HotGritz said:

You know what? I can't stand their mother Eterlene or however you spell it. Ima just come out with it. I think she was some heffa who wanted herself a gang of light skinned and curly haired babies and she didn't care who she got them from. She got with an evil man and she let all manner of hellish acts slide because he was white IMO. Yeah I said it! I've seen those kinds of heffas before and when you put skin color and social status above all else then you are not mother material. Remember El is what, the sixth child of 10? That father was evil from the gate so you know she sat her ass there witnessing abuse but kept right on having babies. Shit, married damn near 20 years to a beater/molester/rapist/cheater GTFOH!

And she wrote that damned book. How the hell you gonna write a book on your own kids? Its disrespectful! I think she is very much to blame for what has become of the Debarges because she is what you call an enabler. She gave a monster power over her children and herself. Do what you want as a woman but don't you dare put your kids up to be sacrificed in such a horrible way.

You said nothing but the truth! I've hinted around about this, but glad yu came out and said it. I'mma say another awful yet apparent truth...what's the cure for rampant incest that's clearly widespread, deeply ingrained, and generational? Rehab can't cure that that I know of....I'm hoping something can.

Frankly the speculation is that Etterlene Sr and Robert Sr actually went thru as bad or even worse than their kids in their respective families. Crazily enough, it's been suggested that El an 'em grew up in the "nice" version of this story!

Aww shit!! Damn damn damn I'm really afraid for him to go back to the big house. I don't think he will come out in as good shape as he did this last time. Why do they (Debarges) have to try to SELL the shit??? That just up the stakes for law enforcement.

prodigalfan said:

Aww shit!! Damn damn damn I'm really afraid for him to go back to the big house. I don't think he will come out in as good shape as he did this last time. Why do they (Debarges) have to try to SELL the shit??? That just up the stakes for law enforcement.

Cuz in some ways music's their sideline and dealing probably provides more income than music. They gotta feed their habits, MamaD, their babies, baby mamas, etc....and that costs. Honestly I'm surprised El hasn't been popped for dealing before now....how else has he survived these years?

It's rumored that Bobby started dealing back as far as 1980 via someone at Motown who also dealt. It's clear he pulled Chico in at some point, so why not the other brothers? Makes sense to me because several of these cats ain't worked since their careers dried up, so how else? How else keep MamaD in blonde weave?!

I'm always nervous when El's around Chico, who's far shadier, and I guess I was right.

[Edited 3/21/12 18:40pm]

HotGritz said:

nursev said:

The whole Debarge family needs couseling. I mean sometimes pain is so deep that no matter what folks say it still won't heal. I often wonder how their mother could allow all these things to happen to them. Damn what decade it was-she could have left there damn father. She got issues too

You know what? I can't stand their mother Eterlene or however you spell it. Ima just come out with it. I think she was some heffa who wanted herself a gang of light skinned and curly haired babies and she didn't care who she got them from. She got with an evil man and she let all manner of hellish acts slide because he was white IMO. Yeah I said it! I've seen those kinds of heffas before and when you put skin color and social status above all else then you are not mother material. Remember El is what, the sixth child of 10? That father was evil from the gate so you know she sat her ass there witnessing abuse but kept right on having babies. Shit, married damn near 20 years to a beater/molester/rapist/cheater GTFOH!

And she wrote that damned book. How the hell you gonna write a book on your own kids? Its disrespectful! I think she is very much to blame for what has become of the Debarges because she is what you call an enabler. She gave a monster power over her children and herself. Do what you want as a woman but don't you dare put your kids up to be sacrificed in such a horrible way.

