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Thread started 07/31/16 3:41pm

anangellooksdo
wn

Prince the Teacher

We all know that from a fairly young age, Prince liked to show other band members how to play their lines the way he heard the music being its best, and this helped people play their best. He also gave them freedom to grow and be expressive too.

We know he liked to be in control too. In all fairness, he had to be a lot of the time.

Then he went through a lot in life that he never spoke about.
Then he started seeking spiritually and went through more things, such is life.

Later on, around 2013 he said that if he couldn't be a musician, he'd like to teach in some capacity.

I believe that he was a teacher in romantic love too. Not just in his lyrics but in actuality.
I think he knew what real love is about.
I believe that for him some of this was about encouraging the other person to be free, and to be their best selves.
Love was something that was understood and didn't need to be talked to death or dramatic.
I think later on in life especially, with his partners he liked to enjoy life and have fun.
Anything you want to add to that re: his more recent romances?

I also believe that in recent years, he even taught the women he was involved with how to deal with heartbreak. How beautiful.
I wonder if this was part of love to him: that all things end someday and how to handle that with grace.
Can you comment on how else you think he might've handled that part of a relationship (much later in his life), or what he might've taught about how to handle the end of one lovingly?

I know there's a lot there and I think we can all learn something.
[Edited 8/2/16 17:18pm]
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Reply #1 posted 07/31/16 5:49pm

206Michelle

anangellooksdown said:

We all know that from a fairly young age, Prince liked to show other band members how to play their lines the way he heard the music being its best, and this helped people play their best. He also gave them freedom to grow and be expressive too. We know he liked to be in control too. In all fairness, he had to be a lot of the time. Then he went through a lot in life that he never spoke about. Then he started seeking spiritually and went through more things, such is life. Later on, around 2013 he said that if he couldn't be a musician, he'd like to teach in some capacity. I believe that he was a teacher in romantic love too. Not just in his lyrics but in actuality. I think he knew what real love is about. I believe that for him some of this was about encouraging the other person to be free, and to be their best selves. Love was something that was understood and didn't need to be talked to death or dramatic. I think later with his partners he liked to enjoy life and have fun. Anything you want to add to that? I also believe that in recent years, he even taught the women he was involved with how to deal with heartbreak. How beautiful. I wonder if this was part of love to him: that all things end someday and how to handle that with grace. Can you comment on how else you think he might've handled that part of a relationship (much later in his life), or what he might've taught about how to handle the end of one lovingly? I know there's a lot there and I think we can all learn something. [Edited 7/31/16 15:45pm]

Regarding love, I think that Prince wrote some great lyrics about love (e.g. Friend/Lover/Sister/Mother/Wife, Forever in My Life, Adore, Call My Name). He may have known about love, but knowing and doing are 2 different things.

--

Having 2 divorces, he clearly had some difficulty with the doing part when it came to romantic love. However, it is interesting that both Mayte and Manuela have had good things to say about him since he passed and they held the tribute for him. Maybe they signed non-disclosure agreements, which limits what they say, who knows. But clearly, they don't hate him the way that some ex-spouses hate each other. I can imagine that being married to him would be difficult just because he is so devoted to his career and he never really stopped working. It would not surprise me if he had some attachment/trust issues in his romantic relationships due to abuse, abandonment, and trauma that he experienced in childhood.

--

He experienced a lot of difficulties with love also, reflected in songs like If I Was Your Girlfriend and The Beautiful Ones.

--

He seemed to do better with the platonic love. He was friends with Sheila E. for over 30 years, and of course there was a romantic component to their relationship at times. He had some very close friends, e.g. Larry Graham and Damaris Lewis. There were a lot of other people who were friends or who worked with him closely on a professional basis whom he cared about and who cared about him, e.g. Tavis Smiley, Van Jones, Chaka Khan, Misty Copeland, Kim Berry, and his band members. I know that I am forgetting some.

--

Also, he had an incredible relationship with his fans. Very few musicians have an entire fan-run discussion website, such as prince.org, devoted to them. I can't really speak so much about how he cultivated the relationship with his fans...I'll leave that to others.

Live 4 Love ~ Love is God, God is love, Girls and boys love God above
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Reply #2 posted 07/31/16 6:13pm

anangellooksdo
wn

Thank you for your comments.

The thread is about his recent & matured beliefs and actions in the romance department as I described in my top-post.
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Reply #3 posted 08/01/16 3:57am

BillieBalloon

Having years of experience behind him I think Prince did understand how relationships work and probably did advise his close freinds on their relationship woes. However, like many people, I don't think he took his own advice. I think he did understand what real love was, he sang about it often enough time. Are you asking on a 'what would prince have done?" for personal reasons or just in general because although he understood love when it comes to romantic relationships his track record isn't so good.

