The Con Artist Known as Prince

This is a great little story from a disgruntled fan. I know how he felt, I also ended up getting stung by this one.

Apologies if its been posted here before.

http://www.jaysongallaway...Prince.htm


by Jayson Gallaway

©2004


0) What this article is not about:

Kazaa or Grokster. But I mention the rogue file sharing companies only because I want you and Prince to know that the entire time I am writing this article, and mostly likely until the minute the Plug is Really Pulled on Kazaa, I am downloading pirated Prince songs like it is my job. I have most of his albums, so I’m doing searches for things like “unreleased’ and “remix” and “live” etc. The bandwidth of this computer is swelling at its virtual seams with stolen Prince shit, I won’t stop until I feel I have pirated exactly $76 worth of his noise. I believe wholly in destiny, and I believe Kazaa was created at this precise time in order for me to exact my vengeance on that purple bastard. The whole world is trying to shut Kazaa down, and the whole world is right: it is piracy, but Kazaa shall remain up and running on appeal until the moment justice is done between me and the Artist Once Again, At Least For The Time Being, Known As Prince.

1) First of all, despite the title of this article and section 0, I really like Prince.

It pains me to write negative things about Prince. He is without a doubt a musical genius who has single-handedly changed the sound and look of popular music. An uncompromising visionary, he is the American Dream optimized: a minority from perhaps the whitest state in the middle of commercial nothingness, a state known mainly for cheese and really dopey sounding quasi-Scandinavian accents, who pushed and shoved his way to the top of a brutal business by an age that finds most of the rest of us dragging colossal bong hits in a dorm as a freshman in college. In a business known for overnight successes and even quicker downfalls, he has proven himself repeatedly to be a prodigious staying power, a modern-day Mozart whose voluminous output and tenacious spirit have kept hope alive for those of us who consider music to be far more than just another commodity or trend to be marketed and sold. As I look at the most recent chart statistics and see the paltry parade of prepackaged boy bands and underage ex-Mousekateers with boob jobs singing songs that I’m sure would have Mr. Disney doing profane things in his grave, I find myself actually shaking my head in disgust and pity for the kids for whom this pabulum is being produced. Rock and roll, though not dead yet, is in sorry shape indeed, and is in need of both a defibrillator and an enema. And it does my heart good to see Prince’s latest album still moving around the charts like a dorsal fin, keeping all the insipid prepubescent crap near the beaches of the one-hit wonder.

But beyond being arguably the best musician, not only of his generation, but of his time, he has always just been fascinating, both as a cultural icon and barometer, and simply as a funky hetero guy who manages to live his life in three-inch heels and look good doing it. There was a time when I had aspirations of being a musician, but after seeing him perform, why bother? He’s that good. I love the guy. We have the same birthday (separated by 10 years). He wrote the song that got me laid the first time. He wrote the song that got me laid last night. He wrote the song I’m listening to right now. He is, in short, the Man.

If you haven’t gotten the picture yet, I think Prince is pretty neat and I’m really glad he’s around and that his music is part of the world we live in. I’ve done everything I can do to support the guy from the beginning. His “Dirty Mind” album was one of the first albums I ever bought. I have bought enough records and merchandise and concert tickets (the most recent were $75 a piece, since you asked) to have paid for at least two of his guitars and a whole closet-full of peek-a-boo pants. Back in the ‘80s, when bailed on the recording of “We Are the World,” I defended him. When he went neo-psychedelic after “Purple Rain” and alienated a majority of his fans, I stayed with him. And when his sex-funk craving followers wince while he waxes messianic and holy during his shows and on his records, still I listen, patiently and thoughtfully. I even once wrote him a desperate letter when I was in high school asking for a job. Though I never received any sort of reply, let alone job offer, I still remained his fan.

So can we all agree here? I think the guy is great, and at this point it should be obvious that I am in no hurry to unduly trash him or launch any snide, cheap ad hominem attacks on Prince. Okay? Then we continue.

