Julie Burchill is a famous British writer who is actually allowed to speak her mind on any subject she feels like. This week she writes about Madonna. The article shows signs of being rushed. For instance she overstates the so-called "Winehouse Effect", but nonetheless, her points are basically spot on. Only Burchill could get away with writing this way about Madge so don't get your hopes up. This is not the beginning of a new era of irreverence to Madonna. Everyone else is fawning over her as always. All the more reason to enjoy this entertaining truth attack. I only wish it was longer.


Too much Madge already


'Pompous, pretentious, humourless' ...and that's just for starters

Julie Burchill
Sunday April 13, 2008
The Observer

Three things, it's safe to say, will always be with us: the poor, taxes and Madonna. And the weather. Like the weather, Madonna is everywhere, reigning over the just and the unjust, friend and foe alike; loving her or hating her is as futile as loving or hating the rain, wind or snow - it'll happen anyway. Turning 50 as she does in a few months, the question is perhaps worth asking: what did we do to deserve this? It's been a quarter of a century of cruel and unusual punishments - peaking in the sustained, sadistic, hate-filled frenzy that was Swept Away - so far. Surely we're going to get some time off for good behaviour soon?

Or maybe not. If Madonna didn't devote her life to harassing us, what would she do with herself all day? Remember, this is a woman with so much time on her hands that she can spend four hours a day working out. I know I'm fat, but I have to say that if I spent four hours a day working out, I'd want to look a damn sight hotter than Madonna does; those vile veiny hands, that sad stringy neck - yuck! Liz MacDonald off Corrie looks 10 times better.
I've said it before, but it bears repeating: despite the received wisdom of the poor little Star - a Very Private Person - desperately attempting to go through life minding their own business while being stalked mercilessly by press, paparazzi and sad fans who need to Get A Life, it very often seems to me that it is we, the public, who are actually stalked by the stars. And to the most extreme extent. I've never to my knowledge shown Madonna my vagina, for instance, but she's certainly shown me - and countless others - hers, in that vile book SEX.

Visions of that greasy muff, which one could easily have fried an egg on without benefit of oil, haunt me till this very day. But if a 'civilian' goes around showing their genitals, they're arrested!

Despite the neediness and attention-seeking that has so characterised Madonna's career, it's not hard to imagine her little shudder of disgust on seeing a photo of the latest knickerless party girl getting out of a limo in Heat. If, of course, Madonna read magazines, which she doesn't, being an intellectual and an artist and all that. Doesn't watch TV either, or let her children do so, despite having made her name on MTV. Hmm...maybe if she consumed a bit more pop culture, she might not make such rubbish pop records, not to mention write such appalling children's book or act in/direct such frankly risible films.

But what the heck - reports of Madonna's demise, including this one, are inevitably premature. She has already earned millions from the new album Hard Candy even though it is not on sale yet, and has deals with Vodafone, Unilever and Fuji which will use the ever-burning white-hot flame of her untouchable talent to flog hairspray, mobile phones and the like.

The Winehouse Effect has made Madonna look, musically, as sub-standard as she ever has in the whole quarter century of her career. Don't forget that Madonna initially trained as a dancer; it's very likely that she decided to switch to singing after she realised that she would never be a first-rate dancer, and whereas you can't fake it as a dancer, you certainly can as a singer. Until, of course, the Winehouse Effect showed up so many 'singers' as the aurally altered charlatans they are.

With the advent of the astonishingly gifted Amy Winehouse we suddenly realised what had been missing in our singers, especially the female ones, for the wasteland of the Madonna decades - a voice. We wouldn't have applauded a dancer with two left feet or a comedian who made people cry - but in making Madge the best-selling female singer of the twentieth century, we did exactly this. The 'reinvention' thing should have been a clue - since when did a singer ever have to 'reinvent' themselves? Did Billie Holliday or Aretha Franklin - will Amy Winehouse? No.

Will her singing career ever take a turn for the better? Will Madonna ever make a proper great trashy pop record again? It's unlikely; quite understandably, she appears to have a good deal of contempt for her paying public simply because they have made her the best-selling female singer of the twentieth century. No - the most shocking thing about Madonna (apart from that muff; that's the second time I've mentioned it - see, I told you it haunted me!) is that she really is one of life's grade A, ocean-going natural mediocrities.

'I have moments where I feel incredibly invincible and know that I have the audience in my hand - I know that everything is absolutely perfect. And then I have panic attacks where I feel like everyone is breathing my air and I cannot live up to everybody's expectations and I might just die on stage.