Not sure if it necessarily had something to do with her wanting mixed-race children. There are lots of black women married to black men and non-black women who know that their kids are being sexually molested by their husbands or boyfriends and they do nothing about it. This is occurring more frequently than a lot of people are willing to admit. Hell, I've even heard of some women assisting the men with the molestations! And some women will throw their kids out of the house if they dare complain about it. It's called being a weak woman and a lousy mother.

brooksie said:

prodigalfan said:

Aww shit!! Damn damn damn I'm really afraid for him to go back to the big house. I don't think he will come out in as good shape as he did this last time. Why do they (Debarges) have to try to SELL the shit??? That just up the stakes for law enforcement.

Cuz in some ways music's their sideline and dealing probably provides more income than music. They gotta feed their habits, MamaD, their babies, baby mamas, etc....and that costs. Honestly I'm surprised El hasn't been popped for dealing before now....how else has he survived these years?

It's rumored that Bobby started dealing back as far as 1980 via someone at Motown who also dealt. It's clear he pulled Chico in at some point, so why not the other brothers? Makes sense to me because several of these cats ain't worked since their careers dried up, so how else? How else keep MamaD in blonde weave?!

I'm always nervous when El's around Chico, who's far shadier, and I guess I was right.

[Edited 3/21/12 18:40pm]

I don't know if they've ever discussed this, but I bet they haven't received royalties from any of their music in years!

[Edited 3/21/12 18:53pm]

There's black women who married black men who did just as bad as Father DeBarge... not saying any names but...

kitbradley said:

HotGritz said:

You know what? I can't stand their mother Eterlene or however you spell it. Ima just come out with it. I think she was some heffa who wanted herself a gang of light skinned and curly haired babies and she didn't care who she got them from. She got with an evil man and she let all manner of hellish acts slide because he was white IMO. Yeah I said it! I've seen those kinds of heffas before and when you put skin color and social status above all else then you are not mother material. Remember El is what, the sixth child of 10? That father was evil from the gate so you know she sat her ass there witnessing abuse but kept right on having babies. Shit, married damn near 20 years to a beater/molester/rapist/cheater GTFOH!

And she wrote that damned book. How the hell you gonna write a book on your own kids? Its disrespectful! I think she is very much to blame for what has become of the Debarges because she is what you call an enabler. She gave a monster power over her children and herself. Do what you want as a woman but don't you dare put your kids up to be sacrificed in such a horrible way.

Not sure if it necessarily had something to do with her wanting mixed-race children. There are lots of black women married to black men and non-black women who know that their kids are being sexually molested by their husbands or boyfriends and they do nothing about it. This is occurring more frequently than a lot of people are willing to admit. Hell, I've even heard of some women assisting the men with the molestations! And some women will throw their kids out of the house if they dare complain about it. It's called being a weak woman and a lousy mother.

all of this sounds harsh but its very complicated. im with you, i cant get my head around stuff like this. i grew up in a similar sitch but thats for another thread somewhere.

on the positive tip-- look at how long it took for robert downey jr to clean up and stay that way!!! there is hope out there. im with evryone who said he/the family needs prayer and support or one of them will be next to be found dead somewhere.

kitbradley said:

brooksie said:

Cuz in some ways music's their sideline and dealing probably provides more income than music. They gotta feed their habits, MamaD, their babies, baby mamas, etc....and that costs. Honestly I'm surprised El hasn't been popped for dealing before now....how else has he survived these years?

It's rumored that Bobby started dealing back as far as 1980 via someone at Motown who also dealt. It's clear he pulled Chico in at some point, so why not the other brothers? Makes sense to me because several of these cats ain't worked since their careers dried up, so how else? How else keep MamaD in blonde weave?!

I'm always nervous when El's around Chico, who's far shadier, and I guess I was right.

[Edited 3/21/12 18:40pm]

I don't know if they've ever discussed this, but I bet they haven't received royalties from any of their music in years!