1a) What Prince and I did for New Years

It’s New Years Eve, 1999, and Prince is hosting a pay-per-view concert live from Paisley Park. Because it is now against my religion to pay any money for anything associated with Prince (don’t worry, you’ll understand soon enough), I end up spending the evening at a friend’s house with a descrambler. As the New Year draws near, I am watching Prince duet with Lenny Kravitz. It is a great moment, one of many in the show … but I still have not forgotten the fact that Prince owes me $76. I finish about a third bottle of champagne, a bit under what is commonly known as The Influence, and ask to use the phone.

TRANSCRIPT OF TELEPHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN JAYSON GALLAWAY (SAN FRANCISCO) AND PAISLEY PARK ENTERPRISES (MINNEAPOLIS). 12/31/99

PPE: Thank you for calling 1-800-New-Funk, howcanIhelpyou?

JG: Is Bitch there?

PPE: Excuse me?

JG: Oh, sorry. Is The Artist Formerly Known as Vince there?

PPE: The Artist Formerly Known as Vince?

JG: Yep.

PPE: Uh, I think you mean Prince?

JG: Yeah, Prince. Is Prince there?

PPE: I’m sorry sir, but there’s nobody here by that ….

JG: Goddamn it! You know damn well I’m talking about, and I know he’[s there ‘cuz I’m watching him live on the TV right now! Now get up there and put the Bitch on or I’m on the next plane out! It’s the new year and it’s time for him to settle his debts. I want my $76 [hiccup].

PPE: There’s really no need for profanity. And I’m quite sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. Can I get your name?

JG: This is the Artist Presently Known as Pissed Off and Broke. I want a refund.

PPE: I’m sorry sir, but we don’t give refunds, only …

JG: Only exchanges, I know … so are you coming over?

PPE: Excuse me!? Sir, have you been drinking?

JG: And bring the Bitch’s wife, too … you and me and her … we’re gonna party likes it’s ….

PPE: Good-bye, sir.

2) What it’s like to interview Prince

I doubt I will ever know. It has been made clear to me that the Artist Once Again Known as Prince will not give me an interview: not now, not ever. We will not return my phone calls. Neither will his former wife, though that may have something to do that she resides in the couple’s villa in Spain and we therefore keep dramatically different hours. I am quite certain that He and His people changed His fax number yesterday because of me and I suspect that if there is some sort of black list at Paisley Park, my name now occupies some dubiously high position. The only person that will talk to me is a rather menacing-sounding member of the Paisley Park legal team who is threatening to litigate vexatiously if I don’t fuck off posthaste. But it is not out of any artistic hypersensitivity, or fear of the press, or general reclusive weirdness that he is avoiding me. It’s much simpler than that. The bastard owes me $76, and he knows it (se Number 4 below).

2a) What it’s like to work with or just generally be around Prince.

Weird is a word that comes up often. I was recently hanging out with a famous female rock vocalist who was ubiquitous on the pop charts in the ‘80s. Though she said nothing about not using her name in this capacity, the conversation we had regarding Prince was over dinner, during what I specified was “non-interview” time, so it is my choice not to disclose names. Prince came up in conversation at Denny’s when I asked this woman, who was a popular and uberattractive female vocalist in the ‘80s if Prince had ever approached her regarding artistic collaboration or coitus or both, given his pentiant for approaching popular and uberattractive female vocalists in the ‘80s re: artistic collaboration or coitus or both. She said, to my surprise, no. But she had, in fact, recorded a solo album at Paisley Park Studios (Prince’s recording complex and home in Chanhassen, MN) in 1991. And I quote: “I saw him every day. He and I would both arrive at the studio at eight in the morning. He wouldn’t talk to anybody. He would show up wearing full stage outfit and makeup, with some girl wearing the exact same outfit he was wearing, tailored to fit her (she was always shorter than him). There are two studios at Paisley Park, a really big one and a much smaller one. So I had booked the big room and I’d work in there until 5 or 8 PM. Prince would be in the smaller studio. Then, as soon as I’d leave the big studio, he would come into the big studio and work until 5 in the morning. The next day, we would both show up at 8AM. And he is again in full stage costume and make-up, this time with a different girl, wearing the same outfit he was wearing (different than the day before), tailored to fit her. And he wouldn’t say anything to anybody. That went on for weeks. Then, on the last day I had the studio booked, we ran into each other in the hallway, and he looked at me and said, ‘Hello.’ That was it. It was really kinda creepy.”

