I saw this hysterical review of The Joshua Tree over at rateyourmusic and I thought I'd post it here.

We all know that there is something about our musical taste that is a bit...off.

I think it is captured well in this review.

So, which ones apply to you?

"There are musical offenders out there, and they are everywhere.

They're the ones who barked back at "Who Let The Dogs Out."

They're the ones who play "Smells Like Teen Spirit" or "Stairway To Heaven" in guitar shops after they've had one guitar lesson.

They're the ones who bought the interview-only Britney Spears CD so their collection would be complete - and then made their friends listen to it.

They're the ones who think "Stuck In The Middle With You" is not only a Bob Dylan song, but it's his best song.

They're the ones who still rush the dance floor to "Billy Jean" as if it has never been done before. They promptly leave when the song is done though.

They're the ones who sing karaoke to "Fake Plastic Trees" with their eyes closed and fists clenched.

They're the ones who are planning a trip to Las Vegas just to see Celine Dion.

They're the ones who claim to "love reggae" even though they've only ever heard Bob Marley's Legend album.

They're the ones who got jiggy wit it.

They're the ones who buy Eagles or Meatloaf DVDs to play in the background at parties.

They're the ones who claim to listen to hundreds of different music genres. Dark metal, speed metal, thrash metal, progressive metal, black metal, Viking metal, glam metal, avante guard metal, stoner metal, melodic death metal, power metal, doom metal, new wave of British heavy metal…

They're the ones who let a sticker on the front of a CD that offers a free movie coupon if you buy Hillary Duff actually sway them to buy Hillary Duff.

They're the ones who never heard of soul music until they saw Ray.

They're the ones who still try to fit into a Great White or a RATT T-shirt from twenty years ago, completely ignoring the fact that they have gained 100 pounds and that their kids would die of embarrassment.

They're the ones who play Great White or RATT as they carpool kids to school, completely ignoring the fact that they drive a mini-van and their kids would die of embarrassment.

They're the ones who secretly want all the Pearl Jam official bootlegs, not to listen to, but to display.

They're the ones who can sit you down and tell you what's wrong with music today with a straight face while their new Rob Thomas CD plays in the background.

They're the ones who keep R. Kelly's career going.

They're the ones who have the first dance at their wedding to Lonestar's "Amazed."

Their Top 5 all time favourite albums (in order) are Revolver, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Abbey Road, The White Album, and then I guess it's a tie between Rubber Soul, Please Please Me, Let It Be, A Hard Day's Night, and Help!

They're the ones who voted Baz Lurhmann's "Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen" as their Grad song.

They're the ones who air guitar to Van Halen, whether the music is actually playing or not.

Out of millions and millions of bands out there, their favourite band is George Thorogood and the Destroyers.

They're the ones who think "Born In The U.S.A." is a patriotic song.

They're the ones who only buy music at Wal-Mart.

They're the ones who drive a $500 car real slow along the beach (with the windows rolled down) while pumping the latest club single through a $2000 stereo, all the while ignoring all crosswalks, traffic signs, noise pollution by-laws and common standards of good taste.

They're the ones who think Will Smith is "old school."

They're the ones who would 'word it up' to "Here Comes The Hotstepper."

They're the ones who only know Willie Nelson because of his duet with Toby Keith.

They're the ones who hum Broadway show tunes in a crowded elevator.

Lord knows how they do it, but they're the ones who feel empowered by the songs of Shania Twain.

They're the ones who think Bon Jovi is "grunge" or "alternative."

They're the ones who own a "traditional Irish pub" and still only play Nelly Furtado and Jay-Z in said pub.

They're the ones who do another cover of "Yesterday."

They're the ones who get $50 allowance a week from their suburbanite parents, but think a D12 album makes them gangsta.

They're the ones who write terrible poetry on their Blogs about girls who don't like them or cute boys who play in an emo band - all the while listening to Good Charlotte.

They're the ones who are, like, totally down with J-Lo. And not just as like a totally good singer and performer and actor, but also as an artist.

They're the ones who still know all the words to "Ice Ice Baby" and consistently bust it out at any informal get-together.

They're the ones who can still name at least 3 McMaster and James songs.

They're the ones who lit a candle to Nirvana's MTV Unplugged and kept it burning for at least 11 months.

They're the ones who sang that 'Cherry Cola' line from Savage Garden's "I Want You" over and over and over and over again.

They're the ones who ripped on N'Sync but party to Justin Timberlake.

