from the same person who wrote this... it was written in june 2001 (months before the rainbow children came out)... enjoy

---

Cartman has a dream.. Purple violet haze and a voice from above.

"Cartman you must go the park 2 play with us"

Cartman: Are they any Hippies?

"...Just come and see"

Cartman: If there are hippies I am going to kick the crap out of em.

"There will be many acitivities for your fat lazy ass to do"

Cartman: HEYYY!!! GODDAMNIT Dont call me fat!!

"I am sorry...I meant... big boned"

Cartman: That is better.

"Please Come 2 the Rainbow Children celebration and bring what u need with u."

Cartman: Uh spirit if this place sucks I am going to kick the bejesus outta you
too"

"...(thinks for a second) Okay..."

(Cartman wakes up)

Cartman: daamnit I needed more clues to what I need to bring.

(Goes to see Kyle and Stan)

Cartman: you guys know anything about Rainbow Children?

Stan: I dunno Why?

Cartman: I had a dream you guys. A dream that may change all of our lives

Kyle: Yea right fatass like we are going to believe you

Cartman: No you guys I am serious. Do you know anything to do with Rainbow
Children?

Kyle: I dunno why dont you search the web for it.

Cartman: Of course the WEB. Sweeet I will be right back you guys

(goes upstairs)

Cartman: Well Mr Frog we have to find Rainbow Children. How do we do that?

Mr Frog: (silent)

Cartman: Come on Mr Frog...tell me what to do.

Mr Frog: Have you tried the search engine? (in Cartman frog voice)

Cartman: Why no I havent thank you Mr Frog.

Cartman: Rainbough ...How do you spell Rainbow. MOM how do you spell Rainbow?

Cartman's Mom: I think it is R A I N B O W hun

Cartman: Okay ...now Children C hilldrehn That doesnt look right. MOOOM how do
you spell CHILDREN?

Cartman's Mom: I think it is C H I L D R E N

Cartman: Momm can you get me some cheesy poofs?

Cartman's Mom: I must be going Eric. But I will

Cartman: BUT MOOOM I want some cheesy POOFS!!

Cartman's Mom: I dont think I will have time to get some Eric.

Cartman: MOMMM!! I WANT SOME CHEESY POOFS now GOOOD DAMMNIT!!

Cartman's Mom: Okay I will be back in a second hun.

Cartman: Hurry mom I am starving.

(Cartman's Mom leaves)

Cartman: Now Rainbow Children...and I press enter. What the hell is this crap??
Prince?? Didnt he die or something of over gayness? This can't be right.
GOOODDAMNIT it is happening this week. This must be it. SOOON UVA BITCH!!
writes down info to celebration)

(goes back downstairs)

Kyle: So did you find out what Rainbow children was Cartman?

Cartman: Yes it has to do with Prince oddly enough.

Stan: Haha fatass you love Prince. I thought his name was some symbol.

Kyle: Yea I thought his name was like an exclamation mark or something

Cartman: Well whatever his name is I am going. I heard the spirit you guys and I
must go.

Stan: Make sure he doesn't try to kiss you haha

Kyle: Yea Fatass

Kenny: Mmmpphhh makempphhh outwith yoummmppphhh

Stan and Kyle: hahahaha yea Kenny

Cartman: GAAWWDAMNIT I am not letting that gay hippie kiss me and if he does I
am going to kick him in the NUUUTS

(Scene switches to Mr Garrisons class)

Mr. Garrison: Well Children today is the last day of the week and I have to make
an announcement. I will not be in class all next week. I have a private matter
to attend to so... I cant teach you dumb retarded bastards anything okay??

(Class silent)

Mr. Garrison: Well now that is settled. Why don't you just draw on some paper and
continue being the worthless son of a bitches you all are.

(Mr Hat looks at Garrison)

Mr. Garrison: Whats that Mr hat? You are right these kids are worthless pieces of
disrespectful crap

Kyle: But Mr Garrison...

