emocheerleader said:

HA!!!

Oh man, does this ring true.

I think the answer to your 'how can we prevent this' question is people maturing.

They don't really die. They become spirits. Then they haunt. And come back. No one really dies.
They just take their energy around till they find that spot. Some comeback some don't.
But always exist in some form. Some radio come in good on AM. Some fade and some are too distant to receive. But they remain.

XxAxX said:

emocheerleader said:

WillyWonka said:

I feel a bit wary when someone doesn't divulge very much of themselves, and I guess it might prevent me from pursuing a friendship, which I see as a sharing of interests, opinions, humour and self.

I thought some people had actually died! I thought this thread was sort of "In Memory of"...

I think one has to be careful about sharing too much info. on the internet. It's a shame, but that's the way it is.

As far as people gossiping and back-stabbing.. well.... sometimes that's just what happens when "communities" get together. There are always going to be "cliques" "in-groups," then those who are just on the periphery.

Regarding people gossiping via pm's. it's happend to me. In fact, it's happened to me here in one particular case when I was in the midst of this debate about a music artist, and probably other times, too, come to think of it. I could tell these guys were sort of "ganging-up" on me! LOL I fell for it initially, then was really disappointed at first because I thought this one person was my "internet" friend at least even though we obviously disagreed about this topic, but then again.. I can't control what others do, say or think, sooooo whatever..

I guess, I've learned not to be too surprised or disappointed. A person just can't be controlled by what others might think or believe. So I guess as long as I know the truth and come from a genuine, earnest place regarding my opinions.. well.. that's the only thing that really counts.
[Edited 10/7/07 5:36am]

Yes. I have sent and received OrgNotes with other members, solely to discuss those whom I hate on here. It's very therapeutic.

I did slip-up badly the other week though, as I was OrgNoting somebody whom I thought was an alias of somebody else and was ranting about somebody they like!

I'd like to see I.P. blocks on creating duplicate accounts so that people can't create aliases so easily. It would be so much easier to diss people behind their backs if you know exactly whom you're talking with.

I am just wondering with the number of posts that you have, how you are that involved in the org to know all this.

mdiver said:

The first time I was on the org, I had an account for 5 yrs before I posted. I knew a lot about people by just reading their posts, even exchanged a few orgnotes.

teaspoon said:

yeah but she/he is talking about getting close and sharing stuff...even said that people get to know others through their posts....just seems inconsistent to me

mdiver said:

I think I know what you are saying. I think I know a lot about the poeple on this site and some I have never "talked" to. So you think it has to be a former or current orgers alter just trying to start trouble?

teaspoon said:

Well i am not gonna pass any kind of judgement but in my time here through probably 4 account deletions and 20,000 posts as mdiver i would say that when a person springs up..has and avvie,sig and seems to "know" the way it works here then they are usually a reincarnated orger. The profile also seems to be "controversial" too....just like a returning or banned orger might be.
I guess we will see...until then each to their own

I once heard a story about this in Dutch. I hope I can get the message across in English:

There once was a small village with a woman who knew everyone in that village. She talked about everyone and shared rumors and private stories with other people in the village.

It got to the point where people started complaining to the preacher about her. The preacher came up with an idea. The next time he saw that woman he gave her a box filled with bird feathers. He told her to leave a feather at the door step of everyone she new in the village. He told her to come back to him when the box was empty.

After a few days, the woman got back to the preacher and told him she had done as he had told her. Then he said: "now go and collect all the feathers that you've left on each door step."

The woman thought about this and then replied: "That is impossible. The wind has blown all the feathers away by now"

Then the preacher said: "Imagine that these feathers represent a story about another person. Every time you tell someone this story, it is like a feather. After you have told a story about someone else, you cannot control it's course after that. So remember this next time you tell a story and beware of the fact that you cannot control where it goes or what will happen to it after you have told it.

The woman never shared private information about other persons since...

retina said:

I thought your "wham bam thank you ma'am encounters and M Night Shyamalan movies" remark to be quite clever.



I suppose part of it is I just am unsure as to what about me would be that interesting or worth mentioning, and so in the end I say nothing.





Yes, I agree that secrecy generates speculation, since human beings, as logical creatures, generally speaking dislike empty space and the state of 'not knowing'; they naturally feel a need to create something to fill in gaps and make sense of what makes little sense or is incomplete. Some go about this gap-filling in an ugly, malicious way but I've come to realize that for that type of person, the object of their talk is really only secondary -- it's the nasty energy of the gossip itself upon which they thrive, and so therefore the rumours they might spread aren't worth my being bothered by. Such people aren't people I'd get along with anyway, so let them have their fun amongst themselves.

Of course, being very open and forthcoming about oneself and one's life has it's own set of pitfalls too and I've experienced that, as well. For now, private works better for me.

ZombieKitten said:

Completely understandable, and I'm sure most people share that view.

Speaking strictly in regards to message board interactions, do you feel that not knowing another member's real name, location, what they look like or details of their real life causes you to feel less 'friendly' towards them, or less inclined to respond to their posts or engage with them?

Jochem said:

Wow... This is a great parable!

Yeah... I just think we all make mistakes by just not thinking about consequences sometimes.. I don't really think we mean to hurt anybody.. well the majority of us don't. Also, I think we sometimes try to make ourselves look "important," for lack of a better word, by sharing personal things that we probably shouldn't.

I have another story.. LOL!