They're the ones who listen to Faith Hill because 'she's hot.'

They're the ones who instantly get offended or outright scared at the mention of the word "jazz."

They're the ones who keep their music collection in Alphabetical order, from AC/DC to Anthrax.

They're the ones who say they "hate country" and/or "hate rap" even though they have never heard those genres outside of popular radio.

They're the ones who did "The Hamster Dance."

They're the ones who prefer "Sweet Home Alabama" to "Southern Man."

They're the ones who want to hear more from Chris Gaines.

They're the ones who engraved their name on the bottom of their CDs, so no one could steal them (I know someone who did this).

They're the ones who use "Madonna" and "musical genius" in the same sentence without being negative or sarcastic.

They're the ones who have a CD collection worth $40 tops, but they have a $600 iPod.

They're the ones whose favourite songs include commercial jingles and cell phone ring tones.

They're the ones who actually think world peace can be achieved if everyone in the world would just listen to "Imagine."

They're the ones who live in the dorm next to you, and play Dark Side of The Moon all the gawddamn time.

Remember that crappy song Adam Sandler performed on The Wedding Singer? He was on the airplane and he borrowed Billy Idols guitar and then did a song about how he'd love to grow old with Drew Barrymore. They're the ones who love that song.

They're the ones that write off every single song from the 1980s as crap that they never want to hear again. They also just so happen to listen to R.E.M.

They're the ones you overhear talking about the great lyrics in the latest Jo-Dee Messina, Rascal Flats, Gretchen Wilson, or Tim McGraw song.

They're the ones who own Elton John's Candle In The Wind CD single.

They're the ones who know a dozen alternate endings to the song "Happy Birthday."

They're the ones who hold up U2's The Joshua Tree as the pillar of their (and anyone else's) music collection."

I think these ones apply to me the most.

They're the ones who play Great White or RATT as they carpool kids to school, completely ignoring the fact that they drive a mini-van and their kids would die of embarrassment.

They're the ones who would 'word it up' to "Here Comes The Hotstepper."

They're the ones who say they "hate country" and/or "hate rap" even though they have never heard those genres outside of popular radio.

They're the ones who use "Madonna" and "musical genius" in the same sentence without being negative or sarcastic.

Ha, I only got a few:

got jiggy wit it.
would 'word it up' to "Here Comes The Hotstepper."
hum Broadway show tunes in a crowded elevator.
still know all the words to "Ice Ice Baby" and consistently bust it out at any informal get-together.
sang that 'Cherry Cola' line from Savage Garden's "I Want You" over and over and over and over again.
keep their music collection in Alphabetical order, from AC/DC to Anthrax.

Madonna and Nirvana are my closest offenses.

Moonbeam said:

you forgot this one


"Lord knows how they do it, but they're the ones who feel empowered by the songs of Shania Twain. "

Christopher said:

Oh and this one too.

"Their Top 5 all time favourite albums (in order) are Revolver, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Abbey Road, The White Album, and then I guess it's a tie between Rubber Soul, Please Please Me, Let It Be, A Hard Day's Night, and Help!"

GangstaFam said:

Christopher said:

GangstaFam said:

Moonbeam said:

Don't be mad at me! It's not my Top 5 list.
[Edited 11/1/05 0:28am]

GangstaFam said:

It'd be closer to a bottom 5 list for me.

Moonbeam said:

I know what I'm getting you for Christmas!

People who can't fucking even spell "avant-garde" can't be funny.

They're the ones who sing karaoke to "Fake Plastic Trees" with their eyes closed and fists clenched.

OK, I don't do karaoke but I definately have done this in my living room at many afterbars

They're the ones who ripped on N'Sync but party to Justin Timberlake.

what can I say, his solo album had a few moments of perfect pop

They're the ones who use "Madonna" and "musical genius" in the same sentence without being negative or sarcastic.

I dunno if I've ever actually used this exact phrase with Madonna, but probably close!

I don't fit any of these descriptions.

CarrieMpls said:

Be glad!

Didn't a recent presidential candidate use this as his theme song?

The elitism that goes on over at rate your music is just ridiculous. Give me someone who knows little and really enjoys music instead of snobs who couldn't even craft a catchy song like who let the dogs out. This is coming from a person who thinks people generally overrate Joshua Tree.
[Edited 11/1/05 16:37pm]

lilgish said:

I definitely agree. That forum is bonkers. I just thought the review was funny and reminds us that each of us has our guilty pleasures.