Mr. Garrison: KYLE I said shut up you stupid mutha%^$$! You go to hell and you
DIE!!!

Cartman: What is up Mr Garrisons ass?

Stan: Dude I don't know but he is one unhappy mutha^%&

(scene switches to Chef in Cafeteria)

Chef: Hello Children how is everything

Cartman: Chef we are thinking of going to a Prince celebration? Would you like
to go?

Chef: Hell no children. That man is a wacko.

Cartman: Come on chef you are our only ride there.

Kyle: You don't have to if you don't want to Chef

Cartman: Shut up Kyle before I kick you in the nUUUTS!!

Chef: Well I will go but Children I must tell you I am a scientologist and I
think Prince is another faith entirely. We might clash a little bit

Cartman: It doesnt matter Chef. You can kick the crap out of him if he
disrespects you

Chef: That I can he is just a elf to me children. What should I be frightened
about?

Cartman: BEAT the crap outta that bitch.

Chef: Well children I guess I will see you Sunday

(Cartman and Kyle and Stan and Kenny go to Chefs house)

(knocks on door and chef and half naked women in house)

Stan: Holy SH&^

Chef: Uh hello children this is my friend Ms Eyedoclimax

Kyle/Stan/Kenny/Cartman: Hi ms. eyedoclimax

Chef: Well children give me a second to go ready

(Chef comes out 10 minutes later)

Chef: Thanks I needed that time right there children. Now lets go.

(gets in Chefs car to MPLS)

Cartman: Chef how far is mpls?

Chef: I imagine it is gonna take us over a day to get there. So hopefully we can
entertain ourselves on the road enough

(car starts up and they are off)

Cartman: Hmm you guys whats a John Stamos?

Kyle: Isnt he the guy on fullhouse?

Stan: Why Cartman?

Cartman: Because I wrote down some information and it says Princes friends are
John Stamos witnesses

Stan: Whoa they testify to John Stamos

Cartman: Yea I know right. How gay is that Jesse Popadapolos? Uh yea thats cool.
That guy thought he was so cool but really you guys he was a pussy. He thought
he was a rebel but how much of a rebel can you be living in a house with Joey
and D.J tanner and that guy on americas funniest home videos?

Kyle: kick the crap out of you fatass..

Stan: Yea hahaha

Cartman: I will pretend not to hear that negative insult. It says here that when
going to this celebration you should be positive. So in other words I will just
be normal and keep a happy outlook

Stan: Yea right you positive? You complained and whined yesterday that you did
not have any Chicken Pot Pies. And you made your mother get it at midnight.

Cartman: Oh Stan how troubled you are. You just don't know the power of John
Stamos faith.

Kenny: mmmpphhh John Stamos mppphhh is supported mppphhh by mphhh his mphhh
wife

Kyle: Yea Kenny haha John Stamos sucks...

Chef: Children I wonder if you know about Princes music

Cartman: Well Chef I do know about little red corvette and when doves cry "MAYBE
I am like myyy motha"

Kyle: haha you know the lyrics. You are gay

Cartman: ShUT THE F^^% up!

Stan: That doesn't sound too positive to me dumb ass.

Cartman: Very good Stan that was a simulation on if you were paying attention.

Stan: Yea right Cartman.

Chef: I think you kids should know. Prince is very graphic in detail dealing
with the opposite sex

Kyle: You mean he likes to sing about women doing dishes and watching Ally
Mcbeal?

Chef: Uhh not quite Kyle.. Prince likes to fantasize about the women in detail.
You understand?

Cartman: You mean he likes to bitchslap them if they get out of line. Be quiet
BIIIYYYATCH. Cartman is in control!

Chef: mmm something like that Cartman. He likes to play...with them

Cartman: play? But they are so boring. They never shut up (in high pitched
voice) "Oh how are you? did you watch Ally MCbeal. Isnt it sad that Robert
Downey is no longer in the show? I miss him. I think he is a dear. I wish he
would get off the crack boo hoo"

Chef: Well I guess you will have to find out for yourself Eric.