2b) Far and away the weirdest thing about trying to get an interview with or refund from or generally do anything having to do with Prince The cult-like reverence. I’ve known archbishops that don’t generate this sort of reverence. An interviewer from Rolling Stone touched on it a few years back while visiting Paisley Park. He noted that Prince is the reason for everything that happens within those walls: he is the reason the building itself stands: he is the reason all of the employees get up in the morning and go to work. He is the implied subject of virtually every conversation there. And because of this, it is not necessary to say the name “Prince” (even now that he’s changes his name back from the unisexual fugal horn symbol). It is simply understood. Once he changed his name to an unpronounceable symbol (think Old Testament Yahweh here: His true name is unknowable and unspeakable), it got downright spooky. Before he changed his name back to Prince, when I began to write this story, I told his people on the phone I was writing a story on “The Subject” and needed to call him something and they offered to FTP me the Symbol font. Very nice of them, but I would like my $76 dollars please. Much ado has been made about what to call this guy lately. He was, originally, born Prince Rogers Nelson, but became known to most of us as Prince. And all was fine until for various esoteric reasons to change his name to that damn symbol, during which time most people still called him Prince, though some went to the trouble of the long-winded “Artist Formerly Known As Prince.” Then, either the really devoted or those with tight schedules who prefer abbreviation opted for the unbelievably pretentious “The Artist.” [I’ve must interject here: the guy is good, the guy is great, blah, blah, blah {see Number 1 above} but THE Artist? Maybe An Artist, or a Pretty Amazing and Spiffy Artist, but THE fucking ARTIST? I think not]. Though for the moment he has claimed to have permanently changed his name back to Prince, for the sake of our little discussion here, let’s just call him Bitch. A bit harsh perhaps, but just wait.

3) Bitch’s career in the ‘90s

He kicked off the decade by releasing the biggest piece of cheese to come out of Minnesota in a very long time. “Graffiti Bridge,” Bitch’s third and possibly last feature length theatrical release was a bomb of such Heroshimic proportions that the mushroom cloud still hangs over the wide skies of Minneapolis. This was followed in 1991 by the much more critically acclaimed “Diamonds and Pearls,” which spawned three hit singles for Bitch, the most from any single album in quite some time, In 1992, several major bands, struck deals with their record companies that involved figures of $100 million or more. Prince was one of these. The contract he penned with Warner Bros. Was a 6 album deal with a $10 million advance for each record. The arrangement included a few other perks, like the revival of his failed ‘80s Paisley Park record label, a suite of offices at Warner Bros., etc.

Both sides have different stories about what happened next, but whatever the reason, things seemed almost immediately to sour. In fact, Prince made it very publicly known that he was suddenly and thoroughly pissed off at all things Warner, expressing that he had somehow been tricked into what, if you believe him, amounted to some form of indentured servitude. In an attempt to get out of the contract he had just signed, he legally changed his name to the aforementioned squiggle and started writing “Slave” in his cheek every time he left the house. A brutal publicity war was waged between Bitch and Warner Bros. For the next four years Eventually, he got out of the deal and released a 3-CD set on his own NPG [New Power Generation] record label (distributed by EMI) in 1995 called “Emancipation.” So far, so good. Sure, most of us would gladly pimp every female in our family for a lot less than $100 million. But that’s us. If things had continued like this, with Him releasing records on his own label whenever He wanted to, I think the story would have a happy ending, and I’d be writing about Peter Buck, the guy from R.E.M. (another group that signed a $100 million deal), who took his share of the cash before the ink was dry on the contract and left the group. But no. There shall be no happy endings today, for this is the point in our story when we come to:

4) The point in Bitch’s career when he really starts to piss even his most loyal fans way off

In early 1997, Bitch announces that his next album, a much-anticipated multi-CD set called “Crystal Ball,” containing materially previously only available through low-quality bootlegged copies would be made available later in the year and sole EXCLUSIVELY over the Internet. Not only that, but he would not even bother to start pressing copies of the album until 100,000 orders had been placed on his website. Fair enough. It sounded like a pretty good deal, actually. Bitch wouldn’t even have to pay for the distribution this time, and I wouldn’t even have to leave the house to buy the record. Cool. I logged on a placed my order. So did a lot of other people. His website had a counter of how many orders had been placed, and over the next month, the counter steadily climbed.

