Oh good just what i need something to fire me off. There i was thinking i'd gotten through xmas, yes i'm not identifying that ever again. I loathe and detest it. Nothing to celebrate for me. Where's the one i'm supposed to be loving then aye? Shove it God. I don't need it it's just a big lie. This was enough. Was. The music i got after the first self affirming, 'And God created woman.' then 'Last night i had another lonely xmas.' Millions had the same as us then, God it's the pits being so alike. My son topped it for me though. I have two gremlins and i spent xmas with neither of them and quite alone. Ah peace and quiet. Andrew went and spent xmas eve with his sister and her extended family after dropping off a bbq that had to be assembled. Excuse me people i'm a Dragon, u don't just drop off something like Lego for adults and not the bloody gas bottle to play with it with, the little shite. So i took it out of the box and left it out, put the lock back on the front gate so i didn't have to worry. Casually took two days to screw it all together and now i'm waiting for either boy wonder or Karen to fetch me a gas bottle before i really get the hump and put the air in the tyres on my bike and rack off and get it on the bike. I'm fed up to the back teeth of the slack arsed effort people put into my life and expect me to shine the light all over them. My slack arsed effort upsets God enough but when i've trained others to do it well i'm in the poo with Him an' all. Give it a rest God i've put as much in as i've got the energy to and more will only come out when more is going in ok, got it Sunshine, God? Yes i even call God Sunshine. Kinda makes Him less AWESOME. I know He knows and besides i do it to stir Him, He needs someone to curry Him up a bit now and again. I'm having the pits of a time and i don't give a shit. It's that being imaginarily in Love. Saves a lot of time and money u see. Instant fixing. So i farted around with the bbq thing, now it's done it's giving me the shits because i have to hassle to get the bloody thing fired up. Kiddin' i ain't half pissed off. The boy wonder even brought the marinated lamb (which i never eat i don't like the smell when i'm scorching it. I prefer Kangaroo, yum, clean meat, lovely rich gravy with Taragon, Rosemary, Garlic and Ginger, miscellaneous herbs of the green oregano and such are not strong enough for that meat. It's very gamey until it's seared off the water. I'm over myself now. Dummy spit done. God forgive me. Just when u think u haven't anything in the tank for this time of year along comes a friend with a need greater than my misery so buck up fart face. I got two of the grandchildren to mind while gran goes to the hospital to help with the care of the 7 month old. Oh good something to worry about. So we mooned around a bit and then they talked me into going around to the plonk shop and buying a swap and go gas bottle to play with the bbq, so i did. Thank u for saving this, saved me doing another one coz whatever it is that is messing with my connection this end and it is this end, ain't stoppin' me. i'll get to this one way or the other and curse them along the way, they won't like it i promise, something about the carriage service directory they use here, well if they were after my input it will cost them. This is the only one i do for Love. Shut up. I'm not admitting that anywhere and never again, forget i even said it then. I had some funny ones too from yesterday like, it took me longer to turn the flippin' thing around in the tight space yesterday after i'd finished putting together, than it took to put it together. (I guess i will find out where those 4 spare screws are for?) pick it up and swivel it around i had it facing the wrong way. So u can't stop these children, one had to start cremating the onions for me. Away we go, he wouldn't leave it 'til his Nan got here, i said two heads are better than one, no, carries on and then i finish screwing the hose to the gas cylinder, indescribeable relief we didn't blow ourselves up. I had to use the correct spelling it bugged the crap out of me for days spelling it undescribeable. So the onions ended up charcoal and the deboned (Butterflied) leg of lamb, Mother nearly had apoplexy when i found the docket. My son had paid over four times what i ever paid for a leg of lamb to roast in the 70s, that's about when it stopped being affordable to have dinner parties. Funny how a person's tastes change at various stages in their lives. My tastes changed entirely. I questioned everything like it wasn't set in stone, if the values upheld me i kept them if they didn't i simply forgot about them. This u must understand helps in many ways, not the least a really good giggle this end for me, i'm not that bad being funny on the wire. Over the wires, airwaves, datawaves, cyberspace? Who gives a poo. I see all sorts of weird stuff on here i don't know what i can do on this machine i'm glad my son isn't as far as me on my lap top. Got it locked up he did and couldn't