(Finally arrive at Paisley Park)

Cartman: Sweet we are here you guys!

Kyle: Whoa dude look at all these people. They must love him

Cartman: No Kyle they love John Stamos. They admire Prince for choosing John
Stamos faith. Oh you have so much to learn in such little time Kyle

Kyle: Shut up fatass you didn't even know what that faith was yesterday

Cartman: HEYYY i did know and if you say I didn't I am gonna kick you in the
NUUUTS!!

Chef: Children please calm down and act like civilized beings

Cartman: My sentiments exactly Chef. How do they think they will manage in the
real world?

(go walking into Park)

Cartman: There sure are a lot of freaky looking people.

Chef: pardon me sir but where is Prince located?

Person: He is in your heart brotha. B free

Chef: Uh okay thanks a lot sunshine cracker.

Cartman: Had I know better I would swear that man was a hippy.

Chef: Look here Rainbow Children listening forum this way... Looks like we came
here just in time

Moderator: Okay what I'd like everybody to do is just be real positive. Don't
say anything negative and lets keep it to be a beautiful experience. Okay??
Welcome to the Rainbow Children Listening party. I am sure you will find this
album one of Princes best spiritual work to date. In comparison to Lovesexy and
Sign O the Times! Can I get a Whoo hoo?

Audience: Whoo hooo

Moderator: Alright before we begin a few things. First off like this album. If
you don't like it then something is wrong and you are not a fan okay? Now that
is our of the way you notice theres a camera filming this. So lets be calm and
keep it clean. We are going to have a new power blast yall. Here we go Princes
Rainbow Children

(errie guitar and percussive sounds from speakers surround room)

Ahhh ahhh Hello I am U. Do u know where the beautiful ones cry on purple
dafodils? This means we must react to the spiritual revolution at hand. Let a
man b a man and a woman b a woman. Ahhh (choir plays)

Kyle: Dude what the hell is this crap?

Cartman: Shut up Kyle this is a enlightening experience.

"Have u wondered why u go 2 Wall mart. The first word iz Wall- and the second
one is mart. U are trapped by a wall to do ur shopping in a "mart" Ignore the
illusionary yellow smile face. cant go 2 the special Blue light and save money
at K-MART. Devil got u tricked u c. Dont follow the " "

Cartman: Yea that makes sense. Kmart does have some pretty sweet toys.

"Remember the rainbow only appears after a heavy rain. Can u take that rain
Children? Do you know what it feels like to have him pat you on the back? Nato
backwards is OTAN and Hamburglar spelled backwards is RALGRUBMAH which in latin
means "one who steals meat from mother cow to give to Satan stolen from the
Golden arches ah Rubble rubble 2 u brothas n sistas " AhhhahhhHHH (more
singing)

Stan: Dude this crap sucks... That did not make sense

Kenny: Mppphhh full mphhh of...mpphhh shit

Stan and Kenny: hahah yea

Cartman: please be quiet Stan. We are getting free

Chef: Excuse my language...But what is wrong with this niggaz mind?

"Do u like Grimace? Grimace will show u the light. Grimace spelled backwards is
"ECAMIRG" which means in latin "One who creates joy to the followers" All hail
Grimace children. Chocolate shakes and fries for all. Dont give any 2 the
Tweety bird with the airplane cap. She cant fly at all brothas n sistas. She
must know her role. Feed the young don't fly in da air. That is a mans Job.
(ahhh CHANT: da Rainbow Children need sum Happy Meals/to tell the others
this is how the Dawn feels) (repeat)

(an hour later)

Moderator: Okay right now we are going to take some questions. I know you are
all quiet amazed by that

(Mr. Mackey stands up)

Kyle: Dude its Mr Mackey!

