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Thread started 04/23/16 1:26pm

AnonymousFan

Finally losing it...

I don't know what do to anymore. Today, I haven't gotten out of bed - I'm been sleeping on and off, reading the org and other sites, and crying all day. I was barely able to eat yesterday and ate nothing the day of, but I still was able too push foward with plans to honor him yesterday. I've publically payed tribute to him 3 times since the day it happened, and now I feel utterly hopeless.

I still can't believe he's gone, it doesn't even feel like it. I every time I wake up I keep checking to see if it's a dream and it's not. I don't even understand how something like that is even possible for someone like him. I still don't even understand what that means; "he 'died'"? What? I don't even understand the concept of it anymore. I've had deaths in my family, but I've never been so psychological distraught over it. He's a huge part of my life, he's such a huge motivation for my life goals and ideas about things. I feel so lost; like I'm living in an alternate universe or a video game.

I just don't understand it and it's ripping me apart. I just feel like dead weight now.

[Edited 4/23/16 13:29pm]

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Reply #1 posted 04/23/16 1:36pm

BillieBalloon

AnonymousFan said:

I don't know what do to anymore. Today, I haven't gotten out of bed - I'm been sleeping on and off, reading the org and other sites, and crying all day. I was barely able to eat yesterday and ate nothing the day of, but I still was able too push foward with plans to honor him yesterday. I've publically payed tribute to him 3 times since the day it happened, and now I feel utterly hopeless.



I still can't believe he's gone, it doesn't even feel like it. I every time I wake up I keep checking to see if it's a dream and it's not. I don't even understand how something like that is even possible for someone like him. I still don't even understand what that means; "he 'died'"? What? I don't even understand the concept of it anymore. I've had deaths in my family, but I've never been so psychological distraught over it. He's a huge part of my life, he's such a huge motivation for my life goals and ideas about things. I feel so lost; like I'm living in an alternate universe or a video game.



I just don't understand it and it's ripping me apart. I just feel like dead weight now.

[Edited 4/23/16 13:29pm]




Are you saying you've lost family members but this is worse?
Baby, you're a star.

Meet me in another world, space and joy
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Reply #2 posted 04/23/16 1:44pm

GirlBrother

avatar

BillieBalloon said:

Are you saying you've lost family members but this is worse?


It's hit me worse than the deaths of some of my family members. Definitely.
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Reply #3 posted 04/23/16 1:47pm

darkroman

When an artist has been an important part of your like for almost 4 decades, then they become family.

.

Prince is no less family than a blood relative.

.

His passing has been devastating for everyone.

.

sad sad sad sad sad

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Reply #4 posted 04/23/16 1:50pm

PurpleSkipper5
8

AnonymousFan said:

I don't know what do to anymore. Today, I haven't gotten out of bed - I'm been sleeping on and off, reading the org and other sites, and crying all day. I was barely able to eat yesterday and ate nothing the day of, but I still was able too push foward with plans to honor him yesterday. I've publically payed tribute to him 3 times since the day it happened, and now I feel utterly hopeless.



I still can't believe he's gone, it doesn't even feel like it. I every time I wake up I keep checking to see if it's a dream and it's not. I don't even understand how something like that is even possible for someone like him. I still don't even understand what that means; "he 'died'"? What? I don't even understand the concept of it anymore. I've had deaths in my family, but I've never been so psychological distraught over it. He's a huge part of my life, he's such a huge motivation for my life goals and ideas about things. I feel so lost; like I'm living in an alternate universe or a video game.




I just don't understand it and it's ripping me apart. I just feel like dead weight now.

[Edited 4/23/16 13:29pm]



Yeah, it's heartbreaking to know that Prince will never tweet out where he'll be performing next; it's hard to digest the fact that Prince will never announce a new album he wants to release. But, the Prince we all know and love is still here. He lives on through his music. Prince lives on in all of us.

“If you ever lose someone dear to you,
Never say the words “they're gone”,
'Cause they'll comeback!”

When you listen to his music, or watch a video of Prince, he'll comeback.

Prince left behind his music for all of us. Take care... And even in this sad time, I'd think that Prince wants all of us to feel better, feel good, feel wonderful....
”The people that will end up defining ‘Hate Speech Laws’ are the very people you don’t want to define the Hate Speech Laws” — Jordan B Peterson
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Reply #5 posted 04/23/16 1:57pm

ufoclub

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When you feel and get this much from an artist for this long, it becomes a religion, and certainly we lost a creative god. A figure that is quite logically more real to me than an unseen thing.

