DarlingKris said:

Still very depressed. I still cry when I think about him. I've been dreaming alot of Prince lately. My dreams of him usually means I will see him soon. But he is not here! (tears). His death compounded my depression more because Im still reeling from the death (murder) of my mother 2 years ago. Still no trial or justice from that!! I just... just wanna...

HarleyQ said:

I have good and bad days, its still so surreal to me that he is gone and the waiting for the results is

[Edited 5/21/16 20:55pm]

It still hurts, feels like it just happened yesterday. I've been wayyyy more obsessive than I have of all my years loving P. It's still a hard pill to even look at before even swallowing but I feel a piece of his spirit is with me. To be honest I feel like his birthday and going to be super hard. Then after that I should be good... the anniversaries will always be hard for me though. Sigh, eye love u P.

wayhome said:

Listening to him everyday helps me get through the days. It's been a hard month.

It's still pretty difficult.

Still depressed but I am having more better days. Trying to find my joy in his music again.

Grief / mourning always comes in waves for me after any loss. Those waves are coming pretty rarely now for Prince, but that's after numerous strong waves the past month.

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When people die the grieving process always brings people together. That has happened in it's own way for me with Prince - more participation in this community, shared mourning at the virtual Paisley Park dedication site, and an absolute flood of bootlegs that shed whole new light on Prince's art every time I click "play".

sharonbell said:

When I wake up in the morning, among my thoughts is the one that tells me "Prince is dead", then I lay in bed and think about the fact that he's gone.

I relate to this. I haven't had that kind of experience since losing a close family member in a very unexpected and shocking way, twenty-five years ago.

There's like this persistant feeling of *wrong-ness* about the world, that things are not alright and they're never going to be alright.

I'm so glad that people have this community, but I'd like to echo some others' sentiments that I'm worried about some of us. Friends, it's important to do what you can to try and center yourself in hard times and not let the darkness take over. Trust me when I say: I know that is much easier said then done. But please, do the things that help you feel a connection to this world and those living in it. Take some time to focus on your spirituality if that's your thing. It's hard. I've been trying to maintain a meditation practice, and in difficult times you can really feel like saying 'screw it, what's the point,' or maybe it's less explicit than that and you just feel too tired and drained. It's okay to feel tired and drained too, though. Part of the process.

I'm sure sociologists somewhere have studied how the internet and technology interacts with grieving, and I wonder about it... It is all so easy to get stuck in an endless loop online (says the guy writing this at 2:20 a.m. on a Sunday morning...), watching the amazing treasure trove of YT videos or organizing our music collections. I don't know when it crosses the line from a way of healthy processing and into something more obsessive and dark. My phone is loaded up with Prince albums and boots and every day I'm adding something else, listening everywhere I walk, drive, bicycle, or exercise, and it's not always good, you know? Even though the music will usually make me feel good, I find myself spacing out, dwelling on things, not being in the moment. I've missed a few strees and exits while jamming out in the car, which seems just kind of benign and even cute, but I'm almost worried I might end up in an accident while caught up in the parade of sounds and emotions.

Take care of yourself and each other, people.

[Edited 5/21/16 23:32pm]

It's tough. Everyday is a little better, but every time a news story comes up like today about how many hours he may have been dead it hurts. Its like 4/21 all over again. Im happy that he is not in pain any more and I will forever miss him.

First three days hurt BAD. My parents are still alive so I've never experienced anything close to the loss and grief I felt when I found out Prince died. On day #3 I woke up and for some reason, "The Holy River" was playing in my head nearly the second I opened my eyes. Too sad a song to hear and it reduced me to heavy sobbing in bed, talking to Prince through the tears as if he was sitting there in the room with me. That took 2-3 hours. Since that day, I have cried very little and it cleared out a LOT of sadness. In a way, it's like "The Holy River" came to me to help me tap into a depth of sadness that I had been trying desperately to avoid feeling. Therapy to help me through the worst of the pain.

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A month later...I'm functioning about as well as normal (which was rarely that well) but I have occasional moments of intense emotional discomfort, like the first time listening to my iPod since his passing, listening to an album, etc.

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Watching online tributes from people who genuinely loved/respected him has warmed my heart and helped me face his death without the sense of dreaded loss. Often, I immerse myself in these videos late into the night.

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This past Wednesday, I felt something for the first time since his death: panic. I was driving home from a date with a great guy, got in the car, and within the first block, I felt this absolute panic in my heart that Prince was no longer in the physical world. Since 1982, he was always present in my personal life... Love is basically connection. And Prince connected with me when I was 12, connecting deeply, and nearly every day for 34 years. His presence in this world was a tremendous emotional support and now...shit I'm tearing up just facing this new, awful reality...He was always there for me throughout life and I don't like facing this world without him here.

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This community has been a great comfort too. But I've also noticed with a couple of comments that my emotions are still raw. Seeing trolls in our midst stirs up serious anger in me.

