Is Missy Elliott even trying anymore?

Actually, that’s not fair. Of course Missy’s trying; she’s been struggling to kickstart pop music’s sorry stagnant state for six albums now. It’s almost a cliché to talk about her career as a singles artist, but fuck it: at this point, she’s on the shortlist for “best video artist of all time” after Madonna and the siblings Jackson, and her laundry list of year-defining, genre-defying singles is pretty much unparalleled by any other artist of the past fifteen years. When her greatest hits album comes out, I’m gonna just lose my shit and give it, like, a 94.

So, obviously I’m a fan. But as much as I love her, and as much potential as it has for producing a few more year-defining, genre-defying singles, The Cookbook is a lackluster effort, one that finds Missy resting on that heap of cultural superlatives and just crapping one out for the kids.

Like all Missy albums, the first five tracks are absolutely incendiary. “Joy” rocks a hyperminimalist Timbaland beat, with Missy spitting chill shit, hat brim pulled down so we can’t see her smiling. Slick Rick and Missy have a blast on “Irresistible Delicious,” trading verses and flipping Rick’s most indelible chestnut of misogyny. But the real banger is “My Struggles”: an ambling blues lick looped ad infinitum sets the “ya’ll don’t know my life” tone, Grand Puba dropping in to dub himself the “throwback cat” and talk some quick shit about the new school. This is Missy’s obligatory Great Album Track, where she drops all posturing, grabs a five-star MC and a slick beat and makes some heads nod.

And like all Missy albums, she makes even the most clichéd of guests sound good. “Gossip Folks” is still Ludacris’s most endearing moment, and Mike Jones should be thankful accordingly for his (are you ready for it, world?) actually pretty good verse at the end of “Joy.” Some chick named M.I.A. keeps up pretty well with the awkward marching band funk of “Bad Man,” and, while I’ve never heard of her before in my life, I believe she may be someone to keep an eye on.

But like all Missy albums, The Cookbook is filled with tepid pap, maudlin slow jams and faceless R&B starlets with names like Fantasia or Pangaea or Tweet. Fortunately, these are entirely concentrated in the second half of the record. Actually, let’s just get this out of the way right quick: you will never, ever listen past track eight of this album. Ever. I’ll exempt “Can’t Stop” from this hate-spewing, because that song was produced by Rich Harrison, who deserves a goddamn Nobel prize for the shit he’s doing with drums. But the musical wasteland that stretches from “Remember When” to the silly-ass sketch after “Bad Man” is almost unparalleled in its unlistenability --- “unlistenability” obviously being a word that I just made up to describe how fucking awful the second half of this record is. I mean, seriously. It’s bad.

All Missy albums do this, and it always infuriates me. Because she has to know these songs suck. It’s the price we have to pay, I guess: in order to put out the best single of the year every year, she has to put out an album every year, and these time constraints show on the finished product. Missy’s rhymes show signs of wear, too. I mean, using candy as an analogy for oral sex was played out by the time Fiddy released “Magic Shop,” let alone “Candy Stick.” With The Cookbook’s much-touted formula-tinkering (i.e., less Timbaland) there was a chance for redemption after This Is Not a Test! bombed with critics and fans-maybe it was time for her to plant her freak flag on some new planet. But even with shiny Neptunes beats, The Cookbook leaves the exact same impression on its listener as every Missy album since Supa Dupa Fly. She may have changed the recipe, but the dish tastes the same. That’s the sign of a chef running out of inspiration.

Clayton Purdom
July 6, 2005

I thought her new album is ok, It's better than this is not a test, but not as good as Miss E, I'd put it next to "Under Construction" Missy never releases a bad album, most people hated "TEST" but I liked some of the tracks like "Pass that dutch", "like the first time" the track with Rkelly and th one with Nelly.

I feel luke warm about this album. Nothing really grabbed me except the first single, Lose Control. Even This is Not A Test had some moments that I could appreciate. I thought since it seems she took a bit longer to come out with this album that maybe she switched things up a bit but it really is quite redundant. I also absolutely loathe the slow songs where the lyrics are so nasty you can barely tolerate them nor take her seriously as a woman or a lyricist. I felt the same way about the candy analogy for oral sex. Tired.