I have some business experience, and it's weird because I don't really care if employees vent about me from time to time as long as it doesn't affect the work environment or the job itself. Sometimes people just need to vent, ya know????
That's what happy hours are for--well one reason to meet and gripe sometimes..

I guess, I don't care if people like me, and I'm sure a lot of people don't because I'm very opinionated. Then again, some people like me because I'm very opinionated and pretty fair, actually. But I can't make somebody like me.. or I won't be somebody I'm not so more people will like me. On the other hand, I wouldn't be too upset if I found-out people were sharing pm's, talking about whether or not they "liked" me or if I annoyed them... I guess I was just shocked this this person sort of turned on me because I didn't particularly enjoy a particular artist--well was very critical of a particular artist.

For sure, I wouldn't want lies being spread about me either, so I can see why that sort of thing hurts people. However, I still can't control how people perceive me or situations because sometimes gossip takes-on a life of its own. That's just a reality, so sometimes I think it's better not even to dignify it by getting upset about it unless there is an opportunity to confront the instigators about their "mistakes" without losing one's cool, but then that confrontation itself will become more gossip!!!!! So maybe it's better to have this nice big blow-out and REALLY give people something to talk about!!!!! LOL


HBy and large, it's better to keep you friends close and your enemies closer, so now at least I know who SOME of my "enemies" are if I could even call them "enemies" which is quite a strong word because it's of no consequence on way or another. It doesn't really affect those people who like me in the first place--or shouldn't.
[Edited 10/7/07 10:48am]

lets not talk vaguely... it's of no use.

who, what, and when?

this virtual social world is so new and evolving....

WillyWonka said:

I know this post wasn't for me, but I'll answer anyway.

I don't feel less friendly or inclined to respond, but I'll say this; my responses might not be as useful as they might have been if I'd known a bit about the person in question. Take this thread for example. I had no idea that the thread starter is only 16 years old. If you know that somebody is that young, then you're much more forgiving about a lot of things and you might not talk to them in the same way as you talk to people your own age. Or take another example: nationality. If I know someone is from, say, Brazil then I can much more easily understand where they're coming from when they say certain culturally related things, I would know how to interpret their use of the English language, etc.

So I guess the bottom line is yes, knowing a few basic facts about people does bring you closer to them and facilitates communication. I don't think it's necessary to know who their second cousin is, but rudimentary things such as first name, gender, age, location and a few other things really help a lot.

retina said:

All valid points. I appreciate your responding to my questions.

WillyWonka said:

I have a different opinion. I frequent this site in particular because I like to see what people are thinking. I really like the exchange of ideas more than anything else. I don't necessarily need to know somebody's age or cultural background--unless he/she offers that info. as part of a discussion. Of course, it's interesting in regard to knowing how a certain demographic my feel, but I wouldn't refrain from engaging in a conversation because I didn't know personal info.

If this poster is indeed 16 years old, it's a shame he/she was disappointed, but I think other--even older members have also been disappointed in the same way. To me, his/her age is immaterial: it's the fact this person appears to be concerned that's more important and deserves a serious response. And unfortunately, even adults engage in childish behavior sometimes, so I think this person might have been pointing-out a problem that could be shocking to some, not realizing this sort of thing was going-on among adults.

I really don't need personal info. unless somebody wants to offer it, and there are a lot of people who don't offer up a lot of personal info due to privacy concerns. So WillyWonka.. it's fine if you stay WillyWonka to me or if you decide to change your identity, too. I'm really interested in what you have to say--even if it's under a persona because that might be your thing and reason for being here.

Isel said:

Well, I disagree that a person's age is "immaterial", but other than that I don't think our opinions are mutually exclusive. I agree that people don't have to offer information unless they want to. I'm just saying that if they do, then it helps understanding and communication.

Simply Put,

Think Before You Post.

retina said:

I guess what I meant to say is that on this site, what a person says his/her age is immaterial because how would I know for certain if a person is telling the truth? That's why for me, these sites are more about ideas, opinions rather than facts regarding the person stating those opinions. Yes, I've made a few "friends"--but very, very few with whom I correspond on a personal level--actually only ONE really who is not even a member of this site.

So I agree that it's just better all the way around to "think before one posts," as previously mentioned. It also might be wise to think before one pm's because once something is put in writing--well then it becomes a matter of record even if it wasn't intended to be shared publicly. So anytime a person share personal info--even questionnable info or requests, then.. it definitely can open him/her up to a lot of unanticipated problems.

retina said:

It is understandable to want that info but why should age matter when you are just sharing ideas and thoughts?
Many young people can think and relate to adult consversations on the same level as the adults involved and vice versa

emocheerleader said:

Well, generally speaking opinions and thoughts evolve over time and you relate to things and life in general in another way as you get older. Some things that used to be important at 16 feel less important at 31 and vice versa. So if you know at what stage in their life a person is, then it can help you to better understand their perspective on certain things.

emocheerleader said:

It matters a lot to some people, like me. I do very little conversing with minors on here and I certainly wouldn't even attempt to get to know them on any personal level.

It's no offense to the younger people on here and it's not to say that they aren't cool people. I'm just not interested or comfortable having teens as friends.

mdiver said:

Just because I am 16 and new to this site does not mean I am stupid if you sit back and really watch you can see how people act and react around certen people, I have receved a few orgnotes about people from people that I had no idea who they were. I did not come on here to be harrassed for being someone I am not.
When I first joined I went through things to see how to do up the profile, avvie and such. I belonged to many other sites that were basicly the same set-up.
Some people need to stop making assumptions about others before getting to know them.