear you, & it used to bother me but I've come to accept it One of my best friends used to just lose her mind w/ every new guy - no calls, no nothing until they broke up then she'd be "normal" again. When she got married I figured she'd be somewhere between totally cut off & normal, but she ended up more on the "cut off" side so that was a big adjustment b/c marriage is a permanent situation (with any luck). I understand the time/attention factor very well though, it's just weird to know you're not gonna talk to a good friend hardly ever. We talk 1-3 times a year (usually once), maybe get together once a year... we live one city from each other

I've never been like that w/ my friends (i.e. totally drop them b/c my relationship). I may have less time than usual but I don't forget they exist until I wanna cry on their shoulder & bitch about dude - it's pretty selfish... Then again maybe she doesn't talk to me as much now b/c I don't have kids I can't relate as well as she'd like me to (that's pretty much all she'll talk about) But it doesn't explain why she was like that before marriage & kids, I think it's just part of her personality. If a man could consume her life before, then a husband & kids most definitely will.


.
[Edited 1/14/08 13:55pm]

CalhounSq said:

I really don't understand it. Friendships and partnerships are still both types of relationships. They both need to be nurtured.

I dunno...maybe it's just me that doesn't understand that one is more important than the other.

Love is a pretty normal reason.

It's better then just ditching people for no reason.


Give your friend sometime. They'll level out once the honeymoon phase is over.

CarrieMpls said:

how is it a loss if you still talk to that person. maybe not as much but still. I don't know. any friends of mine are close to me anyway they are like sisters and brothers to me. but I don't feel 'abandoned' when they have something going on separate from me and can't spend as much time with me. What ever. cool do ya thang. Change is change. thats just the way it is imo.

Sweeny79 said:

It's like excusing people for bad behavior.

Stymie said:

It's not just you.

But it's obvious some people don't find friendships as important as others do. I'm not saying that makes them bad people, just that we see them differently.

Stymie said:

I don't see it that way, I see it as giving someone you care about the space and time they need to be happy.

There are only so many free time hours each day. If you are love you want to be with the one you love.

I think that's ok.

Sweeny79 said:

Give me a heads up that you are dropping from sight for however how long.

Byron said:

Her calls and im's are mostly about him


.

heybaby said:

Cause it's different. It changes things. While I may be happy for the friend and totally understand why things change, it still can be a dramatic change that needs to be adjusted to. That's all.

Sweeny79 said:

It's like excusing people for bad behavior.

And it's no better than ditching people for no reason, in my honest opinion.
[Edited 1/14/08 14:16pm]

Stymie said:

Oh I agree with that! You should tell your friends what's up before you disappear!