I can only hope that something new will form and appear out of the blue that sparks so much creativity and inspiration.

If you're a fanatic it's going to be like part of you is gone. sad

But try to fan back that childlike energy and humor and attitude in your soul. That's the precious thing.

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Reply #6 posted 04/23/16 3:35pm

Grog

Keep the positive and compassionate ideas of Prince alive in yourself and others and you will never be without him. The list goes on and on, but the lines that come immediately to mind are, "I Wish You Heaven," "may you live to see the dawn," "we need love for one another," "Compassion," "I wish there was no black or white, I wish there were no rules" etc. I hope this helps for now.

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Reply #7 posted 04/23/16 3:36pm

Guitarhero

Watch the 86 birthday concert , its helping me.

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Reply #8 posted 04/23/16 3:48pm

dJJ

I hear you. I feel the same.


It's devastating. I don't know how it is possible that I feel so distraught.

The hurt and pain is so intense.


Just give it time. It probably will get better. I walked around in the sun today. Enjoyed how the spring is blossoming.


I feel as I lost a very close friend/family member.

99% of my posts are ironic. Maybe this post sides with the other 1%.
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Reply #9 posted 04/23/16 3:53pm

jtfolden

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I've been listening to Emancipation and Crystal Ball today. I know some fans slate these releases but Prince sounds like he's having SUCH fun on these tracks...

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Reply #10 posted 04/23/16 3:55pm

alphastreet

We're all here for you. I haven't slept much since Thursday either.
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Reply #11 posted 04/23/16 3:58pm

MJ007

Your grief, our grief is VERY REAL. What has helped me put his loss into perspective was listening to podcasts on dealing with the loss of a loved one because I do consider Prince a loved one. There are some good podcasts on the subject of loss and grief at TuneIn.com. Youtube also had a few that were helpful. Laughter also helped to put my head in a good space. Some Prince fans are really humorous. Also, laughter releases endorphins which make you feel good. Hopefully, little by little you'll find it easier to cope. hug

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Reply #12 posted 04/23/16 4:10pm

liltalkm

GirlBrother said:

BillieBalloon said:
Are you saying you've lost family members but this is worse?
It's hit me worse than the deaths of some of my family members. Definitely.

Because for many of us, Prince was like a family member. His music was there for you to get through good and bad times.

He was the soundtrack to the lives of many. Myself included.

I am so thankful for that.

Having said that, right now, I feel that there will be certain times in my life, many years from now, when I will get emotional when I hear certain songs.

Meaning that I could probably listen a song right now and feel great about it, but if I am feeling a certain way in the future and I hear that same song, I could see myself starting to break.

My wife feels the same.

He connected with so many of us emotionally, so very deeply.

I still can't believe I won't see him perform live again.

#stilldevastated

[Edited 4/23/16 16:11pm]

Cause tomorrow is taking too long
and yesterday's too far away
and the reality that you believe in begins to bind.
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Reply #13 posted 04/23/16 4:43pm

EddieC

AnonymousFan said:

I don't know what do to anymore.

For me, this is I think the key difference between this and a family member's death--at least when I've lost family members (my dad, my sister, my mom--and of course all my grandparents), there was something for me to do. I had a role, and that gave me something to do, a way to think. We go here, I do this, people console me, we pick out a casket, we plan the funeral, we fill out these papers--there'll be extended breakdowns and tears, but they make sense as part of life. I was supposed to be doing all these things. And while I did them, normal life stopped. I was, for several days, a full time griever (obviously after that you go back to real life and the grief blindsides off and on forever).

But this is somebody I didn't actually know, but who I thought about in some way quite a bit--I was very close to my mother, but there would be days when she wouldn't cross my mind. I would go weeks without thinking of my sister (my dad died while I was still a kid, so I was with him every day). What I'm noticing now (I'm sure my wife noticed it a long time ago) is that I'm making references to Prince several times a day, or having a snippet of song go through my head, ALL THE TIME--that's separate from the time I spent actively listening or interacting on forums like this. Except where before it was just a random thought that I'd barely register, they were so automatic, now each one is tinged with sadness or some tears. But there's nothing for me TO DO with that feeling. There's just this every once in a while I'm sad, there's just a few tears, and my eyes hurt like I've got bad allergies all the time the last few days. It doesn't affect me more than when my family died, but it's a grief that's both intense and intermittent at the same time in a way that's very strange to me..