[Edited 3/21/12 18:53pm]

It's been discussed re: royalties. El gets some royalties from WEA and I think he and Bunny get some off samples. However I don't think it's been said here at The Org anything about the specific rumor that MamaD has somehow managed to get some royalty checks sent to her. Given that Tommy has written that she gamed him outta BOTH some insurance money AND his kids, perhaps that royalty check rumor might be on to something. Obviously most of the De Barge royalty checks would be for El...from Motown and WEA, so forgive me for suspecting that he was the main one she may have been ripping off.

[Edited 3/21/12 19:35pm]

Three pics to ponder...what do you see?

El and Chico 2003

El and Whitney...THAT night

El and El Jr...last week or so

I know that folks here really like El and have been rooting for his recovery and/sobriety. I’ve been rooting for him too. But the amount of rationalizing and explaining away of his behavior is in my opinion, part of what enables an addict to continue that behavior. Unfortunately, many people suffer childhood abuse, cope with broken and/dysfunctional families and other traumas. Many of these same people avoid addiction altogether and many who do deal with it recover and stay sober.

He has to accept treatment, work it, and find a lifestyle that will allow him to remain clean. He doesn’t seem to want to do that. It is not up to anyone else to save him, or care for him. Sure he needs support, as anyone going through struggles needs support, but he has to do the work. And again, in my opinion, he is not going to be benefited by people explaining away his choices and behaviors or placing blame on others.

Damn El..........DAMN!!!!!!!!!!

It's the dealing part that gets me here, not the using. El's been using for awhile now, which is sad and regrettable, but this dealing this mess insane. It's almost like he wanted to get caught because the pressure of his life is too much. Dayum! Right now james is facing a serious bid for dealing, so El decides to take of the family biz so openly and stupidly? A highway underpass? Naw man..

Musicians and dealing have gone away back....think Jelly Roll Morton, whose music was the front/hustle and his pimpin'/dealin'/gamblin' his true profession for many years. El is hardly the 1st or last to get caught "sidelining", but I'm just trippin' off the fact that he's the 5th known brother popped for this. Bobby, Tommy, Chico, James, and now El. Marty is a question mark for me.

Wonder how MamaD's gonna handle this one?!

Bobby (on car), Tommy (facing him), and some other cat..

[Edited 3/21/12 20:51pm]

[Edited 3/21/12 20:54pm]

unfortunately for those of us not heavily addicted to drugs, there is probably something that we are addicted to. I have problems, big problems with food, sex and caffeine. I hate drugs, I look at druggies and judge them harsher than anyone but if I think of it in terms of how hard it is to temper my own addictions, it isn't so hard to understand. Still, I don't fully grasp why people can't just stop based on the utter destructiveness of the stuff. And why even start when everyone knows how the shit fucks you up? Oftentimes, in my own experience, you pretty much should just write people off if they have those kinds of problems. They're gone. I've wasted time trying to help family to quit addictions and honestly, it's always hard enough for most of us just to survive ourselves to be dealing with an addict. It's just like babysitting and I personally just don't have the patience anymore. It's way too stressful.

119 said:

I know that folks here really like El and have been rooting for his recovery and/sobriety. I’ve been rooting for him too. But the amount of rationalizing and explaining away of his behavior is in my opinion, part of what enables an addict to continue that behavior. Unfortunately, many people suffer childhood abuse, cope with broken and/dysfunctional families and other traumas. Many of these same people avoid addiction altogether and many who do deal with it recover and stay sober.

He has to accept treatment, work it, and find a lifestyle that will allow him to remain clean. He doesn’t seem to want to do that. It is not up to anyone else to save him, or care for him. Sure he needs support, as anyone going through struggles needs support, but he has to do the work. And again, in my opinion, he is not going to be benefited by people explaining away his choices and behaviors or placing blame on others.

the business he's in almost makes sobriety impossible. It is everywhere from the venues where you play, the parties, the people. Little Richard was able to quit cold turkey and never look back but as we all know he's a freak in a million and one ways.

This is so very sad. I hope he's able to get some help before it's too late.

Timmy84 said:

There's black women who married black men who did just as bad as Father DeBarge... not saying any names but...

