what a moron.

Biscuit said:

My thoughts exactly.

50 cent makes me violent.

I just want to kick his ass.

In their review of 50 Cent's new album, The Guardian asked, "He can't rap, he can't write, he can't even insult people... what use is 50 Cent?" DUDES! That's like, so scathing! Because everyone who's heard Fiddy's new single, 'Candy Shop', knows that 50 Cent is really useful for at least one thing - fucking!

Seriously, viewers, this guy just amazing at having sex. He's just unstoppable! (Although of course if you were a lady and you were having sex with 50 and you asked him to stop, he would do just that. There's nothing remotely rapey about this guy!)

In the wholly impartial 'Candy Shop', Fiddy employs various 'metaphors' to explain how brilliant he is at fucking. For example!


"I take you to the candy shop, I'll let you lick the lollypop."
Trans: "Ooh my penis is quite big, you can suck it."

"One taste of what I got, I'll have you spending all you got."
Trans: "My sperm tastes nice."

"You can have it your way, how do you want it?"
Trans: "I am versatile in my ability to fuck people. I know lots of different ways. There's missionary, for a start. And the other one. Seriously, there are as many as several positions in which I can - and have - fucked women."

"You gon' back that thing up or should I push up on it?"
Trans: "Are you going to move your vagina towards my penis, or should I move my penis towards your vagina?" (nb: This may seem as if 50 Cent is not masterful in bed, but it in fact simply goes to showcase he versatility as a sex-maker - see above!)

"If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho."
Trans: "My rhymes are almost as innovative as my lovemaking."

"Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor."
Trans: "I've got a penis."

"And we gon' sip til every bubble in the bottle is gone."
Trans: "We are, or rather 'you are', going to suck my penis until all the sperm has come out of it, which will no doubt take ages because a) My cock is really big, and b) I have lots of sperm in me. Seriously, you could go whitewater rafting in my scrotum."

"I'm a seasoned vet when it come to this shit"
Trans: "I know how to charm a lady."

"After you work up a sweat you can play with the stick."
Trans: "I've still got a penis."

"Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to watch em in thongs?"
Trans: "I don't really understand words very well."

The saddest thing about 'Candy Shop' is the line "I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands". If it was anybody else you'd applaud their clever M&M gag; in 50 Cent's case you know you're dealing with the world's most thick and mundane rapper, and that he hardly even realises why the line's funny, and it's all a bit sad really.

3 Chains O' Gold


















yeah...50 cent's idea of making videos for every song on the album is really original...it's been done to death..ever see "Purple Rain"?

Rhondab said:

Do it!

We could go way back and mention that the Beatles also did this for Magical Mystery Tour,in 1967.
Man,that damned 50 Cent is an original muthafucka!

We could go way back and mention that the Beatles also did this for Magical Mystery Tour,in 1967.
Man,that damned 50 Cent is an original muthafucka!

Blondie did this first, with the Eat To The Beat LP (1979) - videos for all tracks, and a release.
[Edited 8/3/05 7:16am]

VoicesCarry said:

I would love to see that. Eat To The Beat is one of my favourite albums.

VoicesCarry said:

I would love to see that. Eat To The Beat is one of my favourite albums.

CrozzaUK said:

I also dig Blondie/Deborah Harry stuff. She was ahead of her time. Madonna owes a lot of her career to her.

Hotlegs said:

Except Debbie could really sing

VoicesCarry said:

I'd dispute that, at least over the last 10 years. She sounds absolutely horrific live.

Ellie said:

I ain't talkin' about now (could, not can ) Smoking has ruined her voice, but back then the girl was on fire.
[Edited 8/3/05 10:08am]

50 Cent Expands 'Massacre' With Videos, Remix
By Barry A. Jeckell, N.Y.

50 Cent's sophomore album will be reissued Sept. 6 with a previously unreleased track and videos for all 21 tracks on the disc. The set has spawned such multi-format hits as "Candy Shop" featuring Olivia, "Disco Inferno," "Just a Lil Bit" and "Hate It or Love It" featuring the Game.

"I'm the king of originality," the rapper says. "No artist has ever done this before. The videos allow consumers to see exactly what I was thinking about when I made the music."


=====

Didn't Olivia Newton-John already do that?
[Edited 8/3/05 1:20am]