Then one day came the announcement: 900,000 orders had been placed, and pressing of “Crystal Ball” would commence. And that was that. Or at least it should have been. A month went by. And then another. Then another. And to be honest, I kind of forgot about the whole thing. Six months later what to my wondering eyes should appear in the window of the Virgin Megastore but a larger-than-life promotional cardboard cutout of the cover of the new Bitch album “Crystal Ball.” Sumbitch. I went into the store, and there, in the “P” section, was the record. I grabbed it and went to the counter. “I thought this was only going to be sold on the Net?” I said. “I guess not,” spoke the clerk. Hmmm. Fine. I bought “Crystal Ball” for $35.

Two (2) months go by.

I come home from work to find a FedEx Sorry-We-Missed-You notice blowing limply in the breeze on my doorknob. It was from Paisley Park Enterprises.

Nah … couldn’t be ….

Oh yes it could. Because there it was, on my Visa bill in that day’s mail: $76.

I was sure that it was a very minor problem that would be easily solved. It would simply be a matter of

5) Calling Bitch at 1-800-New-Funk and trying to get my money back

The following is a transcript of a telephone conversation between Jayson Gallaway (San Francisco) and Paisley Park Enterprises (Minneapolis). 12/20/99 17:57h

PPE: Thank you for calling 1-800-New-Funk howmayIhelpyou?

JG: Is Prince there?

PPE: Oh hell … here we go … [deep breath]. May I please speak to the Artist Formerly Known As Prince?

PPE: I’m sorry sir. The Artist in not available to take your call. May I help you?

JG: Well, sure. I was lead to believe that “Crystal Ball” was going to be sold exclusively over the Internet, But when I saw it in the store, I figured the deal was off, and so I bought it retail. Now, several months later, I get a package from you guys and a bill for $76. And it was only $35 in the store. I refused the package and it was returned to you. I was hoping to get my account credited please.

PPE: I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t give refunds. But we’d be happy to offer you an exchange for the amount you were charged … $76. Just go to our website and place your order and we’ll take care of the rest.

JG: Hmmm. Well, I was really hoping … no refunds?

PPE: No sir.

JG: Hmmm. What sort of stuff do you have on your website?

PPE: We have some other new music by the Artist. We have several items of jewelry, some clothing, and the Artist’s personal fragrance, “Get Wild.”

JG: Personal fragrance … You mean cologne?

PPE: Yes sir: He wears it Himself.”

JG: What about his wife?

PPE: I’m not sure if she wears is as well ….

JG: No. I mean I want his wife. Can you send her. That should cover the $76 you owe me.

PPE: Sir, please just go to our website. I’m sure you’ll find something there that you would like …..

JG: What about you?

PPE: I have several items from our site ….

JG: No, I mean can I have you as an exchange?

PPE: I really don’t think I can help you any further, sir.

JG: No refunds?

PPE: No sir.

JG: And you don’t wanna come over and work things out?

PPE: Good-bye, sir.

JG: Wait, can I get your fax number?

6) A quick math lesson in the form of a word problem, a bit about the way the way record sales are tabulated

Bitch got over 100,000 Internet orders for “Crystal Ball” at $76 a piece. The people that went to the trouble of logging on to the website to pre-order the album are pretty devoted fans, and it is safe to assume after not hearing anything about the record for many months, and upon seeing if for sale on the shelves of their local record store, purchased it there. Let’s estimate low and say only 250,000 people did this. Deduct $10 for FedEx charges. Got a calculator? I do. That’s $16.5 million in nonrefundable sales to be spent on overpriced cologne and cheaply-made jewelry. Think my estimate is high? Fine. Cut it in half. That’s still over 8 million bucks. And that’s on top of what he got for the in-store sales of the record. But wait … there’s more. With the release of “Emancipation,” his 3-CD set, Bitch discovered a way to exploit the way gold and platinum records are awarded and make himself look like he was doing a lot better than he actually was. Though Emancipation didn’t sell very well, Bitch was going around throwing parties and announcing at concerts and on TV that his record had first gone platinum, then double platinum (2 million copies). But check it out: the people that award the gold and platinum records, the Record Industry Association of America (RIAA), gives its awards based on the number of albums shipped to stores, NOT the number of albums sold. According to EMI (Bitch’s distributor for Emancipation”) 700,000 copies were initially shipped. Normally that would only be enough to say a record had “gone gold” (500,000 copies). But the plot thickens. The RIAA also considers the number of disks shipped. Because Emancipation was a 3-CD set, the figure instantly tripled, thus making it double platinum. At last check, “Emancipation had only sold about 448,000 copies (“normally” not even enough to warrant gold record status).