Yal never miss an opportunity to take a shot at Joe & Mathew huh?

It's a shame what drugs do. He's only 50. He looks old as hell. Bobby, El...Bobby's barely in his 40s you can just tell off the bat he's been through the ringer. Just so fucked up.

petes2 said:

119 said:

I know that folks here really like El and have been rooting for his recovery and/sobriety. I’ve been rooting for him too. But the amount of rationalizing and explaining away of his behavior is in my opinion, part of what enables an addict to continue that behavior. Unfortunately, many people suffer childhood abuse, cope with broken and/dysfunctional families and other traumas. Many of these same people avoid addiction altogether and many who do deal with it recover and stay sober.

He has to accept treatment, work it, and find a lifestyle that will allow him to remain clean. He doesn’t seem to want to do that. It is not up to anyone else to save him, or care for him. Sure he needs support, as anyone going through struggles needs support, but he has to do the work. And again, in my opinion, he is not going to be benefited by people explaining away his choices and behaviors or placing blame on others.

the business he's in almost makes sobriety impossible. It is everywhere from the venues where you play, the parties, the people. Little Richard was able to quit cold turkey and never look back but as we all know he's a freak in a million and one ways.

That's a very good point,but I agree with what someone else said earlier: he needs to get out of L.A./Hollywood.That's the first step.I know that drugs can be found anywhere,but I think El can get himself together if he's away from the fast-paced L.A. lifestyle and his many "friends" who are assisting him with that lifestyle.

musicjunky318 said:

Timmy84 said:

There's black women who married black men who did just as bad as Father DeBarge... not saying any names but...

Yal never miss an opportunity to take a shot at Joe & Mathew huh?

I wasn't talking about them this time.

musicjunky318 said:

It's a shame what drugs do. He's only 50. He looks old as hell. Bobby, El...Bobby's barely in his 40s you can just tell off the bat he's been through the ringer. Just so fucked up.

You mean Chico? Bobby didn't even make it to 40.

SoulAlive said:

petes2 said:

the business he's in almost makes sobriety impossible. It is everywhere from the venues where you play, the parties, the people. Little Richard was able to quit cold turkey and never look back but as we all know he's a freak in a million and one ways.

That's a very good point,but I agree with what someone else said earlier: he needs to get out of L.A./Hollywood.That's the first step.I know that drugs can be found anywhere,but I think El can get himself together if he's away from the fast-paced L.A. lifestyle and his many "friends" who are assisting him with that lifestyle.

Nah...I think it's far too deep for just a change of location to make any diff, IMHO. Look at his brothers and sister in Hickberg Grand Rapids. El needs to get real w/ himself about his childhood and stuff because the shit's real. El's in very deep denial about that methinks.

IOW, El's gotta travel deep w/in El to ever hope to be clean IMHO. He's also gotta ditch most of his family. I'm not sure he could do that.

musicjunky318 said:

It's a shame what drugs do. He's only 50. He looks old as hell. Bobby, El...Bobby's barely in his 40s you can just tell off the bat he's been through the ringer. Just so fucked up.

Chico's like 45-46 and I think he could pass for 20s. El's 50 and I can't think of anybody other than Johnny Depp who looks nearly as good for their age and Johnny is both younger and lived less hard than El.

I honestly wonder what folks expect a 50 year old man to look like in real life?! Drugs aside, how many 50 year olds look as good as Eldra? Can't think of many in real life or Hwood.

brooksie said:

musicjunky318 said:

It's a shame what drugs do. He's only 50. He looks old as hell. Bobby, El...Bobby's barely in his 40s you can just tell off the bat he's been through the ringer. Just so fucked up.

Chico's like 45-46 and I think he could pass for 20s. El's 50 and I can't think of anybody other than Johnny Depp who looks nearly as good for their age and Johnny is both younger and lived less hard than El.