get back to the main menu by the windows key until i showed him, Karen was so chuffed for me too. Sssh don't let on i was shocked i got back to the main menu too. It shows both of us need to get some training. I mean i love doing this but imagine what i could do if i knew what the hell i was doing? I can't imagine it. This is the best ever thing in the world for me. I'm getting off on the clicking and the fact i can work my way around the keyboard now and not screw up spelling and such. Shut up don't tell anyone they will want me to work for money somewhere i don't like the people. It would kill me. Both my son and Karen are waiting for me to write something to publish. Well, it's a bit like u know if i could just come up with that astounding first line. I'm really chuffed to be able to get on here at all. It was such a discouragement to be seeing that 'server can't be found' thing and then finding it through another avenue. Oh manipulative creeps. It takes how long for a man to learn to be a woman's ally to get all our goodies? I know i was born to please a man i've just stopped worrying about having one. I'm not sure i don't prefer the longing for it rather than the prospect of actually receiving what i'm sure they are not capable of. I haven't had a moggy existence so i haven't any to judge by i wasn't driven enough. 'There's more to life than...' I wanted the 'more' thanks. The 'more' is what grows resilience. There is more to life than meets the eye. I wanted that too. Hmmm, good idea. It's the wider view it gives that is the value. Looking back now i never missed the time i spent reading and learning about the human condition in this last decade or two of the last century, well time with a good book is as good as time with a good lover would be i imagine? See i'm good at that. It's just me imagining more into the creature that may have the misfortune to be designated to keep me out of mischief. That is of course if it suits him. I give God second chances all the time about this mirage, i just stir Him up, i could just be annoying Him in case He's the jealous type. Well He's had me to Himself all these years it's been lots of fun but the time comes and it's move over God. I suppose u could say it's about time i had someone else to play with. Not PLAY with, PLAY WITH. It's that old 'unless u become as little children...' I have the capacity to do that or not, but mostly i like to live playing the child God would have wanted me to grew into. Stuff the age it's not an issue with God. I never let the opportunity to play the elder card though if i need to, pass by. Sssh i like remembering sometimes i'm the eldest, i'm in shock at it and then over the moon. Hey i've survived Mam. Not bad. All in all it's better than i expected and tons better than it could have been elsewhere. Oh Mam, i must have been good in another life i think sometimes. I lost the other 'draft' thing with that green notice on when i tried to go back to it, i wept. It's been going on for weeks with this end. The 'server can't be found' to have me react for something other. I won't respond and i'll find another way to get back to here. Good grief it's like being grafted on, ah well there u have it, i'm rather stuck on it. What has made this so addictive to me do u think? Don't tell him. I gotta keep him doing this thing i have to have that music. It's to stop me remembering i used to smoke cigarettes long ago. No desire in my right mind to have any and under stress i give the greens a good seeing to. Failing that, well Karen bought me some Southern Comfort for the odd babysitting and such and the season, i gave up the plonk, it burns, i'll give up again when i've finished it. I like it but it doesn't like me. I'm a cheap drunk. It's all the sleep deprivation from the early years, couple of drinks and i'm asleep. That may just be the age thing. It's the time and place and the rest of the cake. My energy is high enough at times and adding anything is like throwing sugar on a fire. The crash is just as bad. I scare myself. I wonder if that happens to others i've got a track on i've heard many times, this time though the Bongos are louder, i hadn't heard them there before. My earphone isn't quite in the ear either. Now the pain is giving me the pip i haven't had that one for a long time. It's the bolt upright position, the time and the lovely feed i had before. I'm spent. I only added sweet corn and peas to the Jambalaya this time. Had to. Like them lots. I'm going to have to learn new things to cook out there. I like it, especially cremating the onions. I have to master where the heat spots are. I put cheese on top when i reheat it. On the top of the stove no, not nuked. It's in a cast iron pan, i put it on low half an hour before i want it. When i remember, i must admit i tend to remember this though. I got a prompt to update adobe it didn't complete it felt off. I freaked and put it in sleep mode, it came back. I wouldn't be on here at all if i worried about all the stuff i should know and i couldn't do that now. I can't abide it when the machine this world is becoming seems to dictate to me what i will do. I have pages written i just haven't posted it yet, something is holding me up. I am livid at the thought that my written work wouldn't get through, such is the world we live in. To u all in deep gratitude for this, take care God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx

Made it! Just a few more of them broncs to buck and then i might be done with the constant battle. I have nearly finished the two years and it's been ok so i'm not that impressed anymore i think i have to do three years without cigarettes before i'll believe i've quit. We are being slowly broiled here it's sizzling for now, it's the weather u can bet it will change. Why is there always the error message before i can get on here. It's not an error it's being manipulated by some queer this end because who knows. I may say something radical evern! There's an old saying, 'The one consolation of old age is saying what u think.' (Not even slightly tempted to say what i really think on here). It's calligraphed out somewhere around here, i like it, i work it. So self indulgent of me. Just plodding along doing my best to grow some veg., trees and flowers. This is the only other outlet i use. Looking after this place, me and the flora is the sum total i can manage just now. I pulled that double molar out yesterday, well, nudged it far enough and it fell into my hand. I'm still getting used to the loss and the gain. Such is life when, 'Love is a losing game!' I have to smile it's the game that is such a pleasure but only after it's been lost and the relief sets in. Well both the twerps made life hell it was such a relief to be rid of them i couldn't feel that sad for that long. Both, well yes, i'm only counting the ones i lived with 21 years in total. Now i see that was a loss. I gained in some wisdom of a sort, never to be gulled again. When there isn't a goal to aim for then i feel the loss of the other. Surviving is the only goal i have as the only reason i have to do anything as hard as making my life seem well lived is to serve my children as the model that life can be lived well regardless of status if ur living to serve a greater purpose than ur own. Andrew asked why the pipeline pipe dream still comes up, why do i want to do it. Him and his sister are the only reasons the pipeline is necessary to my mind, secure their homeland for them. The 'ornery cuss only wanted to do it to prove it can be done. Some dosey tripod said it couldn't be done, it's not a good idea to say that around me i have to prove it for myself. Bit off more than i can chew but hey i don't care it doesn't matter if all i did was make them think. It puts me off the farting around not being found by this server, lying tow rags. They couldn't possibly want money off me for it, more than i'm already paying the 1st tier provider in this Carriage Service Enterprize. It never ceases to amaze me Christopher how much time, some humans will spend their mind power on to scam some advantage from someone less clever than they are. St. Gerome can sort them out. I don't use this service as i'm supposed to it doesn't fit their business model, they don't make any profit. Welcome to my life children, neither have i! I made that choice because i was sure it would be better than having more and worrying about losing it or knocking myself out cleaning it all the time. Sound logic to me. If i'm not working with my hands or my head to work something out i'm not living, having more isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm born in the second house, of possessions. Anything i want i only have to concentrate on and if it would be for my highest good someway it manifests. Things, not people, i don't know how i attract people i don't, if i can help it, i'm not canny like that. I did 21 years trying to do that living with a family thing, it hasn't worked. I've done 14 of those years back to myself i have another seven years solitary to go. I may then have healed after all the pain i gave myself not accepting that 'Love is a losing game.' The monkey on my back doesn't have a name babe, we all know the truth of the song Amy, but that only makes me ask then tell me what was the original aim? When did it become ok to play the game to hurt each other, who said that was the way to play anyway? I have to rely on God for the faith that it is fact not fiction or i'd just as soon not be here on this plane all the same. I became distracted and my fridge siezed up and food had to be thrown out, waste freaks me out. The fridge still playing up, i came to the conclusion that as long as my food storage is unreliable i don't have any peace. Andrew pulled the car fridge out of the shed. Back up. He's taken the back off the bottom inside the freezer so i can control the frost build up. I have to have a new one he said. I can't believe that because i use my own name and not my daughter and son's father's name, could