.
[Edited 8/1/16 3:59am]
Baby, you're a star.

Meet me in another world, space and joy
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Reply #4 posted 08/01/16 6:18am

LBrent

I disagree.

I think P was fascinated by women and love, both romantic and platonic, but I think he often confused the mechanics of sex (as seen portrayed in the media), with the mechanics of love.

I'm guessing he had the sex part covered, but may have confused the media fantasy of what love should look like with the actual "in the trenches work" that love actually requires because his childhood my not have given him many examples.

So when love turns grimy (not in a good way), he thought it was over or somehow managed to sabotage it and run cuz he felt vulnerable.
[Edited 8/1/16 12:51pm]
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Reply #5 posted 08/01/16 7:09am

justAmeda

LBrent said:

I disagree. I think P was fascinated by women and love, both romantic and platonic, but I think he often confused the mechanics of sex (as seen portrayed in the media, with the mechanics of love. I'm guessing he had the sex part covered, but may have confused the media fantasy of what love should look like with the actual "in the trenches work" that love actually requires because his childhood my not have given him many exe. So when love turns grimy (not in a good way), he thought it was over or somehow managed to sabotage it and run cuz he felt vulnerable.

I can honestly see this scenario! A meaningful relationship means there are ALL kinds of emotions that are felt and expressed. Some are good and then when that person irks you to he core in the worst way it can leave you just wanting to throw in the towel and say nope! ain't gonna put up with this crap! Prince was one that had no patience if people were not on his wave length and him being the perfectionist that he was, it would drive him insane if the other person did not have the same drive. I also that his drive to always be making music could leave many a woman feeling like she was left out. Which in reality she was being left out because the music was what drove him.

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Reply #6 posted 08/01/16 7:33am

anangellooksdo
wn

I'm thinking more about the man he became in the last few years in this area.

I believe he taught a few women how to love - and deal with heartbreak when it ended because they went their separate ways either for the time being or for good. What a blessing to have an older man like that in your life, to teach you about love.
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Reply #7 posted 08/01/16 1:00pm

LBrent

Although some folks doubt that he was capable of it, I think his celibacy was a start in the direction of learning love based relationships without the crutch of sex.

Sex isn't bad, but I think there are people not learning the other person cuz when emotions get sticky it's easier to cover things with a "bandaid of sex" instead of facing true emotions like fear, disappointment, vulnerability, etc. Distract each other with sex used as an avoidance tactic.
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Reply #8 posted 08/01/16 1:39pm

icequeen78

I think he was in love with love.. the wonder of it all. The physical and emotional intricacies of it all. It was easy to fall for people and easier to fall out of love with people... you want the perfection of it all. And when it doesn't turn out that way you can be disappointed but as you mature your ideals of love mature as well.

I am like that.. well I was like that in my younger years too.. sex also complicated relationships as it can deaden your emotional output
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Reply #9 posted 08/01/16 1:54pm

benni

Prince was a teacher from day one, and not just on physical/loving relationships. There were lessons in that area in which Prince still needed to learn and grow. I believe Prince had an idea of what a loving relationship should be, but since he had never truly witnessed such a relationship, he had little to guide him. I think Prince felt that if love were involved it should be enough to sustain a relationship long-term and experienced a lot of disappointment in that area when he began to realize the minutia of a relationship and the impact upon our psyches of past experiences. In this area, I saw him as more a student of life, than a teacher. Yes, he sang beautifully of love and relationships, but again, Prince had an idea of what a loving relationship should be, and it was that idea that he wanted and sang about when it came to personal relationships with a significant other.

Where Prince's teaching really came into being was his teaching about God, about life, about being Present, about a higher form of Love. From his very first released song, Prince was singing about God, teaching about God. He was teaching with the very first song on his debut album where one's focus should be:

"All of this and more

Is for U,

With love, sincerety, and deepest care,

My life with U I share"

In other words, everything Prince did, everything Prince taught, was done so for God, always. Though, to most it would not appear that way, but Prince knew how to get one's attention - sing about what the public thinks is sex, but then point them to God. Absolutely fearless, that man is.

[Edited 8/1/16 13:55pm]

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Reply #10 posted 08/01/16 2:16pm

anangellooksdo
wn

I feel that we all need one person in our lives who we can share everything with - everything - and not in a romantic relationship. That person has to be a teacher and know how to show us God. once we've told them everything (once we know it) and they don't judge us and still love us, we heal. And we can have better relationships.

I think that person for Prince was Larry Graham. And I think it was an incredibly important relationship to both men.

When you grow up like I did especially, ya gotta have this. I had a Larry Graham in my life and it was the first time I ever had a healthy, safe relationship with anyone that lasted more than a year.