I honestly wonder what folks expect a 50 year old man to look like in real life?! Drugs aside, how many 50 year olds look as good as Eldra? Can't think of many in real life or Hwood.

I'm amazed at Chico's real age because I swear he could pass for 28. And IMO Eldra doesn't look bad for 50 at all....especially with living hard the way he has. He could look a whole lot worse, like Freddie Jackson and Freddie hasn't even been doing drugs.

brooksie said:

SoulAlive said:

That's a very good point,but I agree with what someone else said earlier: he needs to get out of L.A./Hollywood.That's the first step.I know that drugs can be found anywhere,but I think El can get himself together if he's away from the fast-paced L.A. lifestyle and his many "friends" who are assisting him with that lifestyle.

Nah...I think it's far too deep for just a change of location to make any diff, IMHO. Look at his brothers and sister in Hickberg Grand Rapids. El needs to get real w/ himself about his childhood and stuff because the shit's real. El's in very deep denial about that methinks.

IOW, El's gotta travel deep w/in El to ever hope to be clean IMHO. He's also gotta ditch most of his family. I'm not sure he could do that.

It's sad that so many celebrities are afraid to seek therapy to help them deal with issues like this.I think they feel that they have no one to turn to.They think that even a shrink would expose all their secrets to a tabloid.Michael Jackson was dealing with alot of that,too (painful childhood problems that aren't properly addressed and resolved).It's gotta be tough to go through life like that

119 said:

I know that folks here really like El and have been rooting for his recovery and/sobriety. I’ve been rooting for him too. But the amount of rationalizing and explaining away of his behavior is in my opinion, part of what enables an addict to continue that behavior. Unfortunately, many people suffer childhood abuse, cope with broken and/dysfunctional families and other traumas. Many of these same people avoid addiction altogether and many who do deal with it recover and stay sober.

He has to accept treatment, work it, and find a lifestyle that will allow him to remain clean. He doesn’t seem to want to do that. It is not up to anyone else to save him, or care for him. Sure he needs support, as anyone going through struggles needs support, but he has to do the work. And again, in my opinion, he is not going to be benefited by people explaining away his choices and behaviors or placing blame on others.

Thank you. Rational, calm, and on point.

This is the end of the line.No more excuses.Something extreme has to happen,or else the cycle will just keep repeating itself over and over.The main problem is....El's family can't really "intervene" since many of them have major issues/problems of their own!

SoulAlive said:

This is the end of the line.No more excuses.Something extreme has to happen,or else the cycle will just keep repeating itself over and over.The main problem is....El's family can't really "intervene" since many of them have major issues/problems of their own!

El's family IS the problem. That's the killing part. What's the "cure" for most folks is the "poison" of the De Barges...family!

Most intervention activity seems to be a foot in the door to recovery. How you get the door pushed open permanently is a mystery, and a bit of hit and miss. Faith works for some, family works for others. Death or disabling bodily injury stop some. [But I knew a chick who was pulling tricks while in a wheelchair, recovering from jumping from a car on the freeway while being kidnapped by some crackheads - she wanted her dope and just took care of business from that damn chair. Gotta say though - bad ass strong chick; just applying her backbone questonably.] Still more are fated to a life of use. I think that there is likely to be truth to the idea that for long term recovery many need to resolve family/childhood stuff. The challenge for El, seems to me (as other orgers have observed in different ways), the people he can turn to for comfort, support, love, forward motion, reflection ... have all been damaged at the same source.

brooksie said:

IOW, El's gotta travel deep w/in El to ever hope to be clean IMHO. He's also gotta ditch most of his family. I'm not sure he could do that.

El does seem fragile on the go your own way front.

prodigalfan said:

Aww shit!! Damn damn damn I'm really afraid for him to go back to the big house. I don't think he will come out in as good shape as he did this last time. Why do they (Debarges) have to try to SELL the shit??? That just up the stakes for law enforcement.

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