Cartman: Sweet Mackey is positive too. Thank you JESSSUS!!! (in preacher voice)

Mr Mackey: I am a prince fan and I like Purple Rain and 1999 and Sign o the Times
and all of that mmmkay ?But this album what I just heard its crap mmmkay? It
gave me a headache and he is talking a bunch of silly chicken^&&% mmmkay.

Moderator: Well That is your opinion. But I must say you are wrong. SO VERY
WRONG Lord help you our saviour in heaven!! (lifts hand to sky)

Kyle: Uhhh okay

Moderator: Yes you

Stan: Whoa its Timmy how did he get here

Timmy: TIMMMAAAYYY

Moderator: Yes what is your question?

Timmy: errr... TIMMMAAYYYy

Moderator: Yes I can feel your joy too. WHat we are witnessing is a man overcome
by the truth. Isn't that right sir?

Prince: Eye C rainbows and moonwraps and hit n run ticket sales and eye think 2
myself what a onederful world.

Larry: Well how you doing children. You feel that truth? Whooo i sure did . It
is a wonderful...wonderful world

Girl: Mr Prince I am scared. Am I going to hell if I dont know the truth?

Prince: No chitlinz 2day u must eat a leaf u c sista

Larry: Let me help you out. What is your name?

Girl: Kim Talah

Larry: That is a beautiful name. What is that ?

Girl: Muslim...

Larry: Right hmmm did you know A is for allah but you know what it also stands
for

Girl: No what?

Larry: Well ANARCHY for one...Might as well be a atheist (chuckles)

Girl: Nooo (starts crying)

Larry: I dont make the rules little girl. But Allah he isn't the truth. He is
more like Puff the magic dragon. You think hes real but he is not. Where did
Puff go ? (puts hand to head to show he is searching the horizon) You see what
I am saying ? NOWHERE to be found. A trick by the devil.

Girl: AHHH no no no it is not true (runs out of room)

Larry: It is true ... Prince don't you agree?

(Prince grabs microphone gun)

Prince: R u willing to do the work?/How may I help you/ quarter pounder tofu/ with
lettuce Thank U/ brotha please Drive thru.

Kyle: Dude this is fu^^%$ up

Cartman: You dont understand. Watch and learn unenlightened one. Mr Larry...

Larry: yes?

Cartman: I was wondering what in particular do you find of the JohnStamos
witness faith most liberating?

Larry: What?

Cartman: You know John Stamos (starts singing Full House theme)
Jesse remember?

Prince: want to see ol Uncle Jesse play guitar? Check out my band Elvis aint
dead he lives in me!

Larry: Oh my god it is a miracle Prince is chanelliing

Cartman: Yes in Full House Tongues how amazing you guys

Prince: Joey Is my hair okay? ...Danny I can't watch the girls tonight I have
a bigtime gig.

Larry: Praise the LORD!! Preach the gospel brotha!!

Prince: Mr Tanner I really admire your parental skills. Kimmy dont you have a
home?

Larry: OHH YES it is the truth. God is unveiled today!! Today is the day of
reckoning! Testify baby brotha!! TESTIFY!!!

Prince: Danny check out my Bullwinkle impression for the 100th time "GEE ROCKY
" That is great Joey now if you dont mind I have to go pick up michelle from
daycare.

Larry: Oh yes Rainbow Children ha! It is time to see the light ha! We promised
you a awakening. Spirit if you are there come forth! I say spirit if you are
there come forth.

(Explosion occurs)

Stan/Kyle/Cartman: DUDE its John Stamos !!

Larry: Ahh yes ..Mr...Stamos Lord among Lords ha we have come here to follow
you to the light

John Stamos: Follow me to the what ?Listen I need a beer. I have a gig in a half hr
and it is all for the King's honor tonight

Larry: He needs a beer! The Lord needs a beer!!