As Prince matured, I think he tried and kept trying and kept improving (that's growth! That's how it happens!) but I don't know that he ever found his spiritual equal in a a woman romantically, or found any woman who he was spiritually attracted to enough or could grow with him in that way.

As for being a teacher in this aspect, I think he liked to pass on what he was learning in the relationships he did have.
[Edited 8/1/16 14:19pm]
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Reply #11 posted 08/01/16 2:23pm

Obsessed

LBrent said:

I disagree. I think P was fascinated by women and love, both romantic and platonic, but I think he often confused the mechanics of sex (as seen portrayed in the media), with the mechanics of love. I'm guessing he had the sex part covered, but may have confused the media fantasy of what love should look like with the actual "in the trenches work" that love actually requires because his childhood my not have given him many examples. So when love turns grimy (not in a good way), he thought it was over or somehow managed to sabotage it and run cuz he felt vulnerable. [Edited 8/1/16 12:51pm]

YES you hit the nail on the head with this!! I also think that he sabatoged his relationships when things got a bit tough to stay in control of the situation. You can't get hurt if you hurt them first ya know.

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Reply #12 posted 08/01/16 2:24pm

Obsessed

LBrent said:

Although some folks doubt that he was capable of it, I think his celibacy was a start in the direction of learning love based relationships without the crutch of sex. Sex isn't bad, but I think there are people not learning the other person cuz when emotions get sticky it's easier to cover things with a "bandaid of sex" instead of facing true emotions like fear, disappointment, vulnerability, etc. Distract each other with sex used as an avoidance tactic.

yeahthat I 100% agree with you on this!!!

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Reply #13 posted 08/01/16 9:42pm

206Michelle

LBrent said:

Although some folks doubt that he was capable of it, I think his celibacy was a start in the direction of learning love based relationships without the crutch of sex. Sex isn't bad, but I think there are people not learning the other person cuz when emotions get sticky it's easier to cover things with a "bandaid of sex" instead of facing true emotions like fear, disappointment, vulnerability, etc. Distract each other with sex used as an avoidance tactic.

+1

Live 4 Love ~ Love is God, God is love, Girls and boys love God above
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Reply #14 posted 08/01/16 10:36pm

benni

LBrent said:

I disagree. I think P was fascinated by women and love, both romantic and platonic, but I think he often confused the mechanics of sex (as seen portrayed in the media), with the mechanics of love. I'm guessing he had the sex part covered, but may have confused the media fantasy of what love should look like with the actual "in the trenches work" that love actually requires because his childhood my not have given him many examples. So when love turns grimy (not in a good way), he thought it was over or somehow managed to sabotage it and run cuz he felt vulnerable. [Edited 8/1/16 12:51pm]


Growing up in the situations that he did does leave one vulnerable. You open your heart to someone and expect them to be there no matter what, but you often test that, try to push them away because being that vulnerable is scary. When Prince cried about his father telling him he could not come home and said he never cried again, I truly did understand that, but to not cry again meant not making himself that vulnerable to someone again, to never be hurt like that again. Sometimes what that means is that you shut a part of yourself down, don't let anyone in that sacred space, and unfortunately, due to that, you are able to let go of a relationship easily. You might have difficulty if they leave you, because it brings up all that vulnerability and abandonment, but when you let go, you've let go and there is no going back. I know for myself, I used to think that as long as love was there then anything was possible, then it was enough, and I learned over the years that love isn't always enough. You have to put yourself into it, completely, be dedicated to enriching that relationship and nurturing it to help it grow, but your first instinct (always) is to never let anyone get in that space. It takes a very patient person to reach that place, and few are ever THAT patient. And when we sense (or believe, ofttimes erroneously) they have lost that patence, we begin the process of shutting down, pushing them away, and yes sabotaging the relationship.

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Reply #15 posted 08/02/16 2:53am

justAmeda

benni said:



LBrent said:


I disagree. I think P was fascinated by women and love, both romantic and platonic, but I think he often confused the mechanics of sex (as seen portrayed in the media), with the mechanics of love. I'm guessing he had the sex part covered, but may have confused the media fantasy of what love should look like with the actual "in the trenches work" that love actually requires because his childhood my not have given him many examples. So when love turns grimy (not in a good way), he thought it was over or somehow managed to sabotage it and run cuz he felt vulnerable. [Edited 8/1/16 12:51pm]


