Friday, November 04, 2005

Last night, a local DJ played an excerpt from Kevin Federline's new album. Today, I've seen an excerpt from his rap's lyrics online:

"But I know that you really can't wait 'cause people are always askin' me, 'When's the release date?'
Well maybe baby you can wait and see,
Until then, all these Pavarottis following me
Gettin' anxious, go take a peek, I'm starring in your magazine now every day of the week
Back then, they called me K-Fed, but you can call me Daddy instead."


It would be really easy for me to suggest that the question that people are always askin' K-Fed is not, "When's the release date," but rather "Dude, what's up with the cornrows? You know you're white, right."

Or I could point out how strange it is that he thinks corpulent Italian tenors are menacing him.

But you know I don't like going for the easy, obvious jokes.

Instead, strangely, I empathize with K-Fed.

On the surface, this seems like the most ill-advised career move since Dirk Diggler recorded the demo for "The Touch" in Boogie Nights. This can only end badly. I mean, like Suge Knight hanging K-Fed off a hotel balcony by his ankles bad.

So why is he doing this?

This guy's sole responsibilty is keeping Britney Spears sexually satisfied. (where was that booth on Career Day?) For him to attempt to have a recording career is like someone who wins the MegaLotto buying another ticket the following week. Totally unnecessary.

But K-Fed wants to be his own man. He doesn't want to be Mr. Spears. And I have to admire that. Because I would have no problem being a kept man by some pop tart. I wouldn't show up in any tabloid because I'd be too busy working out with a personal trainer and picking up after her microscopic dog.

I think he may be doing this for another reason- Justin Timberlake.

As lucky as K-Fed is (I'm laughing everytime I type that name), somewhere in that lizard brain of his, he has to know that he's a consolation prize. He was Britney's back-up dancer. Her first love, however, has sold tens of millions of records. Justin's making movies. K-Fed is making runs to get diapers and Moon Pies. He's one divorce away from hanging out with Jennifer Lopez' ex-husbands.

But he thinks, I'm just as talented as Justin. I can dance. And what type of music, besides Christian music, requires less talent than rap, right?

But you know it's gotta be bad when Britney reportedly heard this rap and laughed, saying that we would only sell a few hundred copies.

I say Britney's an optimist.

As lucky as K-Fed is (I'm laughing everytime I type that name), somewhere in that lizard brain of his, he has to know that he's a consolation prize. He was Britney's back-up dancer. Her first love, however, has sold tens of millions of records. Justin's making movies. K-Fed is making runs to get diapers and Moon Pies. He's one divorce away from hanging out with Jennifer Lopez' ex-husbands.

But he thinks, I'm just as talented as Justin. I can dance. And what type of music, besides Christian music, requires less talent than rap, right?

But you know it's gotta be bad when Britney reportedly heard this rap and laughed, saying that we would only sell a few hundred copies.

I say Britney's an optimist.

Last night, a local DJ played an excerpt from Kevin Federline's new album. Today, I've seen an excerpt from his rap's lyrics online:

"But I know that you really can't wait 'cause people are always askin' me, 'When's the release date?'
Well maybe baby you can wait and see,
Until then, all these Pavarottis following me
Gettin' anxious, go take a peek, I'm starring in your magazine now every day of the week
Back then, they called me K-Fed, but you can call me Daddy instead."

JediMaster said:

That goddamn Pavarotti killed Di and Dodie!!