'I normally try to turn my back to the audience, take a deep breath and remind myself that it's all temporary. I'm not worried about fucking up - I really have a panic attack that everyone else is breathing my air.'

When I read this, a quote from a recent interview with her in Dazed and Confused, I realised that while a little self-doubt on her part might well have made Madonna become better at what she does over the past 25 years, it would also have taken away much of her entertainment value. For in the vast chasm between her view of herself and what she actually is - between the golden fleece and the greasy muff, if you will - this most pompous, pretentious, hypocritical and humourless of women has added greatly to the gaiety of nations for the past quarter-century. Long may she continue to delight us - in this way, if in no other.
[Edited 4/17/08 14:31pm]

Thanks,I was waiting for someone to start another Madonna thread so I could post this:

MADONNA PERFORMING IN NEW YORK ON APRIL 30th

NEW YORK,NY APRIL 14 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE-In celebration of the release of Madonna's upcoming CD 'HARD CANDY',Control Room,MSN and Verizon Wireless will present the one and only Madonna live at New York's famed Roseland Ballroom on Wednesday evening,April 30th,it was confirmed today by Warner Bros.Records.The Control-Room produced show will be available live on MSN Music In Concert (www.msn.com) on April 30th in the US and on May 15th elsewhere.

Verizon customers will be amongst the handful of lucky winners who will attend the show.Other lucky fans will need to line up outside of Roseland to receive tickets on a first come basis.This special event will be the first time Madonna will debut songs from her hotly anticipated new album 'Hard Candy' which is scheduled to arrive in stores on April 29th.

The first single from the album "4 Minutes" has already jumped to the Number One spot in many countries.The song,which features Madonna,Timbaland and Justin Timberlake,was produced by Timbaland.

You've got the Madonna sticky for fan bullshit. If you're not interested in this topic then don't post on the thread.

To those of you in the UK who subscribe to Vodafone mobile service,you will be able to preview 7 tracks from 'Hard Candy' before the album is released.Here's the schedule...

April 21---Candy Shop
April 22---Miles Away
April 23---Give It To Me
April 24---Heartbeat
April 25---Beat Goes On
April 26---Devil
April 27---She's Not Me


Actually,the fun starts right now.You can get an exclusive Timbaland remix of "4 Minutes" beginning today.

SoulAlive your funny

banks said:

I didn't wanna be accused of starting too many Madonna threads,so I'll let others do it for me I'll just post on their threads,lol.

SoulAlive said:

http://prince.org/msg/8/265433

I finally got the new issue of Vanity Fair cool pics,wonderful article!

Wow, I think Miss Julie needs to learn about the off switch on her tv and radio.

"Muff" - this woman calls herself a professional?

SoulAlive said:

and i'm gonna try and get in to that Roseland show

purplesweat said:

That was one of my favorite bits.
[Edited 4/14/08 6:03am]

banks said:

I'll be waiting for your review!!

midnightmover said:

Don't ever be a journalist then jk

purplesweat said:

Hey, Burchill's had a 30 year career. Maybe there's a market for truth and humor combined.

midnightmover said:

More like journalism has been steadily going down the drain for years now..

wow its as if there's blood between them or something

purplesweat said:

The sign of journalism's decline is more in the fact that articles like this are so rare. Her style is deliberately rude, but her points are sensible. Sadly, it's only ever the occasional maverick who is actually allowed to voice these issues. The media is mostly a giant brainwashing machine that doesn't ever question anything outside politics, and even there they focus on the trivial. Don't use Burchill's bad language as an excuse to ignore her points. Her points are valid whether or not you like the way she makes them.

There shall be no criticizing of Queen Madge in the Divas: Non-Prince forum!

I'm obviously biased because I'm a huge Madoonna fan. But if you look at this article logically, I think you will see it's not very well written. It just really makes no sense and is just mindless hatred.
I have seen other articles criticizing Madonna that at least have some points to which I can respond and rebut. But this article is so stupid it's laughable.

Do you really think it helps this woman's case to attack Madonna for her hands and her neck. There's a certain ugly catiness to the article where one woman attacks another for how they look. Has anyone seen a picture of Julie Burchill? She's far from a great beauty!

If this woman hates Madonna so much and is so sick of her, why take so much time to write an article about her? She claims she's being stalked by Madonna, but she is the one writing a lengthy article about her. No one forced her to do that or read magazine articles about her.

