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PrintableSupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: CarrieMpls said: Cause it's different. It changes things. While I may be happy for the friend and totally understand why things change, it still can be a dramatic change that needs to be adjusted to. That's all. You're not jealous of Anx are you!  who isn't? You CANNOT use the name of God, or religion, to justify acts of violence, to hurt, to hate, to discriminate- Madonna
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ehuffnsd said: Stymie said: It's like excusing people for bad behavior.
And it's no better than ditching people for no reason, in my honest opinion. [Edited 1/14/08 14:16pm] not eveyrone sees friends the same way though. As far as i know my dad doesn't have any outside of the ones he sees on bowling night. my mom has maybe two. i have lots, work friends, friends in the Sisters, the Family which stretches all cross the country. my ex hated the Family and was always complaining, about them. however they are important to me so i'd tune him out when he starting talking about. my mom doesn't understand my need for all the friends, but than again i don't talk to anyone with my family but her, and she spends most of her time with my birth family | |
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ehuffnsd said: SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: You're not jealous of Anx are you! who isn't? All that fabulosity in one body. I guess I qualify as jealous! 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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Stymie said: ehuffnsd said: not eveyrone sees friends the same way though. As far as i know my dad doesn't have any outside of the ones he sees on bowling night. my mom has maybe two. i have lots, work friends, friends in the Sisters, the Family which stretches all cross the country. my ex hated the Family and was always complaining, about them. however they are important to me so i'd tune him out when he starting talking about. my mom doesn't understand my need for all the friends, but than again i don't talk to anyone with my family but her, and she spends most of her time with my birth family but i totally understand your point of view. my whole zen on this thread is masking how i really feel and i didn't realize til i started replying here. You CANNOT use the name of God, or religion, to justify acts of violence, to hurt, to hate, to discriminate- Madonna
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CarrieMpls said: heybaby said: how is it a loss if you still talk to that person. maybe not as much but still. I don't know. any friends of mine are close to me anyway they are like sisters and brothers to me. but I don't feel 'abandoned' when they have something going on separate from me and can't spend as much time with me. What ever. cool do ya thang. Change is change. thats just the way it is imo. Cause it's different. It changes things. While I may be happy for the friend and totally understand why things change, it still can be a dramatic change that needs to be adjusted to. That's all. I understand what you and ivy are saying. it just doesn't bother me like that. I have friends who have gotten married and I havent seen them in months or years. we talk every now and then and thats all I need-just to see if they are okay is fine. a friendship is just as important but it is a totally different dynamic. If my man has something going on with him and my friends want me to hang out-thats cool but guess who comes first? I wish i knew why friends just cut people off completely. thats not right and it would be nice if people would just talk. but having less time is different and thats just how it goes sometimes. | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: ehuffnsd said: who isn't? All that fabulosity in one body. I guess I qualify as jealous! i've been secertly been passing a petition to change the org to anx.org since the whole pFu thing started. You CANNOT use the name of God, or religion, to justify acts of violence, to hurt, to hate, to discriminate- Madonna
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heybaby said: CarrieMpls said: Cause it's different. It changes things. While I may be happy for the friend and totally understand why things change, it still can be a dramatic change that needs to be adjusted to. That's all. I understand what you and ivy are saying. it just doesn't bother me like that. I have friends who have gotten married and I havent seen them in months or years. we talk every now and then and thats all I need-just to see if they are okay is fine. a friendship is just as important but it is a totally different dynamic. If my man has something going on with him and my friends want me to hang out-thats cool but guess who comes first? I wish i knew why friends just cut people off completely. thats not right and it would be nice if people would just talk. but having less time is different and thats just how it goes sometimes. | |
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Stymie said: heybaby said: I understand what you and ivy are saying. it just doesn't bother me like that. I have friends who have gotten married and I havent seen them in months or years. we talk every now and then and thats all I need-just to see if they are okay is fine. a friendship is just as important but it is a totally different dynamic. If my man has something going on with him and my friends want me to hang out-thats cool but guess who comes first? I wish i knew why friends just cut people off completely. thats not right and it would be nice if people would just talk. but having less time is different and thats just how it goes sometimes. Yes, that whole "my man comes first" sounds terrible - its called balance, why does it seem like people make themselves choose?? What, you can't both maintain a friendship(s) and have a significant other ?? . . | |
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gabeez said: Stymie said: You hit on another really important point: the coming first thing. I don't understand that dynamic either.
Yes, that whole "my man comes first" sounds terrible - its called balance, why does it seem like people make themselves choose?? What, you can't both maintain a friendship(s) and have a significant other ?? . . culture has a family first thing, and most people consider their partner to be more family than their friends. You CANNOT use the name of God, or religion, to justify acts of violence, to hurt, to hate, to discriminate- Madonna
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gabeez said: Stymie said: You hit on another really important point: the coming first thing. I don't understand that dynamic either.