be the reason my daughter has 'the hump' with me. It came to me the other day that is another meaning of 'Mutiny.' in this 'relations-ship' situation i need to take back my 'ship'. I had lived that fantasy, for God's sake they lived with a real live pseudo 'hippy', didn't buy the teeshirt and wear it on the outside, i practiced it 'being Green' i didn't preach it. Someone of intelligence had to live it to find out if it was practical or not, it takes up a lot of time so yes, in a word it works. They could have been a lot more 'hip'. U know what makes u 'hip' when u don't know or care what it means ur too busy being urself. Being urself is what makes anyone 'hip' in my mind. I got that one REAL good. Oh it came from u lot everyone knows that. Ah where would i have been without the American literature i've consumed. I'm licking my lips, yup, i've sure had value for money. Dale Carnegie, etc.etc. so many. No i don't think that one's been written yet! I've mowed the lawns, i've trimmed the edges, it's pulled a muscle in my back that has kept me from doing some Archery. I've kept very well occupied, i'm in the home stretch of the first two years of being a none tobacco smoker. Handwritten pages spilled over the floor none worth sending. I'm looking for insight and the fridge smacked me down. I cringe at the idea of going into debt for it. I like 'Facedown.' as much as u can 'like' a protest song. I have to write an answer to that losing game idea. I haven't a clue yet i'll just wait on the 'muse'. I had the intention to go and do some Archery two days in a row i've gotten the target out of the shed and two days i've put it away again. I might be doing weights on the sly, i mean that's really sly even i didn't know i was doing it. I recall in my 30s finding out that i could make gains without knocking myself about too much in the process. I had to go carefully i had to take care of the children also. I was trying to improve my fitness and strength. I toned up as well and i didn't criticize my every effort either. I had read 'You can heal your life.' by Louise L Hay. That is a fact of life, u can heal. Take the crap broken records off by putting the positive ones on over them. If ur busy putting positive stuff in the negative hasn't got any room. I mean i'm concentrating on learning how to think new stuff how can i waste any time on the old boring self destructive crap. Well u can't no one can that's the idea, it's great, real sneaky and very effective. That's me all partied out for now. Yawning a very good sign. My routines are up to crap, i haven't found another one yet. Need a Moon Planting guide calendar. I don't know what's doing what where or when and i'm more disoriented than usual. I'm looking forward to Autumn in about 6 weeks, about, ah such a lovely time in the garden. It's like a second little summer. Not so scorchy. I do like trolling around without gear on in the heat inside it's oh how can i put it, 'free'! Or die of heat stroke if i don't. I'm saving up the wet tee shirt it might get hotter yet. I only bring that one out on over 40 degree days. It's me keeping one for the next extreme if there is one. I haven't run a cold bath yet, it's really bad if that happens. I sit still and don't move from in front of the fan on days of extreme heat. We've had some doozies lately. Portends of things to come if those bloody little bunsen burners the gas fields like to burn off don't get switched off. Do those fools imagine it doesn't make a difference and it's export, we don't need it, some twats are making a profit off the grandchildren no one will be getting, if they blow the world to bits the idiots. I may not always bring it up but it's always there and i am only waiting to be in a safe situation to let out all the bile i have about the way this world is treated by the tripods that don't have emotions, i bet the bastards haven't had a shit in decades either. Still leave it to the Archangels they'll sort them out. I've only got three valium left i don't want to set me off just now i have to get to sleep yet. The heat affects me, my temperature moderator switch got kicked off by a horse and then there's the Thyroid malfunction that makes it very hot when it's hot. It's much cooler in the middle of the night but sleep might not come until it cools some more. Oh how i love doing that, i just banged on the wall to scare off the rodent or possum out of the roof. The Fig tree is heavy with fruit so it's attracting the birds as well. The new little tree has figs on too. Only three it's just so cute. So much to do and only half a week to do it in, well it feels that way. I'll grid the place out and do it a square meter at a time. Round and round. To u all in deep gratitude for this grant Infinite and eternal peace, take care God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx

Honest to God it's giving me the pip the obstructive attitude of this server here telling me they don't recognize this address on the net. I had the same trouble trying to get on to the uk embassy for a passport. One foot forward. Yeah right, as if, says who? The trouble with being educated to the level that tells me very clearly it's not true that this address can't be found, hello. I wonder how i got here then. Use the other and well may as well be the yellow box! Bee to the honey dears. I went and got the desk calendar, the right one with the holes at the top, quote to a page. Much better i really feel off key without it. Next is getting it onto the stand without injury! I have been hiding the fact from me that my grip 'ain't what it used to be and my elbow are sore on the ends of the Fibia(?) i think the Ulna is the underneath bone. Right back burner check the encyclo's later i have a picture of a skeleton. Just curious? I learnt that in basic first aid about 1961/2. Not a real calling just to know. Unhappily i empathized a bit too closely like, sphincter winking closely, nah sorry can't be a nurse too painful for me. Can bandage bloody wounds but don't push it.I Love u u know. Except if any of u come down here and buy up all the bloomin' quick feeds i just found for ur hols. None on the shelves either of the two major supermarkets we'ver been eaten out by someone, was it u? So i cornered a member of staff and let her fill my head with the fact that it runs a fifteen week cycle before the auto restock will push through another order to the stores. That was all well and good but seeing as how i can't get them in either of the two supermarkets she suggested that it was a supply problem. Oh yeah? I muse sceptically. I have watched this line run down in both stores over the past few months u would know i wrote u about it. I only put it on here when i found it and told Karen and my son. I supplied my son's. I have one box of New Orleans Jambalaya mix left in the cupboard. Getting a bit desperate! It's a me thing, need a spare and one to eat now. Trust me, my own fault i shouldn't have told u it was here. We're even out of the Apricot and almond bars i have for breakfast with seedless fresh grapes. I've eaten a kilo, two pounds two ounces people!!! Yup, through the eye of a needle. Great detoxer. Honest to God it's costing me an arm and a leg to watch the videos i've missed of him, i had to feed the beast another fifty, it would be cheaper hiring a, well use ur own imagination. It's over a hundred a month without a plan, they must think we're fools i only recharged it a week ago. So to the food problem, this product from the USA, (cooksimplemeals.com, Keith Lauver is the founder and CEO makes great product we want here please.) that is good for gluten intolerant people. If u love me please get them to airlift some over for us.(Cancel that was just dramtizing for effect!) I was starving to death until i got that, i need it. I have one more bowl of Cranberries and Wild Rice left in the pot for tonight. Again another hit with my taste buds. Again it's sold out in both places. It's the frame of mind i'm in just now, this is like writing a symp/honey for me. That lead line is a pearler, if my either was more open i'd be worried i would fall right out. How on earth did u think i got back here too? The server wouldn't bring me here. I'm always one emotion away from falling apart. This is difficult for one not given to the illogical. I just wouldn't want not to have this capacity for falling apart without the right medicine to take to stick me back together again. What do i have to do to effect a change, well for me it's play some music. If i want to refine that even more i can check what my Biorhythm is. I have to find a calculator they used to make one (Casio) i don't know if they still make them. It's tedious and boring to do it long hand. Total number of days alive to today's date (remember the Leap years add one day for each),divide first by 23, the remainder is the number of the day in the 23 day Physical cycle. 1 and 12 are critical and should be watched out in. Same division by, 28 days, the remainder being the day in the 28 day Emotional cycle. 1 and 15 are critical and should be watched out for. Same division by, 33, the remainder the day of the Intellectual cycle, 1 and 17 are critical and should be alert in. On the Physical critical days i run out of energy and can't spend as much energy on pursuits of a taxing nature. In Emotional critical days well i might as well bury myself for the duration this year it's emotional enough for me as it is. I am more than usually highly strung and i'm not one that highly strung as a rule. U know it's a matter of how much drama do i have to give this to get that other to snap out of the coma they live in usually? 