Okay, so now he wants to release “Crystal Ball” in stores, so he makes it a 4-CD set and ships 700,000 units. Then, for those Internet pre-orders, he throws in a bonus CD of his wedding music, making it a 5-CD set. By demanding a preorder or 100,000 units, it is a platinum record before it is even pressed.

The weenie.

You with me so far? Because it gets worse. You know all the copies of “Crystal Ball that were returned because the purchaser had already bought the record in stores by the time it arrived via Fed Ex? Bitch (and the RIAA) counted both the in-store sales of the 4-CD set AND the sale of the subsequently returned 5-CD set. So even though I have only one (1) copy of the record, Bitch got credit for selling NINE. And though I paid $35 for my one store-bought copy, I am now obligated to spend $76 on his crappy merchandise (which merchandise I never get because brace yourself for this: Paisley Park’s phone service shut down shortly after the above-transcribed conversation took place. Callers got a message that the system was down temporarily due to the installation of an upgrade to the system, which upgrade took damn near two months to install.) I wrote emails that were never answered. I tried to conduct an exchange for Bitch’s merchandise on the website. No answer. I even broke down and ordered a bottle of “Get Wild” cologne and a pair of “Mr. Happy” underwear and asked to please use the credit I had at Paisley Park Enterprises. No answer. I sent faxes demanding satisfaction. Nothing. Finally the phone system went back online (with no noticeable improvement, b/t/w). When I talked to a new operator, and she tried to track my old order with both my old address and my credit card number, she said there was no record of me in the system. Sorry. I don’t even get the cologne.

7) Bitch and the resolution and general statements w/r/t Bitch’s “I’m so not about money” interviews that He’s been giving lately, the reason I’m really so pissed, and the point, if there actually is one, to this article

About a month later I get a package from Paisley Park Enterprises in Minneapolis. It is a cassette tape of something called “The War” by the New Power Generation (Bitch’s band). I pop it into my deck and hear what sounds like a live version of a decent enough jam involving a repetitive chant and some stream of consciousness ramblings by Bitch. I’m not sure if this was sent to me specifically or if it was just a coincidental timed mass mailing. But either way, it ain’t worth 76 bones.

Okay, look. I don’t care what people do with there money. That is until they start talking about what other people should do with their money, especially w/r/t money being either unimportant or evil. When someone, like Prince, spends a lot of time in the media waxing Christlike about how money is the root of all evil, and the only wealth to be concerned about is that which is in heaven, etc.etc.etc., ad nauseum, it is worthy of a closer look at whether or not that person is practicing anything slightly resembling what he is preaching. As for Prince, I find him a money-grubbing hypocrite and one of the worst sort: the sort that hides behind religion or spirituality.

The whole name change thing, the whole writing “Slave” on his face thing, the whole “Boy the record companies are capitalistic heathens who are going to get theirs in the next life ‘cuz all’s I wanna do is record music and give it away” thing is bullshit.

I opened this whole harangue with a bit about Kazaa. The truth is that if Prince is truly wanting to be as Christ-like as he claims he is, and wants us all to be, it has never been easier for him to release his entire vault of recordings to the world for free. If he is feeling as repressed and chained and enslaved by the System as he claims to be, he is, like the rest of us, a mouse click away from leaving the while System behind and showing us the way.

But Prince, if you’re not going to do that, fine. Just quit carrying around the cross and pick up the guitar. Be real.

he's not a con artist
its his ego that prevents him from connecting with simple logic
or even connecting what happened yesterday with what happened today
or remembering important things




when ur programmed to do what is best for urself all the time
instead of what is best for everyone
its a little hard to get a grip on the bigger picture

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL


That was the funniest shit i've read in forever!!!!! I'm sorry for all the hate and venom you're going to get in here as a result of posting that in the Org, but dude..... AMEN!