Yes, that whole "my man comes first" sounds terrible - its called balance, why does it seem like people make themselves choose?? What, you can't both maintain a friendship(s) and have a significant other ?? . . A lot of times it's because the person's friends/partner insist that they do... | |
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ehuffnsd said: gabeez said: Yes, that whole "my man comes first" sounds terrible - its called balance, why does it seem like people make themselves choose?? What, you can't both maintain a friendship(s) and have a significant other ?? . . culture has a family first thing, and most people consider their partner to be more family than their friends. | |
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Stymie said: heybaby said: I understand what you and ivy are saying. it just doesn't bother me like that. I have friends who have gotten married and I havent seen them in months or years. we talk every now and then and thats all I need-just to see if they are okay is fine. a friendship is just as important but it is a totally different dynamic. If my man has something going on with him and my friends want me to hang out-thats cool but guess who comes first? I wish i knew why friends just cut people off completely. thats not right and it would be nice if people would just talk. but having less time is different and thats just how it goes sometimes. to me it doesn't apply when you first meet a person and it also depends on the situation to. my friends are my friends but my man and my kids are something entirely different. I take care of them and they are the closest to me. its the same as when women say their children come first. Well thats how i see it with romantic relationships (long serious ones) and friendships. doesn't mean its less important. | |
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Stymie said: ehuffnsd said: culture has a family first thing, and most people consider their partner to be more family than their friends. no problem. in one of the books i read in the process of becoming a Sister, Gay Spirit Myth and Meaning, tackled the way gay people relate to friends vs straight people. it was in the 1700s that the importance of friends started to fall and the importance of family became all encompassing. guys have lots of male friends started to be seen as being gay, and that than was forced over to women because of their secondary role in society. since many gay people are estranged or suffer strained family relations their friends fill that void. You CANNOT use the name of God, or religion, to justify acts of violence, to hurt, to hate, to discriminate- Madonna
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ehuffnsd said: Stymie said: Ah! I'm finally getting why I don't get it. Thanks Eric.
no problem. in one of the books i read in the process of becoming a Sister, Gay Spirit Myth and Meaning, tackled the way gay people relate to friends vs straight people. it was in the 1700s that the importance of friends started to fall and the importance of family became all encompassing. guys have lots of male friends started to be seen as being gay, and that than was forced over to women because of their secondary role in society. since many gay people are estranged or suffer strained family relations their friends fill that void. interesting... | |
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Byron said: gabeez said: Yes, that whole "my man comes first" sounds terrible - its called balance, why does it seem like people make themselves choose?? What, you can't both maintain a friendship(s) and have a significant other ?? . . A lot of times it's because the person's friends/partner insist that they do... | |
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gabeez said: Stymie said: You hit on another really important point: the coming first thing. I don't understand that dynamic either.
Yes, that whole "my man comes first" sounds terrible - its called balance, why does it seem like people make themselves choose?? What, you can't both maintain a friendship(s) and have a significant other ?? . . People maintain both all the time. You can't expect things to stay the same all the time. and why wouldn't your family come first? i see nothing wrong with that. | |
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Stymie said: Byron said: A lot of times it's because the person's friends/partner insist that they do... 
Then again, I have very VERY few friends, and the ones I have would never put up an ultimatum like that... | |
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heybaby said: gabeez said: Yes, that whole "my man comes first" sounds terrible - its called balance, why does it seem like people make themselves choose?? What, you can't both maintain a friendship(s) and have a significant other ?? . . People maintain both all the time. You can't expect things to stay the same all the time. and why wouldn't your family come first? i see nothing wrong with that. I don't, either...I think, though, that what we're mostly talking about are friends who drop their friends out of their lives each and everytime they start seeing someone. But I could be wrong lol.... For the record, I've always encouraged my friends to put their partners ahead of me and the friendship we share...I mean I understand completely if they do. Just because I may miss their presence doesn't mean they shouldn't do it... | |
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Stymie said: Byron said: A lot of times it's because the person's friends/partner insist that they do... Yeah, if my friend can't tell their partner to fuck off, forget it That shit is so much and way worse when they are jealous of your family  2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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Byron said: heybaby said: People maintain both all the time. You can't expect things to stay the same all the time. and why wouldn't your family come first? i see nothing wrong with that. I don't, either...I think, though, that what we're mostly talking about are friends who drop their friends out of their lives each and everytime they start seeing someone. But I could be wrong lol.... For the record, I've always encouraged my friends to put their partners ahead of me and the friendship we share...I mean I understand completely if they do. Just because I may miss their presence doesn't mean they shouldn't do it...this is what i mean. | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: CarrieMpls said: Cause it's different. It changes things. While I may be happy for the friend and totally understand why things change, it still can be a dramatic change that needs to be adjusted to. That's all. You're not jealous of Anx are you! 
oh no, this is another friend. And Anxy is welcome to hang whenever/however. |
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ehuffnsd said: Stymie said: Ah! I'm finally getting why I don't get it. Thanks Eric.
no problem. in one of the books i read in the process of becoming a Sister, Gay Spirit Myth and Meaning, tackled the way gay people relate to friends vs straight people. it was in the 1700s that the importance of friends started to fall and the importance of family became all encompassing. guys have lots of male friends started to be seen as being gay, and that than was forced over to women because of their secondary role in society. since many gay people are estranged or suffer strained family relations their friends fill that void. It's kind of part of the "urban tribe" thing as well. My group of friends (which does so happen to be composed of many gay men, but certainly not exclusively) is like that. We are our chosen family. And it has carried along even with those who are married, partnered up and those who have children. |
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CarrieMpls said: ehuffnsd said: no problem. in one of the books i read in the process of becoming a Sister, Gay Spirit Myth and Meaning, tackled the way gay people relate to friends vs straight people. it was in the 1700s that the importance of friends started to fall and the importance of family became all encompassing. guys have lots of male friends started to be seen as being gay, and that than was forced over to women because of their secondary role in society. since many gay people are estranged or suffer strained family relations their friends fill that void. It's kind of part of the "urban tribe" thing as well. My group of friends (which does so happen to be composed of many gay men, but certainly not exclusively) is like that. We are our chosen family. And it has carried along even with those who are married, partnered up and those who have children. love urban tribes. You CANNOT use the name of God, or religion, to justify acts of violence, to hurt, to hate, to discriminate- Madonna
authentic power is service- Pope Francis | |
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