'Most of the people in this world were born dead.' Personally i was born 52 years old. He knows i know what he means. I'm afraid of living any more than i do already i could explode. I wouldn't make any decisions on emotional or intellectual critical days if i know about them. I'm quite indecisive both times. I prefer knowing them than not, especially on those days that are cloudier than usual and i want some certainty within myself. I endure the uncertainty enough about life so when i have the power to know myself in every aspect would i not avail myself of that info.? I can appear very self contained at times and they would always be knowing that one tiny little extra detail. About the obstructions to getting on here Yahoo served up something about cruises or other site, ads. of some sort. It's enough to make me take up cigarettes again. Time after time this female is cheating us with crap greens. I'm not close enough to look her in the eye and tell her her cards are marked for robbing old women in pain with supplying the worst herbs ever. I wasted the money. I spend three hours trying to relieve the tension and get ten times as tense over the amount of time it's taking to get a bit bent. Desk calendars on, no, skin was lost in the attempt. Oh crap! The quote reads, 'You must do the thing u think u cannot do.' Eleanor Roosevelt. I have just now decided that for me i will use the words as they are used in the quotes for clarity and respect for the author. Personal choice. I would consider that carefully as i'm sure that was meant to encourage her disabled husband in his Presidency. That woman was a Saint. I only found four handwritten pages to sort out. I don't like any of them they are going in the compost. It's the pen, it's being a prat. I haven't got the ink flowing properly. Again my own fault i got attached to this one pen out of 40 calligraphy pens. They are all the same brand. The nib construction is just so elegant i like it. I like to watch it working the letters. It is sensual to me. I like the sound of a 2B scratching on the paper when i'm composing verses. It's very erotic. I know i'm creating and it sounds like it. It must be a stored memory. Maybe childhood. I remember as a child finding it such a wonder and a miracle to be able to write and read. Look out God i'm after Ur job! Well, educate a fool and u never know what i might do. To have been given a birth on the Sunday it's encumbent on me to be good or how would i be able to be blythe? Happily possessing such attributes i have always been inclined to be happy, gay is just an attitude of happiness. Even though the only man that has ever looked into my eyes and told me i was beautiful and i was loved was my Father when i was born, i have been pleased with the gifts i was given in full measure for my pleasure and to please Almighty God. I am well satisfied indeed. It is all i have within that is the greatest treasure i possess. I'm happy to express the gratitude i have for the parents i was lucky to be born to also. I found a floating bit of bone in my nose the other day. I know where it came from, a head butt. The bones were splintered and moved around freely for a while, one is still loose, it's from pre 1996. I didn't do anything about it then, now i will ask if it causes me any trouble. I only found it a week ago. I was stuffed up and wondered if it was that injury that was causing the trouble. I dusted it wasn't the dust. Wrong foods cause congestion. Right up to my head. My ears click when i swallow if i have been eating something with wheat in it. No, milk doesn't congest me. Cereals meant for animals do though. The heat has knocked me about today going into town. I had to go out for a recharge. Yes, i know i could have done that over the phone i wanted to talk to one of the reps in the shop. I let the one that served me know i'd be back next week if i ran out of data credit. Caw blimey Charlie, like how it changes the language even. He may be a good technician but he's so zappy i got the feeling he hadn't any patience for me. Not a good sense to exude. Exude? It's an 'e' something. Lovely word i agree, 'I don't mean to be rude, i don't mean to exude', oh yeah, it's a good one. I went in to get that desk calendar and the tea lights. Smaller trips for the next few weeks until Andrew gets back from working decommissioning a place in the bush. Same mob he worked for before. When they get him they won't want to lose him, it happens all the time with him. He's very personable and a good worker, past employers are always willing to re-employ my son. He's talking about studying nutrition. He's into weights he has to be into eating right as well. I brought them up on good food, few not home cooked meals. I made it harder work than i needed to be. I had healthy happy active children as a result. Who won? The effing tax man not me. They both work. I might chuff off now i'm going to cremate some onions and chicken sausages on the wacky ikmas present Andrew dropped off ikmas eve. I've used it once. It's been too flippin' hot to cook out there even. Thank U God for the shady days U lay on. I laid off the mowing. I want to do a mulch over run. No, catcher. It's up again, about 3 or 4 inches. Long enough to chip in as green manure, loves it. I loath the bloody stuff but i Love seeing it when it's finished. I have about a half a dozen trees to plant too. I found