John Stamos: That is more like it. Wheres my chopper

Larry: He needs a chopper get him a chopper

John Stamos: Ya know this room is kinda full of squares we need to rock out
(fixes hair with comb)

Larry: THE LOOORD needs to rock out. Can I get a amen?

John Stamos: WHo is this guy? This guy looks like Isaac from the loveboat

Larry: The lord has said I loook like ISAAAC from the Loooveboat ha. Testify
Lord Testify the truth

John Stamos: Want the truth? Here is the truth. I hope my band makes it this
year. We are a good band and we need a serious gig.

Larry: The lord needs a gig!! You can play at the celebration cant he Prince?

Prince: BALKIE BALKIE!! What are you doing why are you hitting your leg
repeatedly? (goes into Balkie voice) "Cuuzzin LAARYEEE I thawwwt that you told
me tew break a leg" Balkie that isnt what I meant. What I meant was good luck
"OHHHhh... eye knewww thaaat.
now we do the dance of joy"

Larry: That means yes. Yes you can play Lord Stamos at the celebration

Stan: Dude hes channeling ABC sit coms. That is f&$$3 up!

Cartman: PRAAAISSE STAAAMOOOSSS AMEN It is a miracle

Larry: Preach brotha preach

Cartman: We have witnessed the retturrrnnn of the masteeerrr

Larry: Yes brother!

Cartman: We have cast out the demonsss and brought in the light

Larry: YES!!!

Cartman: I think its time to testify , Brother Larry if you will help me

(Larry gets on casio organ sound)

Cartman: For he is Love...love...love...love. For he is love...love can you feel
it brotha prince?

Prince: Props N pounds if ya negative you dont get 2 play

Cartman: For he is love...love love...children sing with me

Larry: AMEN brotha Cartman!!

Prince: Got da chicken grease time 2 let all negativity bow

Cartman: I have seen the dark...

Larry: YES!

Cartman: The dark is dark

Larry: YES!!

Cartman: IF you are alone in a closet with no light you are in the dark!

Larry: YES...

Cartman: But if you carry the light in your heart you are no longer a lone!

Larry: YES brotha YES!!! ohh yes (clasps hands together and starts nodding)

Cartman: I wanted some cheesy Poofs but I didnt have any

Larry: Brotha Cartman had no CHEESY poofs oh lord he didnt!

(audience:well alright!

Cartman: But I had the love

Larry: Listen now...he had the love

Chef: Wait a minute... wait a goddamn minute. What are you people saying. You
got crackers thinking John Stamos is the lord? When in all reality he is just
the ghost of a tv character

John Stamos: Hey I resent that. I still live babe.

Chef: And you got prince who doesnt even know what he is saying do you Prince?

Prince: Everybody wants what has already been sold/everybody wants what has
already been told/What is the use if ure not gonna break the mold/All that
glitters aint gold.

Chef: See the NIGGA is craaazy!!

Mr. Garrison: What the hell is this crap? Where is the poon tang!? I want some
Poon tang?? I was promised Poon tang damnittt !! (stands up screaming)

Kyle: Whoa mr Garrison is here!

Cartman: You want Poon taaang do you now ? ha!

Larry: YES!!

Cartman: Then taste some of the lords Poon tang! It is heavenly!

Larry: YES brotha YES TESTIFY that truth!! Taste da poon tang!! Let the divine
juices of the spirit enter your soul! Can you taste it?? OHHH I sure can
(takes out white bass and begins song ) Lord called me up he gave me a
rang/Said I think you need to have some divine poon tang/I said Hallejuah I now
taste the truth/It is sweeter than a funkin baby ruth/ get down now (slappin
bass)

Mr Garrison: Son of a bitch I dont taste any Poon TANG. This celebration sucks. You
go to hell and you die!!

Cartman: What I want you to do is drink some of the heavenly elixir sitting over
there (points to table of Purple Kool Aid)

Chef: Something about this isnt right...Where have I seen this before?