Growing up in the situations that he did does leave one vulnerable. You open your heart to someone and expect them to be there no matter what, but you often test that, try to push them away because being that vulnerable is scary. When Prince cried about his father telling him he could not come home and said he never cried again, I truly did understand that, but to not cry again meant not making himself that vulnerable to someone again, to never be hurt like that again. Sometimes what that means is that you shut a part of yourself down, don't let anyone in that sacred space, and unfortunately, due to that, you are able to let go of a relationship easily. You might have difficulty if they leave you, because it brings up all that vulnerability and abandonment, but when you let go, you've let go and there is no going back. I know for myself, I used to think that as long as love was there then anything was possible, then it was enough, and I learned over the years that love isn't always enough. You have to put yourself into it, completely, be dedicated to enriching that relationship and nurturing it to help it grow, but your first instinct (always) is to never let anyone get in that space. It takes a very patient person to reach that place, and few are ever THAT patient. And when we sense (or believe, ofttimes erroneously) they have lost that patence, we begin the process of shutting down, pushing them away, and yes sabotaging the relationship.




yeahthat
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Reply #16 posted 08/02/16 7:49am

206Michelle

benni said:

LBrent said:

I disagree. I think P was fascinated by women and love, both romantic and platonic, but I think he often confused the mechanics of sex (as seen portrayed in the media), with the mechanics of love. I'm guessing he had the sex part covered, but may have confused the media fantasy of what love should look like with the actual "in the trenches work" that love actually requires because his childhood my not have given him many examples. So when love turns grimy (not in a good way), he thought it was over or somehow managed to sabotage it and run cuz he felt vulnerable. [Edited 8/1/16 12:51pm]


Growing up in the situations that he did does leave one vulnerable. You open your heart to someone and expect them to be there no matter what, but you often test that, try to push them away because being that vulnerable is scary. When Prince cried about his father telling him he could not come home and said he never cried again, I truly did understand that, but to not cry again meant not making himself that vulnerable to someone again, to never be hurt like that again. Sometimes what that means is that you shut a part of yourself down, don't let anyone in that sacred space, and unfortunately, due to that, you are able to let go of a relationship easily. You might have difficulty if they leave you, because it brings up all that vulnerability and abandonment, but when you let go, you've let go and there is no going back. I know for myself, I used to think that as long as love was there then anything was possible, then it was enough, and I learned over the years that love isn't always enough. You have to put yourself into it, completely, be dedicated to enriching that relationship and nurturing it to help it grow, but your first instinct (always) is to never let anyone get in that space. It takes a very patient person to reach that place, and few are ever THAT patient. And when we sense (or believe, ofttimes erroneously) they have lost that patence, we begin the process of shutting down, pushing them away, and yes sabotaging the relationship.

When did Prince say that after the incident with his father, he never cried again? I have a hard time believing that because in the song "Comeback," he mentions crying and says "tears go here" at the end, which strongly suggests that he cried about the situation with his son.

--

Moving on from that difficult subject, I think that you are right on the money with your comments about vulnerability. I can't relate personally because I was never abandoned and was fortunate to have very secure attachment with my parents. (I know what it's like to be abandoned by friends, but that's a lot different than abandonment by parents.) The need to belong is so fundamental to the human condition that abandonment can cause severe trauma, attachment disorders, mental illness, and so forth. The need to protect oneself from the pain of being further abandoned is so strong that avoiding further abandonment takes precedence over being vulnerable in order to take a relationship to the next level. These abandonment/attachment issues can be overcome, but it takes a lot of resilience, counseling, and support to do so.

Live 4 Love ~ Love is God, God is love, Girls and boys love God above
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Reply #17 posted 08/02/16 8:04am

anangellooksdo
wn

in Prince's last years, and those are the years I am hoping to focus on I. This thread; who he became and grew into, I don't see him as having big problems like this. The guy changed so much.

Did I just say he was perfect? Nope. But he changed a lot.
BTW none of us is perfect anyway.

He did say he didn't cry again after the phone booth incident with his dad. I just forget when he said it. If you watch him in concert you'll see that he very often talked about tears in his songs, putting his finger up to his eyes. I don't read too much into that. They're words in a song to express something. It doesn't mean he cried physically. Maybe he did. I don't know.

I agree with everything you said in your last paragraph about abandonment and vulnerability. We're all dealing with that.
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Reply #18 posted 08/02/16 8:31am

206Michelle

anangellooksdown said:

We all know that from a fairly young age, Prince liked to show other band members how to play their lines the way he heard the music being its best, and this helped people play their best. He also gave them freedom to grow and be expressive too. We know he liked to be in control too. In all fairness, he had to be a lot of the time. Then he went through a lot in life that he never spoke about. Then he started seeking spiritually and went through more things, such is life. Later on, around 2013 he said that if he couldn't be a musician, he'd like to teach in some capacity. I believe that he was a teacher in romantic love too. Not just in his lyrics but in actuality. I think he knew what real love is about. I believe that for him some of this was about encouraging the other person to be free, and to be their best selves. Love was something that was understood and didn't need to be talked to death or dramatic. I think later with his partners he liked to enjoy life and have fun. Anything you want to add to that? I also believe that in recent years, he even taught the women he was involved with how to deal with heartbreak. How beautiful. I wonder if this was part of love to him: that all things end someday and how to handle that with grace. Can you comment on how else you think he might've handled that part of a relationship (much later in his life), or what he might've taught about how to handle the end of one lovingly? I know there's a lot there and I think we can all learn something. [Edited 7/31/16 15:45pm]