Glindathegood said:

Your first sentence says it all basically. As for why she took the time to write about Madonna? Errr, I think it might be because she's a journalist who gets paid to write. Just a wild guess.

midnightmover said:

That's where your're wrong. You're blinded by your hatred for Madonna in the same way maybe some fans are blinded by the love for her. This article makes no real valid points.
She says Madonna posed naked, but civilians would be arrested if they exposed their genitals in public. That makes no sense because Madonna did in a book. It is perefectly legal to pose naked in photographs and art. Other celebrites and artists and even normal people do that all the time and they aren't arrested.
The article makes no valid points whatsover. You just love it because you have found someone who hates Madonna as much as you do. But you can't see this article does nothing to help your case.

midnightmover said:

No one is forcing her to write about Madonna. She could write about anyone she wanted to. If she doesn't want Madonna to get attention, write about someone else.
This article was posted at Madonna forums, and most Madonna fans weren't offended, they thought it was laughable because it was so ridiculous.
There have been so many critical articles about Madonna that are so much better written that this.
Julie Burchill is considered a joke among serious journalists. But you are so filled with hatred of Madonna you can't see that.

midnightmover said:

You want more articles referencing someone's "muff"? Lawd!

And believe me, I've never wanted a Madge record in my life, but I'm sick of all this critisism coming out just cause she's turning 50. Who cares? No one gives a hoot how old Jack Nicholson is and he still gets around. Let her be.

I love how midnightmover yet again defines opinion as truth. well done - excellent powers of persuasion. you almost had me believing this drivel was "true" for a moment.

I find this interesting as Julie authored a TV programme for the company I work for recently in which she extolled the virtues of .....the Spice girls. Yes a whole hour on how wonderful and mis-understood the spice girls were. Maybe her barometer for talent is slightly off kilter.

Julie is an intereseting writer though - not least because she seems to adore nothing more than adopting opinions that will guarantee her attention and news column inches - she'll quite happily drop them later on to suite her current "state of mind" also. What better subject to choose than Madonna then. Easy target. Pointless article. Still she's got a nice cheque in her back pocket now.

Of course Madonna is pompous, pretentious and hypocritical - but then again so is julie birchill, as shes demonstrated through much of her writing over the years.

Julie Burchill has written MANY of these Madonna bashing articles throughout her career. They're about as tired as CJ's Prince baiting in the Minneapolis Star or Roger Friedman's ragging on anyone that isn't Mariah Carey.

This isn't journalism, this is a rant that should be on the editorial page. Come get me when you find someone capable of writing a real article.

I see that Madonna will be here in NYC and I will try to go to that if I can.

To the story, I admire the writer of that article for writing this piece on Madonna. Recently, it seems like no one has to balls to publicly say when Madonna isn't on point. She said somethings that floated in my head about Madge for years. Good on Julie Burchill for writing this piece and thank you midnightmover for posting this.
[Edited 4/14/08 6:56am]

SoulAlive said:

Good thing I have Verizon.

Whilst the article is probably quite true, I won't read it anyway since Julie Burchill is every bit as "ooh look how dangerous and clever and deep I am" as Madonna is.

Biug yawns both ways.

Glindathegood said:

You're missing the whole point. You are confusing style with content. Julie Burchill is not an intellectual. She is a bitchy writer who writes in the way that many people talk. That is her style. However, the content is something else. Her basic posits are these...

1) Madonna can't sing.....Well, we all know this but it's amazing how little criticism she gets for it.

2) Madonna does not look remotely sexy, despite her obsessive efforts to hold back the years.....Most straight men will tell you how true that is.

3) Madonna is incredibly pompous and pretentious.....If you saw any of her R&RHOF speech (the longest in the history of the event) you'll know how true that is.

4) Madonna is a hypocrite.....This point was backed up with solid examples although she might also have used Madonna's huge shares in oil companies as another example of hypocrisy. Remember her Live Earth speech?

5) Madonna only got into music because she couldn't make it as a dancer or an actress. Music was just an easier route to fame, where it was easier to con people.....Her biography makes that pretty clear if you have your eyes open. She herself has said she wanted to be in film more than music. Music was just a means to an end for her.

You have totally ignored all these points. As for civilians being arrested for flashing their muffs, you'll notice I said at the start that the article shows signs of being rushed, but the whole point with Burchill is that she talks like a fishwife, not a professor, and that includes the occasional exaggeration. You should not let that detract from the larger truths. For instance, the irony in the fact that the most successful female singer in history can't sing. That's an irony many of us have thought of, but this is the first time I've ever heard someone say it in print.

So, is it an agreed truth that Amy Winehouse is a great singer?