I want to believe Missy can do better than this and I thought the last CD was just a contract filler but now I'm wondering if she's hit a snag. So far her best was four years ago with So Addictive.

this reviewer needs to set their alarm clock a little earlier.

I agree with the reviewer, though some points I dont agree with..

Like all Missy albums, the first five tracks are absolutely incendiary. “Joy” rocks a hyperminimalist Timbaland beat, with Missy spitting chill shit, hat brim pulled down so we can’t see her smiling.

I always skip that song and go straight 2 Partytime.

Actually, let’s just get this out of the way right quick: you will never, ever listen past track eight of this album. Ever. I’ll exempt “Can’t Stop” from this hate-spewing, because that song was produced by Rich Harrison, who deserves a goddamn Nobel prize for the shit he’s doing with drums.

Mommy is the cutt!!! But it lost momentum due to the past 2 trax being dry slow jams. Teary Eye'd is coo and Meltdown is hottt, but those are the only 2 slow jams that should've been on there.

I wish I could skip past that long-ass intro on track one and get to the song "Joy"... I only listened to "Joy" ONCE because I didn't care to hear the intro again.

Still haven't gotten it yet.

GangstaFam said:

me either. i'm a little wary of it.

CinisterCee said:

Y she had to record Joy as the intro song is beyond me.

Anxiety said:

That's not my problem. I just don't have the $10 that Best Buy's asking for.

GangstaFam said:

www.donatecashtogooey.org

HamsterHuey said:

I'm dry! Sorry. I need to take up a collection too.

GangstaFam said:

LoL@ dry.

I am NEVER dry...

I have no problem with Missy's slow jams, well "Teary Eyed" could've stayed in the vault.

Scorpion said:

Scorpion, "Teary Eyed" is the second single

Teary Eyed is pretty nice....this review's kinda silly. It's always fun to read reviews by hipster beat-heads who have no interest in slow jams.

People are gonna kick Missy for awhile until she reinvents pop music again...a tall order. In the meantime, this is another winner from her.

MendesCity said:

That's how I view every negative review.

CinisterCee said:

Missy usually has very very good slow jams:

Best Friends (feat. Aaliyah)
[b]Y U Hurt Me?
Pussycat[/b]
U Dont Know (feat. Lil Mo) ol skoo tribute until they kinda fucked it up in the end
Take Away
Nothin Out There 4 Me (w/ Beyonce)
Xstacy
Step Off
Meltdown

good examples of Missy's singing ability

paisleypark4 said:

I wish that remix with Janet and Lil Kim would've come out.

I like the album.

Moonbeam said:

People seemed to think that everything about the last album sucked, but the "I'm Really Hot" video version might be my favorite thing she's ever done.

GangstaFam said:

I like This Is Not a Test easily more than anything other than Miss E.... There are so many winners on Test for me. I think Under Construction is supremely overrated.

Moonbeam said:

I like Construction other than a few tracks. I love Miss E too, but it'll be hard for her to top her debut for me. That in combination with Aaliyah's 2nd album were my soundtrack at that time.

GangstaFam said:

Supa Dupa Fly is solid too. I can't fault it at all.

Moonbeam said:

What yall though about "Da Real World"? Never hear mention of that one.

Word up. I gotta agree. Missy is mad creative, but that new shit just doesn't do it for me. Its not bad, but its just not what I expected from missy.

PlushFunk said:

DO we always have to expect classics?

paisleypark4 said:

no we don't. just look at 'rave in2 blah blah blah'. that album sucked ass, but i'm still a prince fan. i haven't gave up on missy. i know shes still got good songs in her soul, but i just thought there would've been more on the new joint is all.

PlushFunk said:

OK but please don't compare Cookbook to freakin' Rave

It's more like a Lovesexy album - still essential but isn't quite the level of Purple Rain.

CinisterCee said:

There is at least 9 good songs in my opinion. Any album with that much good songs gets my stars