It's a shame that his autobiography was unfinished. I think that may have revealed a lot about his philosophy later in life. I think he was teaching and mentoring at the end of his life. He worked with many younger artists, e.g. Misty Copeland, Janelle Monae, Judith Hill, and his band members. The outpouring of respect and tributes indicate that he clearly was giving love in his mentoring and collaboration.

Live 4 Love ~ Love is God, God is love, Girls and boys love God above
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Reply #19 posted 08/02/16 8:38am

anangellooksdo
wn

206Michelle said:



anangellooksdown said:


We all know that from a fairly young age, Prince liked to show other band members how to play their lines the way he heard the music being its best, and this helped people play their best. He also gave them freedom to grow and be expressive too. We know he liked to be in control too. In all fairness, he had to be a lot of the time. Then he went through a lot in life that he never spoke about. Then he started seeking spiritually and went through more things, such is life. Later on, around 2013 he said that if he couldn't be a musician, he'd like to teach in some capacity. I believe that he was a teacher in romantic love too. Not just in his lyrics but in actuality. I think he knew what real love is about. I believe that for him some of this was about encouraging the other person to be free, and to be their best selves. Love was something that was understood and didn't need to be talked to death or dramatic. I think later with his partners he liked to enjoy life and have fun. Anything you want to add to that? I also believe that in recent years, he even taught the women he was involved with how to deal with heartbreak. How beautiful. I wonder if this was part of love to him: that all things end someday and how to handle that with grace. Can you comment on how else you think he might've handled that part of a relationship (much later in his life), or what he might've taught about how to handle the end of one lovingly? I know there's a lot there and I think we can all learn something. [Edited 7/31/16 15:45pm]


It's a shame that his autobiography was unfinished. I think that may have revealed a lot about his philosophy later in life. I think he was teaching and mentoring at the end of his life. He worked with many younger artists, e.g. Misty Copeland, Janelle Monae, Judith Hill, and his band members. The outpouring of respect and tributes indicate that he clearly was giving love in his mentoring and collaboration.



I agree. And yes, I wish Tha autobiography got finished!
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Reply #20 posted 08/02/16 8:46am

benni

206Michelle said:

benni said:


Growing up in the situations that he did does leave one vulnerable. You open your heart to someone and expect them to be there no matter what, but you often test that, try to push them away because being that vulnerable is scary. When Prince cried about his father telling him he could not come home and said he never cried again, I truly did understand that, but to not cry again meant not making himself that vulnerable to someone again, to never be hurt like that again. Sometimes what that means is that you shut a part of yourself down, don't let anyone in that sacred space, and unfortunately, due to that, you are able to let go of a relationship easily. You might have difficulty if they leave you, because it brings up all that vulnerability and abandonment, but when you let go, you've let go and there is no going back. I know for myself, I used to think that as long as love was there then anything was possible, then it was enough, and I learned over the years that love isn't always enough. You have to put yourself into it, completely, be dedicated to enriching that relationship and nurturing it to help it grow, but your first instinct (always) is to never let anyone get in that space. It takes a very patient person to reach that place, and few are ever THAT patient. And when we sense (or believe, ofttimes erroneously) they have lost that patence, we begin the process of shutting down, pushing them away, and yes sabotaging the relationship.

When did Prince say that after the incident with his father, he never cried again? I have a hard time believing that because in the song "Comeback," he mentions crying and says "tears go here" at the end, which strongly suggests that he cried about the situation with his son.

--

Moving on from that difficult subject, I think that you are right on the money with your comments about vulnerability. I can't relate personally because I was never abandoned and was fortunate to have very secure attachment with my parents. (I know what it's like to be abandoned by friends, but that's a lot different than abandonment by parents.) The need to belong is so fundamental to the human condition that abandonment can cause severe trauma, attachment disorders, mental illness, and so forth. The need to protect oneself from the pain of being further abandoned is so strong that avoiding further abandonment takes precedence over being vulnerable in order to take a relationship to the next level. These abandonment/attachment issues can be overcome, but it takes a lot of resilience, counseling, and support to do so.