I'd wondered what my response to Prince's death might be--obviously I hadn't expected it anytime soon, but just in a vague future--this isn't what I thought I'd be feeling.

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Reply #14 posted 04/23/16 4:45pm

swissbeats2k

I keep thinking it's a dream too. I've called out from work two days in a row because I keep breaking down and crying every time I think about him and how we will never see him perform again. I almost brokedown while at subway ordering my sandwich and I had to turn my head away from the girl making my sandwich. Just before I got home I just broke down while walking down the street.

I hate that he's gone I'm so sad. It hurts bad.
[Edited 4/23/16 16:46pm]
MJB2
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Reply #15 posted 04/23/16 4:45pm

liltalkm

EddieC said:

AnonymousFan said:

I don't know what do to anymore.

There's just this every once in a while I'm sad, there's just a few tears, and my eyes hurt like I've got bad allergies all the time the last few days. It doesn't affect me more than when my family died, but it's a grief that's both intense and intermittent at the same time in a way that's very strange to me..

I'd wondered what my response to Prince's death might be--obviously I hadn't expected it anytime soon, but just in a vague future--this isn't what I thought I'd be feeling.

Nailed it for me too.

Cause tomorrow is taking too long
and yesterday's too far away
and the reality that you believe in begins to bind.
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Reply #16 posted 04/23/16 4:48pm

NorthC

Guitarhero said:

Watch the 86 birthday concert , its helping me.


I watched Purple Rain twice today. Put a smile on my face. He's not dead. His body may be, but his spirit and his music will always live.
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Reply #17 posted 04/23/16 5:12pm

GGlow

AnonymousFan said:

I don't know what do to anymore. Today, I haven't gotten out of bed - I'm been sleeping on and off, reading the org and other sites, and crying all day. I was barely able to eat yesterday and ate nothing the day of, but I still was able too push foward with plans to honor him yesterday. I've publically payed tribute to him 3 times since the day it happened, and now I feel utterly hopeless.

I still can't believe he's gone, it doesn't even feel like it. I every time I wake up I keep checking to see if it's a dream and it's not. I don't even understand how something like that is even possible for someone like him. I still don't even understand what that means; "he 'died'"? What? I don't even understand the concept of it anymore. I've had deaths in my family, but I've never been so psychological distraught over it. He's a huge part of my life, he's such a huge motivation for my life goals and ideas about things. I feel so lost; like I'm living in an alternate universe or a video game.

I just don't understand it and it's ripping me apart. I just feel like dead weight now.

[Edited 4/23/16 13:29pm]

I TOTALLY understand! I have been going in intervals of crying and then being kind of ok, and then busting out crying again. Especially when driving. My eyes have ran out of tears! He is like a family member. I wish I could fly home to Minneapolis, but I won't be able to with a young child. This hurts so bad.

[Edited 4/23/16 17:20pm]

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Reply #18 posted 04/23/16 5:40pm

HarleyQ

avatar

I can relate to this! This pain is EQUAL to the tragic murder of my mother 2 years ago. I've been a huge Prince fan since 1978 and gone to Paisley Park and been to several concerts. He was my only comfort in my 2 year long sorrow since my mom's death. She was an artist too who taught me to be an artist...now animator at a studio. Prince's death has been equal as devastating and heartbreaking. Now I feel Im very lost and have no hope for the rest of my life. I really dont know what to do now. Im looking for The Ladder but i have the Condition of the Heart right now. broken

~ formerly ZsaZsaZsu and Technagirl, living in LaLaLand Ba-bey!!
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Reply #19 posted 04/23/16 5:45pm

dJJ

HarleyQ said:

I can relate to this! This pain is EQUAL to the tragic murder of my mother 2 years ago. I've been a huge Prince fan since 1978 and gone to Paisley Park and been to several concerts. He was my only comfort in my 2 year long sorrow since my mom's death. She was an artist too who taught me to be an artist...now animator at a studio. Prince's death has been equal as devastating and heartbreaking. Now I feel Im very lost and have no hope for the rest of my life. I really dont know what to do now. Im looking for The Ladder but i have the Condition of the Heart right now. broken



O, that is so sad. It's all very fresh, so allow yourself to be upset and feel devastated. That is okay.