Cartman: Children we must hurry we must drink the elixir they are coming for us

Chef: JESUS!! ALL you crackers do not drink the purple kool aid!! It is
BAAAD NEWS!!!

Cartman: Do not listen to the infidel. He does not know the power does he
brother Larry? HAAA

Larry: No brotha he does not. Drink your purple Kool Aid. Testify to the lord!
We are coming I see you!

Chef: Im telling you crackers dont do it!!

Kenny: mpphhh Im thirstymppphhh

John Stamos: What The hell I need something to drink before I do my gig. Here is
to the one and only king.

Chef: No stamoss and Kenny dont drink it!!

(Stamos and Kenny slump over)

Chef/Kyle/Stan: Oh my God the kool aid killed Kenny and Stamos!

Cartman: That is right drink and we all be together ha... Doesnt it taste
grapelicious? Mmmm mmm brotha larry what you think ?

Larry: I dunno Im about to have some right now! Praise be almighty!

Cartman: Thats riiight drink it UPPP for he is love...love love..love...
love...love

(starts pacing back and forth doing sermon walk)

(a few moments later he notices nobody is paying attention)

Cartman: What the hell happened to my audience?

Kyle: Dude you killed them ... even Prince

Cartman: SOOONNN UVVVAAA BITCH!!! No No No that was my legion of followers!!

Chef: I think you got caught up too much in the festivities. At least Timmy was
smart enough not to drink

Timmy: TImmmaaayyy timmaaayy

Mr. Garrison: What the hell did you do you fat sack o shit? You killed all the
poon tang!! All the poon tang is gone!! DAAAMNIT all to &%%^ hell! Now I am
going to have to get cornholed at some gay bar in MPLS! Dear jesus! You did not
hear me say that! MR Haaat keep your gay fantasies to yourself!

Cartman: Hey you Larry get up respect my authortieee (kicks him in the
nuts and gets no reaction)

Stan: Dude I think hes dead... He drank the purple kool aid too.

Cartman: Sonnn uvv aaa bitttch NO NO NO NO NO!! well isnt that a bummer. well
it has been a lot of fun but ...Screw you guys I am going home (Walks out
of room and walks home)

Kyle: Uh you know I thought Prince was gay but this is kind of cool

Stan: This was one cool celebration

Chef: I dunno children. It just proves to me the dumb crackers will listen to
anybody. John Stamos, Cartman, Prince and Larry GRAHAM. Those are some stupid
&%^%^ crackas.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Read every word. I could so totally picture it being the lowest rated South Park episode ever. Damn funny stuff!

The opposite of hamburger is regrubmah!, lol

i couldnt stop laughing! when did this air? i want to see it. do you have a script or did you just wrote the dialog by yourself?

Uhhhmmm LOL, I think Kevin Smith relayed a Prince story to Trey lol.. or somebody

That muslim girl scenario really *did* happen!

softNwet said:

don't miss this one then

oooh, lawd...m, you're the shiznit.

WOW!!!
Wonder what PRINCE would think if he saw this...

PlastikLuvAffair said:

again, i didn't write this... a friend of mine did (you can find it on google.)

suomynona said:

you're still cool 4 postin those, tho'.

PlastikLuvAffair said:

nice to see you have a sense of humor...

Classic!

Moonbeam said:

yeah, i think this one is my favorite too...

oh...oh...oh...my...good...God...that...was...SO...funny...sides...hurting...cant...breathe...must...get...doctor...

This is an old ass thread...

minneapolisgenius said:

yeah, not everyone on the site is old though

suomynona said:

It's funny what "old" is on here though. It was only a half year ago.

minneapolisgenius said:

yeah, that's like um... a decade in real life...

As much as I rake on M, this shit was hilarious

"Chef: And you got prince who doesnt even know what he is saying do you Prince?

Prince: Everybody wants what has already been sold/everybody wants what has
already been told/What is the use if ure not gonna break the mold/All that
glitters aint gold.

Chef: See the NIGGA is craaazy!! "