Across the street from McDonald's, Prince spies a smaller landmark. He points to a vacant corner phone booth and remembers a teenage fight with a strict and unforgiving father. "That's where I called my dad and begged him to take me back after he kicked me out," he begins softly. "He said no, so I called my sister and asked her to ask him. So she did, and afterward told me that all I had to do was call him back, tell him I was sorry, and he'd take me back. So I did, and he still said no. I sat crying at that phone booth for two hours. That's the last time I cried."

http://www.rollingstone.c...n-19850912

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Reply #21 posted 08/02/16 8:59am

206Michelle

benni said:

206Michelle said:

When did Prince say that after the incident with his father, he never cried again? I have a hard time believing that because in the song "Comeback," he mentions crying and says "tears go here" at the end, which strongly suggests that he cried about the situation with his son.

--

Moving on from that difficult subject, I think that you are right on the money with your comments about vulnerability. I can't relate personally because I was never abandoned and was fortunate to have very secure attachment with my parents. (I know what it's like to be abandoned by friends, but that's a lot different than abandonment by parents.) The need to belong is so fundamental to the human condition that abandonment can cause severe trauma, attachment disorders, mental illness, and so forth. The need to protect oneself from the pain of being further abandoned is so strong that avoiding further abandonment takes precedence over being vulnerable in order to take a relationship to the next level. These abandonment/attachment issues can be overcome, but it takes a lot of resilience, counseling, and support to do so.


Across the street from McDonald's, Prince spies a smaller landmark. He points to a vacant corner phone booth and remembers a teenage fight with a strict and unforgiving father. "That's where I called my dad and begged him to take me back after he kicked me out," he begins softly. "He said no, so I called my sister and asked her to ask him. So she did, and afterward told me that all I had to do was call him back, tell him I was sorry, and he'd take me back. So I did, and he still said no. I sat crying at that phone booth for two hours. That's the last time I cried."

http://www.rollingstone.c...n-19850912

Thanks for the link. The article is from 1985 though. He had other traumatic events after this. It would SHOCK me if the last time he cried in sadness was in that phone booth. He lost his son, he and Mayte had a miscarriage, Mani divorced him, and his parents died in the early 2000s. At least one of those events would be reason enough to cry for pretty much anyone, including Prince. He was human and, from what I understand, was a pretty sensitive person.

Live 4 Love ~ Love is God, God is love, Girls and boys love God above
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Reply #22 posted 08/02/16 9:20am

benni

206Michelle said:

benni said:


Across the street from McDonald's, Prince spies a smaller landmark. He points to a vacant corner phone booth and remembers a teenage fight with a strict and unforgiving father. "That's where I called my dad and begged him to take me back after he kicked me out," he begins softly. "He said no, so I called my sister and asked her to ask him. So she did, and afterward told me that all I had to do was call him back, tell him I was sorry, and he'd take me back. So I did, and he still said no. I sat crying at that phone booth for two hours. That's the last time I cried."

http://www.rollingstone.c...n-19850912

Thanks for the link. The article is from 1985 though. He had other traumatic events after this. It would SHOCK me if the last time he cried in sadness was in that phone booth. He lost his son, he and Mayte had a miscarriage, Mani divorced him, and his parents died in the early 2000s. At least one of those events would be reason enough to cry for pretty much anyone, including Prince. He was human and, from what I understand, was a pretty sensitive person.


I'm not saying he never cried over those events, in fact, he probably did. I misquoted in my original post the "never cried again" with "that's the last time I cried". The intent behind what I state still stands. I am sure there are other events that happened between his father saying, "no", him crying that day for 2 hours, and 1985 that would have caused others many tears. The mindset it takes, however, to not cry over those events (at that age) is one of, "I'll never be that vulnerable again. I'll never let anyone hurt me like that again." Been there and done that. To this date, I still have a difficult time crying in front of anyone. I have to go off by myself somewhere and do it in private. I had similar situations to Prince in my youth, and in some cases, probably worse. The interesting thing to me, though, in observing Prince in his youth was that he was not going to allow himself to be vulnerable or be seen as vulnerable, but there was (many times) a vulnerability in his eyes.

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Reply #23 posted 08/02/16 12:36pm

206Michelle

benni said:

206Michelle said:

Thanks for the link. The article is from 1985 though. He had other traumatic events after this. It would SHOCK me if the last time he cried in sadness was in that phone booth. He lost his son, he and Mayte had a miscarriage, Mani divorced him, and his parents died in the early 2000s. At least one of those events would be reason enough to cry for pretty much anyone, including Prince. He was human and, from what I understand, was a pretty sensitive person.