Now THAT was THE funniest story EVER!! Unfortunate he feels that way....somewhat understandable on some points....but funny nevertheless.

god what an IDIOT

JPW said:

SexyBeautifulOne said:

If he's still that angry nearly 10 laters, I feel sort of sorry for him. He just needs to get over it. I'm sure it's partially tongue-in-cheek, but c'mon dude, giving money to Prince is like giving money to the government--you'll never see it again.

quit carrying around the cross and pick up the guitar.

Rebeljuice said:

jone70 said:

If he's still that angry nearly 10 laters, I feel sort of sorry for him. He just needs to get over it. I'm sure it's partially tongue-in-cheek, but c'mon dude, giving money to Prince is like giving money to the government--you'll never see it again.

Rebeljuice said:

those calls to Paisley Park- hilarious!
damn this was funny as hell. I felt his pain.

Prince absolutely hates his fans and we love him for it!

coolcat said:

jone70 said:

If he's still that angry nearly 10 laters, I feel sort of sorry for him. He just needs to get over it. I'm sure it's partially tongue-in-cheek, but c'mon dude, giving money to Prince is like giving money to the government--you'll never see it again.

Prince fans are waayyyy too forgiving. Stealing someone's money isn't a joke.

padawan said:

Its unfortunate Prince gets all the shit because he uses /hires inadequate "servants" to comply with his ventures.

He tries to use different untested methods before anybody else ...and maybe too soon and when things go haywire ...people turn brutal. Must be disheartening to him thinking the fans believe he's looking to screw them over.

For anyone who wants to know why someone would still carry this kind of a grudge after so many years, allow someone who also got stung to elaborate a little more:

I was a true fam, in every sense of the word. Willing and able, at a moments notice, to drop all of my cash on everything and anything that had to do with Prince. So, when the opportunity to get The Crystal Ball arose, I jumped at it. I thought it was the perfect reward for Prince to give his hardcore fans who had stuck with him through ALL the bullshit. I eagerly got out my plastic and preordered it, even though my wife, who had grown tired of Prince two years prior, laughed at me and told me I was going to probably get screwed. Imagine her glee, as she strolled into our place of work a short time later, holding in her hand a store bought copy of CB. I hadn't even gotten mine yet, and she had picked it up at Sam Goody just to spite me and show me she was right.

I canceled my order, they said fine. Yet, they still managed to charge my account TWICE. It took weeks of phone calls, to my credit card company and New Funk, to get it straightened out. The worst part was that not one time, through all the correspondence, did Prince's camp ever issue an apology. I ended up leaving it to my credit card company, who refunded me themselves.

Going through that type of thing when all you were doing was being one of the faithful is kinda depressing. That shit will never happen again.

Ok but has he ever thought about the fact he's wasted far more than $76 just obsessing over this catastrophe of Paisley past? All this personal time devoted to fighting this.

I'm so happy I wasn't fanatical enough to sign up for the Crystal Ball orders.

>>>>>Its unfortunate Prince gets all the shit because he uses /hires inadequate "servants" to comply with his ventures.<<<<<

The problem is Prince's lack of a refund policy. This person ought to be made whole. I'm a fan just like anyone else here but I tell the truth. I don't blindly follow Mr Nelson everywhere as these fanatics that call themselves "FAMS" do. Prince throws out the word fam and they take it and run with it. I've been digging the cat since 1978 but come on now, he's just a man like and has fucked up ways like all of us...and that was fucked up.

Ok, its an amusing read and I agree the guy has obsessed about it a bit long. But think about all those individual 76 bucks that NPG Corp never refunded. It could be a collosal amount of dough which, if exposed, could prove to be an unethical and illigal business practice.

As much as I like Prince, we do need people in this world prepared to stand up and be counted so that ANY business in this world has to be accountable and above board. Otherwise im opening a business right now where I can ask for money and just keep it without delivering.

Great read, very well written and very funny.

Rebeljuice said:

TheBigBang said:

that is very crazy

padawan said:

The internet release did include Kamasutra and different packaging so basically was not the same product as in the stores.