You will not feel like that forever. It's just the intense grief that is painful now. In due time it will get better.

We still have all his music. His legacy. That was the most important thing for him.

You don't have to do anything now. Just grief and feel the pain. Eat something, drink something and keep breathing. That is all we need to do right now.

It will get better. I promise. Try to accept that the pain and the lost feeling is how you feel right now. It's what it is and it's okay.

99% of my posts are ironic. Maybe this post sides with the other 1%.
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Reply #20 posted 04/23/16 5:46pm

FunkiestOne

avatar

I am starting to feel a bit better today but still some tears. But it sounds like Prince's passing has pushed you into a depression. I can relate as I have issues there too and had some dark thoughts as well.

Just try to mourn and grieve but don't wallow in it, any more than you have to. Prince would want us all to be happy. Of course we are in pain, but he would want us to move on and celebrate his music and life, but not be unhappy from it.

But time heals all wounds somewhat. We will never be over this 100% just like the death of any other loved one, but just hang in there and hopefully some of that dark cloud will lift.

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Reply #21 posted 04/23/16 6:00pm

redaddict

I feel you. I'm in so much pain. I did not expect to feel like this. It actually never occurred to me that he could die. It was a shock. A massive shock and I think for me the worst thing is that I feel like I have to hide my grief. I feel like people think I'm crazy, like I shouldn't STILL be crying over someone I "didn't know". I feel so isolated. None of my friends are Prince fans. Some appreciate him as an artist but he hasn't been part of their lives the way he was in mine. I wasn't even a massive fan for 25 years. I mean, there would be periods where I wandered away from him but I always came back. I always loved him. I've dipped in and out of this site for years, various names (mostly lurking). To me, it isn't "sad" the way my friends keep saying, it's gut wrenching and heartbreaking. I didn't always understand him and I didn't always love every song he created but I always loved him. My sister said "it's ok because apparently there's so much stuff in the vault there'll still be new music". I didn't know what to say. I don't care. I don't want new music. I just want him to be alive still. See, how can you say that and not have people think you're crazy? I don't even understand it myself. Wish we could all meet up. Anyway, I'm rambling and crying and I just wanted to connect somehow. I hope you're all OK xxx
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Reply #22 posted 04/23/16 6:13pm

HarleyQ

avatar

redaddict said:

I feel you. I'm in so much pain. I did not expect to feel like this. It actually never occurred to me that he could die. It was a shock. A massive shock and I think for me the worst thing is that I feel like I have to hide my grief. I feel like people think I'm crazy, like I shouldn't STILL be crying over someone I "didn't know". I feel so isolated. None of my friends are Prince fans. Some appreciate him as an artist but he hasn't been part of their lives the way he was in mine. I wasn't even a massive fan for 25 years. I mean, there would be periods where I wandered away from him but I always came back. I always loved him. I've dipped in and out of this site for years, various names (mostly lurking). To me, it isn't "sad" the way my friends keep saying, it's gut wrenching and heartbreaking. I didn't always understand him and I didn't always love every song he created but I always loved him. My sister said "it's ok because apparently there's so much stuff in the vault there'll still be new music". I didn't know what to say. I don't care. I don't want new music. I just want him to be alive still. See, how can you say that and not have people think you're crazy? I don't even understand it myself. Wish we could all meet up. Anyway, I'm rambling and crying and I just wanted to connect somehow. I hope you're all OK xxx

Yea... I have same issues with ppl I kno and work with. But I have my sisters who understand alittle and went with me to PP and been kinda "fans" and but not like my deep fandom I have for Prince.

U kno... i was thinking.... We are a Prince Army. And he was a giving person. I think we should pick one day like his Birthday to help others in need. Like provide food for needy... teach kids to code... or give a cupcake party to senior citizens. Maybe do it as groups so we wont feel overwhelmed as single person or isolated. U kno?

~ formerly ZsaZsaZsu and Technagirl, living in LaLaLand Ba-bey!!
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Reply #23 posted 04/23/16 6:30pm

redaddict

I love your idea, HarleyQ, the army coming together to do something positive in the world. That's beautiful. I'd definitely be in! 💜
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Reply #24 posted 04/23/16 6:34pm

KoolEaze

avatar

I think that´s why it´s so hard to deal with it. Because most folks won´t understand. Even people who are close to us but maybe not close enough to understand what he meant to us.