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I have this purple journal that a good friend of mine gave me back at Christmas time. It has all these quotes about the color purple and it says Purple Rain on the cover. After 4/21 I felt compelled to write personal notes to Prince in it (in purple ink, of course). Just saying hello and how much I am missing him and how sorry I am for the way things went down. Part of me simply refuses to let go of my connection with him, so this is one way I keep him close to me in spirit, now that he is NRG. Death is change, but it doesn't have to mean the end of a cherished journey.

DarlingKris said:

for everyone. If anyone needs to talk,I'm here. We will get through this hard time together. You're not alone

thanks for this thread

Still feel empty, as Prince connected to me on such an emotional level and his shows put me on such a high. I've stopped talking about Prince to family/friends and have been listening/rediscovering a lot of the mellow music he made, leaving the high energy of boots alone for now. His death, whatever the full story, justs seemed so avoidable and he had so much more to give. I Wish U Heaven.

[Edited 5/22/16 3:35am]

I posted earlier in this thread, but something happened on Friday that took me by surprise, and while completely respecting the confidentiality of the person involved (who won't be named for reasons that shall become obvious) I wanted to share it here.

A couple of people on this thread have mentioned counselling/therapy. I actually am a counsellor/ therapist and have been working with people on loss for close on 10 years of my life now, with somewhere close to 5,000 counselling sessions under me belt. On Friday, during a session, a client started to talk about Prince, and how shocked she was that his death had brought about such a profound effect on her.

I'm not here to comment on how anyone should or shouldn't grieve, because that's none of my business. Nor am I offering any advice to people who haven't asked for it. So this isn't about me being all wonderful and helping this person deal with how they feel (I get enough job satisfaction not to need to justify my work), but it's about how that session affected me. There I was, at work, in the middle of the day and not thinking about Prince at all, when up he popped in this session. It caught me completely off guard, and left me thinking to myself, 'Do I share, or do I not?' That is always a choice to be made, and can sometimes be helpful. So I shared. What went on in the session isn't important here, but it was such a special 15 minutes or so sharing memories of what Prince had brought to our lives over the decades (this woman was similar in age to me).

I guess what it brought home to me face to face, in a way that this place does on screen, is how special it is when people are brought together by the love of someone's music. What a legacy he left behind for us to enjoy. It was a unique moment in my counselling career, and I wanted to share a little of it here, among people who I know will understand the feeling of that connection with another fan.

[Edited 5/22/16 4:53am]

DarlingKris said:

It has been one month since Prince has left us and there is a lot of unanswered questions but I want to know how are you doing now? Are you ok or are you still having a hard time? I'm coping with it as best as I can but my heart still hurts

can't stop crying but keep reminding myself that Prince is free no more pain or misery and that helps me.

i'm sad that it appears he was suffering

PeaceAndBeWild said:

DarlingKris said:

It has been one month since Prince has left us and there is a lot of unanswered questions but I want to know how are you doing now? Are you ok or are you still having a hard time? I'm coping with it as best as I can but my heart still hurts

This is my first post on the org. I'm a longtime lurker and new member. My education and career took up most of my time so I never had time to participate in these forums. I'm replying now bc I have really been struggling this past month. Like most of you, Prince was an essential part of my life. I grew up with him, and the fact of his being made it possible for me to accept and eventually love myself. I feel that a part of me died along with him because his influence on my identity, my self-conception, my approach to love, to music, to life, runs deeper than I even realized. He has a place in my heart and it hurts so much. Nobody really "gets it" in my life. I've been devastated, despondent, restless, angry, and I'm just so grateful that I've been able to read the org this past month. But it's getting overwhelming. I miss him.he deserved so much love and care and I can't figure out why, after the emergency plane landing, no one just took him by the hand and said, "you need care right now, and I'm going to be here for you. Even if you don't want me to be here. I am here. I will take care of you. Just let me." I know that's idealistic and whatever, maybe naive. But I've done that for friends who were struggling and as stubborn as him and it just makes me so sad. It's like people were so afraid of him, maybe bc they were more invested in potential payouts, but still. The love he believed/believes always existed above all that materialist bs. I'm sorry for rambling. It's just so hard to live with him being gone, especially when all signs suggest that his passing could have been avoided if he'd just had support and care.

A couple of friends and myself felt the same way prior to Prince's death. I sort of knew someone who either worked for Prince or was involved with Paisley Park in some way. I sent a note saying that I'd give assistance to Prince in ANYWAY needed, I lived the closest. But I never heard back about that. I don't think I'm the only one who tried, I think it was very hard to have Prince listen to others' advice? IDK

nursev said:

DarlingKris said:

for everyone. If anyone needs to talk,I'm here. We will get through this hard time together. You're not alone

thanks for this thread

you are very welcome. Just wanted to check on everyone and make sure that everyone is ok