I'm not saying he never cried over those events, in fact, he probably did. I misquoted in my original post the "never cried again" with "that's the last time I cried". The intent behind what I state still stands. I am sure there are other events that happened between his father saying, "no", him crying that day for 2 hours, and 1985 that would have caused others many tears. The mindset it takes, however, to not cry over those events (at that age) is one of, "I'll never be that vulnerable again. I'll never let anyone hurt me like that again." Been there and done that. To this date, I still have a difficult time crying in front of anyone. I have to go off by myself somewhere and do it in private. I had similar situations to Prince in my youth, and in some cases, probably worse. The interesting thing to me, though, in observing Prince in his youth was that he was not going to allow himself to be vulnerable or be seen as vulnerable, but there was (many times) a vulnerability in his eyes.

Thank you for elaborating on the following:

--

Growing up in the situations that he did does leave one vulnerable. You open your heart to someone and expect them to be there no matter what, but you often test that, try to push them away because being that vulnerable is scary. When Prince cried about his father telling him he could not come home and said he never cried again, I truly did understand that, but to not cry again meant not making himself that vulnerable to someone again, to never be hurt like that again. Sometimes what that means is that you shut a part of yourself down, don't let anyone in that sacred space, and unfortunately, due to that, you are able to let go of a relationship easily. You might have difficulty if they leave you, because it brings up all that vulnerability and abandonment, but when you let go, you've let go and there is no going back. I know for myself, I used to think that as long as love was there then anything was possible, then it was enough, and I learned over the years that love isn't always enough. You have to put yourself into it, completely, be dedicated to enriching that relationship and nurturing it to help it grow, but your first instinct (always) is to never let anyone get in that space. It takes a very patient person to reach that place, and few are ever THAT patient. And when we sense (or believe, ofttimes erroneously) they have lost that patence, we begin the process of shutting down, pushing them away, and yes sabotaging the relationship.

--

I think I had some difficulty understanding the intent of what you were saying because, as I stated, I have not experienced this kind of abandonment that you and P both experienced. As a result, I have a more difficult time understanding the mindset from which you were writing, so I read what you wrote more literally. But your additional comments have made your intent crystal clear. Again, thanks for clarifying.

Live 4 Love ~ Love is God, God is love, Girls and boys love God above
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Reply #24 posted 08/02/16 12:43pm

206Michelle

anangellooksdown said:

We all know that from a fairly young age, Prince liked to show other band members how to play their lines the way he heard the music being its best, and this helped people play their best. He also gave them freedom to grow and be expressive too. We know he liked to be in control too. In all fairness, he had to be a lot of the time. Then he went through a lot in life that he never spoke about. Then he started seeking spiritually and went through more things, such is life. Later on, around 2013 he said that if he couldn't be a musician, he'd like to teach in some capacity. I believe that he was a teacher in romantic love too. Not just in his lyrics but in actuality. I think he knew what real love is about. I believe that for him some of this was about encouraging the other person to be free, and to be their best selves. Love was something that was understood and didn't need to be talked to death or dramatic. I think later with his partners he liked to enjoy life and have fun. Anything you want to add to that? I also believe that in recent years, he even taught the women he was involved with how to deal with heartbreak. How beautiful. I wonder if this was part of love to him: that all things end someday and how to handle that with grace. Can you comment on how else you think he might've handled that part of a relationship (much later in his life), or what he might've taught about how to handle the end of one lovingly? I know there's a lot there and I think we can all learn something. [Edited 7/31/16 15:45pm]

Could you elaborate on the sentences I bolded? Perhaps you could provide specific examples of events and/or people? I'm not clear about to whom or to what you are referring. He clearly had relationships with women in the last several years of his life, but it's less clear which of these relationships were actually romantic in nature. I've read other threads on this site and there's not a clear consensus as to whether he and Bria were dating. Damaris said that they were just really good friends. Misty Copeland was also friends with him and their relationship was professional. She just got married and has been in a relationship with her now-husband for like 10 years, so I don't buy that she and Prince dated.

Live 4 Love ~ Love is God, God is love, Girls and boys love God above
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Reply #25 posted 08/02/16 5:30pm

anangellooksdo
wn

benni said:



206Michelle said:




benni said:




Growing up in the situations that he did does leave one vulnerable. You open your heart to someone and expect them to be there no matter what, but you often test that, try to push them away because being that vulnerable is scary. When Prince cried about his father telling him he could not come home and said he never cried again, I truly did understand that, but to not cry again meant not making himself that vulnerable to someone again, to never be hurt like that again. Sometimes what that means is that you shut a part of yourself down, don't let anyone in that sacred space, and unfortunately, due to that, you are able to let go of a relationship easily. You might have difficulty if they leave you, because it brings up all that vulnerability and abandonment, but when you let go, you've let go and there is no going back. I know for myself, I used to think that as long as love was there then anything was possible, then it was enough, and I learned over the years that love isn't always enough. You have to put yourself into it, completely, be dedicated to enriching that relationship and nurturing it to help it grow, but your first instinct (always) is to never let anyone get in that space. It takes a very patient person to reach that place, and few are ever THAT patient. And when we sense (or believe, ofttimes erroneously) they have lost that patence, we begin the process of shutting down, pushing them away, and yes sabotaging the relationship.