another few seedlings behind the shed. Lovely dark green folliage tree. No, wait there's more like a dozen to go in. I'm waiting for the day after rain to dig the holes though it's like concrete to dig it dry. I could water the spot and get it done early on before the heat builds up. I have to pick my spot carefully it's the wrong time of year but i've got these seedlings getting larger in the wrong place or in a bucket waiting to be planted they have to go in. There is only wire overhead on the street in front of the house, the sides are free of power lines. I've kept the ones i've put in away from them. The gum i put in owns it's own corner of the back yard it's over 25 feet or more. No, wires to have it cut back for, way it goes, upward ever onwards. To u all in deep gratitude for this grant Infinite and eternal peace, take care, God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx

Tempremental the iPhone at present, wonder why, it's taking 3 or 4 pressings to get the tracks to fast forward. I was under the impression i had the power and authority over my life at this stage. I know my time is borrowed. I'd have run for the hills long ago in a primitive tribe. Old women were considered the most disposable and useful for food in times of hardship. Never mind with the end of that one. It makes sense then to put my time into making the garden produce food. I serve as a useful example for those that don't have the skills. Those two songs off the new album don't suit just now. No, it's not changing. That really annoys me. It seems to want to control me and i won't put up with it. I can leave the stupid thing off. Oh i have left it off more and more. It seems it's not the right thing for me to be doing. I must be having too much fun then. I just don't want to lean on it that much now. The more i do the sooner it will stop working for me, bit like medication, the more i use it the less effective it becomes. Funny that doesn't apply to Tea tree oil. There's something i have to put in about TBI that other's with this might find helpful. It's the bridgeing technique i use to remember what i went into that room for this time. I take a piece of the job i'm doing with me in my hand to remind me of what i went for. The other thing i wanted to put in was about the Biorhythms, the lower numbers are the positive (+) days when u have plenty of energy to succeed in whatever the endeavour is. The higher numbers are negative (-) think more of accumulating more energy for use, they are lower energy days and should be considered slow days. I can't write longhand just now, it's too dry the weather, the pen dries out too fast. I get too fussy with it. I am finding it very hard to cope with so many hot days so often this season. It couldn't be global warming though could it? I am putting off doing those Biorhythms of mine too. I'm almost brain dead from the heat. I tried to sleep in shifts last night, one from 8pm to midnight and the next one from 4.30am to 7am. It's bothering me. I checked the box of valium, Aug.20,2014. So considering the greens have been up to crap, i've stayed off the valium more than usual and not had more than one bottle of Southern in 3 months. I've had plenty of tense times over the last couple of years i stilll haven't gone back to the cigarettes. Still i'll be more convinced this time 2016. I never thought i'd see the day when i would be a none smoker. How i remember it had it's hooks into me. I thought i would have more of an appetite for food, it's the same. I find a food that fits my needs and then i find it's gone from the shelves. Don't they know it takes me ages to a.)find a food i like and then, b.) remember the bloody thing. It has made me learn not to get too attached to a thing, it can go out of production, it has before. It's very disheartening when it happens. It's a miracle i've remembered in the first place only to find it's not available. It's makes me shut down on occassions. I saw something on one of the music videos that reminded me of one of the things others take for granted that i left behind, the confidence that being accepted by peers, would have given me, wasn't there in another country. I learned to get by without it. I had work to keep me busy. I got on with it. It has made me tough. There's a 15 year old girl still needing guarding i don't know that i ever got used to it. I may have just shut her away. I noticed as long as i keep having to figure something out i'm not going to get bored any time soon. I'm going to be very bored with this server error four oh four message crap this end. It puts me off coming on here as it's meant to. I feel rejected and it's not a good feeling. Also as i'm meant to feel. This is exactly what was on the cards in the first place. Even sending airmail doesn't attract me just now either, i can't be sure it's going to be delivered. That makes me feel dejected too. How totally common for someone with the eleven in the birthchart. So it's steady as i go and hope that perseverence will be the key. '... do not dull thy palm with entertainment of each new hatched, unfledged comrade, beware of entrance to a quarrel, but being in, bear it that the opposed may beware of thee.' Wm.Shakespeare. It's best to proceed with care, 'tis too precious a thing to take lightly, it's Eternity at stake. I ponder on it nightly! There i go again tripping the light fantastic. ttfn. To u all in deep gratitude for this grant Infinite and eternal peace, take care, God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx

WoW, u know that chick on Grojband that has those mental eruptions, i had one just now. I got a call from the dept. that own this house to say they wanted to bring a staff member of a real estate agent around the house to hand over the management of this public housing property to another layer of private enterprise management and it doesn't need it except that the private enterprize pays large donations to the encumbent political party running this country and they could get lots more rent than i have paid even though my rent is about 7 weeks or more in ADVANCE. It will count for nothing remember that quote of Churchill's. I'm a nothing from nowhere and i'm expendable. I'm an old woman and not worth the space i occupy. Let them rent it to others that would pay more or more better develop it into a high rise building bringing more cars into this area not that there are more jobs just more commuters desperate for a handy commute. I'm just in the way of progress. Give this mob half an inch and they will take the whole plot. I know the connections of this mob, the female that sold my children's house out from under them after their father died and then bragged to me she had paid for new plumbing in her house she owns,only just if he doesn't gamble away all of it AGAIN. I'm shaking and i'm out of valium. I rang the doctor and the abc 7.30 report this is stupidity to put another layer over one that is working well for me at least i don't have a problem, that agency is on the chopping block to increase revenue for the next election. I had been singing all morning quite blissed out, not stoned the greens are freakin' useless. High as a kite on life. Like 'Saturn' on 'Songs in the key of Life.' bawling my eyes out at the line, 'living is just their natural high.' Same. (I got two of my albums from the 70s back yesterday and the day before and i haven't heard Stevie for over 20 years, not in my ears any time i want i mean, and Carole King's Tapestry, same. I wept listening to it. 'If it's magic.' i cried. Now i'm a wreck) I have that riding accident i'm owed money for to thank for that. I'm very glad to be alive and now they are taking some security i had, from not renting through private enterprize that reduces me down to a unit of production or expense. I have sent the air blue around here cursing them upside down and backwards, the useless narrowminded idiots that can't see the wood for the trees. I'm livid. I was working on a line to a song about trying to keep someone off my mind but my lips remember his last kiss. I'm shaking at the wrench it was from that cloud 9. My son said hurry and get the passport, i got the forms for yesterday from the travel agent in town. It is simpler than trying for this country's one. I have those forms i don't have a certificate, they only 'conferred' it on me to keep me under false pretences so it seems. My life feels like a total waste of time and space here i can't wait to get out. I feel like i've been kept prisoner here and now it's against my will and i haven't killed anyone. Is there a ransom, i have saved the money to pay for the passport but it would require i sacrifice my birth nationality and it hasn't given me any estate to make me want to give it up. They know how to take care of their citizens over their. That is what affords them the right to the tax they take. I lost it over this on the phone and then there was a skin over the contact numbers and an echo down the headset so i knew they would monitor how i reacted. I freaked and they couldn't give a rats arse. Their homes and jobs are secure they think. I asked them to wonder why they would want to put another layer of management into this? Outsourcing the work of the department to reduce the number of housing bureaucrats they have to pay wages and superannuation to. Even the girl from the department hadn't thought of it from the point of view of her job being at stake from outsourcing management to a real estate magnate from a foreign country that never give up their nationality!!! I must let this rest for a while i need a drink. The valium is just not doing the job. Funding has been taken away from the Tenants Advice and Advocacy Serivce it would seem the number has been disconnected. We don't have any help in this. To u all in deep gratitude for this grant Infinite and eternal peace, take care God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx

[Edited 1/4/15 6:13am]

[Edited 1/7/15 0:29am]

[Edited 1/10/15 2:14am]

[Edited 1/14/15 19:58pm]