My longtime friends and family members perfectly understand why I feel the way I feel about the tragedy, and they can relate to my deep sadness but other people who are close to me but who haven´t known me that long simply don´t understand why the death of a celebrity affects me so much.

I´m absolutely crushed.

redaddict said:

I feel you. I'm in so much pain. I did not expect to feel like this. It actually never occurred to me that he could die. It was a shock. A massive shock and I think for me the worst thing is that I feel like I have to hide my grief. I feel like people think I'm crazy, like I shouldn't STILL be crying over someone I "didn't know". I feel so isolated. None of my friends are Prince fans. Some appreciate him as an artist but he hasn't been part of their lives the way he was in mine. I wasn't even a massive fan for 25 years. I mean, there would be periods where I wandered away from him but I always came back. I always loved him. I've dipped in and out of this site for years, various names (mostly lurking). To me, it isn't "sad" the way my friends keep saying, it's gut wrenching and heartbreaking. I didn't always understand him and I didn't always love every song he created but I always loved him. My sister said "it's ok because apparently there's so much stuff in the vault there'll still be new music". I didn't know what to say. I don't care. I don't want new music. I just want him to be alive still. See, how can you say that and not have people think you're crazy? I don't even understand it myself. Wish we could all meet up. Anyway, I'm rambling and crying and I just wanted to connect somehow. I hope you're all OK xxx

" I´d rather be a stank ass hoe because I´m not stupid. Oh my goodness! I got more drugs! I´m always funny dude...I´m hilarious! Are we gonna smoke?"




http://kooleasehvac.com/
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Reply #25 posted 04/23/16 6:39pm

SoftSkarlettLo
visa

It feels weird that he has died. Similar to when Michael Jackson died. Just a lot of disbelief.

Losing a family member tugs at the heart strings more than the death of a celebrity you've never met, but still... if that celebrity's work had a profound effect on your life in more ways than one, and inspired you to become greater in life, then that celebrity becomes a promimant part of your life, even like a family member.

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Reply #26 posted 04/23/16 6:49pm

BombFunk

avatar

OP, I hear you and I feel more or less the same ... never thought I would have to go through this so unexpectedly and so soon, omg so soon I'm sure he still wanted to do so very much ...


dove Forever changed dove wilted

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Reply #27 posted 04/23/16 6:50pm

jhon00

avatar

HarleyQ said:

I can relate to this! This pain is EQUAL to the tragic murder of my mother 2 years ago. I've been a huge Prince fan since 1978 and gone to Paisley Park and been to several concerts. He was my only comfort in my 2 year long sorrow since my mom's death. She was an artist too who taught me to be an artist...now animator at a studio. Prince's death has been equal as devastating and heartbreaking. Now I feel Im very lost and have no hope for the rest of my life. I really dont know what to do now. Im looking for The Ladder but i have the Condition of the Heart right now. broken



Reading this made me cry as watch the Prince tribute on Bet. You will see both your mom & Prince again.
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Reply #28 posted 04/23/16 6:55pm

1contessa

I feel the same way. It's like a family member has died in my life. I hate death. I've lost so many people in my life to it, and even lost my father, sister, and grandmother in one decade, which was especially tough for me, not to mention losing others since then, and now this. It's too much! Prince's death was especially shocking, because none of us expected it, and can't process it. In our minds, Prince would live forever! It like it's just the end of it all, like nothing is left in our world of Prince after this. It just feels so final. I'm sorry guys, I don't know how to really express what I'm feeling and trying to say, but I'm sure that many of you understand. My heart goes out to you all.

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Reply #29 posted 04/23/16 7:10pm

renfield

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It's still so difficult to fully comprehend and digest this. Iconic musician who died way too young? Nah, not Prince. He'll bury us all. Right?

.

But you know, we have each other. Here. At the org. Each of us understands how we're all feeling. This place will become therapy for us. We'll help each other. We'll each be an ear for someone else who needs to be heard. A shoulder to cry on. I don't know any of you in person but I love you all. From KCOOL to Bart and everyone in between...I truly do love you all. You can fight with family but at the end you're still blood. We can fight with each other here but we're all still bonded by Prince, whether he's physically here or not. Even beyond the music, maybe that was his greatest gift to us.

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