When did Prince say that after the incident with his father, he never cried again? I have a hard time believing that because in the song "Comeback," he mentions crying and says "tears go here" at the end, which strongly suggests that he cried about the situation with his son.


--


Moving on from that difficult subject, I think that you are right on the money with your comments about vulnerability. I can't relate personally because I was never abandoned and was fortunate to have very secure attachment with my parents. (I know what it's like to be abandoned by friends, but that's a lot different than abandonment by parents.) The need to belong is so fundamental to the human condition that abandonment can cause severe trauma, attachment disorders, mental illness, and so forth. The need to protect oneself from the pain of being further abandoned is so strong that avoiding further abandonment takes precedence over being vulnerable in order to take a relationship to the next level. These abandonment/attachment issues can be overcome, but it takes a lot of resilience, counseling, and support to do so.




Across the street from McDonald's, Prince spies a smaller landmark. He points to a vacant corner phone booth and remembers a teenage fight with a strict and unforgiving father. "That's where I called my dad and begged him to take me back after he kicked me out," he begins softly. "He said no, so I called my sister and asked her to ask him. So she did, and afterward told me that all I had to do was call him back, tell him I was sorry, and he'd take me back. So I did, and he still said no. I sat crying at that phone booth for two hours. That's the last time I cried."



http://www.rollingstone.c...n-19850912



Hmmm. Sounds JUST like my father.
Like Benni said, I also went through way worse than Prince might have. I just had a great realization though. He wasn't going to let anyone ruin him so he couldn't use his gift. What an incredible strength he must've had. How does a kid out there alone find that kind of survival? And the have the courage to be himself?

I'm not blaming his parents...I don't know how it went. It does seem to me he was able to accept a lot and forgive later on. Again, more strength. I'm fla he went his own way when he wanted to.

206 Michelle, I like your signature.
[Edited 8/2/16 17:58pm]
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Reply #26 posted 08/02/16 5:55pm

206Michelle

anangellooksdown said:

benni said:


Across the street from McDonald's, Prince spies a smaller landmark. He points to a vacant corner phone booth and remembers a teenage fight with a strict and unforgiving father. "That's where I called my dad and begged him to take me back after he kicked me out," he begins softly. "He said no, so I called my sister and asked her to ask him. So she did, and afterward told me that all I had to do was call him back, tell him I was sorry, and he'd take me back. So I did, and he still said no. I sat crying at that phone booth for two hours. That's the last time I cried."

http://www.rollingstone.c...n-19850912

Hmmm. Sounds JUST like my father. Like Benni said, I also went through way worse than Prince might have. I just had a great realization though. He wasn't going to let anyone ruin him so he couldn't use his gift. What an incredible strength he must've had. How does a mid out there alone find that kind of survival? And the have the courage to be himself? I'm not blaming his parents...I don't know how it went. It does seem to me he was able to accept a lot and forgive later on. Again, more strength. I'm fla he went his own way when he wanted to. 206 Michelle, I like your signature.

Thanks, anangellooksdown. I actually really liked "Sacred is the prayer that asks for nothing"...incredible lyric from an incredible song...but then I saw that you had it, so I had to be more creative!

Live 4 Love ~ Love is God, God is love, Girls and boys love God above
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Reply #27 posted 08/02/16 6:00pm

anangellooksdo
wn

206Michelle said:



anangellooksdown said:


benni said:



Across the street from McDonald's, Prince spies a smaller landmark. He points to a vacant corner phone booth and remembers a teenage fight with a strict and unforgiving father. "That's where I called my dad and begged him to take me back after he kicked me out," he begins softly. "He said no, so I called my sister and asked her to ask him. So she did, and afterward told me that all I had to do was call him back, tell him I was sorry, and he'd take me back. So I did, and he still said no. I sat crying at that phone booth for two hours. That's the last time I cried."



http://www.rollingstone.c...n-19850912



Hmmm. Sounds JUST like my father. Like Benni said, I also went through way worse than Prince might have. I just had a great realization though. He wasn't going to let anyone ruin him so he couldn't use his gift. What an incredible strength he must've had. How does a mid out there alone find that kind of survival? And the have the courage to be himself? I'm not blaming his parents...I don't know how it went. It does seem to me he was able to accept a lot and forgive later on. Again, more strength. I'm fla he went his own way when he wanted to. 206 Michelle, I like your signature.


Thanks, anangellooksdown. I actually really liked "Sacred is the prayer that asks for nothing"...incredible lyric from an incredible song...but then I saw that you had it, so I had to be more creative!



🙂
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